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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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PhillyD

PhillyD 1257

Posted
Posted
59 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

You married Trixie’s sister?  

I can confirm they aren't sisters but must be distant relatives.  She is fluent.  

Over the years, I've just learned to understand and correct as little as possible while hoping she doesn't speak off the cuff too often in social situations.

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8811

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1 hour ago, PhillyD said:

I can confirm they aren't sisters but must be distant relatives.  She is fluent.  

Over the years, I've just learned to understand and correct as little as possible while hoping she doesn't speak off the cuff too often in social situations.

Think she might be my wifes sister, especially after reading the social situations part.

We use a lot of "Montreal" seasoning at home, so I cringe when she asks grocery store employees why they don't carry the large "Masterpiece" seasoning any longer.

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bigbevo76

bigbevo76 64

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Wife wanted a "stand up" desk ever since she started working from home (didn't have one at her office, btw).  I buy her one and set it all up.  She doesn't sit or stand at it. 

 

She raised her chair up to about barstool height and adjusted the desk accordingly.  So I casually called it a "sit a little higher desk".  not amused.

Edited by bigbevo76
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TKthunder2

TKthunder2 4992

Posted
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37 minutes ago, bigbevo76 said:

Wife wanted a "stand up" desk ever since she started working from home (didn't have one at her office, btw).  I buy her one and set it all up.  She doesn't sit or stand at it. 

 

She raised her chair up to about barstool height and adjusted the desk accordingly.  So I casually called it a "sit a little higher desk".  not amused.

Bought mine one of those too, since I took the sun room/office since im occasionally on call, and she got stuck in the baby’s room.  She also bought one of those ball chairs for when she does sit which would be “rarely if ever”.  I’ll post a picture tomorrow.

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9397

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16 hours ago, TKthunder2 said:

Bought mine one of those too, since I took the sun room/office since im occasionally on call, and she got stuck in the baby’s room.  She also bought one of those ball chairs for when she does sit which would be “rarely if ever”.  I’ll post a picture tomorrow.

I hope the ball chair is as versatile as my wife’s treadmill- it’s able to function as a clothes hanger 50 weeks of the year. 

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Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

Ok, to go counter to the spirit of the thread...

We're watching Texas vs Tech basketball and she remembers that Tech played Gonzaga in March Madness 2019. out of nowhere, she asks, "Gonzaga doesn't play football do they?  I've never seen their scores."

 

I damn near got all teary eyed.  So proud.

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52530

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Posted

I’m watching basketball in the bedroom when I hear the dog growl and snap, then she shrieks, from the living room.  I do nothing because I know it’s the dog snapping at the cat, which he does about twice a month when he is irritated and the cat walks near him. 
wife comes in about 15 minutes later mad as she can be.

“Aren’t you going to come check on me?!”  

“Why? He snapped at the cat right?”  

“You can’t be sure of that, act like you care about your wife!”  

/deep breath

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

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53 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I’m watching basketball in the bedroom when I hear the dog growl and snap, then she shrieks, from the living room.  I do nothing because I know it’s the dog snapping at the cat, which he does about twice a month when he is irritated and the cat walks near him. 
wife comes in about 15 minutes later mad as she can be.

“Aren’t you going to come check on me?!”  

“Why? He snapped at the cat right?”  

“You can’t be sure of that, act like you care about your wife!”  

/deep breath

Pato dM:  "Well, it was the dog / cat situation, correct?"

Mrs. PdM:  "Yes, but that's not the point."

PdM:  "Actually, yes... that IS the point."

Mrs. PdM, storming off:  tone

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18839

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, slorch said:

Ok, to go counter to the spirit of the thread...

We're watching Texas vs Tech basketball and she remembers that Tech played Gonzaga in March Madness 2019. out of nowhere, she asks, "Gonzaga doesn't play football do they?  I've never seen their scores."

 

I damn near got all teary eyed.  So proud.

Baby Hat GIF

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17568

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I’m watching basketball in the bedroom when I hear the dog growl and snap, then she shrieks, from the living room.  I do nothing because I know it’s the dog snapping at the cat, which he does about twice a month when he is irritated and the cat walks near him. 
wife comes in about 15 minutes later mad as she can be.

“Aren’t you going to come check on me?!”  

“Why? He snapped at the cat right?”  

“You can’t be sure of that, act like you care about your wife!”  

/deep breath

"If you had been hurt you would have yelled at me long before now."

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ztejas

ztejas 43495

Posted
Posted
14 hours ago, slorch said:

Ok, to go counter to the spirit of the thread...

We're watching Texas vs Tech basketball and she remembers that Tech played Gonzaga in March Madness 2019. out of nowhere, she asks, "Gonzaga doesn't play football do they?  I've never seen their scores."

 

I damn near got all teary eyed.  So proud.

I was in the company of a couple guys and couple gals yesterday. I mentioned to the group the story about the olympic swimmer getting arrested after storming the capitol. One of the girls goes "What? Michael Phelps?"

TommyLee.jpg

 

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Modessit

Modessit 5603

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Setting: Driving somewhere with wife and kids in the car and passing near ABIA.

Wife: I wonder where that plane took off from?

Me: What?

Wife: I was just wondering about that plane.

Me: What plane?

Wife: That one up there. (Points.)

Me: What about it?

Wife: I wonder where it took off from?

Me: Probably the airport.

Wife: (pauses) Oh. Yeah, I guess that makes sense.

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

Posted
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4 hours ago, Modessit said:

Setting: Driving somewhere with wife and kids in the car and passing near ABIA.

Wife: I wonder where that plane took off from?

Me: What?

Wife: I was just wondering about that plane.

Me: What plane?

Wife: That one up there. (Points.)

Me: What about it?

Wife: I wonder where it took off from?

Me: Probably the airport.

Wife: (pauses) Oh. Yeah, I guess that makes sense.

Your wife sounds hot

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OrangEngr

OrangEngr 1035

Posted
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9 hours ago, ztejas said:

I was in the company of a couple guys and couple gals yesterday. I mentioned to the group the story about the olympic swimmer getting arrested after storming the capitol. One of the girls goes "What? Michael Phelps?"

TommyLee.jpg

 

Nah, that’s WAY more Ryan Lochte.

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TKthunder2

TKthunder2 4992

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, nnm said:

Not the picture the board was waiting for. 

1 hour ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

That looks like a Time Out desk.

It had more stuff on it but she had cleaned up a bit.

Like I said she got the baby’s room as her WFH office so I got her the standing desk and that ball chair.  I also got a new chair for my desk too.  Now my old desk sitting chair is her main chair and I haven’t seen that desk at standing level in months.

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52-80

52-80 19188

Posted
Posted

My wife is a careless non-optimizing shopper, and it drives my neurotic OCD mad.

I'm the person to obsessively research shit on the web, scout for best price with free shipping.  She's the type of person to buy shit from the big box store based on what's printed on the label.

Say we need a vacuum cleaner - "someone told me Electrolux is good, i will only consider Electrolux.  This model says it has 'TurboBoost' the other one doesn't, so this must be better"

Or if we're in a foreign country buying a 2$ coffee, without hesitation she'll whip out her debit card that charges 10% forex and 3$ of extra fees on top.  Nevermind I have all these cards and apps optimized for this use, that she wont sign up for because "it's too complicated".

 

On the bright side she's not a spendthrift so I guess that's alright.

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8817

Posted
Posted
My wife is a careless non-optimizing shopper, and it drives my neurotic OCD mad.
I'm the person to obsessively research shit on the web, scout for best price with free shipping.  She's the type of person to buy shit from the big box store based on what's printed on the label.
Say we need a vacuum cleaner - "someone told me Electrolux is good, i will only consider Electrolux.  This model says it has 'TurboBoost' the other one doesn't, so this must be better"
Or if we're in a foreign country buying a 2$ coffee, without hesitation she'll whip out her debit card that charges 10% forex and 3$ of extra fees on top.  Nevermind I have all these cards and apps optimized for this use, that she wont sign up for because "it's too complicated".
 
On the bright side she's not a spendthrift so I guess that's alright.

You’d be a pain in the ass to live with
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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17568

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4 hours ago, 52-80 said:

My wife is a careless non-optimizing shopper, and it drives my neurotic OCD mad.

I'm the person to obsessively research shit on the web, scout for best price with free shipping.  She's the type of person to buy shit from the big box store based on what's printed on the label.

Say we need a vacuum cleaner - "someone told me Electrolux is good, i will only consider Electrolux.  This model says it has 'TurboBoost' the other one doesn't, so this must be better"

Or if we're in a foreign country buying a 2$ coffee, without hesitation she'll whip out her debit card that charges 10% forex and 3$ of extra fees on top.  Nevermind I have all these cards and apps optimized for this use, that she wont sign up for because "it's too complicated".

 

On the bright side she's not a spendthrift so I guess that's alright.

She sounds expensive.  I hope you're getting your money's worth elsewhere.

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SuperSport

SuperSport 1333

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Posted

Just moved to a new area, and I've been scouting the local restaurant scene. Was craving Chinese something fierce the other night...

Me: This place looks awesome...it's more traditional Chinese/Taiwanese though -- soup dumplings, noodles, etc. -- less of the Americanized rice dishes you're used to.

Her: Oh...ok, but they have noodles. So like Pad Thai, right?

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nnm

nnm 36472

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Posted
1 minute ago, TKthunder2 said:

Which chair?  I mean it wouldn’t  surprise me but I don’t see it.

Let’s all be honest. When a poster says he’s going to be posting a pic related to his wife, we’re not looking for a chair in the resulting pic. 

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8811

Posted
Posted
14 hours ago, 52-80 said:

My wife is a careless non-optimizing shopper, and it drives my neurotic OCD mad.

I'm the person to obsessively research shit on the web, scout for best price with free shipping.  She's the type of person to buy shit from the big box store based on what's printed on the label.

Say we need a vacuum cleaner - "someone told me Electrolux is good, i will only consider Electrolux.  This model says it has 'TurboBoost' the other one doesn't, so this must be better"

Or if we're in a foreign country buying a 2$ coffee, without hesitation she'll whip out her debit card that charges 10% forex and 3$ of extra fees on top.  Nevermind I have all these cards and apps optimized for this use, that she wont sign up for because "it's too complicated".

 

On the bright side she's not a spendthrift so I guess that's alright.

 

12 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:


You’d be a pain in the ass to live with

 

9 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

She sounds expensive.  I hope you're getting your money's worth elsewhere.

Anyone, ANYONE, who tolerates their wife buying an Electrolux or Kirby vacuum cleaner needs to have their testicles severed and implanted where their brains should have been.

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Modessit

Modessit 5603

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Posted
Anyone, ANYONE, who tolerates their wife buying an Electrolux or Kirby vacuum cleaner needs to have their testicles severed and implanted where their brains should have been.
If you care what vacuum cleaner your wife uses, you might as well not have testicles to begin with. At least she's vacuuming. If it takes her twice as long to get the floor clean, that's more time she's not bugging you with useless gossip about her coworkers or family.

The only reason my wife has a Dyson is because I bought a Playstation and my her wife-logic concluded she needed to spend an equal amount on something and that's what she chose. As long as I'm not doing it, I don't care.
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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8811

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, Modessit said:

If you care what vacuum cleaner your wife uses, you might as well not have testicles to begin with. At least she's vacuuming. If it takes her twice as long to get the floor clean, that's more time she's not bugging you with useless gossip about her coworkers or family.

The only reason my wife has a Dyson is because I bought a Playstation and my her wife-logic concluded she needed to spend an equal amount on something and that's what she chose. As long as I'm not doing it, I don't care.

Dyson,OK 

Electrolux/Kirby... Fucking rip-off

 

 

 

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Guest

Guest

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Posted

Team Dyson, but my wife actually got it on one of those 'Deal Days" or whatever( ask 52-80) and got it for 60%off.

I'm not a pig and clean up after myself.  That vacuum cleaner is light as hell and sucks like no other.  Now the wife on the other hand...

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Post Oak

Post Oak 20251

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My wife gave my boy (5) a haircut today.  He hates it so she told him they would do it on the porch without me helping.  They would cut his long hair off and cut it short and then my daughter and I would be so surprised.  He was down.  I think he was thinking like a 1 or 2 guard like a normal person.

Nope, my wife shaved his head with no guard. Tha fuck.  My man cried and cried and cried. Inconsolable. For like 30mins.  

Well to get him to stop I told her to get him to help her shave my head.   Now there's two bald headed boys running around this house trying to avoid mirrors and make the best of a tough situation

 

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