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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28934

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Fudbelty said:

I’ll allow it. My truck never leaves cruise control. I think in the wife’s car and our Jeep the CC automatically turns off.

Yeah, I’ve had both. I prefer it when it’s always on and ready to set rather than having to remember to turn it on every time before I set it. Because sometimes I forget and don’t realize it until I’ve decelerated by 5+ mph. 

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Nolacycling

Nolacycling 893

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Yeah, I’ve had both. I prefer it when it’s always on and ready to set rather than having to remember to turn it on every time before I set it. Because sometimes I forget and don’t realize it until I’ve decelerated by 5+ mph. 

Getting old sucks>>>>

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Armybrat

Armybrat 41420

Posted
Posted
On 7/7/2021 at 11:05 AM, tbone_ said:

Here’s an exercise I like to do from time to time. I smoked a pack a day for about 15-17 years. Quit cold turkey in Jan 2003.

20 in a pack. 30 days = 600 cigarettes a month.

600*12 = 7,200 cigarettes a year.

17.5 years at 7,200 per = 126,000 cigarettes I haven’t smoked.

Fucking shit adds up.

I quit my pack a day in 1976.

I’ll let you do the math.

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nnm

nnm 37950

Posted
Posted
On 7/7/2021 at 10:05 AM, tbone_ said:

Here’s an exercise I like to do from time to time. I smoked a pack a day for about 15-17 years. Quit cold turkey in Jan 2003.

20 in a pack. 30 days = 600 cigarettes a month.

600*12 = 7,200 cigarettes a year.

17.5 years at 7,200 per = 126,000 cigarettes I haven’t smoked.

Fucking shit adds up.

Y’all’s math doesn’t add up.

If you had kept smoking, you would not have smoked all those cigs. No, you would have died long before you reached those numbers. 

This is the same reason the state lawsuits against big tobacco don’t add up.  They claim that smoking costs the state money because of increased health care costs for smokers. The truth is something different. Smokers actually save the state money because they die earlier, avoiding costly elder care and long slow declines. The government should be encouraging smoking if it wants to save money. 

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SilasCoade

SilasCoade 2622

Posted
Posted
27 minutes ago, nnm said:

Y’all’s math doesn’t add up.

If you had kept smoking, you would not have smoked all those cigs. No, you would have died long before you reached those numbers. 

This is the same reason the state lawsuits against big tobacco don’t add up.  They claim that smoking costs the state money because of increased health care costs for smokers. The truth is something different. Smokers actually save the state money because they die earlier, avoiding costly elder care and long slow declines. The government should be encouraging smoking if it wants to save money. 

This is not even close to true, at least partially because you ignore lost productivity as a direct cost of smoking.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4862676/

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ShaggyBevo RIP

ShaggyBevo RIP 3873

Posted
Posted
On 7/8/2021 at 7:46 PM, conVINCEd said:

This is why you have a 1 gallon can in the garage at all times.  You can choose to learn this lesson the hard way or you can just take my word for it.

Was asked to fill the wife's car last week while she showered as she had a meeting she couldn't be late for. I put in 19.96 gallons into a 20 gal tank. SMH. So glad the station wasn't one block further.

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conVINCEd

conVINCEd 21477

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, ShaggyBevo RIP said:

Was asked to fill the wife's car last week while she showered as she had a meeting she couldn't be late for. I put in 19.96 gallons into a 20 gal tank. SMH. So glad the station wasn't one block further.

Came up short by about a block once.  Thankfully was able to coast into a parking lot, walk to the gas station, purchase a gas can, get a gallon of gas, walk back to her car, put the gallon in the tank, drive to the gas station, fill her car up, and return home.  This occurred in August.  Upon entering the house I was greeted with the following: “What took so long and why are you all sweaty?”

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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 12051

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5 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

 This occurred in August.  Upon entering the house I was greeted with the following: “What took so long and why are you all sweaty?”

funny how they have a phone surgically sew into their hand at all times, yet if they arent the ones doing the errand, and they wonder where you are, they suddenly have no reason to use the phone 

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conVINCEd

conVINCEd 21477

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, AUS-97HORN said:

funny how they have a phone surgically sew into their hand at all times, yet if they arent the ones doing the errand, and they wonder where you are, they suddenly have no reason to use the phone 

She was preoccupied with getting ready.  I got to hop in the shower and get dressed for the second time that afternoon.

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nnm

nnm 37950

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, ShaggyBevo RIP said:

Was asked to fill the wife's car last week while she showered as she had a meeting she couldn't be late for. I put in 19.96 gallons into a 20 gal tank. SMH. So glad the station wasn't one block further.

Pics of the shower aren’t loading. 

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 18118

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, nnm said:

Y’all’s math doesn’t add up.

If you had kept smoking, you would not have smoked all those cigs. No, you would have died long before you reached those numbers. 

This is the same reason the state lawsuits against big tobacco don’t add up.  They claim that smoking costs the state money because of increased health care costs for smokers. The truth is something different. Smokers actually save the state money because they die earlier, avoiding costly elder care and long slow declines. The government should be encouraging smoking if it wants to save money. 

Which of the big tobacco companies do you work for?

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Superhero

Superhero 9028

Posted
Posted

Me: I gonna sell this toy work bench and tools okay? Buddy hasn’t played with it in a while.

Her: Okay. 

 

5 minutes before the buyer shows up after confirming everything that’s included…

Her: Why are you selling the drill? Can we keep the drill?

Me: OMFG, I told you and Buddy to look through it to see if you wanted to keep any part of it.

Her: Tone

 

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Superhero

Superhero 9028

Posted
Posted

Church starts at 10:00.

The kids and I were ready at 9:55 (yes we're gonna be about 10 minutes late).

10:10 rolls around and I fire up the church's live stream.

10:20, wife comes down and says, hurry up guys, we're gonna be late for church.

 

Guess who stayed at home watching the live stream?

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Thatguy

Thatguy 9398

Posted
Posted
30 minutes ago, Superhero said:

Church starts at 10:00.

The kids and I were ready at 9:55 (yes we're gonna be about 10 minutes late).

10:10 rolls around and I fire up the church's live stream.

10:20, wife comes down and says, hurry up guys, we're gonna be late for church.

 

Guess who stayed at home watching the live stream?

   How is the couch? Comfortable?

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28934

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, kmac30 said:

I was just digging around our laundry room and found the dog shit money. We still have it. She hasn’t tried to piece it together from what I can tell. But she hasn’t sent it in either.

3558218b5e929bd77fec09f965eb4c97.jpg

I’d at least try a test by soaking a piece in a mix of hot water and Mr. Clean or something similar, then rinsing it in clean hot water, then laying it out to dry and see what happens. 

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6655

Posted
Posted

Using Google maps to plan the route from Charleston back to Drip.

There is an approx. 20 ~ 35 minute difference in going S to Jacksonville & hanging a R vs. more direct route across Bumblefuck Georgia / Bumblefuck Bammer.

This confuses her, even though I have explained that the Googs will incorporate construction, speed limits, etc.

Also: "Shouldn't we avoid that route [Florida] to avoid storms?"

Me: "That was Hurricane ---> Tropical Storm Elsa from last week."

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15452

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Using Google maps to plan the route from Charleston back to Drip.

There is an approx. 20 ~ 35 minute difference in going S to Jacksonville & hanging a R vs. more direct route across Bumblefuck Georgia / Bumblefuck Bammer.

This confuses her, even though I have explained that the Googs will incorporate construction, speed limits, etc.

Also: "Shouldn't we avoid that route [Florida] to avoid storms?"

Me: "That was Hurricane ---> Tropical Storm Elsa from last week."

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

Storms of the past.  Storms of the future.  They all hit Florida.  

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BearCountry11

BearCountry11 1234

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We need to buy a new car seat for toddler.   Not urgent so we are waiting to find a good deal on the one we want.  

This exchange happened this morning:

Wife:  Oh no!  We missed the sale yesterday on the car seat!  (She goes on to tell me it was a 1-day only sale)

Me:  We have time, there might be some more sales. 

Wife:  I knew I should have bought it yesterday.  

Me:  ….what do you mean?  Did you see it yesterday?

Wife:  Yes, but I didn’t think it would only last 1 day.  

Me:  You just told me it was a 1-day sale.

Wife:  Well sometimes they last longer than a day.  
 

In summary, my wife was mad that the 1-day sale only lasted 1 day.  Despite her first noticing it while the sale was still going on.  

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Jiggy-Z

Jiggy-Z 3509

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Posted
1 hour ago, BearCountry11 said:

We need to buy a new car seat for toddler.   Not urgent so we are waiting to find a good deal on the one we want.  

This exchange happened this morning:

Wife:  Oh no!  We missed the sale yesterday on the car seat!  (She goes on to tell me it was a 1-day only sale)

Me:  We have time, there might be some more sales. 

Wife:  I knew I should have bought it yesterday.  

Me:  ….what do you mean?  Did you see it yesterday?

Wife:  Yes, but I didn’t think it would only last 1 day.  

Me:  You just told me it was a 1-day sale.

Wife:  Well sometimes they last longer than a day.  
 

In summary, my wife was mad that the 1-day sale only lasted 1 day.  Despite her first noticing it while the sale was still going on.  

This one got me.  No rage, just laughing my ass off.

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Thatguy

Thatguy 9398

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 7/9/2021 at 8:32 AM, Fudbelty said:

 


I’ll allow it. My truck never leaves cruise control. I think in the wife’s car and our Jeep the CC automatically turns off.

3367607f30d8bd64ccdb6a72beb12207.jpg


Also, it’s a work truck so f all the dirt and the check light is because I haven’t had my tpms serviced

 

  I know it's a work truck and all but how does one get that much dirt on the instrument panel?

Edited by Thatguy
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