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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9416

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6 hours ago, Nivek said:

A few years ago, my kid's baseball team had a little end of season party in the park.   One of the coach's wives started in about his tone and how he sounds so angry when he yells at the kids.   She asked us dad's what we thought.  She was surprised we took up for him.  Uh, lady, you cannot whisper or speak in a normal voice to a kid in the outfield, you need to project (yell).   For a moment you could see a flicker of recognition that she might actually be wrong, but then she reverted back to maybe we were all just sticking up for him and/or we were all just stupid angry dudes.  

How many wives did the poor bastard have??

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ztejas

ztejas 43526

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On 4/13/2021 at 12:14 PM, ABSR said:

Wife and I were in a marriage counseling session.  Counselor was a female.  My wife had been going on about my tone etc, and I had said that the issue was not the tone but that if I said something she did not like or agree with.  Later in the session I was expressing my view/opinion and Mrs. ABSR says "See, this is what I mean about tone!"   

Counselor responded that she did not get any tone from my statement.    First thought in my head was "We are never using this counselor again."

To the counselor's credit she was able to get us to have further good discussions, and to my wife's we did see her again.

But I should get an Oscar for not sitting there like the Cheshire cat after the counselor's comment.

Did you and the counselor bang?

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Judge Roybeanbag

Judge Roybeanbag 11819

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14 hours ago, Modessit said:

My problem isn't my wife borrowing something and not putting it back. It's when she sees something of mine sitting somewhere that she doesn't like and decides to "put it away" but doesn't tell me and forgets where she put it.

Like she brought home an electronic toy from her classroom to see if I could fix it. It needed a new battery terminal and I ordered one that would be here the next day. I had to use a special screwdriver to get the casing off. Since the part was going to be here soon, I left it sitting on the desk with the screws inside the back casing. The part comes and I go to install it. The screwdriver is gone, the back casing has been moved and the screws are missing. She tried to argue she didn't touch it - until I found the screwdriver in a drawer in the kitchen. "Oh, yeah." Never found the screws. Luckily I keep a large assortment in the garage.

Lol.  Same thing happened with me except a Torx T10 security bit got tossed with the screws, so I had to order a new set.

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Johnny Sack

Johnny Sack 8397

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1 hour ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:


Heck no. I make piles of her stuff and yet I’m told I never throw anything away.

My wife is very clean and organized.  But she really, really does not like to throw computers away.  Apparently the Gateway 2000 laptop she used in college 20 years ago has a lot of sensitive data.  I took her last three laptops to the ranch and tossed them in the dump, finally.

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Pokoloco

Pokoloco 1281

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Her: I think I'm going to try the carnival diet

Me: Carnival? Like eating funnel cakes, fried twinkies and shit like that?

Her: *blank stare*

Me: Or like the buffet on the cruise line? The hell are you talking about?

Her: I don't know about all that. I think it's just eating meat only.

Me: So, meat on a stick? Carnival?!!  Are you fking with me???

Her: This is another one of those things isn't it?

 

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TKthunder2

TKthunder2 4997

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Wife working on her laptop after the kids are asleep:

”You’re lucky you have enough time in the day to get your work done, I have SO much work I have to catch up on”

10am next next morning:

”I’m going to run to the Domain and do some errands (shopping) and swing by Trader Joe’s (for more shopping), I should be back around 3”

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mininghorn88

mininghorn88 2296

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17 minutes ago, TKthunder2 said:

Wife working on her laptop after the kids are asleep:

”You’re lucky you have enough time in the day to get your work done, I have SO much work I have to catch up on”

10am next next morning:

”I’m going to run to the Domain and do some errands (shopping) and swing by Trader Joe’s (for more shopping), I should be back around 3”

Similar situations in the past for me.  The ex was a school teacher. A common occurrence that was pointless to argue:

Ex:  Will you take off tomorrow and do XYZ?

Me: Sure.

Ex: Thanks.  It is so much easier for you to take off instead of me.

Me:  How so?

Ex: Well, I have to instruct my substitute to take care of my students in my absence so that the work can still get done.

Me: Oh, ok.

Me (to myself): Who does my work for the day? I have no substitute.  What does not get done in my absence only compounds itself.

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

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On 4/15/2021 at 8:17 AM, Nivek said:

A few years ago, my kid's baseball team had a little end of season party in the park.   One of the coach's wives started in about his tone and how he sounds so angry when he yells at the kids.   She asked us dad's what we thought.  She was surprised we took up for him.  Uh, lady, you cannot whisper or speak in a normal voice to a kid in the outfield, you need to project (yell).   For a moment you could see a flicker of recognition that she might actually be wrong, but then she reverted back to maybe we were all just sticking up for him and/or we were all just stupid angry dudes.  

Reminds me of when I coached T-ball. Husband and wife were sitting near enough for my wife to hear and she told me about this conversation that night:

Wife : I just don't feel like Junior is getting to play as much as the other kids.

Husband : He plays second base and there are 9 kids on the team.

Wife : I know he plays 2nd, But he doesn't bat as much

Husband : There's 9 kids on the team.

Wife : So. He doesn't get to bat as much.

Husband : There are nine fucking kids on the team. Do you see anyone sitting in the god damn dugout? He bats freaking 5th. He gets plenty of at bats.. Jesus...

 

Next week I pulled him out to be the 3rd base coach. Pretty sure he was grateful about that

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18849

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1 hour ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Reminds me of when I coached T-ball. Husband and wife were sitting near enough for my wife to hear and she told me about this conversation that night:

Wife : I just don't feel like Junior is getting to play as much as the other kids.

Husband : He plays second base and there are 9 kids on the team.

Wife : I know he plays 2nd, But he doesn't bat as much

Husband : There's 9 kids on the team.

Wife : So. He doesn't get to bat as much.

Husband : There are nine fucking kids on the team. Do you see anyone sitting in the god damn dugout? He bats freaking 5th. He gets plenty of at bats.. Jesus...

 

Next week I pulled him out to be the 3rd base coach. Pretty sure he was grateful about that

Definitely did him a solid 

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

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50 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Definitely did him a solid 

Yeah, from what I understood from my wife, she was one of those women who just keeps talking and talking. Silence abhors a vacuum type. I think he was just trying to watch the game and finally lost it. We've all been there

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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 6065

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2 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Yeah, from what I understood from my wife, she was one of those women who just keeps talking and talking. Silence abhors a vacuum type. I think he was just trying to watch the game and finally lost it. We've all been there

Wait.  M@rlana had a kid on your team?

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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 6065

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On 4/15/2021 at 11:34 AM, NAVY said:

Y’all’s wives put shit away? 

Speaking of.  We're cleaning out the garage so we can get a ping pong table for the boys.  By cleaning out the garage, I mean going through about 50 plastic containers that have sat in the garage since we moved here almost 4 years ago.  You know, things like Strawberry Shortcake patterns from the 70's, phone bills from when phones plugged into walls, Grandma's pot holders from The Depression, etc...

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NAVY

NAVY 6747

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15 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

Speaking of.  We're cleaning out the garage so we can get a ping pong table for the boys.  By cleaning out the garage, I mean going through about 50 plastic containers that have sat in the garage since we moved here almost 4 years ago.  You know, things like Strawberry Shortcake patterns from the 70's, phone bills from when phones plugged into walls, Grandma's pot holders from The Depression, etc...

God speed sir 

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LABEVO

LABEVO 928

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On 4/16/2021 at 9:56 PM, nnm said:

Had to move her car tonight. 

1223A3BE-FBB7-46AE-B40A-3C78AAFD190B.jpeg

I wish I had this problem. The SO refuses to learn to drive so her Lyft bill is just out of control. 
 

she did not grow up in Texas but now living here still refuses to learn to drive....fml 

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Richard Kimball

Richard Kimball 1496

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15 hours ago, LABEVO said:

I wish I had this problem. The SO refuses to learn to drive so her Lyft bill is just out of control. 
 

she did not grow up in Texas but now living here still refuses to learn to drive....fml 

You're just gonna have to wait until she's old enough to get her learner's permit. 

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Brew

Brew 3049

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Wife got pissed at me this afternoon for not supporting her and always taking the kids side in their arguments. Oldest daughter then yelled at me for always taking my wife’s side in their arguments and not supporting them. This was all over a stupid ass argument they had at lunch over nothing. I grabbed extra beers and the dog and went outside for the remainder of the afternoon. A wife and 2 teenage daughters qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment for a week or so a month.

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105188

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Jesus fucking Christ. For the first time in a long time, watching a show with the wife. About every 30-45 seconds, she has to comment, or ask a question, or say something about the day. I am constantly pausing, then rewinding a few seconds to catch the dialogue she just talked over. Over, and over, and over. Jesus, it’s fucking impossible.

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8817

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This morning around 10 or 11 I said I’m doing my laundry. She immediately says she has to do hers because she has nothing to wear tomorrow(she does).

I said no I’m doing mine first. She scoffs.

In efficient fashion, I’m throwing my second and final load in the dryer about noon and tell her the washer is open. I’m done drying my second load about 1 so everything is wide open. I think she put her first load in at about 4 and it’s sat there ever since. I’m anticipating it’ll have to be rewashed tomorrow sometime because it’ll stink overnight

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17583

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1 hour ago, Brisketexan said:

Jesus fucking Christ. For the first time in a long time, watching a show with the wife. About every 30-45 seconds, she has to comment, or ask a question, or say something about the day. I am constantly pausing, then rewinding a few seconds to catch the dialogue she just talked over. Over, and over, and over. Jesus, it’s fucking impossible.

Did she keep talking even after you told her to stfu?

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Hate 20128

Posted
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On 4/17/2021 at 10:55 PM, LABEVO said:

I wish I had this problem. The SO refuses to learn to drive so her Lyft bill is just out of control. 
 

she did not grow up in Texas but now living here still refuses to learn to drive....fml 

At this point, it's probably best for all of us if she doesn't even try.

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NorthLoop

NorthLoop 14221

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We're moving into a new house... well just about all moved as of this evening... The new house is 2 miles from the old house. We closed a month ago but let the previous owners lease back to us for a month as they were building (that's how we won the bid-war honestly... so we had a month to start boxing shit up and trashing shit.

Except over the last month I've done 90% of it. I called a moving company 3 weeks ago and told them we shouldn't have any boxes because those would all be moved before we even needed them. Honestly all we needed the movers for was heavy shit like the furniture and appliances. Come Dday weekend, movers are coming on Sunday. I took Friday off and moved a ton of shit myself. Saturday comes and we drop the kids and dog off at the inlaws so she can join in. Does she? No... she spends the entire day stenciling a new paint job in the kitchen of the new house with her sister and bff while getting wasted. Meanwhile I'm hauling shit back and forth. Sunday when the movers come theres still a ton of boxes and unboxed shit left. Wife and her sister go into crackhead mode boxing shit up while the movers are there so they would take them. I'm like "They aren't expecting any boxes... this is kind of a dick move."... the girls are all "we're paying them.. who cares"

 

What say you surly? The movers took about 1.5 hours over the estimate (IMO because of all the extra shit) and I tipped them pretty well. But my wife thinks it was fine to load them up with way more shit than we had originally estimated because "hey they're here .. why not" ... IMO it was an asshole move. These guys are machines but I'm sure they came into this job with a mindset of how much they were moving, and it went way up with no warning. 

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davidg

davidg 4038

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10 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

This morning around 10 or 11 I said I’m doing my laundry. She immediately says she has to do hers because she has nothing to wear tomorrow(she does).

I said no I’m doing mine first. She scoffs.

In efficient fashion, I’m throwing my second and final load in the dryer about noon and tell her the washer is open. I’m done drying my second load about 1 so everything is wide open. I think she put her first load in at about 4 and it’s sat there ever since. I’m anticipating it’ll have to be rewashed tomorrow sometime because it’ll stink overnight

Thread not complete until you bitch about status of clothes to be folded.

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9416

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11 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Jesus fucking Christ. For the first time in a long time, watching a show with the wife. About every 30-45 seconds, she has to comment, or ask a question, or say something about the day. I am constantly pausing, then rewinding a few seconds to catch the dialogue she just talked over. Over, and over, and over. Jesus, it’s fucking impossible.

This isn’t like you. The dude we “know” would have given up on the show, talked to his wife, and then told us about the stupid shit that she said. I would bet that the shooter fucker is getting to you, but I don’t know. A guy I know would say, “How’s your personal inventory, Mr. Brisket?”.  

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Nivek

Nivek 16949

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Posted
On 4/17/2021 at 4:37 PM, Knoxtnhorn said:

Speaking of.  We're cleaning out the garage so we can get a ping pong table for the boys.  By cleaning out the garage, I mean going through about 50 plastic containers that have sat in the garage since we moved here almost 4 years ago.  You know, things like Strawberry Shortcake patterns from the 70's, phone bills from when phones plugged into walls, Grandma's pot holders from The Depression, etc...

My wife loves to dump shit in the garage, then complain about the clutter of the 2 containers of shit I have out there.  Yeah, honey, it is the 2 boxes of mine out there that are breaking it.   Her latest get organized adventure involved buying racks to hang up items.  Great.  I used it to hang up baseball bats, some brooms, rakes, etc. She wanted another so we could hang up the heavy items like my axe, shovels, etc.   I declined.  She got pissed off that I wouldn't do it.  I had to remind her we have 3 kids under 10, and two of them are boys.  Having an axe/shovel with potential energy seems like it could be a problem.   She agreed with me, has not brought it up again, but I am still an asshole for not doing it, but I would have been more of an asshole if I did it.  

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