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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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Not a cat

Not a cat 5819

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5 hours ago, CHIEF said:

When Mrs. CHIEF does this I just say "well, you know what they say" and then just turn and walk off, I love the passive aggressive approach.

CHIEF

This reminds me of something from the ex-  "passive aggressive" was anytime you didn't agree to do something she wanted.  

Ex- I told my parents we'd be spending the weekend with them.

Me- I don't want to do that and especially not when you commit me to do something without checking with me first.

Ex- geez, quit being so passive aggressive!

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Crapinon

Crapinon 2392

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My wife saves receipts. Every receipt for anything she buys. She stuff them in a drawer "in case she might need them later". It could be for jewelry or batteries and gum from the Dollar Store, it doesn't matter the value, she saves them. She will over stuff the drawer until it will not open. I have found some over 10 years old. She does the same with gas receipts in her car. I'll throw handfuls of them away monthly and she never notices.

 

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Brothahorn

Brothahorn 10100

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16 minutes ago, Modessit said:

My wife used to save every receipt because she thought people would steal her identity if they got ahold of it. We had boxes full of receipts that she was "going to shred" but never got around to it. Thank God that's no longer a thing.

Dad? My mom does the same with everything. She got tired of shredding because she had so much. She doesn't believe in paperless billing. Old bills, old checkbooks..all kinds of shit to burn now.

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9662

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17 hours ago, Crapinon said:

My wife saves receipts. Every receipt for anything she buys. She stuff them in a drawer "in case she might need them later". It could be for jewelry or batteries and gum from the Dollar Store, it doesn't matter the value, she saves them. She will over stuff the drawer until it will not open. I have found some over 10 years old. She does the same with gas receipts in her car. I'll throw handfuls of them away monthly and she never notices.

 

Yep. Yessir. 

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6655

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On 9/19/2020 at 8:06 PM, Modessit said:

My wife used to save every receipt because she thought people would steal her identity if they got ahold of it. We had boxes full of receipts that she was "going to shred" but never got around to it. Thank God that's no longer a thing.

Isn't this the part in the 30 minute sitcom where Doug then decides to trick his wife by hiring some sketchy dude he met in line @ the donut shop to sneak break into the house, get spotted by the doorbell camera, have the wife see it all on Doug's phone as he steals all the boxes of receipts and nothing BUT the boxes of receipts, so he can then convince her that these hoarded receipts were actually much worse than the individual receipt alone?

Because I would totally watch that.

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26443

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On 9/19/2020 at 8:25 PM, Brothahorn said:

Dad? My mom does the same with everything. She got tired of shredding because she had so much. She doesn't believe in paperless billing. Old bills, old checkbooks..all kinds of shit to burn now.

All of our parents. Different times, I guess. I tried to explain to them that every paper receipt (that you didn't pay in cash) can be found online but they don't believe me. 

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5225

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On 9/19/2020 at 5:49 PM, Crapinon said:

My wife saves receipts. Every receipt for anything she buys. She stuff them in a drawer "in case she might need them later". It could be for jewelry or batteries and gum from the Dollar Store, it doesn't matter the value, she saves them. She will over stuff the drawer until it will not open. I have found some over 10 years old. She does the same with gas receipts in her car. I'll throw handfuls of them away monthly and she never notices.

 

Did she save one for a donut?  Check the "D" file.

This is actually me, I save every receipt.  I've been thru basically two divorces and I've proven plenty of bullshit fired against me because of those receipts.  I highly recommend keeping every one if the woman you're married to is crazy (ha).

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52-80

52-80 19377

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dont know when or how my wife got this idea in her head that theres some LAW mandating her to keep all paperwork for minimum of 5 years.  so all her stuff is all over the place.

 

everything i have is digitalized and stored.

 

when i need something, like the car insurance bill from 3 months ago, i can produce it on my phone in 20 seconds.  when she needs something, its 20 minutes of angered ruffling through folders and papers.  i just fold my arms and say nothing because if i do.... tone!

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 3045

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^^^This.

I bought my wife a nice laptop years ago so she could digitize her address list for Christmas cards, etc.  Ha!  You can print all your Christmas card address labels at the touch of a few buttons rather than keeping old envelopes with return addresses from years ago.  Has she learned any of that?  NO!

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HoffaJimmy

HoffaJimmy 316

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There is nothing that makes my head explode more than the- I don't care what answer you give me I just want to get in an argument

The topic doesn't matter, the answers don't matter, they just want to argue. 

"I don't care"- WHY DON'T YOU CARE!?

"that sounds good"- WHY DON'T YOU HAVE AN OPINION!? 

"No, I disagree"- WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME!?

But the topper is when they make a decision that affects their life and it somehow becomes your fault that they came to that decision. 

15 years married and I will never understand that shit.

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Armybrat

Armybrat 41448

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58 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

^^^This.

I bought my wife a nice laptop years ago so she could digitize her address list for Christmas cards, etc.  Ha!  You can print all your Christmas card address labels at the touch of a few buttons rather than keeping old envelopes with return addresses from years ago.  Has she learned any of that?  NO!

You can? Thanks!

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Armybrat

Armybrat 41448

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45 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

We had a power outage yesterday and we both WFH. Power outage obviously meant no home wi-fi. I'm no technology wizard but I know how to use my phone as a hotspot and connect my laptop and get shit done. I tried to explain how it works to her and get her set up to do the same.

It did not go well

Tell her even Armybrat knows how to do that.

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Armybrat

Armybrat 41448

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56 minutes ago, HoffaJimmy said:

There is nothing that makes my head explode more than the- I don't care what answer you give me I just want to get in an argument

The topic doesn't matter, the answers don't matter, they just want to argue. 

"I don't care"- WHY DON'T YOU CARE!?

"that sounds good"- WHY DON'T YOU HAVE AN OPINION!? 

"No, I disagree"- WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME!?

But the topper is when they make a decision that affects their life and it somehow becomes your fault that they came to that decision. 

15 years married and I will never understand that shit.

I said the same thing 38 years ago.

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HenryJames

HenryJames 67468

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On 9/18/2020 at 7:10 AM, markstanco said:

You know what works better than an alarm clock set for 6:30? The wife placing something in the microwave for 70 seconds and instead choosing 7 minutes at 6:15.

The house smells great.

She’s saying she wants you to place something inside her that lasts longer than 70 seconds.

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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 6312

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On 9/19/2020 at 5:49 PM, Crapinon said:

My wife saves receipts. Every receipt for anything she buys. She stuff them in a drawer "in case she might need them later". It could be for jewelry or batteries and gum from the Dollar Store, it doesn't matter the value, she saves them. She will over stuff the drawer until it will not open. I have found some over 10 years old. She does the same with gas receipts in her car. I'll throw handfuls of them away monthly and she never notices.

 

Yep.

On 9/19/2020 at 8:06 PM, Modessit said:

My wife used to save every receipt because she thought people would steal her identity if they got ahold of it. We had boxes full of receipts that she was "going to shred" but never got around to it. Thank God that's no longer a thing.

And yep.

Additionally, my wife will buy stupid cheap shit "in case we need it some day".  She once purchased 30 wicker Easter baskets because they were on sale for 10 cents apiece.  She then stored them under the downstairs bathroom sink.  I threw them away one day.  She's never asked about them.

Edited by Knoxtnhorn
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Crapinon

Crapinon 2392

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13 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

^^^This.

I bought my wife a nice laptop years ago so she could digitize her address list for Christmas cards, etc.  Ha!  You can print all your Christmas card address labels at the touch of a few buttons rather than keeping old envelopes with return addresses from years ago.  Has she learned any of that?  NO!

This too. I have all the Christmas card addresses on one spreadsheet. She kept 15 years worth of old Christmas cards so we could save the addresses. I finally convinced her to throw 90% of them away. We kept some from family members who liked to write personal notes on them, who have since passed away. 

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Modessit

Modessit 5667

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But the topper is when they make a decision that affects their life and it somehow becomes your fault that they came to that decision. 
15 years married and I will never understand that shit.


The decision she made that's the problem was marrying you. And it's your fault. You should apologize.

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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1828

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On 9/22/2020 at 3:22 AM, mulletpelini said:

Did she save one for a donut?  Check the "D" file.

This is actually me, I save every receipt.  I've been thru basically two divorces and I've proven plenty of bullshit fired against me because of those receipts.  I highly recommend keeping every one if the woman you're married to is crazy (ha).

You sound like the Patrice O'Neal bit where he would buy shit every time he saw a white woman walking alone so he had a receipt showing that he was doing something else at the time, just in case anything happened. He would look into the store camera and hold the receipt next to his face.

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Thatguy

Thatguy 9452

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Posted (edited)
On 9/22/2020 at 8:50 AM, HoffaJimmy said:

But the topper is when they make a decision that affects their life and it somehow becomes your fault that they came to that decision. 

15 years married and I will never understand that shit.

   Forgot my dress shoes. Wife brought them up to me. She got a speeding ticket on the way. My fault. Still talks about it 7 years later.

Edited by Thatguy
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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6655

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On 9/22/2020 at 10:09 PM, Crapinon said:

 I have all the Christmas card addresses on one spreadsheet.

Every year, I send a spreadsheet of addresses to my wife so she can send out Xmas cards from our JC Penny's photo shoot with the family doing the cheesy shit families do.

 

& Every year, she asks for the addresses again, so I pull up the same email with an attachment as the year prior & forward that to her again.  I think it's now "Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:"

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 3045

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12 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Every year, I send a spreadsheet of addresses to my wife so she can send out Xmas cards from our JC Penny's photo shoot with the family doing the cheesy shit families do.

 

& Every year, she asks for the addresses again, so I pull up the same email with an attachment as the year prior & forward that to her again.  I think it's now "Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:"

Let me guess, you send her the list on November 20th, and Xmas cards go out on Dec. 26, amirite.

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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1828

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12 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

The very idea of Christmas cards is loathsome to me. 
people you talk to don’t need them, people you don’t talk to don’t want them. Any included personal letter is either bragging or turd polishing. 

disagree. I like seeing the families of my old friends who I don't see anymore. It's a nice reminder to catch up. 

 

The letters are absurd and I usually throw them away. 

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Player

Player 4617

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Every year, I send a spreadsheet of addresses to my wife so she can send out Xmas cards from our JC Penny's photo shoot with the family doing the cheesy shit families do.
 
& Every year, she asks for the addresses again, so I pull up the same email with an attachment as the year prior & forward that to her again.  I think it's now "Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:"

c7f760d379c3c74f8cee6b916f5fdf2f.jpg

Always look forward to the ROFL BOX card.
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Wiler77

Wiler77 1630

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On 9/22/2020 at 9:51 PM, Knoxtnhorn said:

Additionally, my wife will buy stupid cheap shit "in case we need it some day".  

We have an hallway closet my wife calls "the gift closet".  When we had our first child 9 years ago, she decided it would be a good idea to buy about 20 presents for various ages and both genders because of all of the birthday parties we were going to be invited to, and "this will just be easier than having to worry about buying a present each time."  We have 3 boys now, have been to countless birthday parties, and I can think of exactly one present that has been used.  Every time I suggest using a gift from the closet, there some reason why it won't work.  It's been 9 years, and we literally still have those same presents she bought all those years ago.

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15453

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43 minutes ago, Wiler77 said:

We have an hallway closet my wife calls "the gift closet".  When we had our first child 9 years ago, she decided it would be a good idea to buy about 20 presents for various ages and both genders because of all of the birthday parties we were going to be invited to, and "this will just be easier than having to worry about buying a present each time."  We have 3 boys now, have been to countless birthday parties, and I can think of exactly one present that has been used.  Every time I suggest using a gift from the closet, there some reason why it won't work.  It's been 9 years, and we literally still have those same presents she bought all those years ago.

Who would’ve thought that things that were cool 9 years ago may not be cool now?  
 

narrator: wives 

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