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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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nnm

nnm 36592

Posted
Posted
43 minutes ago, TKthunder2 said:

Wait? You guys buy pasta, didn’t your wives get pasta makers as wedding gifts that they use all the time?  Or do they just sit somewhere collecting dust whilst you boil life back into stale spaghetti each week?

The pasta maker is a nice companion to the bread maker. And the rice cooker. And the sous vide cooker. And the soda stream. They all look nice, lined up on the shelf together on the back of the pantry. 

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15355

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5 minutes ago, nnm said:

The pasta maker is a nice companion to the bread maker. And the rice cooker. And the sous vide cooker. And the soda stream. They all look nice, lined up on the shelf together on the back of the pantry. 

Don't forget about the stand-up mixer that you can never find the parts to.  

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HOOKEM4

HOOKEM4 5041

Posted
Posted
5 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

Don't forget about the stand-up mixer that you can never find the parts to.  

Once a year my wife pulls that thing out to make molasses cookies and is always missing the attachments. Like clockwork, every.damn.time.  The struggle is real.

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Js1

Js1 85554

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

We have glass containers for flour, sugar and pasta that sit on the counter top.  She broke the lid on one of them, so we had to buy a whole new one.  Also, I bet you can't guess what's in the pasta container...

 

2 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

A box of pasta?

 

2 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

Pasta still in their little baggies.   There was a box in there before she used it last.  

 

2 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

No.   She’ll buy bagged or boxed pasta, then stick the bags or boxes inside the glass container until it’s used.   

image.gif.0b8027ffbeb4897fb23764d854915397.gif

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TKthunder2

TKthunder2 4997

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48 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

Don't forget about the stand-up mixer that you can never find the parts to.  

The juicer, apple peeler, ice cream maker, pasta maker, cheese grater and meat grinder are INVALUABLE to this marriage and household which allows us to maintain our standard of living as is our birthright! Good day sir.

 

(I do use the meat grinder a few times a year, and that makes it the most used attachment).

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ABSR

ABSR 5323

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1 hour ago, nnm said:

The pasta maker is a nice companion to the bread maker. And the rice cooker. And the sous vide cooker. And the soda stream. They all look nice, lined up on the shelf together on the back of the pantry. 

We keep ours inside the fondue pot.

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15355

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16 minutes ago, ABSR said:

We keep ours inside the fondue pot.

My personal favorite are the cheese/meat boards that keep finding their way back into the freezer, taking up space for shit that actually belongs in the freezer, even though we don't have anyone coming over to eat cheeses and meats and drink wine since we have an 8 month old and the wife is pregnant.  

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956 Worldwide

956 Worldwide 34748

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On 5/30/2021 at 6:00 AM, Wulaw Horn said:

I wish. Maybe she kicks her out tomorrow morning and we get frisky before church. I don’t need but 5 minutes with this kind of dry spell. Also our niece and her family are living with us. 
We’ve got 4 adults, 4 kids (ages 10, 8, 6 and 1.5) 4 dogs and 8 cats living in the house (one cat just had kittens- we are weening them before giving them away- my 6 year old wanted her cat to have kittens.) It’s a shit show around here. 

And my bedroom smells like piss which means there is a dirty diaper hidden somewhere around here or one of the dogs confused my bedroom with a gas station bathroom.

Which I’ve seen some that are much cleaner than around here. 


This probably sounds worse than it is. I’m typing all this laughing at the absurdity of it all, not angry, but let me tell you what- when the insurance approves final payment and I fly up to Connecticut and drive my RV back to Houston by myself (hopefully next week) I might take an extra day or two. You know- for safety. 

“Our niece” sounds like “her niece.” Wait till after the mommy-daughter trip then when she’s back in a good mood, tell her the niece’s family gets first and last month’s rent somewhere else. 
 

I say this cause you seem wound a bit tight, I’ve been there man, where shit like my six year old not letting me see the end of a movie gets me ragey. Except it’s not the six year old making you ragey.

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956 Worldwide

956 Worldwide 34748

Posted
Posted
17 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

My personal favorite are the cheese/meat boards that keep finding their way back into the freezer, taking up space for shit that actually belongs in the freezer, even though we don't have anyone coming over to eat cheeses and meats and drink wine since we have an 8 month old and the wife is pregnant.  

That shit in the freezer is prime midnight snack material.

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Wulaw Horn

Wulaw Horn 19147

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44 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

“Our niece” sounds like “her niece.” Wait till after the mommy-daughter trip then when she’s back in a good mood, tell her the niece’s family gets first and last month’s rent somewhere else. 
 

I say this cause you seem wound a bit tight, I’ve been there man, where shit like my six year old not letting me see the end of a movie gets me ragey. Except it’s not the six year old making you ragey.

Eh, I’m no doubt embellishing some on this. Their place should be done in a month and a half. 
Also forgot to mention mom and Dad are converting our shed into a house so our place is a construction site. Lots and lots going on. 

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eljinca

eljinca 279

Posted
Posted
25 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

Especially if those 10 hours are midnight to ten a.m. 

My wife, mother-in-law, and sister-in-law all showed up to the airport to fly to Italy with expired passports. Not single one checked in the months leading up to the trip.

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Js1

Js1 85554

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, eljinca said:

My wife, mother-in-law, and sister-in-law all showed up to the airport to fly to Italy with expired passports. Not single one checked in the months leading up to the trip.

This and Johnny's post made me jump up and check my passport for my Cabo trip in 5 weeks.

And I know the expiration by heart (Sept 2024) and yet I still felt like I had to check. 

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justhookit

justhookit 4191

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, Johnny Sack said:

It’s imperative to have a passport that didn’t expire 9 months ago when you’re traveling to Cabo.  Nice learning at midnight ten hours before the flight.  

Any luck? 

 

4 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

I agree, there are concierge services who can do it quickly, but 10 hours... things will have to fall perfectly. 

I don’t think those are operating right now because of Covid. I sure as heck know it’s nearly impossible to get an appointment in Houston right now for a same day passport. 

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burntorangebongos

burntorangebongos 10752

Posted
Posted

I heard on NPR that some countries require a passport that is more than 6 months from expiration so they are saying to renew 6 months before your expiration due to lack of personnel and the increased demand. One journalist guy flew to Alabama to renew at that office because it was the quickest to get processed since very few in Alabama are using their services. The journalist met a guy from Dallas and all these other of state people renewing there. 

If I were Mrs. Sack, I'd send him on without me to get some fishing in and chillax. She done fucked up not checking but it was an honest mistake. 

Everyone, check your passports right now and start the renewal process if you are 6 months out like they recommend.  

Oh hey, found the story: To Americans Planning To Travel Abroad: Update Those Passports Before It's Too Late : NPR

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Txzen

Txzen 498

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Posted

I'm out of town, and get this text. Now mind you, I've been talking about visiting some National Parks lately, but have been doing the planning as she's never been to any of them (I've been to most) and I want to combine a few for a longer summer trip. 

Her: I'm booking Yellowstone for next summer. You good with mid-late June? 

Me: Uhh...that's abrupt. Want to think this trough as for a longer stay it might make sense to stay in two different places - it's a big park. Where are you looking and for how many days?

Her: 2022

Me: That didn't answer my Q

Her: I've been looking at the (so-and-so) and (so-and-so) website. It's a year off. We can cancel anytime until next May.

Me: My God. How many days are you booking and where are you booking?

Her: Inside the park. 

 

Whereupon I break out the bourbon and put the phone down. 

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Mole

Mole 4333

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Posted

There’s a bit of a philosophical debate going on in the Mole household regarding cleaning. My approach to cleaning is to clean a room, then the next, and so on.

My wife likes to put the system on trial and clean the entire house simultaneously. This involves taking out everything that’s put away and spreading it everywhere. A few items get shuffled around, a partial inventory gets made, and then it stays there indefinitely.

When asked about the mess, I’m told that it only takes five minutes to put everything away, yet it all stays out. At some point, circumstances force me to pick up the mess, which takes far longer than five minutes, and I’m the bad guy for ruining the stalled inventory.

This cycle repeats every six months or so.

A few nights ago, I was the villain for not sharing her enthusiasm in downloading some app that plays Thomas the Tank Engine sounds; at 3 am. Our kid was awake and acting like you might expect an awake toddler would at 3 am.

I had just starting working on my get him to sleep process, when she came in, grabbed my phone, and tried to download the app.

The more it didn’t work, the angrier she got and the more wound up the kid became. I bit my tongue for about 10 minutes until she finally stormed out, mad at me for not doing something or doing something, I’m not sure.

Then I got the kid back to sleep. I think we’re now paying $9.99/month to ThomasSounds.com or something, but it’s a small price to pay to avoid a return of that discussion.

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Sam Lin

Sam Lin 3560

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Posted

When you get a passport, set a calendar reminder a year before the expiration date, so it never sneaks up on you.

Also, you can always renew early, there is no reason to wait until you are close to 6mo before you renew. They're good for 10 years. If you are at year 8 and you know you won't need the passport for a few months, send it off for renewal early!

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Modessit

Modessit 5603

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Posted
I'm out of town, and get this text. Now mind you, I've been talking about visiting some National Parks lately, but have been doing the planning as she's never been to any of them (I've been to most) and I want to combine a few for a longer summer trip. 
Her: I'm booking Yellowstone for next summer. You good with mid-late June? 
Me: Uhh...that's abrupt. Want to think this trough as for a longer stay it might make sense to stay in two different places - it's a big park. Where are you looking and for how many days?
Her: 2022
Me: That didn't answer my Q
Her: I've been looking at the (so-and-so) and (so-and-so) website. It's a year off. We can cancel anytime until next May.
Me: My God. How many days are you booking and where are you booking?
Her: Inside the park. 
 
Whereupon I break out the bourbon and put the phone down. 
As someone who's leaving June 14th on a month-long camping trip through 13 states (including Texas) over 6500 miles with a few days at Yellowstone in late June, I'm glad my wife let me do all the traveling and campground planning. I gave her the job of planning kids snacks and entertainment while driving, as well as looking up extra stuff to do at each stop in case we need something else to do if the main reason isn't an all-day type thing.
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Johnny Sack

Johnny Sack 8397

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, justhookit said:

Any luck? 

 

I don’t think those are operating right now because of Covid. I sure as heck know it’s nearly impossible to get an appointment in Houston right now for a same day passport. 

Nope.  Can’t do one day due to Covid.  But also due to Covid we had lax refund policies.  We were able to get our money back for hotel and airfare.  Going to reschedule for the fall.  

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eljinca

eljinca 279

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

How did that story end?

They drove from the airport to a state dept office that processes passports and sat for 6 hours. Got new passports and flew out the following day.

It was fun to hear the three argue as to who was at fault for none of them checking.

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gmr548

gmr548 16611

Posted
Posted
Nope.  Can’t do one day due to Covid.  But also due to Covid we had lax refund policies.  We were able to get our money back for hotel and airfare.  Going to reschedule for the fall.  

That sucks. At least you got the money back but I’d be extraordinarily pissed.
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Johnny Sack

Johnny Sack 8397

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, gmr548 said:


That sucks. At least you got the money back but I’d be extraordinarily pissed.

Truth is I have a pretty bad cold right now, which has made me about as congested as I’ve ever been. So honestly this could be for the best.  
 

Getting mad doesn’t help.  And she’s normally extremely on top of shit.  

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NotActuallyALonghorn

NotActuallyALonghorn 4977

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, Modessit said:
10 hours ago, Txzen said:
I'm out of town, and get this text. Now mind you, I've been talking about visiting some National Parks lately, but have been doing the planning as she's never been to any of them (I've been to most) and I want to combine a few for a longer summer trip. 
Her: I'm booking Yellowstone for next summer. You good with mid-late June? 
Me: Uhh...that's abrupt. Want to think this trough as for a longer stay it might make sense to stay in two different places - it's a big park. Where are you looking and for how many days?
Her: 2022
Me: That didn't answer my Q
Her: I've been looking at the (so-and-so) and (so-and-so) website. It's a year off. We can cancel anytime until next May.
Me: My God. How many days are you booking and where are you booking?
Her: Inside the park. 
 
Whereupon I break out the bourbon and put the phone down. 

As someone who's leaving June 14th on a month-long camping trip through 13 states (including Texas) over 6500 miles with a few days at Yellowstone in late June, I'm glad my wife let me do all the traveling and campground planning. I gave her the job of planning kids snacks and entertainment while driving, as well as looking up extra stuff to do at each stop in case we need something else to do if the main reason isn't an all-day type thing.

Trip like that needs to be left unplanned with only a general idea of where you are going.

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