Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[McCroskey 1493]

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so the ash was blown around like a volcano all over the inside of the house and covered everything.

Sounds about right.


Clean fireplace:



Rest of the downstairs:

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2721]

Hahah. So great.

[TrashMaster G 17377]

21 hours ago, Paco said:

My wife went to the Mazda dealership to pick up the plates for her new Nissan.

Did she ask to see a manager before she figured it out?

[OrangEngr 1034]

On 1/16/2021 at 1:14 PM, Paco said:

My wife went to the Mazda dealership to pick up the plates for her new Nissan.

Your wife is Katfid?!?!?.!?

[markstanco 12473]

Im not getting the racist undertones here.

[Trey3216 15325]

On 1/16/2021 at 9:57 AM, luke duke said:

 

I buy a new house when the floors get dirty.

 

I send my butler to buy a new house for me 

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

Page 267 wins

Edited January 19, 2021 by Cheeseweasel

[Paco 1923]

Did she ask to see a manager before she figured it out?

She actually got irritated because, after embarrassing herself at Mazda, she drove over to Nissan and pulled into the service bay like they told her to do when she called.
Service dude says, no you have to go inside to get your plates. So she's annoyed but gets her plates finally.

Then it dawned on her that she had actually called Mazda too.

[TrashMaster G 17377]

3 minutes ago, Paco said:

She actually got irritated because, after embarrassing herself at Mazda, she drove over to Nissan and pulled into the service bay like they told her to do when she called.
Service dude says, no you have to go inside to get your plates. So she's annoyed but gets her plates finally.

Then it dawned on her that she had actually called Mazda too.

That last line killed me.

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

6 minutes ago, Paco said:

She actually got irritated because, after embarrassing herself at Mazda, she drove over to Nissan and pulled into the service bay like they told her to do when she called.
Service dude says, no you have to go inside to get your plates. So she's annoyed but gets her plates finally.

Then it dawned on her that she had actually called Mazda too.

I'm guessing she said "y'all look alike to me".

[Guest Lobo]

She said the service manager had a short name like "Kip" or "Ned" 

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

56 minutes ago, Lobo said:

She said the service manager had a short name like "Kip" or "Ned" 

[wd40 1976]

3 hours ago, Lobo said:

She said the service manager had a short name like "Kip" or "Ned" 

extra super-duper bonus points if actually "Ned".

[nnm 35952]

We have a fountain in our courtyard. It has minimal upkeep. You only need to put in some bleach every month or so to keep the algae down. No problem. 
Mrs. NNM sees some algae today and goes to get the bleach. Bleach is empty. She thinks “what could kill that algae?  Oh, I know, Oxy Clean!”

 

[NAVY 6738]

Foam party with the wife 

[ztejas 43236]

50 minutes ago, nnm said:

We have a fountain in our courtyard. It has minimal upkeep. You only need to put in some bleach every month or so to keep the algae down. No problem. 
Mrs. NNM sees some algae today and goes to get the bleach. Bleach is empty. She thinks “what could kill that algae?  Oh, I know, Oxy Clean!”

 

Billy Mays here?

[MNLonghornFUKM 8799]

We have a fountain in our courtyard. It has minimal upkeep. You only need to put in some bleach every month or so to keep the algae down. No problem. 
Mrs. NNM sees some algae today and goes to get the bleach. Bleach is empty. She thinks “what could kill that algae?  Oh, I know, Oxy Clean!”
 

How’s the clean up in the living room going after the fireplace incident the other day?

[JSB 677]

On 1/16/2021 at 8:02 AM, SHOOTER12 said:

Dyson,OK 

Electrolux/Kirby... Fucking rip-off

well fuck me I guess. I bought a Sanitaire (by electrolux) vacuum and a hard wood carry around thing from Sanitaire. Traded in a Riccar that bit the dust

 

 

 

[ROFL BOX 6647]

Am I the only one who is catching the "I'm in a cul-de-sac AND I have a courtyard, complete with fountain feature" humblebrag?

[ROFL BOX 6647]

On 1/19/2021 at 12:18 PM, TrashMaster G said:

That last line killed me.

It's called a "punchline".

[Dennis Taylor 18670]

16 hours ago, ztejas said:

Billy Mays here?

[Kennythetiger 9331]

18 hours ago, nnm said:

We have a fountain in our courtyard. It has minimal upkeep. You only need to put in some bleach every month or so to keep the algae down. No problem. 
Mrs. NNM sees some algae today and goes to get the bleach. Bleach is empty. She thinks “what could kill that algae?  Oh, I know, Oxy Clean!”

 

Put this picture on your refrigerator, please. 

[Johnny Sack 8397]

2 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Am I the only one who is catching the "I'm in a cul-de-sac AND I have a courtyard, complete with fountain feature" humblebrag?

Yes.  

[Trey3216 15325]

20 hours ago, ztejas said:

Billy Mays here?

[nnm 35952]

On 1/19/2021 at 8:51 PM, nnm said:

We have a fountain in our courtyard. It has minimal upkeep. You only need to put in some bleach every month or so to keep the algae down. No problem. 
Mrs. NNM sees some algae today and goes to get the bleach. Bleach is empty. She thinks “what could kill that algae?  Oh, I know, Oxy Clean!”

 

Update. Apparently it is well known that Oxy Clean is the preferred substance of choice for pranksters that want to bubble a fountain. My 19-yo son informs me that Oxy Clean is exactly what they used to use to bubble the fountain at their high school for senior days. 

Mrs. NNM could have used this information.  Now she knows.

Two days later, bubbles still bubbling along ....  We’re flushing the reservoir with the hose, but we’re beginning to attract attention in the neighborhood ....

Oh, and Oxy Clean also bleaches river rocks, but does not kill algae.  Ironically, bleach does NOT bleach river rocks, but does kill algae.  We now know this.

Edited January 21, 2021 by nnm

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2721]

So fresh and so clean clean.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8799]

Update: humblebragging the fuck out of my 1% neighborhood by taking a daytime pic. Strong flex, sir

[markstanco 12473]

Update: humblebragging the fuck out of my 1% neighborhood by taking a daytime pic. Strong flex, sir

Looks like each lot is .4 acres. Not 1%

[VolenteHawk 495]

42 minutes ago, markstanco said:

45 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Update: humblebragging the fuck out of my 1% neighborhood by taking a daytime pic. Strong flex, sir

Looks like each lot is .4 acres. Not 1%

And no trees. New build in LeanderPark Hill.

[crimsonlonghorn 2306]

This one is a little bit intellectual, but Mrs CL mentioned to me the other day that she had never read Animal Farm or 1984. 

I jokingly told her last night that her preteen children are now more well read than she is since they have now read Orwell. 

She responds, "I don't care. That whole War of the Worlds thing was terrible."

"Do you mean "H.G. Wells or Orson Wells, because neither one wrote 1984?"

"Obviously the first guy. Wasn't Orson Wells a fat guy who sold wine?"

I give her half credit on that one answer. 

Edited January 22, 2021 by crimsonlonghorn

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

1 minute ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Wasn't Orson Wells a fat guy who sold wine?"

Not before it's time.

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

My 5 year old daughter out on a longhorn shirt, drew a longhorn then grabbed her stuff beco and some other loosely texas related toys to show me how much loves Texas. My wife then said she didn’t care if she went to a&m. Despite the fact that she is a foreigner, I am considering divorcing her. Jesus fucking Christ I feel like I have failed.

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

Wow, I just realized how bad Apple autocorrect is. I am too lazy to go back and clarify my last post. The important part is my wife is ok with my kids being Aggy, if they so choose. I am not. And as long as I am alive, I will fight to not let happen.

[Hate 20100]

You should post pics of your ex as she bangs her way across North America to make up for this bullshit.

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

You should post pics of your ex as she bangs her way across North America to make up for this bullshit.

I thought I already did that. At least once.

[TKthunder2 4975]

10 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:

Wow, I just realized how bad Apple autocorrect is. I am too lazy to go back and clarify my last post. The important part is my wife is ok with my kids being Aggy, if they so choose. I am not. And as long as I am alive, I will fight to not let happen.

The wife and I had this exact conversation and we agreed that we’d grudgingly accept the kids going to aggy if want to be veterinarians since they obviously favor their undergrads for admission.

[Knoxtnhorn 5927]

LOL.  My 14 year-old said he'd go to the University of Kabul if aggy was the only school that offered him.  I'm assuming there's a University of Kabul.

[Modessit 5594]

LOL.  My 14 year-old said he'd go to the University of Kabul if aggy was the only school that offered him.  I'm assuming there's a University of Kabul.

aggy has a Qatar campus.

[Pato del Muerto 52308]

On 1/21/2021 at 9:32 PM, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Update: humblebragging the fuck out of my 1% neighborhood by taking a daytime pic. Strong flex, sir

He’s in New Mexico I think. Those houses are like 200k there. 

[Lidig8r 1852]

5 hours ago, TKthunder2 said:

The wife and I had this exact conversation and we agreed that we’d grudgingly accept the kids going to aggy if want to be veterinarians since they obviously favor their undergrads for admission.

Nah. Show your kids that UCDavis, NC State, Ohio State, Cornell all have higher rated Vet Schools. Even Purdue has a decent vet school.

No aggy. Bad aggy.

[TKthunder2 4975]

13 minutes ago, Lidig8r said:

Nah. Show your kids that UCDavis, NC State, Ohio State, Cornell all have higher rated Vet Schools. Even Purdue has a decent vet school.

No aggy. Bad aggy.

I know that, but dummies in this state respect an aggy vet right or wrong.  But yes obviously will try to push them elsewhere.  I think Colorado State would be a good spot.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21780]

Plenty of Mississippi State vets in this state

[956 Worldwide 34282]

When my wife goes into the bathroom, I pretty much never knock on the door to ask anything. I know WTF is going on in there.  Whatever I need can wait, it ain’t gonna get solved while she’s in there. 

But it seems like 2/3 shits I take, I get a knock on the door for some inane question. Makes my eyelid twitch. 

[RMac5 1549]

When does Tech open their vet school? I know it’s under construction in Amarillo but not sure on completion. Fucktard aggys decided they would put a vet school at WTAMU in Canyon when Tech started construction on their school.

[TKthunder2 4975]

59 minutes ago, RMac5 said:

When does Tech open their vet school? I know it’s under construction in Amarillo but not sure on completion. Fucktard aggys decided they would put a vet school at WTAMU in Canyon when Tech started construction on their school.

Not sure when but Tech’s school is targeted at larger animals (cows/horses) and not smaller ones (dogs/cats).  That’s how they got the lege to approve it since it solved a major need for West Texas ranchers.  Now they may add small animals eventually but not at first.

[RMac5 1549]

I didn’t realize it was just large animals. Still a great deal for those students wanting the education but don’t want to go to aggville. Plus it keeps them somewhat at home and not going to okie lite. 

[Kennythetiger 9331]

3 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

When my wife goes into the bathroom, I pretty much never knock on the door to ask anything. I know WTF is going on in there.  Whatever I need can wait, it ain’t gonna get solved while she’s in there. 

But it seems like 2/3 shits I take, I get a knock on the door for some inane question. Makes my eyelid twitch. 

Goddamn it. I can even use the shitter on an entirely different floor of the house and she’ll need something out of there, right then. 

[Modessit 5594]

When my wife goes into the bathroom, I pretty much never knock on the door to ask anything. I know WTF is going on in there.  Whatever I need can wait, it ain’t gonna get solved while she’s in there. 
But it seems like 2/3 shits I take, I get a knock on the door for some inane question. Makes my eyelid twitch. 

Why are you shutting the door? You have guests visiting?

[OrangEngr 1034]

3 hours ago, TKthunder2 said:

Not sure when but Tech’s school is targeted at larger animals (cows/horses) and not smaller ones (dogs/cats).  That’s how they got the lege to approve it since it solved a major need for West Texas ranchers.  Now they may add small animals eventually but not at first.

Queue one of phlegm’s common photos

[Bullneck 18975]

2 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Goddamn it. I can even use the shitter on an entirely different floor of the house and she’ll need something out of there, right then. 

And then complain about the smell.  I mean, really, what do you think goes on here?  Is it worth commenting on? 

Years ago when I lived in Florida I saw a new construction custom home that had his and hers toilets in separate rooms in the master suite. Makes perfect sense to me today.