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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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RamjetFDO

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18851

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Posted
12 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

This morning around 10 or 11 I said I’m doing my laundry. She immediately says she has to do hers because she has nothing to wear tomorrow(she does).

I said no I’m doing mine first. She scoffs.

In efficient fashion, I’m throwing my second and final load in the dryer about noon and tell her the washer is open. I’m done drying my second load about 1 so everything is wide open. I think she put her first load in at about 4 and it’s sat there ever since. I’m anticipating it’ll have to be rewashed tomorrow sometime because it’ll stink overnight

But there was like, a ton of stuff to catch up on Facebook and Pintrest

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Nivek

Nivek 16969

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Today:

Wife is having trouble with our oldest boy.  Apparently he made a few snarky comments to her.  He went to his room locked the door and would not unlock it for her.   My wife wants me to support her, which means she wants me to punish him for her and to take the lock off of his door.   I have been telling her she needs to do it and he needs to see her do it.  But she pretends it is all too technical, talks about hiring a locksmith (yes she has done this before).  I explained that last night the boy got upset with me and locked the door on me.  When I approached he knew it was me and he unlocked the door.  He opened the door for me because I won't take the lock off his door, I'll take the fucking door off.   She seems convinced all I have to do is wave my magic wand and he will respect her authority.   She is convinced it is all my fault as well.  

----------

About 2 Weeks ago, I gave up waiting for my wife to replace the blinds and began the process.  My wife insisted she wanted to do it and would do it that day.  Later on she complains that someone lost her notes which had my spreadsheet of measurements, her corrected measurements (obviously I am wrong), and sample.  Today I remarked how I was going to order blinds and I was sick of waiting.  She snaps to it and starts measuring everything again.  This process has been going on for 3 years. 

 

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Superhero

Superhero 8833

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, davidg said:

Thread not complete until you bitch about status of clothes to be folded.

We have two laundry hampers filled with unfolded clothes... she’ll wash clothes 80% or the time, and even hang up my shirts when they come out of the dryer, which is nice. But the kids are pulling this clothes out of the hamper everyday.

I’ll fold my clothes whenever I’m just sitting watching TV. She specifically buys clothes that don’t need to be folded.

I think she’s used the iron no more than 5 times in the 15 years we’ve been together. 

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

Posted
Posted (edited)
12 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

We're moving into a new house... well just about all moved as of this evening... The new house is 2 miles from the old house. We closed a month ago but let the previous owners lease back to us for a month as they were building (that's how we won the bid-war honestly... so we had a month to start boxing shit up and trashing shit.

Except over the last month I've done 90% of it. I called a moving company 3 weeks ago and told them we shouldn't have any boxes because those would all be moved before we even needed them. Honestly all we needed the movers for was heavy shit like the furniture and appliances. Come Dday weekend, movers are coming on Sunday. I took Friday off and moved a ton of shit myself. Saturday comes and we drop the kids and dog off at the inlaws so she can join in. Does she? No... she spends the entire day stenciling a new paint job in the kitchen of the new house with her sister and bff while getting wasted. Meanwhile I'm hauling shit back and forth. Sunday when the movers come theres still a ton of boxes and unboxed shit left. Wife and her sister go into crackhead mode boxing shit up while the movers are there so they would take them. I'm like "They aren't expecting any boxes... this is kind of a dick move."... the girls are all "we're paying them.. who cares"

 

What say you surly? The movers took about 1.5 hours over the estimate (IMO because of all the extra shit) and I tipped them pretty well. But my wife thinks it was fine to load them up with way more shit than we had originally estimated because "hey they're here .. why not" ... IMO it was an asshole move. These guys are machines but I'm sure they came into this job with a mindset of how much they were moving, and it went way up with no warning. 

It was a dick move. Thats roughly the equivalent of your boss asking you to stay 2 hours late, 30 minutes before you were supposed to leave. An hour and a half means they were either late to their next job, or getting home to their family

Edited by Jameslaw121
fixed because spelling is hard
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SquishMitten

SquishMitten 10425

Posted
Posted
12 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

We're moving into a new house... well just about all moved as of this evening... The new house is 2 miles from the old house. We closed a month ago but let the previous owners lease back to us for a month as they were building (that's how we won the bid-war honestly... so we had a month to start boxing shit up and trashing shit.

Except over the last month I've done 90% of it. I called a moving company 3 weeks ago and told them we shouldn't have any boxes because those would all be moved before we even needed them. Honestly all we needed the movers for was heavy shit like the furniture and appliances. Come Dday weekend, movers are coming on Sunday. I took Friday off and moved a ton of shit myself. Saturday comes and we drop the kids and dog off at the inlaws so she can join in. Does she? No... she spends the entire day stenciling a new paint job in the kitchen of the new house with her sister and bff while getting wasted. Meanwhile I'm hauling shit back and forth. Sunday when the movers come theres still a ton of boxes and unboxed shit left. Wife and her sister go into crackhead mode boxing shit up while the movers are there so they would take them. I'm like "They aren't expecting any boxes... this is kind of a dick move."... the girls are all "we're paying them.. who cares"

 

What say you surly? The movers took about 1.5 hours over the estimate (IMO because of all the extra shit) and I tipped them pretty well. But my wife thinks it was fine to load them up with way more shit than we had originally estimated because "hey they're here .. why not" ... IMO it was an asshole move. These guys are machines but I'm sure they came into this job with a mindset of how much they were moving, and it went way up with no warning. 

Meh. That's kind of on you, but not a big deal either way. Shoulda told her to help on Saturday, if not Friday as well. I'm assuming it was a team of movers and not just one guy? Like you said, they're machines. Even if you had 100 boxes, that wouldn't have added 1.5 hours. As for their "mindset," the job was to move all the heavy, awkward shit. If it had been the other way around and they only expected to move boxes but ended up having to break their backs, then yeah that might be annoying. But all you did was add easy stuff. Lastly, how long did the job take? If they'd allotted more than half the day to the move, they probably didn't have another job lined up for the afternoon so they ended up making more money than expected. Even if they did have another job lined up, they'd be dumb if they didn't give themselves a decent amount of time between jobs. Unless they came over beforehand to inspect everything you needed moved, it's gotta be pretty common for things to take longer than estimated. 

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Nivek

Nivek 16969

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Posted
7 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

It was a dick move. Thats roughly the equivalent of your bass asking you to stay 2 hours late, 30 minutes before you were supposed to leave. An hour and a half means they were either late to their next job, or getting home to their family

What if it was a singing bass?  

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tbone_

tbone_ 14144

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Posted
My wife loves to dump shit in the garage, then complain about the clutter of the 2 containers of shit I have out there.  Yeah, honey, it is the 2 boxes of mine out there that are breaking it.   Her latest get organized adventure involved buying racks to hang up items.  Great.  I used it to hang up baseball bats, some brooms, rakes, etc. She wanted another so we could hang up the heavy items like my axe, shovels, etc.   I declined.  She got pissed off that I wouldn't do it.  I had to remind her we have 3 kids under 10, and two of them are boys.  Having an axe/shovel with potential energy seems like it could be a problem.   She agreed with me, has not brought it up again, but I am still an asshole for not doing it, but I would have been more of an asshole if I did it.  

How much time did you have to spend explaining potential energy?
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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28797

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Posted
16 hours ago, Brew said:

Wife got pissed at me this afternoon for not supporting her and always taking the kids side in their arguments. Oldest daughter then yelled at me for always taking my wife’s side in their arguments and not supporting them. This was all over a stupid ass argument they had at lunch over nothing. I grabbed extra beers and the dog and went outside for the remainder of the afternoon. A wife and 2 teenage daughters qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment for a week or so a month.

Pics of wife and teenage daughters?

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Ojo Rojo

Ojo Rojo 1967

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Wife:  You need to give me your detailed plans for the upcoming holiday weekend so I know how I'm affected and can plan accordingly.

Me:  Pffffttt.  Plans.  Like I can have any fucking plans of my own without consulting with you and considering the kids.

Also Wife:  I am now telling you about my plans that I made without telling you or consulting with you or considering you.  Also, these plans might put our kids in danger since you won't be there.

Guess who is the one in trouble right now?

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

It was a dick move. Thats roughly the equivalent of your boss asking you to stay 2 hours late, 30 minutes before you were supposed to leave. An hour and a half means they were either late to their next job, or getting home to their family

Let me get this straight. Movers coming, women say fuck it move it all. Maid coming, have to spend 2 hours cleaning the house before they get there.

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8817

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Wife:  You need to give me your detailed plans for the upcoming holiday weekend so I know how I'm affected and can plan accordingly.
Me:  Pffffttt.  Plans.  Like I can have any fucking plans of my own without consulting with you and considering the kids.
Also Wife:  I am now telling you about my plans that I made without telling you or consulting with you or considering you.  Also, these plans might put our kids in danger since you won't be there.

Guess who is the one in trouble right now?

What holiday? The one 6 weeks from now?
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EE2B

EE2B 1565

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We had a home inspector come Sunday afternoon to look at the house for the bank as part of our refi. She spent 3 hours running around “organizing” prior to his arrival. The only saving grace was that this was also the Monday that the housekeeper comes. #winning

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Nivek

Nivek 16969

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Posted

My wife and I argued about my garden this morning.   She won't stop nagging me about how her friends tomato plants are better than mine and how I need to do this and that, and how I should move some of my plants to help them thrive.    My garden is located in a spot that had been previously home to a stump, rocks and weeds for the past 10 years.   Apparently I am an asshole to my tomato plants and marigolds as well.  Even if the potatoes are thriving.  

Oh, she has 3 gardens and she is annoyed I didn't put an extra tomato plant in my small garden.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17584

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16 minutes ago, Nivek said:

My wife and I argued about my garden this morning.   She won't stop nagging me about how her friends tomato plants are better than mine and how I need to do this and that, and how I should move some of my plants to help them thrive.    My garden is located in a spot that had been previously home to a stump, rocks and weeds for the past 10 years.   Apparently I am an asshole to my tomato plants and marigolds as well.  Even if the potatoes are thriving.  

Oh, she has 3 gardens and she is annoyed I didn't put an extra tomato plant in my small garden.

You do sound like an asshole.

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

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On 4/13/2021 at 11:05 AM, BHMCruiser said:

I have three. One my wife knows about in the tool area in the garage. I do not expect to ever see that one and when I do it is a pleasant surprise. Then I have one in a hidden part of the tool area of the garage. Then I keep one in my shed.

I have 1 in the laundry area that is sort of a "everyone can use" product.  Stanley.

1 in a tool box in the garage that nobody knows about.

3 Milwaukee brand in my truck & nobody touches those except me & maybe someone on crew.  I always.  ALWAYS.  get that back within 1/2 a second of being used.

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

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Posted
On 4/15/2021 at 7:13 AM, NorthLoop said:

Yeah there's a joke in my house that we have a gnome that steals shit. 

In reality the gnome is my wife throwing shit away (on purpose? accidentally? who the fuck knows). 

I like to make the additional joke that the gnome didn't exist in my house when I was single. That goes over well. 

Does this also involve underpants?

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

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On 4/15/2021 at 4:17 PM, Johnny Sack said:

My wife is very clean and organized.  But she really, really does not like to throw computers away.  Apparently the Gateway 2000 laptop she used in college 20 years ago has a lot of sensitive data.  I took her last three laptops to the ranch and tossed them in the dump, finally.

We have an actual AT&T computer that she won't let go.  Her Dad worked for them (cabling & whatever... office buildings, not on bucket trucks or high lines) & they did some employee thing for getting one.

I can't even throw out the fucking CRT... it's probably a green screen, I dunno.

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

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On 4/16/2021 at 1:08 PM, mininghorn88 said:

Similar situations in the past for me.  The ex was a school teacher. A common occurrence that was pointless to argue:

Ex:  Will you take off tomorrow and do XYZ?

Me: Sure.

Ex: Thanks.  It is so much easier for you to take off instead of me.

Me:  How so?

Ex: Well, I have to instruct my substitute to take care of my students in my absence so that the work can still get done.

Me: Oh, ok.

Me (to myself): Who does my work for the day? I have no substitute.  What does not get done in my absence only compounds itself.

Don't even get me started on that... since I am self employed, over the past 16 years now (kids), I'm the taxi for everything & when I get home, I also do 90% of the cooking.  & Holy shit if I ever ask HER to put out a round bale for the horses (approx. 1 every 10 days) or pick up grain from the feed store.  So much for any available time for putting together quotes or contracts.  Add in the actual time spent @ the ballgames, Scout meetings, etc. & it's non stop.  Her?  TV & FB from the couch.

Asking her to handle dinner = "I stopped for chopped beef sandwiches.  Ain't I swell???"

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18851

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Posted
5 hours ago, Nivek said:

My wife and I argued about my garden this morning.   She won't stop nagging me about how her friends tomato plants are better than mine and how I need to do this and that, and how I should move some of my plants to help them thrive.    My garden is located in a spot that had been previously home to a stump, rocks and weeds for the past 10 years.   Apparently I am an asshole to my tomato plants and marigolds as well.  Even if the potatoes are thriving.  

Oh, she has 3 gardens and she is annoyed I didn't put an extra tomato plant in my small garden.

stripes lighten GIF

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BayouBill

BayouBill 835

Posted
Posted
On 4/12/2021 at 11:01 AM, Trey3216 said:

Me:  Hey babe, where's my tape measure?  (I know she used it last week for some stupid project)

Her:  I don't know.  It's either in your tool box or it's in the hall closet where you used to keep it (before I moved most of my tools into the rolling toolbox I got last year)

Me:  It's not in either spot, I know you used it last week for that thing you're making your sister.

Her:  I don't know what to tell you, I told you where it should be....

 

This got me all...

PTSD Chihuahua | Know Your Meme

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Nivek

Nivek 16969

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Posted
8 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

His and hers gardens. Cute.

Yeah, it sounds petty.  But the constant comparisons comments that are annoying me, not the garden.   I heard the criticism, suggestion,  and the comparison the first time.  Why do I need to hear it 5 more times?

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15352

Posted
Posted
57 minutes ago, Nivek said:

Yeah, it sounds petty.  But the constant comparisons comments that are annoying me, not the garden.   I heard the criticism, suggestion,  and the comparison the first time.  Why do I need to hear it 5 more times?

Wait until you here it 555 more times.  

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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1814

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Nivek said:

Yeah, it sounds petty.  But the constant comparisons comments that are annoying me, not the garden.   I heard the criticism, suggestion,  and the comparison the first time.  Why do I need to hear it 5 more times?

because you didn't change your behavior, dumbass

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kmac30

kmac30 416

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I have been avoiding this thread, but cannot any longer.

My in-laws gave us a check around xmas for $1500. Wife asked me to get cash for her because if it goes into our bank account, it’ll be used for other things. Also, she doesn’t want me to know how much she spends on her nails. (For the record, I don’t care what she spends on them). No problem.

So I go to bank and come home with cash in an envelope. 15 hundred dollar bills. She used a couple bills for something and the the envelope floated around the house for a week or so. One night as I was putting the dog (
There isn’t another shred of a bill anywhere. No sign of envelope. Later we’re standing in the yard trying to figure it out. She thinks they tore it up and it blew away. No way, wind wasn’t that hard. I get a paper towel and shred it, toss it around the yard. “See, not moving”. Other dog, 2yr old mix walks around and eats every single piece of paper towel I put down. A fucking vacuum.

Next day dog shits, I spray it down with the hose. Full of shredded money. I told her to write it off as a dumb mistake. No way. She’s got gloves on and is cleaning every shit from both dogs for the next week. It was only ever found in older dog. One day she’s going to tape the money back together and send it in as damaged currency. For now it’s in a pile in the laundry room, waiting to get lost or accidentally thrown away.

We have a conversation about never letting the dogs have free reign again while we’re gone. We have dog door and mud room set up specifically for them.

Fast forward to today. I’m running out with kids for school. She’s going walking with neighbor. “I’m leaving the dogs out, I won’t be gone very long,” she says. Sure? Ok. 8:30 I get a text with a pic asking what shit is on the floor. They are something of the kids that exploded and is stuck to our rug we got in Morocco a few years ago.

I really want to ask her when she’s going to learn. I feel like I know the answer.

tldr; dogs ate wife’s money, after she trusts them again they tore up shit and fucked up a rug.

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Superhero

Superhero 8833

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

It's all about supply and demand.  Sounds like her market is saturated.

image.jpeg.19626d958fcfc8bd780960dc70abd24a.jpeg

1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Maybe it's time to try the export market

Freight to Japan, Colombia and Italy are really high, not to mention warehousing. Unfortunately at this time it's only FOB front door bench (kinky); freight, tax and any per diems to be paid by customer. Minimum order apply.

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