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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21907

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, bad_teammate said:

Wife told our oldest daughter that she needs to lose weight before having a baby.

Daughter's BMI is ~28-29. Wife says, "If you don't get slim before you have the baby you're just going to get fat after. Especially if it's your first at this age." (daughter is in her 30s)

We are all floored because she never body-shamed our kids as they grew up (I probably "shamed" the boys for not building athletic bodies growing up). We set good examples for eating and exercise and understanding nutrition so our kids were never really fat, but damn.

I asked, "Wow so you're just a mean old woman now?"

"It's true," she says.

You should have said yes just look at your mother

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, bad_teammate said:

Wife told our oldest daughter that she needs to lose weight before having a baby.

Daughter's BMI is ~28-29. Wife says, "If you don't get slim before you have the baby you're just going to get fat after. Especially if it's your first at this age." (daughter is in her 30s)

We are all floored because she never body-shamed our kids as they grew up (I probably "shamed" the boys for not building athletic bodies growing up). We set good examples for eating and exercise and understanding nutrition so our kids were never really fat, but damn.

I asked, "Wow so you're just a mean old woman now?"

"It's true," she says.

You're a bad teammate. You should have followed up with 

 

"You don't want to have to settle for Vic Makey, do you?"

 

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bad_teammate

bad_teammate 13195

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, AUS-97HORN said:

or she logged into your account and read your fucking posts on here and thought, "well hell my husband is a total cunt and asshole on Surly, I might as well be the same to our family. "

That's funny, whoever-you-are.

2 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

You should have said yes just look at your mother

Look, bud, if I'm going to be killed by a furious woman it's going to be some crazy secretary on her lunch break.

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Superhero

Superhero 8830

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, bad_teammate said:

Wife told our oldest daughter that she needs to lose weight before having a baby.

Daughter's BMI is ~28-29. Wife says, "If you don't get slim before you have the baby you're just going to get fat after. Especially if it's your first at this age." (daughter is in her 30s)

We are all floored because she never body-shamed our kids as they grew up (I probably "shamed" the boys for not building athletic bodies growing up). We set good examples for eating and exercise and understanding nutrition so our kids were never really fat, but damn.

I asked, "Wow so you're just a mean old woman now?"

"It's true," she says.

Don't know what BMI of 28-29 looks like. But I gotta ask if Buffalo Bill would be interested.

image.png.706802716a646c931512940b7f836246.png

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NWBuck

NWBuck 8564

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, markstanco said:

Tuesday:

Wife: no kids are spending the night when school gets out Thursday. I have too much to do before we leave for vacation.

Me: yea right. You'll let either Gregory or Silas stay over.

Tonight we have both Silas and Gregory spending the night.

You should have put Gregory and Silas right back in that time machine and sent them home to the mid 1800s where they belong.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17555

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, markstanco said:

Tuesday:

Wife: no kids are spending the night when school gets out Thursday. I have too much to do before we leave for vacation.

Me: yea right. You'll let either Gregory or Silas stay over.

Tonight we have both Silas and Gregory spending the night.

See, you were wrong, you insensitive bastard.

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Nivek

Nivek 16929

Posted
Posted
Tuesday:

Wife: no kids are spending the night when school gets out Thursday. I have too much to do before we leave for vacation.

Me: yea right. You'll let either Gregory or Silas stay over.

Tonight we have both Silas and Gregory spending the night.

This is lol your fault. Now she will be late getting ready!
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conVINCEd

conVINCEd 21469

Posted
Posted
On 5/27/2021 at 11:02 PM, markstanco said:

Tuesday:

Wife: no kids are spending the night when school gets out Thursday. I have too much to do before we leave for vacation.

Me: yea right. You'll let either Gregory or Silas stay over.

Tonight we have both Silas and Gregory spending the night.

Silas sounds like a serial killer’s name.  Watch your six.

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52-80

52-80 19157

Posted
Posted

My wife decided today to buy a Samsung Watch, which was already strike one in the list of bad decisions.  I stayed in the parking lot.

She came out, "Hey, the guy said that they offer an extra warranty, that covers everything for 1 year".  Im starting to cringe my face...

"So I bought the warranty for 2 years.  Isn't that great?"  *dead*. 

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Wulaw Horn

Wulaw Horn 19069

Posted
Posted

Wife let’s the 6 year old have a sleep over tonight because she’s been having a bad day. 
me grrrrrrrrr. Not tonight. 
her- you’ve been mean to her all day 

me- she made me leave the movie with 5 minutes left and I missed the ending, and now this which will interrupt our plans of having sex. 
her- well, I didn’t know we were having sex tonight

me you said yesterday morning and when that didn’t happen yesterday evening

her- well it wasn’t like I promised or anything 

me- go check your texts- you literally wrote “I promise we will have sex tonight”. I didn’t even bring it up- it was your idea. 
her- well why didn’t we then?

me- because you were up until 3:30. 
 

it’s not the end of the world. Just funny bc she literally said- it’s not like I promised or anything and that’s the exact words she used in her text. 

she had a girl friend over that just moved out of her house bc of fighting with her husband- thus the 3:30 on our back porch thing last night. 
 I cashed my chips at midnight. Which sucks bc tomorrow she’s going away for a couple days with our 10 year old for mommy v daughter time. It’s been 1 time in a month. I got bronchitis, then she got sick then period and now the stupid sleep over and her best friend needing a crying shoulder. I feel like a teenager in one of those movies that keeps having his plans to get laid spoiled by something stupid. 
 

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105135

Posted
Posted
Wife let’s the 6 year old have a sleep over tonight because she’s been having a bad day. 
me grrrrrrrrr. Not tonight. 
her- you’ve been mean to her all day 
me- she made me leave the movie with 5 minutes left and I missed the ending, and now this which will interrupt our plans of having sex. 
her- well, I didn’t know we were having sex tonight
me you said yesterday morning and when that didn’t happen yesterday evening
her- well it wasn’t like I promised or anything 
me- go check your texts- you literally wrote “I promise we will have sex tonight”. I didn’t even bring it up- it was your idea. 
her- well why didn’t we then?
me- because you were up until 3:30. 
 
it’s not the end of the world. Just funny bc she literally said- it’s not like I promised or anything and that’s the exact words she used in her text. 
she had a girl friend over that just moved out of her house bc of fighting with her husband- thus the 3:30 on our back porch thing last night. 
 I cashed my chips at midnight. Which sucks bc tomorrow she’s going away for a couple days with our 10 year old for mommy v daughter time. It’s been 1 time in a month. I got bronchitis, then she got sick then period and now the stupid sleep over and her best friend needing a crying shoulder. I feel like a teenager in one of those movies that keeps having his plans to get laid spoiled by something stupid. 
 

Sex.
Tent.
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Wulaw Horn

Wulaw Horn 19069

Posted
Posted (edited)
10 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:


Sex.
Tent.

I wish. Maybe she kicks her out tomorrow morning and we get frisky before church. I don’t need but 5 minutes with this kind of dry spell. Also our niece and her family are living with us. 
We’ve got 4 adults, 4 kids (ages 10, 8, 6 and 1.5) 4 dogs and 8 cats living in the house (one cat just had kittens- we are weening them before giving them away- my 6 year old wanted her cat to have kittens.) It’s a shit show around here. 

And my bedroom smells like piss which means there is a dirty diaper hidden somewhere around here or one of the dogs confused my bedroom with a gas station bathroom.

Which I’ve seen some that are much cleaner than around here. 


This probably sounds worse than it is. I’m typing all this laughing at the absurdity of it all, not angry, but let me tell you what- when the insurance approves final payment and I fly up to Connecticut and drive my RV back to Houston by myself (hopefully next week) I might take an extra day or two. You know- for safety. 

Edited by Wulaw Horn
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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8817

Posted
Posted
Wife let’s the 6 year old have a sleep over tonight because she’s been having a bad day. 
me grrrrrrrrr. Not tonight. 
her- you’ve been mean to her all day 
me- she made me leave the movie with 5 minutes left and I missed the ending, and now this which will interrupt our plans of having sex. 
her- well, I didn’t know we were having sex tonight
me you said yesterday morning and when that didn’t happen yesterday evening
her- well it wasn’t like I promised or anything 
me- go check your texts- you literally wrote “I promise we will have sex tonight”. I didn’t even bring it up- it was your idea. 
her- well why didn’t we then?
me- because you were up until 3:30. 
 
it’s not the end of the world. Just funny bc she literally said- it’s not like I promised or anything and that’s the exact words she used in her text. 
she had a girl friend over that just moved out of her house bc of fighting with her husband- thus the 3:30 on our back porch thing last night. 
 I cashed my chips at midnight. Which sucks bc tomorrow she’s going away for a couple days with our 10 year old for mommy v daughter time. It’s been 1 time in a month. I got bronchitis, then she got sick then period and now the stupid sleep over and her best friend needing a crying shoulder. I feel like a teenager in one of those movies that keeps having his plans to get laid spoiled by something stupid. 
 

Glad this doesn’t just happen to me, even though I just got laid a few hours ago

giphy.gif


The friend thing hits close to home. My wife has one of those too. She’s the type that can’t just be single for 30 days. I could ramble for paragraphs on how crazy she is. She just squandered her first and only marriage after 5 years and had everything going-2 kids, new house, new vehicle, husband who kept everything spotless inside the house and out. I’m sure her immaturity stemming from booze finally caught up to her. She hasn’t called with a 2 hr “that’s great but let’s talk about me” session with my wife….. but yesterday her ex posted on instastories from the grand old Opry with his new gf…. That phone call is likely happening soon
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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8817

Posted
Posted
I wish. Maybe she kicks her out tomorrow morning and we get frisky before church. I don’t need but 5 minutes with this kind of dry spell. Also our niece and her family are living with us. 
We’ve got 4 adults, 4 kids (ages 10, 8, 6 and 1.5) 4 dogs and 8 cats living in the house (one cat just had kittens- we are weening them before giving them away- my 6 year old wanted her cat to have kittens.) It’s a shit show around here. 

And my bedroom smells like piss which means there is a dirty diaper hidden somewhere around here or one of the dogs confused my bedroom with a gas station bathroom.
Which I’ve seen some that are much cleaner than around here. 

This probably sounds worse than it is. I’m typing all this laughing at the absurdity of it all, not angry, but let me tell you what- when the insurance approves final payment and I fly up to Connecticut and drive my RV back to Houston by myself (hopefully next week) I might take an extra day or two. You know- for safety. 

Man you could make one hell of a detour driving back to Houston via Dakotas, Wyoming, Colorado, New Mexico and come back through Texas from the west. She’ll probably be on her period anyways
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nnm

nnm 36404

Posted
Posted
18 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:


Man you could make one hell of a detour driving back to Houston via Dakotas, Wyoming, Colorado, New Mexico and come back through Texas from the west. She’ll probably be on her period anyways

RV, driving across country?  Stopping in random cities with a portable residence?  Go visit the Sugar Baby thread for inspiration. 

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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 25956

Posted
Posted
On 5/20/2021 at 3:21 PM, Tylerocks said:

This happens a couple times a month or so.

Leaving the house, going to dinner or a friends house or something. 

Waits until we're down the street or around the corner and asks "Did the garage door close?"

Now, to me..I know I closed it.  it's part of the process of backing out of the driveway...but those words automatically make you second guess.

Turn the fucking car around and do the drive by. SMH

get the MyQ app.  Your phone will tell you if it's open or closed. 

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ztejas

ztejas 43425

Posted
Posted
23 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

We are now the owners of this pod holder thing, which is exactly like the container they come in. But this one is clear, which is important for some reason 

 

20210531_170401.jpg

I dare you to get a slightly bigger container and put that container inside of it and see what happens. 

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ztejas

ztejas 43425

Posted
Posted
On 5/27/2021 at 5:21 PM, nnm said:

stock-vector-body-mass-index-illustratio

This graphic is terrible. For one - these things are very much based on height. Two - when I was at my heaviest I was a 26 BMI and looked at least like that 4th picture. And I'm tall. I'd slide all those pics to the left one. 

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Bob Lives!

Bob Lives! 912

Posted
Posted
We are now the owners of this pod holder thing, which is exactly like the container they come in. But this one is clear, which is important for some reason 
 
20210531_170401.thumb.jpg.b862986e9b4c2a31cc612a9b56edff8f.jpg

I have the same containers. Except mine have handwritten labels. I’m not sure what purpose the labels serve.

223348b5ddb70bf454caaa0ab159150b.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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nnm

nnm 36404

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

We are now the owners of this pod holder thing, which is exactly like the container they come in. But this one is clear, which is important for some reason 

 

20210531_170401.jpg

Why do you have aggy pods?

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8817

Posted
Posted

We tried those with cereal. I think after my first or second box it was just one more thing to clean, and it took up more space than a cereal box.


Love the popcorn one. She clearly purchased one popcorn container and dumped it in. Need about 6 more to make it worthwhile.



Edit: does it say chips on the other side? Lmao

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8817

Posted
Posted
We have several clear containers to replace the original product containers. We have them for coffee, flour, baking mix, cereal , and some I’m sure I’m missing. I feel your pain.

Your wife one year from today: crap I need to use flour, is this flour old or good? Remind me we need to write the expiration date on these things so we know when it goes bad
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Trey3216

Trey3216 15346

Posted
Posted
48 minutes ago, Hate said:

We have several clear containers to replace the original product containers. We have them for coffee, flour, baking mix, cereal , and some I’m sure I’m missing. I feel your pain.

We have glass containers for flour, sugar and pasta that sit on the counter top.  She broke the lid on one of them, so we had to buy a whole new one.  Also, I bet you can't guess what's in the pasta container...

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15346

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:


So she takes the bagged pasta out of the box it came in, sticks it in the plastic container and pitches the box?

No.   She’ll buy bagged or boxed pasta, then stick the bags or boxes inside the glass container until it’s used.   

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