Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[luke duke 6,413]

Trip like that needs to be left unplanned with only a general idea of where you are going.

Going to Yellowstone in the summer with no plans means you are staying 50+ miles from a park entrance.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4,976]

Not if you know what you are doing. You have to be up for dispersed camping, though.

[Zharkov 288]

1 hour ago, luke duke said:

 

Going to Yellowstone in the summer with no plans means you are staying 50+ miles from a park entrance.

 

This is correct. I've been there numerous times over the years, and you absolutely have to plan well in advance to get a reservation of any kind.  Last summer it was as packed as I've ever seen it, and have been reading that this year they expect it to be even more crowded.

Worth the trouble, though.

[BHMCruiser 1,813]

2 hours ago, Johnny Sack said:

Truth is I have a pretty bad cold right now, which has made me about as congested as I’ve ever been. So honestly this could be for the best.  
 

Getting mad doesn’t help.  And she’s normally extremely on top of shit.  

Take that "being understanding" shit to some other thread before you kill the vibe here

[ROFL BOX 6,649]

16 hours ago, burntorangebongos said:

I heard on NPR that some countries require a passport that is more than 6 months from expiration so they are saying to renew 6 months before your expiration due to lack of personnel and the increased demand. One journalist guy flew to Alabama to renew at that office because it was the quickest to get processed since very few in Alabama are using their services. The journalist met a guy from Dallas and all these other of state people renewing there. 

If I were Mrs. Sack, I'd send him on without me to get some fishing in and chillax. She done fucked up not checking but it was an honest mistake. 

Everyone, check your passports right now and start the renewal process if you are 6 months out like they recommend.  

Oh hey, found the story: To Americans Planning To Travel Abroad: Update Those Passports Before It's Too Late : NPR

Well, shit.  I was gonna post that exact same story.  You got here ahead of me.

 

[ROFL BOX 6,649]

15 hours ago, Txzen said:

I'm out of town, and get this text. Now mind you, I've been talking about visiting some National Parks lately, but have been doing the planning as she's never been to any of them (I've been to most) and I want to combine a few for a longer summer trip. 

Her: I'm booking Yellowstone for next summer. You good with mid-late June? 

Me: Uhh...that's abrupt. Want to think this trough as for a longer stay it might make sense to stay in two different places - it's a big park. Where are you looking and for how many days?

Her: 2022

Me: That didn't answer my Q

Her: I've been looking at the (so-and-so) and (so-and-so) website. It's a year off. We can cancel anytime until next May.

Me: My God. How many days are you booking and where are you booking?

Her: Inside the park. 

 

Whereupon I break out the bourbon and put the phone down. 

This entire initial commentary from my wife would piss me off to no end.
I frequently get "I want to go to ... what is there to do there?" type questions from my wife & when I try to plan things that fit into her questioned destination, she responds with "Well, I don't know" - whereupon I then let her know "Well, I actually DO know.  I've been there... or close to it".  We hit Tetons / Yellowstone 2 summers ago, came back through via Zion & upper New Mexico.

Essentially it's "I don't know Jack Schitt about what we are doing or where we are going, I do know it's a name of somewhere that people go & apparently it's popular.  Oh, & I'm going to bitch the whole way about how much $$ we re spending & that my back hurts from driving so far / for so long."

We're supposed to go East this summer - I'm very interested in seeing what her take is for Fort Sumpter & how the Union apparently initiated that aggression.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4,976]

1 hour ago, ROFL BOX said:

We're supposed to go East this summer - I'm very interested in seeing what her take is for Fort Sumpter & how the Union apparently initiated that aggression.

Well, if you said you were going to go to the deer lease for the weekend so she could hang out with her girlfriends and go shopping, and then subsequently reneged on the deal and stayed home, well, I hope you see where this is going and who's fault the resulting fight would be.

[ROFL BOX 6,649]

The lame part is she'd lay on the couch all weekend, complain that she had to make breakfast & dinner for the kids & watch TV the rest of the time.

[WhatTheBuck 28,781]

Who did she lay?

[Nivek 16,929]

Daughter (7): mom doesn’t really eat breakfast.
Me: she does, sometimes I see the pans left in the sink.
Daughter: she breaks her own rules. Mom tells us to pick up our shoes all the time, but she leaves her shoes everywhere!
Me: ......
Wife: (with the embodiment of that lady from Benson, from another room) I heard that!
Daughter + Me: ......

[Superhero 8,830]

On 6/4/2021 at 2:42 AM, eljinca said:

They drove from the airport to a state dept office that processes passports and sat for 6 hours. Got new passports and flew out the following day.

It was fun to hear the three argue as to who was at fault for none of them checking.

Yeah, that’s not gonna happen these days. Passport office are booked everywhere. Heard a NPR report where people are flying to Arkansas (apparently they’re only one office with appointment spots) just to get their passports renewed. 

[HornPhD 1,368]

On 6/4/2021 at 5:42 AM, eljinca said:

They drove from the airport to a state dept office that processes passports and sat for 6 hours. Got new passports and flew out the following day.

It was fun to hear the three argue as to who was at fault for none of them checking.

It was your fault

[Jameslaw121 4,448]

Yesterday, coworker walks into my office on the phone with his wife.

"Hang on. I'm going to put Jameslaw on the phone. He's been to Broken Bow hundred of times. Used to have a cabin up there*."

He puts his hand over the phone. "Tell her we can leave after work and make it in plenty of time to check into the cabin (from Allen)"

Me on phone "Yeah, even if yall stop and eat, you'll be there way before 9"

Hangs up

Him "Thanks - this was going to end with and argument and then her asking someone else's husband because I'm too stupid to use google maps. Thought I would just skip all that"

*none of that is true

[tigol 2,396]

On 6/1/2021 at 5:25 PM, Wulaw Horn said:

Eh, I’m no doubt embellishing some on this. Their place should be done in a month and a half. 
Also forgot to mention mom and Dad are converting our shed into a house so our place is a construction site. Lots and lots going on. 

For whatever reason, this video reminded me of you.

 

[Wulaw Horn 19,069]

1 minute ago, tigol said:

For whatever reason, this video reminded me of you.

 

Big fat guy so I check that box. I’m less handy and more jovial. 

[tigol 2,396]

Just now, Wulaw Horn said:

Big fat guy so I check that box. I’m less handy and more jovial. 

Not a fat guy call out.  More of you're trying to do shit, your wife has an opinion, there's a dog lapping up water, and shit....Did a kid just dart by?  Holy hell..why am I showing the internet my super secret meat smoking technique?

[Wulaw Horn 19,069]

4 minutes ago, tigol said:

Not a fat guy call out.  More of you're trying to do shit, your wife has an opinion, there's a dog lapping up water, and shit....Did a kid just dart by?  Holy hell..why am I showing the internet my super secret meat smoking technique?

I didn’t take it as a call out. I was just joking. 

[iamthepush 72]

My wife loves "natural light" and always wants the bedroom shutters open and that's fine (except at night). Across the street from our bedroom is a park, and the restroom has a very bright light that lights up our room. She thinks the light is from the moon.

2 things happen.

I closed all the shutters and she complains "it's too dark I can't sleep". I swear to God she said that.

Then this past Feb when the snow storm happened and power was out, I called her into the bedroom with all the shutters open, "so that moon light you love so much, yeah it's just the light from the shitter".


Can someone link me to sugar baby thread?

Sent from my Pixel 4 using Tapatalk

[Patricio Swayze 17,058]

My wife just made me watch that fucking awful Star and Barb movie. See y’all in the divorce thread.

[SilasCoade 2,622]

n/m

Edited June 6, 2021 by Llogg

[ROFL BOX 6,649]

Went to the theater tonight to see the new Statham movie (Wrath of Man, I give it 6.5 ~ 7.0).  Wife didn't want to go, nor daughter.  Took Monster & met up with a friend.

Get home from flick, wife says "I was bored while YOU TWO went out to a movie."

Me:  "Guess who doesn't give a shit - you could have done anything else you wanted & taken ROFL-ette with you.  We DO have 2 vehicles."

Her:  dead stare - tone, etc.

Me:  Don't G.a.F...

[956 Worldwide 34,714]

Why can’t wimmenz be ready to exit the vehicle upon arrival at destination and parking? Doesn’t matter where we are going, how long the trip....as soon as the engine shuts off, she starts start looking for shit in the console, digging through her purse, something else....anything but opening the door and get out of the damn car. And if I just get out and start walking...”can you please wait for me?” With tone. 

[956 Worldwide 34,714]

15 hours ago, iamthepush said:

My wife loves "natural light" and always wants the bedroom shutters open and that's fine (except at night). Across the street from our bedroom is a park, and the restroom has a very bright light that lights up our room. She thinks the light is from the moon.

2 things happen.

I closed all the shutters and she complains "it's too dark I can't sleep". I swear to God she said that.

Then this past Feb when the snow storm happened and power was out, I called her into the bedroom with all the shutters open, "so that moon light you love so much, yeah it's just the light from the shitter".


Can someone link me to sugar baby thread?

Sent from my Pixel 4 using Tapatalk


 

Love this. Every night, regardless of cloud cover or moon visibility, she’s getting moonlight.

[nnm 36,404]

13 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Love this. Every night, regardless of cloud cover or moon visibility, she’s getting moonlight.

It is from the bathroom, so there’s a possibility of moons at all times, even in broad daylight. 
If your bedroom window has a view of an outdoor bathroom, you might not be a Surly 1%er. 

[leaf 684]

43 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Why can’t wimmenz be ready to exit the vehicle upon arrival at destination and parking? Doesn’t matter where we are going, how long the trip....as soon as the engine shuts off, she starts start looking for shit in the console, digging through her purse, something else....anything but opening the door and get out of the damn car. And if I just get out and start walking...”can you please wait for me?” With tone. 

My wife is the opposite.  The door is half open before I put the car in park.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2,732]

Why can’t wimmenz be ready to exit the vehicle upon arrival at destination and parking? Doesn’t matter where we are going, how long the trip....as soon as the engine shuts off, she starts start looking for shit in the console, digging through her purse, something else....anything but opening the door and get out of the damn car. And if I just get out and start walking...”can you please wait for me?” With tone. 

It’s the vehicular version of writing a check after the groceries are ready.

[Brisketexan 105,135]

Why can’t wimmenz be ready to exit the vehicle upon arrival at destination and parking? Doesn’t matter where we are going, how long the trip....as soon as the engine shuts off, she starts start looking for shit in the console, digging through her purse, something else....anything but opening the door and get out of the damn car. And if I just get out and start walking...”can you please wait for me?” With tone. 

This. And I can’t press the button to lock the door, because she’s still in the car with the door closed, and will get mad at me for “locking her in.” “Can’t you just wait for me?” Well, if it’s a few seconds, sure. If it’s 10 fucking minutes while you compose responses to 20 texts, no.

[Trey3216 15,346]

6 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

This. And I can’t press the button to lock the door, because she’s still in the car with the door closed, and will get mad at me for “locking her in.” “Can’t you just wait for me?” Well, if it’s a few seconds, sure. If it’s 10 fucking minutes while you compose responses to 20 texts, no.

Every damn time.  Answering texts or reapplying eyeliner that was just applied 10 minutes before we left the house.   

[Armybrat 40,844]

2 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Why can’t wimmenz be ready to exit the vehicle upon arrival at destination and parking? Doesn’t matter where we are going, how long the trip....as soon as the engine shuts off, she starts start looking for shit in the console, digging through her purse, something else....anything but opening the door and get out of the damn car. And if I just get out and start walking...”can you please wait for me?” With tone. 

Nothing has changed since the 1960s

[General Specific 3,261]

Nothing has changed since the 1960s

You meant 1690s right!

[Js1 85,333]

Just now, General Specific said:

You meant 1690s right!

Right? So awkward making the coach driver hold the door open until she finishes composing all her response letters that takes 4 weeks to be delivered.  Oh shit, she spilled her ink.  

[justhookit 4,191]

5 hours ago, leaf said:

My wife is the opposite.  The door is half open before I put the car in park.

Hate to break this to you but you are married to a dude.

[General Specific 3,261]

Right? So awkward making the coach driver hold the door open until she finishes composing all her response letters that takes 4 weeks to be delivered.  Oh shit, she spilled her ink.  

Still, better than being the piss boy!

#itsgoodtobetheking

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

Like most people, we have a small waste paper basket in our bathroom that can hold several weeks worth of tissues/cotton swabs/whatever before it needs to be emptied.

It also can hold exactly 1 Starbucks cup before needing to be emptied. 

Every. Fucking. Time.

[nnm 36,404]

19 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Like most people, we have a small waste paper basket in our bathroom that can hold several weeks worth of tissues/cotton swabs/whatever before it needs to be emptied.

It also can hold exactly 1 Starbucks cup before needing to be emptied. 

Every. Fucking. Time.

A-freaking-men. Or one dry cleaner bag. Or one toilet paper package wrapper. Or one _________(name the large trash item that should go in a large trash can). I’m constantly fishing out the big things and putting them in a real trash can, to make room for the small bathroom trash that is meant for a small bathroom trash can. 

Edited June 7, 2021 by nnm

[hullabelew 3,724]

As many know, my wife was born deaf.  85% hearing loss so without hearing aids or her cochlear implants, she MIGHT hear a plane landing in the upstairs hallway.   With the implants, she is hearing more and more, although she will never be able to actually use the phone, without the captioning.  Yesterday, I'm doing some shit upstairs while she is in the bonus room where her sewing machines are.  Apparently working on turning some painters tarps into curtains for the porch.  I stay out of that shit. 

I hear this racket coming from down the hall.  Just a loud hissing and buzzing, like a radio is turned up really loud, between stations, during a thunderstorm.  I look down the hall and see an old school boom box in the hallway.  I go to inspect and find a CD jewel box for yoga on the floor.  CD is in the player, but it isn't turning.  The screen shows FM.  She is sitting at a sewing machine with her back turned to me, enjoying her yoga music.  

I almost felt bad about laughing at this situation, then I read @956 Worldwide post and think of how many FUCKING TIMES this happens to me.....

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

7 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

I stay out of that shit. 

That's how you stay married.

[rage-a-holic 4,396]

On 6/6/2021 at 7:27 AM, 956 Worldwide said:

Why can’t wimmenz be ready to exit the vehicle upon arrival at destination and parking? Doesn’t matter where we are going, how long the trip....as soon as the engine shuts off, she starts start looking for shit in the console, digging through her purse, something else....anything but opening the door and get out of the damn car. And if I just get out and start walking...”can you please wait for me?” With tone. 

Don't forget finding and putting on shoes. If the car ride was longer than 15 minutes, she took her shoes off "Because I want to feel comfortable, that's why! Don't rush me!!!!"

[Frank The Tank 1,497]

6 hours ago, rage-a-holic said:

Don't forget finding and putting on shoes. If the car ride was longer than 15 minutes, she took her shoes off "Because I want to feel comfortable, that's why! Don't rush me!!!!"

Seriously, how fucking hard is it to anticipate that we’re about to get out of the car? You know where we’re going, it’s not a surprise trip and I didn’t fucking blindfold you. All it would take is to see the turn or parking lot entrance and then put your phone down, slip your shoes on, do whatever the hell else it is that you couldn’t do while I was busy driving us everywhere all the damn time, and be ready to go when I put it in park.
 

Instead, I join the rest of you as we all just stand in the parking lot, fully dressed, waiting for them to get out so we can lock the damn car. 

[Zepol87 9,186]

I don't even know if this shit belongs here but

Alright not wife but my gf and pretty hot so I put with some shit at times.

In Denver for usa mexico game, flight leaves at 330pm. Well storms in Dallas so no dice, literally had friends on a flight at 9 that turned around so she knew. Anyway, been through delays and cancellations all day had a flight at 6 or some shit that was gonna land at 1030pm. We live in north dfw around Prosper, omg it's gonna be late by the time we get home. Ok cool don't worry I'll uber. Wtf you don't want me to pick you you're ok now. Well yea now it looks like I won't be there until 1230am so don't worry. Fine I won't I don't want to pick you up I just miss you but sure you don't care. It worked out because the last text I got was have fun and be happy drinking at the airport.

Salud mi amor was my reply but airport drinking made it worse 

Edited June 8, 2021 by Zepol87

[Mole 4,333]

I’m a bit jealous of those complaining about wives putting items that are too big in small trash cans. In my house, the Starbucks stays sitting on the end table until I throw it away or the bugs turn it into compost.

[OrangEngr 1,035]

42 minutes ago, Zepol87 said:

I don't even know if this shit belongs here but

Alright not wife but my gf and pretty hot so I put with some shit at times.

In Denver for usa mexico game, flight leaves at 330pm. Well storms in Dallas so no dice, literally had friends on a flight at 9 that turned around so she knew. Anyway, been through delays and cancellations all day had a flight at 6 or some shit that was gonna land at 1030pm. We live in north dfw around Prosper, omg it's gonna be late by the time we get home. Ok cool don't worry I'll uber. Wtf you don't want me to pick you you're ok now. Well yea now it looks like I won't be there until 1230am so don't worry. Fine I won't I don't want to pick you up I just miss you but sure you don't care. It worked out because the last text I got was have fun and be happy drinking at the airport.

Salud mi amor was my reply but airport drinking made it worse 

Hope you ain’t flying United.

[Sam Lin 3,558]

On 5/17/2021 at 6:30 PM, Sam Lin said:

Forgot whose wife had the drink cover idea? Not sure if here or TOS. Just saw this shared, seems to be exactly the product:

Just saw this on Imgur. There are multiple companies now shipping this product??

[Zepol87 9,186]

1 hour ago, OrangEngr said:

Hope you ain’t flying United.

My buddies on united made it home on time. Southwest also. AA giving me the deep stroke 

[Upgrayedd 5,811]

54 minutes ago, Sam Lin said:

Just saw this on Imgur. There are multiple companies now shipping this product??

Roofies are wasted on the willing 

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

9 hours ago, Mole said:

I’m a bit jealous of those complaining about wives putting items that are too big in small trash cans. In my house, the Starbucks stays sitting on the end table until I throw it away or the bugs turn it into compost.

[Txzen 498]

On 6/4/2021 at 7:16 AM, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

Not if you know what you are doing. You have to be up for dispersed camping, though.

Look man, we’re not planning on crashing parking lots with and RV and a fuck tent. Although that now does seem to have a certain appeal...

[Beau Vine 54,226]

13 hours ago, Mole said:

I’m a bit jealous of those complaining about wives putting items that are too big in small trash cans. In my house, the Starbucks stays sitting on the end table until I throw it away or the bugs turn it into compost.

In my house, that's called "recycling."🤬

[hullabelew 3,724]

Ah...compost.     With all of the bizarre fruits and veggies she buys and never does anything with....that go bad and get tossed, my compost pile is probably the most expensive thing I own.  And never mind that I have two fucking 4x8 beds of onions, yesterday she comes from the store with 6 fucking onions.  

And just like she can't comprehend what goes into the recycling bin (which is placed directly below the list sent out by the recycler........the shit she puts into the compost pile is an array of bullshit.   Plastic bags, rubber bands, metal ties......

[BHMCruiser 1,813]

16 hours ago, Zepol87 said:

I don't even know if this shit belongs here but

Alright not wife but my gf and pretty hot so I put with some shit at times.

In Denver for usa mexico game, flight leaves at 330pm. Well storms in Dallas so no dice, literally had friends on a flight at 9 that turned around so she knew. Anyway, been through delays and cancellations all day had a flight at 6 or some shit that was gonna land at 1030pm. We live in north dfw around Prosper, omg it's gonna be late by the time we get home. Ok cool don't worry I'll uber. Wtf you don't want me to pick you you're ok now. Well yea now it looks like I won't be there until 1230am so don't worry. Fine I won't I don't want to pick you up I just miss you but sure you don't care. It worked out because the last text I got was have fun and be happy drinking at the airport.

Salud mi amor was my reply but airport drinking made it worse 

utterly unintelligible