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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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nnm

nnm 35841

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43 minutes ago, Clintonaldo said:

Wife had a baby 11 days ago and is still having some minor girl shit going on. She calls the doctor in a panic today and the answering service says they will have the doctor call her back. You would think she would keep the phone by her and the ringer on. You would think anyways. 

Yours?  If so, congratulations. If not, well, good luck. 

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Hate

Hate 20081

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My wife overslept this morning and was running very late.  Of course, there was 10 minutes of crying and shouting expletives before the actual getting ready began.  Sh gt out of the house in plenty of time to make it to work in spite of all that.  About 5 minutes after she left she called me and asked if she had  left her phone at home. 

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18637

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45 minutes ago, Hate said:

My wife overslept this morning and was running very late.  Of course, there was 10 minutes of crying and shouting expletives before the actual getting ready began.  Sh gt out of the house in plenty of time to make it to work in spite of all that.  About 5 minutes after she left she called me and asked if she had  left her phone at home. 

That's awesome, hopefully you said something like "I don't know,  let me look around and I'll call you back "

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Hate

Hate 20081

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That's awesome, hopefully you said something like "I don't know,  let me look around and I'll call you back "

I sat there in silence for a few seconds while I could hear her rummaging through her purse. She found it and I said that it may have been a little difficult for her to call me if she didn’t have her phone. She said “well, that’s true...gotta go, bye”. Unfazed.
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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8791

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I sat there in silence for a few seconds while I could hear her rummaging through her purse. She found it and I said that it may have been a little difficult for her to call me if she didn’t have her phone. She said “well, that’s true...gotta go, bye”. Unfazed.

Let me guess.. it’s “ gotta go, bye” and hanging up before you got a bye in there?
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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18637

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6 minutes ago, Hate said:


I sat there in silence for a few seconds while I could hear her rummaging through her purse. She found it and I said that it may have been a little difficult for her to call me if she didn’t have her phone. She said “well, that’s true...gotta go, bye”. Unfazed.

Sounds like you married at hottie...congrats

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Not a cat

Not a cat 5601

Posted
Posted
On 1/23/2021 at 4:32 PM, 956 Worldwide said:

When my wife goes into the bathroom, I pretty much never knock on the door to ask anything. I know WTF is going on in there.  Whatever I need can wait, it ain’t gonna get solved while she’s in there. 

But it seems like 2/3 shits I take, I get a knock on the door for some inane question. Makes my eyelid twitch. 

Nature abhors a vacuum, women abhor a content man.  

I'm not exactly sure why or the evolutionary origin of it but I've seen it far too much to doubt it's true.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17323

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3 hours ago, Hate said:

My wife overslept this morning and was running very late.  Of course, there was 10 minutes of crying and shouting expletives before the actual getting ready began.  Sh gt out of the house in plenty of time to make it to work in spite of all that.  About 5 minutes after she left she called me and asked if she had  left her phone at home. 

36D?  

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blacklab

blacklab 11836

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Why do women have a need to ask questions about things I don't give a fuck about.

Wife was organizing the drawer in the kitchen that has towels, napkins and placemats.

Her: Should we keep these placemats? We only have 2 of them.

Me: Get rid of them and feel free to get rid of or keep whatever you want in that drawer.

Her: What about these? There are only 3 of them

 Me: Get rid of them and feel free to get rid of or keep whatever you want in that drawer. I have no sentimental attachment to placemats that I bought before we were married.

Her: What about these napkins? There are only 2 of them that match.

Me: Get rid of them and feel free to get rid of or keep whatever you want in that drawer.

Her: What about these napkins? There are only 3 of them that match.

Me: Get rid of them and feel free to get rid of or keep whatever you want in that drawer.

Her: What about these napkins? There are only 1 of them that match.

Me: Get rid of them and feel free to get rid of or keep whatever you want in that drawer.

Can I cook my fucking breakfast without getting a constant barrage of questions about fucking linen that I don't give a fuck about?

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OrangEngr

OrangEngr 1034

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Posted (edited)
10 hours ago, blacklab said:

Why do women have a need to ask questions about things I don't give a fuck about, and then act like they know you secretly do care and are just setting them up to blame them when you don’t get what you want and now are playing the martyr and you must secretly actually have an opinion?

FIFY, because that’s what do when the situation is reversed

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SilasCoade

SilasCoade 2620

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, blacklab said:

Why do women have a need to ask questions about things I don't give a fuck about.

Wife was organizing the drawer in the kitchen that has towels, napkins and placemats.

Her: Should we keep these placemats? We only have 2 of them.

Me: Get rid of them and feel free to get rid of or keep whatever you want in that drawer.

Her: What about these? There are only 3 of them

 Me: Get rid of them and feel free to get rid of or keep whatever you want in that drawer. I have no sentimental attachment to placemats that I bought before we were married.

Her: What about these napkins? There are only 2 of them that match.

Me: Get rid of them and feel free to get rid of or keep whatever you want in that drawer.

Her: What about these napkins? There are only 3 of them that match.

Me: Get rid of them and feel free to get rid of or keep whatever you want in that drawer.

Her: What about these napkins? There are only 1 of them that match.

Me: Get rid of them and feel free to get rid of or keep whatever you want in that drawer.

Can I cook my fucking breakfast without getting a constant barrage of questions about fucking linen that I don't give a fuck about?

I'm sorry you cannot logically have a "match" of one.

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2306

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On 1/23/2021 at 10:15 PM, Bullneck said:

And then complain about the smell.  I mean, really, what do you think goes on here?  Is it worth commenting on? 

Years ago when I lived in Florida I saw a new construction custom home that had his and hers toilets in separate rooms in the master suite. Makes perfect sense to me today.

We are building a house right now and that was one of the first things on our list for the architect. I am so excited. 

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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1810

Posted
Posted
30 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

We are building a house right now and that was one of the first things on our list for the architect. I am so excited. 

We have two entirely separate bathrooms in our bedroom suite. Adjoining our bedroom is the wife's bathroom with a very large whirlpool tub. Then you go through my bedroom, through a walk-in closet, and then there's my bathroom, with its own shower.

Honestly it is fucking paradise. 

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8775

Posted
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On 1/25/2021 at 8:22 AM, Hate said:


I sat there in silence for a few seconds while I could hear her rummaging through her purse. She found it and I said that it may have been a little difficult for her to call me if she didn’t have her phone. She said “well, that’s true...gotta go, bye”. Unfazed.

Now.... I'm dizzy and my head hurts

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8775

Posted
Posted
On 1/25/2021 at 10:47 AM, blacklab said:

Why do women have a need to ask questions about things I don't give a fuck about.

Wife was organizing the drawer in the kitchen that has towels, napkins and placemats.

Her: Should we keep these placemats? We only have 2 of them.

Me: Get rid of them and feel free to get rid of or keep whatever you want in that drawer.

Her: What about these? There are only 3 of them

 Me: Get rid of them and feel free to get rid of or keep whatever you want in that drawer. I have no sentimental attachment to placemats that I bought before we were married.

Her: What about these napkins? There are only 2 of them that match.

Me: Get rid of them and feel free to get rid of or keep whatever you want in that drawer.

Her: What about these napkins? There are only 3 of them that match.

Me: Get rid of them and feel free to get rid of or keep whatever you want in that drawer.

Her: What about these napkins? There are only 1 of them that match.

Me: Get rid of them and feel free to get rid of or keep whatever you want in that drawer.

Can I cook my fucking breakfast without getting a constant barrage of questions about fucking linen that I don't give a fuck about?

OK, if there's only 1... How can it match anything?

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6643

Posted
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On 1/24/2021 at 3:04 PM, Clintonaldo said:

Wife had a baby 11 days ago and is still having some minor girl shit going on. She calls the doctor in a panic today and the answering service says they will have the doctor call her back. You would think she would keep the phone by her and the ringer on. You would think anyways. 

I have no recall if this is your 1st.

If it IS your 1st, we fully expect to see a LOT more contributions here in this thread.  If it's your 2nd, we'll still see more contributions but of a slightly different angle / content.
If it's the 3rd, well congratulations on moving from "man" to "zone".

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Clintonaldo

Clintonaldo 2562

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Posted
I have no recall if this is your 1st.

If it IS your 1st, we fully expect to see a LOT more contributions here in this thread.  If it's your 2nd, we'll still see more contributions but of a slightly different angle / content.
If it's the 3rd, well congratulations on moving from "man" to "zone".

First and we had another just now pushing him in his stroller. It rained this afternoon and after it was sunny so we all went for a walk. As we were on the sidewalk there are obvious wet spots and she immediately panics and says don’t roll him through that it is oil. I said so you are telling me the 6 yards that slope all have oil on their sidewalk and not water ? Wtf


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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2306

Posted
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3 hours ago, BHMCruiser said:

We have two entirely separate bathrooms in our bedroom suite. Adjoining our bedroom is the wife's bathroom with a very large whirlpool tub. Then you go through my bedroom, through a walk-in closet, and then there's my bathroom, with its own shower.

Honestly it is fucking paradise. 

FUCK. I should have thought of that. 

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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1810

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

FUCK. I should have thought of that. 

It's even better than that. Our master suite goes like this:

1. enter bedroom.

2. turn right for Mrs. bathroom

3. turn left, go through door, walk-in closet

4. go through walk-in-closet, through door, small hallway

5. turn right for Mr. bathroom

6. go straight, through door, for den/office above garage

I can go into the office and close four - FOUR - doors if I want. It's like an episode of Get Smart. I love my house.

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6643

Posted
Posted


It's even better than that. Our master suite goes like this:
1. enter bedroom.
2. turn right for Mrs. bathroom
3. turn left, go through door, walk-in closet
4. go through walk-in-closet, through door, small hallway
5. turn right for Mr. bathroom
6. go straight, through door, for den/office above garage
I can go into the office and close four - FOUR - doors if I want. It's like an episode of Get Smart. I love my house.
That's one of the finest Shag² 1% humblebrags I think we have ever had.

+1 Repulations to you, Goodsir.

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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1810

Posted
Posted
Just now, ROFL BOX said:

 

That's one of the finest Shag² 1% humblebrags I think we have ever had.

+1 Repulations to you, Goodsir.

Buy a house in Alabama and you too can have this layout. It's an older house that basically had this renovation done by linking the garage attic to the main part of the house with a new roofline and then refinishing and climate controlling. It's really brilliant, and I thought my agent was going to buy it when he saw it with me for the first time. 

The only other mark of distinction is that Jimmy Carter is alleged to have stayed there once. This was revealed to me at the closing by the prior seller. She saw it as a point of pride. I looked at her for a while and then said "well, I'm going to buy it anyway." 

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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1810

Posted
Posted
51 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Politics aside, if all of our Presidents had Jimmy's character the country would be a better place.

I get what you are saying, but it depends on what you mean by "character." I agree that the country would be a better place if all of our presidents had his morality and integrity. 

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Clintonaldo

Clintonaldo 2562

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, BHMCruiser said:

It's even better than that. Our master suite goes like this:

1. enter bedroom.

2. turn right for Mrs. bathroom

3. turn left, go through door, walk-in closet

4. go through walk-in-closet, through door, small hallway

5. turn right for Mr. bathroom

6. go straight, through door, for den/office above garage

I can go into the office and close four - FOUR - doors if I want. It's like an episode of Get Smart. I love my house.

I am retarded because I cannot figure this out yet I am jealous. Well done. 

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 24701

Posted
Posted
On 1/25/2021 at 8:58 AM, Not a cat said:

Nature abhors a vacuum, women abhor a content man.  

I'm not exactly sure why or the evolutionary origin of it but I've seen it far too much to doubt it's true.

Why else would they give a shit about trying to abolish men only clubs/sports/bathrooms/anything?

They cant fucking stand it. Drives them bonkers to think they aren't needed for something.

I'm single and damn happy about it, but my married friends' wives are always trying to marry me off to their butt ugly friends, sisters , etc. 

My boss is a woman. Dont need another boss.

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