Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[General Specific 3267]

Those parents are adding vodka. Thus, the need for a straw. 

Was that wrong.jpg

[Judge Roybeanbag 11820]

20 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

I would assume from the blood of real tigers.

[Kennythetiger 9456]

1 hour ago, General Specific said:

Was that wrong.jpg

James McMurtry says it’s ok. 

[CycleTex87 2981]

7 hours ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

So you never have to do any laundry except for special occasions? Nice humble brag. 

Este 

[EE2B 1565]

Wife made cookies last night. They came out of the oven looking like thin chocolate chip pancakes. The box called for one cup of butter and she used two. They are - buttery.

[AUS-97HORN 11823]

14 minutes ago, EE2B said:

Wife made cookies last night. They came out of the oven looking like thin chocolate chip pancakes. The box called for one cup of butter and she used two. They are - buttery.

this isnt the "minor mistakes my wife made but turned out awesome" thread. 

[JimmyRussels 14]

16 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Fart scene at The Bridges or the chip at Torrey Pines ?

[Longboard Horn 40504]

On 6/20/2021 at 2:37 PM, SquishMitten said:

 

Lol. Mine went and got a massage this morning and left me with the kids and a to-do list.



I stopped requesting this because her regular response was just too creepy for me…”Your not MY father.”

 

[Mitch Cumsteen 18573]

On 6/21/2021 at 10:22 PM, SquishMitten said:

That was the only flavor I requested

I'm guessing they don't make a divorce cake flavor?

[Trey3216 15355]

3 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

I'm guessing they don't make a divorce cake flavor?

Is that made from melted Gwyneth Paltrow candles?   

[Flg8rfan 201]

So we hosted a graduation party last weekend and a birthday party the next day. We buy the massive packs of Chinet plates, Solo cups, and decent flatware for these things and always have plenty on hand.

I now have a shitload of assorted colors and sizes of paper thin plates and shit to throw away.

[Sawbonz 27587]

On 6/19/2021 at 9:32 PM, NorthLoop said:

Apparently I'm an asshole because I want to stay up and watch the CWS. Because she wants to make sure tomorrow morning is perfect for Father's Day. Which means me not watching baseball tonight.  Because I "might" be too hungover for Father's Day.  

Father’s Day is not about dad until the kids are teens and are in charge of it

[tbone_ 14157]

Why, because then they just blow it off and leave you alone?

[Crapinon 2268]

22 minutes ago, Sawbonz said:

Father’s Day is not about dad until the kids are teens and are in charge of it

Yeah, like that will ever happen. We celebrated Fathers Day with me taking my adult kids out and buying their dinner.

[Sawbonz 27587]

14 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

Why, because then they just blow it off and leave you alone?

Exactly 

[Nolacycling 893]

"When's kid's day?"

[Kennythetiger 9456]

43 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

Yeah, like that will ever happen. We celebrated Fathers Day with me taking my adult kids out and buying their dinner.

Dad?

[Jameslaw121 4448]

21 minutes ago, Nolacycling said:

"When's kid's day?"

Every other God Damn day of the year /mydad

[Droopy 2626]

38 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Every other God Damn day of the year /my all dads

FIFY

[HOOKEM4 5041]

Spent 2 hours sweating my ass off last night detailing my truck. I got up and went to work this morning and thought it rained last night...in Texas...with no rain possible. All day I was pissed at the water spots all over my hood and windshield. I got home, fired up the rain delayed game and heard the door close. "I am watering the front yard" -wife. I walk out to go get some supplies for the possible late game and the sprinkler is 1/2 on the yard and 1/2 on my truck. It dawns on me she watered last night as well..  Thisismylife.gif  Thanks.

Edited June 25, 2021 by HOOKEM4

[SHOOTER12 8827]

4 hours ago, Nolacycling said:

"When's kid's day?"

Most dangerous question I ever asked my parents as a kid...

[Sam Lin 3561]

12 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:

So we hosted a graduation party last weekend and a birthday party the next day. We buy the massive packs of Chinet plates, Solo cups, and decent flatware for these things and always have plenty on hand.

I now have a shitload of assorted colors and sizes of paper thin plates and shit to throw away.

No. You now have a glorious canvas to build your Steel Shank creations upon. To the Steel Shank thread!

[Mo Horn 8854]

With almost 38 years under our belt I'm pretty good at not letting some things get to me, but sometimes... specifically, why am I always the one who is wrong about what she says or doesn't say? We are a one car household and because Mrs. Mo works from home it's usually not a problem. Every once in a while she has to go into her office so she just takes me to work. This morning was one of those days and she had it all planned that she would drop me off and then go to the office. Apparently a phone call this morning changed things and she still had to go, but not until later, and she was going to be there longer. She had to tell me why she was going to be there longer, but didn't say anything about not going right away. As we were leaving I asked her if she had the key card for her office so she could get in. She went off on why don't I ever listen and she wasn't going to the office right now. Number 1, she never said that; number 2, I don't fucking care when she goes to the office I just need to get to work and get picked up in the afternoon. It would have been no use telling her that she never said she wasn't going to the office right now, because she thinks that she did and I'm never right and she's never wrong. She always "says" or "doesn't say" things and I'm always the one that didn't listen or hear right. It's never her. 

Ok, morning rant over. Just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks Surly for letting me vent. 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

21 minutes ago, Mo Horn said:

I'm always the one that didn't listen or hear right. It's never her. 

Same. It's annoying as fuck. I'm quick to admit when I'm wrong but for her to do it is as rare as an Aggy NC.

 

[Crapinon 2268]

38 years for us too. I learned a valuable lesson from my FIL. I love my MIL but she nagged him constantly when he was alive. He got to the point where he just ignored most of her nagging and said he never heard her. Eventually she believed he was going deaf so unless she was in his sight she quit the nagging and blaming and chalked it up to he didn't hear her because he was deaf. Unfortunately my wife knew he was doing it so I can't pull it with her. I just tell her it's male pattern deafness and I miss the first sentence of what she says to me.  

[Armybrat 40901]

Same here after 54 years, but it doesn’t work for me even though I have a 50% loss in my right ear and 30% in the left.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

Same here after 54 years, but it doesn’t work for me even though I have a 50% loss in my right ear and 30% in the left.

So THAT'S why you haven't been answering my calls

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

[Thatguy 8856]

15 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Same here after 54 years, but it doesn’t work for me even though I have a 50% loss in my right ear and 30% in the left.

What did you say??

[nnm 36614]

Packing the car for a trip. I pick up Mrs. NNM’s suitcase and head to my truck. She says “you can put it in the bed if you want to.”  I put it in the back seat. She says again “you can put that in the bed if you want to.”  I go to get another load, she takes her suitcase out of the back seat and puts it in the bed.  I’m silent, finish loading stuff. She says “what’s wrong?”  I say “well, if you wanted your suitcase in the bed, you should have told me to put it in the bed. I put it where I wanted to put it.  You shouldn’t ask me what I want if you already know that you want something different.”

Now I’m the asshole. 

Edited June 26, 2021 by nnm

[Kennythetiger 9456]

Good luck on that trip. 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

Somethings not adding up. My wife would fill the inside of our truck with shit to avoid it from being in the bed.

Also the way my wife packs for trips, she wouldn’t be able to lift her own suitcase, especially 3+ feet into the back of the truck. You sure she’s a female?

[WhatTheBuck 28798]

1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

Good luck on that trip. 

Both specifically and generally. 

[nnm 36614]

2 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Somethings not adding up. My wife would fill the inside of our truck with shit to avoid it from being in the bed.

Also the way my wife packs for trips, she wouldn’t be able to lift her own suitcase, especially 3+ feet into the back of the truck. You sure she’s a female?

I have a tonneau cover, so things are pretty secure back there. The tailgate was down because I needed to put a bunch of other crap back there, so she just took it and put it in the back seat. 
On another topic, we’re now in Amarillo. A cool front has blown in. It’s only 82. Sitting outside at Chipotle.  Those unexpected cool days in the middle of summer are glorious. 

[Modessit 5603]

I have a tonneau cover, so things are pretty secure back there. The tailgate was down because I needed to put a bunch of other crap back there, so she just took it and put it in the back seat. 
On another topic, we’re now in Amarillo. A cool front has blown in. It’s only 82. Sitting outside at Chipotle.  Those unexpected cool days in the middle of summer are glorious. 

Go do the Lighthouse hike at Palo Duro before it gets hot. It was 102 in the shade when we were there 12 days ago.

And if you haven't seen the outdoor musical, do it.

[nnm 36614]

7 hours ago, Modessit said:

Go do the Lighthouse hike at Palo Duro before it gets hot. It was 102 in the shade when we were there 12 days ago.

And if you haven't seen the outdoor musical, do it.

Now in ABQ. Cool front blew in overnight. Currently 66, projected high of 76. Similar weather all week. Summer cool fronts are awesome. 

[Thatguy 8856]

Just now, nnm said:

Now in ABQ. Cool front blew in overnight. Currently 66, projected high of 76. Similar weather all week. Summer cool fronts are awesome. 

Look out for falling hot air balloons.

[Modessit 5603]

Now in ABQ. Cool front blew in overnight. Currently 66, projected high of 76. Similar weather all week. Summer cool fronts are awesome. 

Lucky you. We've had good cool weather until we got to Washington state. Forecast is 112° tomorrow in Seattle.

[WhatTheBuck 28798]

6 hours ago, Modessit said:

Lucky you. We've had good cool weather until we got to Washington state. Forecast is 112° tomorrow in Seattle.

I heard on the news that the previous record high was 103. That’s a big jump. 

[ROFL BOX 6649]

We're headed to the East Coast for the Summer trip.

1.  Apparently we're leaving 78620 on 05 Jul because she wants to do Independence Day @ her parents (nothing fabulous; the swimming pool has been shut down for probably 1/2 a year & her Dad is making ribs & chicken).  It's the same people we see @ every holiday & she literally drives within 400 yards of her parents house every day she drives home from work.

2.  Destination / route will be 1st stop New Orleans, then to Savannah for 1 night, up to Charleston for a minimum of 2 nights, possibly 3 (yay... I get to hear her try & reinterpret the American Civil War around "Northern Aggression / economic freedom for the Confederates" when we visit Sumpter).

3.  For the return leg coming back a bit N (taking Interstate 20 so we can catch some of my family in South Central Arky), "I don't want to go through Atlanta.  They are literally shooting everyone there with all the BLM stuff & riots going on."  (she gets a lot of her FB news from OANN & Brietbart, etc. & nothing I can explain to her will impart even the littlest bit of knowledge).

3a.  Her:  "We are NOT going through Atlanta.  We'll just go through Augusta on the way back from Charleston."

  ...Me:  In my best Jerry Seinfeld voice "Have you ever LOOKED at a map of Georgia?"

Oh, for joy - especially when she complains about her back from having to sit for hours @ a time.

 

[After irth 1243]

17 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

We're headed to the East Coast for the Summer trip.

1.  Apparently we're leaving 78620 on 05 Jul because she wants to do Independence Day @ her parents (nothing fabulous; the swimming pool has been shut down for probably 1/2 a year & her Dad is making ribs & chicken).  It's the same people we see @ every holiday & she literally drives within 400 yards of her parents house every day she drives home from work.

2.  Destination / route will be 1st stop New Orleans, then to Savannah for 1 night, up to Charleston for a minimum of 2 nights, possibly 3 (yay... I get to hear her try & reinterpret the American Civil War around "Northern Aggression / economic freedom for the Confederates" when we visit Sumpter).

3.  For the return leg coming back a bit N (taking Interstate 20 so we can catch some of my family in South Central Arky), "I don't want to go through Atlanta.  They are literally shooting everyone there with all the BLM stuff & riots going on."  (she gets a lot of her FB news from OANN & Brietbart, etc. & nothing I can explain to her will impart even the littlest bit of knowledge).

3a.  Her:  "We are NOT going through Atlanta.  We'll just go through Augusta on the way back from Charleston."

  ...Me:  In my best Jerry Seinfeld voice "Have you ever LOOKED at a map of Georgia?"

Oh, for joy - especially when she complains about her back from having to sit for hours @ a time.

 

She must be really hot.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

Just now, After irth said:

She must be really hot.

Menopause?  Why, yes... she is in that stage.

[Da Fino 2783]

26 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

We're headed to the East Coast for the Summer trip.

1.  Apparently we're leaving 78620 on 05 Jul because she wants to do Independence Day @ her parents (nothing fabulous; the swimming pool has been shut down for probably 1/2 a year & her Dad is making ribs & chicken).  It's the same people we see @ every holiday & she literally drives within 400 yards of her parents house every day she drives home from work.

2.  Destination / route will be 1st stop New Orleans, then to Savannah for 1 night, up to Charleston for a minimum of 2 nights, possibly 3 (yay... I get to hear her try & reinterpret the American Civil War around "Northern Aggression / economic freedom for the Confederates" when we visit Sumpter).

3.  For the return leg coming back a bit N (taking Interstate 20 so we can catch some of my family in South Central Arky), "I don't want to go through Atlanta.  They are literally shooting everyone there with all the BLM stuff & riots going on."  (she gets a lot of her FB news from OANN & Brietbart, etc. & nothing I can explain to her will impart even the littlest bit of knowledge).

3a.  Her:  "We are NOT going through Atlanta.  We'll just go through Augusta on the way back from Charleston."

  ...Me:  In my best Jerry Seinfeld voice "Have you ever LOOKED at a map of Georgia?"

Oh, for joy - especially when she complains about her back from having to sit for hours @ a time.

 

Fuck all that. 

[Thatguy 8856]

37 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

We're headed to the East Coast for the Summer trip.

1.  Apparently we're leaving 78620 on 05 Jul because she wants to do Independence Day @ her parents (nothing fabulous; the swimming pool has been shut down for probably 1/2 a year & her Dad is making ribs & chicken).  It's the same people we see @ every holiday & she literally drives within 400 yards of her parents house every day she drives home from work.

2.  Destination / route will be 1st stop New Orleans, then to Savannah for 1 night, up to Charleston for a minimum of 2 nights, possibly 3 (yay... I get to hear her try & reinterpret the American Civil War around "Northern Aggression / economic freedom for the Confederates" when we visit Sumpter).

3.  For the return leg coming back a bit N (taking Interstate 20 so we can catch some of my family in South Central Arky), "I don't want to go through Atlanta.  They are literally shooting everyone there with all the BLM stuff & riots going on."  (she gets a lot of her FB news from OANN & Brietbart, etc. & nothing I can explain to her will impart even the littlest bit of knowledge).

3a.  Her:  "We are NOT going through Atlanta.  We'll just go through Augusta on the way back from Charleston."

  ...Me:  In my best Jerry Seinfeld voice "Have you ever LOOKED at a map of Georgia?"

Oh, for joy - especially when she complains about her back from having to sit for hours @ a time.

 

 

You should show her this.....

 

[SilasCoade 2622]

39 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

We're headed to the East Coast for the Summer trip.1.  Apparently we're leaving 78620 on 05 Jul because she wants to do Independence Day @ her parents

Forget the map of Georgia, has she ever looked at a calendar?

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

44 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

We are NOT going through Atlanta.

Sorry, Georgia state law is very specific that you must go thru Atlanta when travelling thru the state.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

Forget the map of Georgia, has she ever looked at a calendar?

Have you?

Independence Day is on 04 Jul.

Her parents live in Oak Hill.

We will be leaving the day AFTER Independence Day so that we can stay local for an added day.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4977]

Dang, ROFL, you got a little too worked up and missed out on a great opportunity to ask who let their wife start posting on the wives thread.

[Trey3216 15355]

59 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Sorry, Delta  law is very specific that you must go thru Atlanta when travelling thru the world.

FIFY 

[TrashMaster G 17594]

On 6/25/2021 at 8:13 AM, Mo Horn said:

With almost 38 years under our belt I'm pretty good at not letting some things get to me, but sometimes... specifically, why am I always the one who is wrong about what she says or doesn't say? We are a one car household and because Mrs. Mo works from home it's usually not a problem. Every once in a while she has to go into her office so she just takes me to work. This morning was one of those days and she had it all planned that she would drop me off and then go to the office. Apparently a phone call this morning changed things and she still had to go, but not until later, and she was going to be there longer. She had to tell me why she was going to be there longer, but didn't say anything about not going right away. As we were leaving I asked her if she had the key card for her office so she could get in. She went off on why don't I ever listen and she wasn't going to the office right now. Number 1, she never said that; number 2, I don't fucking care when she goes to the office I just need to get to work and get picked up in the afternoon. It would have been no use telling her that she never said she wasn't going to the office right now, because she thinks that she did and I'm never right and she's never wrong. She always "says" or "doesn't say" things and I'm always the one that didn't listen or hear right. It's never her. 

Ok, morning rant over. Just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks Surly for letting me vent. 

So, you're saying that you are married to a woman.... Got it.

[Trey3216 15355]

20 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

So, you're saying that you are married to a woman.... Got it.

Vindictive, banal creatures, the lot of them.  

Edited June 28, 2021 by Trey3216