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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6642

Posted
Posted
12 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Just cheaper to keep paying the rent rather than the cost to drill out the lock?

No, cheaper to keep paying the rent rather than to listen to your wife bitch about why they don't have a S.D.B. for all the important shit.

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52-80

52-80 19030

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We left our residence before Christmas to spend the holidays with family.  I suggested that we turn the thermostat/heater off, or atleast significantly down.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"

 

A month later, due to covid and all this shit, looked like we'll spending atleast another month or 2 away from our place.  I suggested to ask the neighbor to turn off thermostat/heater off.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"

 

To this point, I've now paid over $1,000 to heat a place that remains completely unoccupied.  Out of some bizarre excuse from a woman with an advanced degree in physics, who occasionally nitpick over a dimmed lightbulb that I intentionally leave on.

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Jerry Callo

Jerry Callo 8643

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The wife wanted a new fangled stadium seat - all padded, armrests, and such.  She bought two from Amazon. One that she though she wanted, but wasn't going to be delivered for a week or so.  The second because it was to be delivered in two-days, which she was going to send back eventually.  The second one took 3 days to be delivered and the first one arrived the same day.  Now we have $100 worth of stadium seats sitting on the floor to be tested.  Like one but not the other.

Insert my dumbass - "I thought you wanted one with a built-in heater."  That is what she wanted, but they were $100 each and thought I wouldn't approve of such frivolity.  I told her to get what she want.  I made it much worse.

She purchases two more seats with heaters ~ $100 each.  Decides she likes one over the other.  Now we have ~$300 in fancy stadium seats sitting in our dining room, but she's going to return 3.  Drops one off to be returned.  Next one offers her 30% to keep the chair or she would have to pay for return shipping - we're keeping that one.  Get an email today for the refund for the one she dropped off for return - with the restocking fee she was refunded $9.39.

I think we still have 3 seats and with refunds and adjustments we are only out ~$283.  Oh, and the heated seats didn't come with a battery pack.

I'd rather her be happy, but for fuck sake know the return policies if you are buying just for a test ride. 

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17323

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2 hours ago, 52-80 said:

We left our residence before Christmas to spend the holidays with family.  I suggested that we turn the thermostat/heater off, or atleast significantly down.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"

 

A month later, due to covid and all this shit, looked like we'll spending atleast another month or 2 away from our place.  I suggested to ask the neighbor to turn off thermostat/heater off.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"

 

To this point, I've now paid over $1,000 to heat a place that remains completely unoccupied.  Out of some bizarre excuse from a woman with an advanced degree in physics, who occasionally nitpick over a dimmed lightbulb that I intentionally leave on.

 

1 hour ago, markstanco said:

That's on you.

Yep, 100%.  Don't support stupidity to the tune of $1k.

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mininghorn88

mininghorn88 2247

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1 hour ago, Llogg said:

Or pay a neighbor kids $500 to turn it off and on. Still come out ahead.

This right here.  I am gone quite a bit so I have my neighbor collect my mail and do a walk through through the house a couple of times a week to monitor things.  I give them a nice gift card/cash at the end of the year around Christmas.  It is not that hard to figure out.

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morehornsepower

morehornsepower 856

Posted
Posted (edited)

Wife doesn't like to put big items in the trash can, because "it fills it up too fast and it has to be taken out more often".  So, in order to prevent this, she takes the big item to the outside trash bin all by itself...thereby, causing more trips out... 😕

Edited by morehornsepower
oops
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davidg

davidg 4019

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Posted
25 minutes ago, morehornsepower said:

Wife doesn't like to put big items in the trash can, because "it fills it up too fast and it has to be taken out more often".  So, in order to prevent this, she takes the big item to the outside trash bin all by itself...thereby, causing more trips out... 😕

Your wife actually takes something out to the trash?  GTF outta here with complaining about that.

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gyroprotagonist

gyroprotagonist 2591

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Posted
11 hours ago, 52-80 said:

We left our residence before Christmas to spend the holidays with family.  I suggested that we turn the thermostat/heater off, or atleast significantly down.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"

 

A month later, due to covid and all this shit, looked like we'll spending atleast another month or 2 away from our place.  I suggested to ask the neighbor to turn off thermostat/heater off.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"

 

To this point, I've now paid over $1,000 to heat a place that remains completely unoccupied.  Out of some bizarre excuse from a woman with an advanced degree in physics, who occasionally nitpick over a dimmed lightbulb that I intentionally leave on.

are we sure this is not some inception level humble brag about 52-80's 15,500sqft mansion where it actually might take too long to heat back up?  you would leave the heater going in the tiny giraffe's room, right?

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8791

Posted
Posted
We left our residence before Christmas to spend the holidays with family.  I suggested that we turn the thermostat/heater off, or atleast significantly down.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"
 
A month later, due to covid and all this shit, looked like we'll spending atleast another month or 2 away from our place.  I suggested to ask the neighbor to turn off thermostat/heater off.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"
 
To this point, I've now paid over $1,000 to heat a place that remains completely unoccupied.  Out of some bizarre excuse from a woman with an advanced degree in physics, who occasionally nitpick over a dimmed lightbulb that I intentionally leave on.

Yea dunno man... the holidays ended over 9 weeks ago. How much celebrating is there left to do?
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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 5911

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Posted
2 hours ago, davidg said:

Your wife actually takes something out to the trash?  GTF outta here with complaining about that.

We have a large, plastic trash can for recyclables on our fenced in back porch.  Guess who has to constantly bend over, pick up boxes or plastic, then open the back door to drop it in?  Daily.  48 fucking inches from the "drop spot" to the plastic container.

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6642

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On 3/10/2021 at 5:51 PM, MNLonghornFUKM said:


Yea dunno man... the holidays ended over 9 weeks ago. How much celebrating is there left to do?

Well I let their teeny minds think
That they're dealing with someone who is over the brink
And I dress this way just to keep them at bay
'Cause Halloween is everyday
It's everyday
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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 53827

Posted
Posted

Last night, my wife started an argument about whether I like Orange Chicken or not.

Her: You do like Orange Chicken, I've seen you order it!

Me: The closest I've ever gotten to ordering Orange Chicken was last year when you were having lunch at the Thai restaurant with Vicki, and you called and asked if I wanted you to bring something home for me.  I said yes and mistakenly told you to choose the dish, and then I got pissed at you because you brought home a fake Chinese dish that I don't even like from a fucking Thai restaurant!

Me: Think about what you're doing -- you're arguing with *ME* about whether *I* like something or not!  Have you lost your fucking mind?   Why would you be arguing about this?

Her: <makes face>

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956 Worldwide

956 Worldwide 34208

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

Last night, my wife started an argument about whether I like Orange Chicken or not.

Her: You do like Orange Chicken, I've seen you order it!

Me: The closest I've ever gotten to ordering Orange Chicken was last year when you were having lunch at the Thai restaurant with Vicki, and you called and asked if I wanted you to bring something home for me.  I said yes and mistakenly told you to choose the dish, and then I got pissed at you because you brought home a fake Chinese dish that I don't even like from a fucking Thai restaurant!

Me: Think about what you're doing -- you're arguing with *ME* about whether *I* like something or not!  Have you lost your fucking mind?   Why would you be arguing about this?

Her: <makes face>

How do you not have 2-3 Thai dishes that are good enough at most places that you don’t have to trust your wife to order? 

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 53827

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4 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

How do you not have 2-3 Thai dishes that are good enough at most places that you don’t have to trust your wife to order? 

You can literally order any Thai dish for me and I'll like it.  That's why I told her to order.  Never Never Again.  

(See what I did there?  https://www.yelp.com/menu/thai-thai-cafe-san-marcos/item/17-thai-never-never-again-kra-prao-ta-lay)

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4440

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Posted
3 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

Last night, my wife started an argument about whether I like Orange Chicken or not.

Her: You do like Orange Chicken, I've seen you order it!

Me: The closest I've ever gotten to ordering Orange Chicken was last year when you were having lunch at the Thai restaurant with Vicki, and you called and asked if I wanted you to bring something home for me.  I said yes and mistakenly told you to choose the dish, and then I got pissed at you because you brought home a fake Chinese dish that I don't even like from a fucking Thai restaurant!

Me: Think about what you're doing -- you're arguing with *ME* about whether *I* like something or not!  Have you lost your fucking mind?   Why would you be arguing about this?

Her: <makes face>

This. So much this with my ex. I'm cool with pretty much any fast food. Two things I can't stand - BBQ on anything that's not a pulled pork sandwich. And shredded iceberg lettuce.  I swear to god every other meal she got me had one or both of those

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17323

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Posted
2 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

This. So much this with my ex. I'm cool with pretty much any fast food. Two things I can't stand - BBQ on anything that's not a pulled pork sandwich. And shredded iceberg lettuce.  I swear to god every other meal she got me had one or both of those

Huh?

A pulled pork sandwich IS barbecue.  What is this "BBQ" that you are putting on barbecue?

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 53827

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On 3/10/2021 at 8:23 AM, Jerry Callo said:

The wife wanted a new fangled stadium seat - all padded, armrests, and such.  She bought two from Amazon. One that she though she wanted, but wasn't going to be delivered for a week or so.  The second because it was to be delivered in two-days, which she was going to send back eventually.  The second one took 3 days to be delivered and the first one arrived the same day.  Now we have $100 worth of stadium seats sitting on the floor to be tested.  Like one but not the other.

Insert my dumbass - "I thought you wanted one with a built-in heater."  That is what she wanted, but they were $100 each and thought I wouldn't approve of such frivolity.  I told her to get what she want.  I made it much worse.

She purchases two more seats with heaters ~ $100 each.  Decides she likes one over the other.  Now we have ~$300 in fancy stadium seats sitting in our dining room, but she's going to return 3.  Drops one off to be returned.  Next one offers her 30% to keep the chair or she would have to pay for return shipping - we're keeping that one.  Get an email today for the refund for the one she dropped off for return - with the restocking fee she was refunded $9.39.

I think we still have 3 seats and with refunds and adjustments we are only out ~$283.  Oh, and the heated seats didn't come with a battery pack.

I'd rather her be happy, but for fuck sake know the return policies if you are buying just for a test ride. 

I have two in the garage that we've never used that I would have given you.

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ABSR

ABSR 5281

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

I have two in the garage that we've never used that I would have given you.

So instead of you having two in your garage that were never used, he would have five in his garage that will never be used.   Sounds like a win-win.

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Fudbelty

Fudbelty 2784

Posted
Posted
Last night, my wife started an argument about whether I like Orange Chicken or not.
Her: You do like Orange Chicken, I've seen you order it!
Me: The closest I've ever gotten to ordering Orange Chicken was last year when you were having lunch at the Thai restaurant with Vicki, and you called and asked if I wanted you to bring something home for me.  I said yes and mistakenly told you to choose the dish, and then I got pissed at you because you brought home a fake Chinese dish that I don't even like from a fucking Thai restaurant!
Me: Think about what you're doing -- you're arguing with *ME* about whether *I* like something or not!  Have you lost your fucking mind?   Why would you be arguing about this?
Her:

Picks of Vicki? This place has rules.
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Fudge Nuggets

Fudge Nuggets 19094

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On 3/12/2021 at 10:15 AM, Beau Vine said:

You can literally order any Thai dish for me and I'll like it.  That's why I told her to order.  Never Never Again.  

(See what I did there?  https://www.yelp.com/menu/thai-thai-cafe-san-marcos/item/17-thai-never-never-again-kra-prao-ta-lay)

That's one of the most fucked up gringo-ized Thai menus I've ever seen.

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luke duke

luke duke 6363

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Posted
We left our residence before Christmas to spend the holidays with family.  I suggested that we turn the thermostat/heater off, or atleast significantly down.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"
 
A month later, due to covid and all this shit, looked like we'll spending atleast another month or 2 away from our place.  I suggested to ask the neighbor to turn off thermostat/heater off.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"
 
To this point, I've now paid over $1,000 to heat a place that remains completely unoccupied.  Out of some bizarre excuse from a woman with an advanced degree in physics, who occasionally nitpick over a dimmed lightbulb that I intentionally leave on.


I never realized that you’re a lesbian. Only two women could make this happen.
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Nolacycling

Nolacycling 893

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On 3/10/2021 at 8:36 AM, TrashMaster G said:

Out of some bizarre excuse from a woman with an advanced degree in physics, who occasionally nitpick over a dimmed lightbulb that I intentionally leave on.

Isn't there an urban myth about light bulbs using more power to turn on than remain on? Try that one on her.

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gernblansten

gernblansten 3172

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On 3/12/2021 at 10:03 AM, Beau Vine said:

Last night, my wife started an argument about whether I like Orange Chicken or not.

Her: You do like Orange Chicken, I've seen you order it!

Me: The closest I've ever gotten to ordering Orange Chicken was last year when you were having lunch at the Thai restaurant with Vicki, and you called and asked if I wanted you to bring something home for me.  I said yes and mistakenly told you to choose the dish, and then I got pissed at you because you brought home a fake Chinese dish that I don't even like from a fucking Thai restaurant!

Me: Think about what you're doing -- you're arguing with *ME* about whether *I* like something or not!  Have you lost your fucking mind?   Why would you be arguing about this?

Her: <makes face>

Better than an argument that once occurred at my house.

Her: You do not like blow jobs, I've never seen you get one!

Me: That's because you won't give me one and since we're married you're my only option. The closest I've ever gotten to not liking blow jobs was decades ago when I got a really toothy one that bruised my junk from my high school girlfriend and it was still glorious.  Last year you were having drinks with your friend and you called and asked if I wanted anything on your way home.  I said "yes, a blow job when you get home" and you said "okay".  I got pissed at you because you came home and didn't give me a blow job!

Me: I assure you, I like getting head, it feels good.

Her: No, it doesn't.

Me: What?!?!?!?  Think about what you're doing -- you're arguing with *ME*, a guy with a dick, about whether *I* like it to get sucked by a woman! Have you lost your fucking mind?  Why would you be arguing about this?  Every guy in the world likes getting head and you'll find that out someday when we get divorced. 

Narrator: They got divorced a year later.

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18633

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33 minutes ago, gernblansten said:

Better than an argument that once occurred at my house.

Her: You do not like blow jobs, I've never seen you get one!

Me: That's because you won't give me one and since we're married you're my only option. The closest I've ever gotten to not liking blow jobs was decades ago when I got a really toothy one that bruised my junk from my high school girlfriend and it was still glorious.  Last year you were having drinks with your friend and you called and asked if I wanted anything on your way home.  I said "yes, a blow job when you get home" and you said "okay".  I got pissed at you because you came home and didn't give me a blow job!

Me: I assure you, I like getting head, it feels good.

Her: No, it doesn't.

Me: What?!?!?!?  Think about what you're doing -- you're arguing with *ME*, a guy with a dick, about whether *I* like it to get sucked by a woman! Have you lost your fucking mind?  Why would you be arguing about this?  Every guy in the world likes getting head and you'll find that out someday when we get divorced. 

Narrator: They got divorced a year later.

She's pretty good at it now 

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wd40

wd40 1976

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, gernblansten said:

Better than an argument that once occurred at my house.

Her: You do not like blow jobs, I've never seen you get one!

Me: That's because you won't give me one and since we're married you're my only option. The closest I've ever gotten to not liking blow jobs was decades ago when I got a really toothy one that bruised my junk from my high school girlfriend and it was still glorious.  Last year you were having drinks with your friend and you called and asked if I wanted anything on your way home.  I said "yes, a blow job when you get home" and you said "okay".  I got pissed at you because you came home and didn't give me a blow job!

Me: I assure you, I like getting head, it feels good.

Her: No, it doesn't.

Me: What?!?!?!?  Think about what you're doing -- you're arguing with *ME*, a guy with a dick, about whether *I* like it to get sucked by a woman! Have you lost your fucking mind?  Why would you be arguing about this?  Every guy in the world likes getting head and you'll find that out someday when we get divorced. 

Narrator: They got divorced a year later.

you married Big Brother?

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Nivek

Nivek 16739

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Posted

Wife: (talking about kids and electronics: summarized as reduce time) do you agree?
Me: that’s fine.
Wife: what do you mean by fine?
Me: um it’s OK.
Wife: but do I have your support? What are you willing to do? I don’t know what ‘fine’ means. That’s like you saying we are having hamburgers for dibber but then I say that’s fine but it really isn’t. And then you are surprised I am not helping you make hamburgers.
Me: (tom cruise “what look?”). I don’t understand anything you said.
Wife: that’s an analogy. You are really hurting my feelings! Of you agree with me you should say “(lists off 5 pleonastic ways to say “fine” and I tuned out for another minute or so).
Me: (i continue to wash dishes). I really have no idea what you are talking about. That’s fine means I agree. Affirmative. I didn’t say “fine!” Like some annoyed teenager. Don’t give me a bad read here. I said “that’s fine”. That’s it. I thought you wanted to talk about our kid not parse out what Nivek really means when he says something. (I am not that complicated, deeper end of normal voice, capable of sitting on my balls, not overly verbose except when telling a story. Happy to sit in silence. ) you know how prescious these moments to talk are without interruption of kids.
Wife: ......(she has to be thinking “thats fine”)

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