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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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7 hours ago, markstanco said:


I did not know smooth-sailing was hyphenated. [mention]TrashMaster G [/mention] where-are you on-this?

It would be hyphenated if used as a compound modifier (e.g. “a smooth-sailing boat”). However, in the above case, “smooth” is a simple adjective describing “sailing” (noun form), so the hyphen should not be added.

That’ll be $9.95.

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3 hours ago, SuperSport said:

It would be hyphenated if used as a compound modifier (e.g. “a smooth-sailing boat”). However, in the above case, “smooth” is a simple adjective describing “sailing” (noun form), so the hyphen should not be added.

That’ll be $9.95.

I compound modified your mom last night. She didn't charge $9.95

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Long backstory that allows me to vent.

Back in 2013, the night before the fall Shaggy Matagorda trip, I was loading my kayak up and notice a huge crack/puncture below the forward water line.  I had no idea how it got there (still don't know), but I was leaving early in the morning, so I adapted and just loaded up my other kayak, went on the trip and had fun. All good.

When I got back I checked around and could not find anyone to plastic weld the kayak damage, so I eventually watched a few videos, got some plastic tools from Harbor Freight, and did the job myself.

For years the plastic welding held up through many fishing trips and other recreation.  Last summer I took my two youngest boys out to Lake Travis a few times for some deep water soloing (they are both competitive rock climbers) on the cliffs.  Each time I noticed that the kayak was taking on more and more water, so I decided to redo the weld.  We had just purchased a Dremmel tool that we use mostly to do cutting work on plastic holds we have in our home rock climbing gym (as posted previously here).  I thought I could use the Dremmel to remove sand all of the old plastic, regroove and start over.  So I looked and looked and looked for that stupid Dremmel tool and it was nowhere to be found.

Time dragged on and we didn't have need of the damaged kayak so I kind of forgot about it until a couple of weeks ago when we went to Austin Kayak to get an inflatable SUP.  While at the store, I inquired about having my old kayak fixed...professionally, and found out that they now do this work.

When I got home I decided one last time find that dammed Dremmel tool, just in case I wanted to do the work myself.  Still no luck, but then I remembered that my wife had me get one of those locking tool work benches by Husky a few months back.  She was very possessive of that thing and she put a bunch of tools in it and locked it up (my 15 year old is fond of taking things out and losing them).  I thought to myself, I wonder if she locked up the Dremmel tool in there, so I got the keys and went to have a look.  No Dremmel, but in addition to some tools there were about 6 pairs of safety glasses in there all lined up in a row.  So I thought this is stupid, we need access to safety glasses etc., so left the box unlocked and returned the keys.

Then last weekend.  I had just had my morning coffee and was taking a glorious shit while blissfully reading the surl in the downstairs bathroom, when there is a violent knock on the door (the kind that startles you-I almost dropped my phone and coffee):

Wife: Where are all the dammed safety glasses, you guys take those things and I can never find them!!!  (wife was going to do some weed eating around the garden)

Me: Well  I saw about 6 pair of those things in the work bench that you put there and locked up.

Wife: OK.   

A minute or two goes by as I settled back in to what I was doing.

Violent knock on the door.

Wife:  Where did you put my keys, there not in my purse.

Me: I put them back where I got them from which was one the key rack, and I left the cabinet unlocked, so leave me in peace.

Silence.  Then a few minutes later another knock on the door.

Wife: Bla,bla bla, something about putting things back, safety glasses, taking responsibility, learning how to stop inconveniencing others etc.

Me: OK, sigh.

 

I make it outside and the first thing she asks me is if I can change out the line on weed eater because she doesn't know how to do it.

Loaded up kayak and took it to ACk to get fixed.  Took my time.  Got beer on the way home.

TLDR: Wife interrupts my shit to hassle me about shit she put away and forgot about, then hassles me again about more shit that she forgot about, then taunts me a third time for the previous two things, then asks me for a favor, then I left and came home and got drunk.

 

 

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58 minutes ago, Jiggy-Z said:

Long backstory that allows me to vent.

Back in 2013, the night before the fall Shaggy Matagorda trip, I was loading my kayak up and notice a huge crack/puncture below the forward water line.  I had no idea how it got there (still don't know), but I was leaving early in the morning, so I adapted and just loaded up my other kayak, went on the trip and had fun. All good.

When I got back I checked around and could not find anyone to plastic weld the kayak damage, so I eventually watched a few videos, got some plastic tools from Harbor Freight, and did the job myself.

For years the plastic welding held up through many fishing trips and other recreation.  Last summer I took my two youngest boys out to Lake Travis a few times for some deep water soloing (they are both competitive rock climbers) on the cliffs.  Each time I noticed that the kayak was taking on more and more water, so I decided to redo the weld.  We had just purchased a Dremmel tool that we use mostly to do cutting work on plastic holds we have in our home rock climbing gym (as posted previously here).  I thought I could use the Dremmel to remove sand all of the old plastic, regroove and start over.  So I looked and looked and looked for that stupid Dremmel tool and it was nowhere to be found.

Time dragged on and we didn't have need of the damaged kayak so I kind of forgot about it until a couple of weeks ago when we went to Austin Kayak to get an inflatable SUP.  While at the store, I inquired about having my old kayak fixed...professionally, and found out that they now do this work.

When I got home I decided one last time find that dammed Dremmel tool, just in case I wanted to do the work myself.  Still no luck, but then I remembered that my wife had me get one of those locking tool work benches by Husky a few months back.  She was very possessive of that thing and she put a bunch of tools in it and locked it up (my 15 year old is fond of taking things out and losing them).  I thought to myself, I wonder if she locked up the Dremmel tool in there, so I got the keys and went to have a look.  No Dremmel, but in addition to some tools there were about 6 pairs of safety glasses in there all lined up in a row.  So I thought this is stupid, we need access to safety glasses etc., so left the box unlocked and returned the keys.

Then last weekend.  I had just had my morning coffee and was taking a glorious shit while blissfully reading the surl in the downstairs bathroom, when there is a violent knock on the door (the kind that startles you-I almost dropped my phone and coffee):

Wife: Where are all the dammed safety glasses, you guys take those things and I can never find them!!!  (wife was going to do some weed eating around the garden)

Me: Well  I saw about 6 pair of those things in the work bench that you put there and locked up.

Wife: OK.   

A minute or two goes by as I settled back in to what I was doing.

Violent knock on the door.

Wife:  Where did you put my keys, there not in my purse.

Me: I put them back where I got them from which was one the key rack, and I left the cabinet unlocked, so leave me in peace.

Silence.  Then a few minutes later another knock on the door.

Wife: Bla,bla bla, something about putting things back, safety glasses, taking responsibility, learning how to stop inconveniencing others etc.

Me: OK, sigh.

 

I make it outside and the first thing she asks me is if I can change out the line on weed eater because she doesn't know how to do it.

Loaded up kayak and took it to ACk to get fixed.  Took my time.  Got beer on the way home.

TLDR: Wife interrupts my shit to hassle me about shit she put away and forgot about, then hassles me again about more shit that she forgot about, then taunts me a third time for the previous two things, then asks me for a favor, then I left and came home and got drunk.

 

 

So where is the Dremel?

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2 minutes ago, nnm said:

So where is the Dremel?

We have some theories:

It might have fallen off of a work bench into the trash without anybody noticing.  Hard to see this what with the extension cord and all.

My 15 yo might have taken it and forgotten about it.  He works on his skateboards over at a friends house, but hard to see what he might use it for on a board plus he says he never took it.

Accidental or intentional theft by sleepover kid.  We live in the country and our property is fenced, gated, and patrolled by dogs so nobody just wandered in and took it. 

My best guess is that it is tucked away somewhere that we have not looked. 

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1 hour ago, Jiggy-Z said:

Long backstory that allows me to vent.

Back in 2013, the night before the fall Shaggy Matagorda trip, I was loading my kayak up and notice a huge crack/puncture below the forward water line.  I had no idea how it got there (still don't know), but I was leaving early in the morning, so I adapted and just loaded up my other kayak, went on the trip and had fun. All good.

When I got back I checked around and could not find anyone to plastic weld the kayak damage, so I eventually watched a few videos, got some plastic tools from Harbor Freight, and did the job myself.

For years the plastic welding held up through many fishing trips and other recreation.  Last summer I took my two youngest boys out to Lake Travis a few times for some deep water soloing (they are both competitive rock climbers) on the cliffs.  Each time I noticed that the kayak was taking on more and more water, so I decided to redo the weld.  We had just purchased a Dremmel tool that we use mostly to do cutting work on plastic holds we have in our home rock climbing gym (as posted previously here).  I thought I could use the Dremmel to remove sand all of the old plastic, regroove and start over.  So I looked and looked and looked for that stupid Dremmel tool and it was nowhere to be found.

Time dragged on and we didn't have need of the damaged kayak so I kind of forgot about it until a couple of weeks ago when we went to Austin Kayak to get an inflatable SUP.  While at the store, I inquired about having my old kayak fixed...professionally, and found out that they now do this work.

When I got home I decided one last time find that dammed Dremmel tool, just in case I wanted to do the work myself.  Still no luck, but then I remembered that my wife had me get one of those locking tool work benches by Husky a few months back.  She was very possessive of that thing and she put a bunch of tools in it and locked it up (my 15 year old is fond of taking things out and losing them).  I thought to myself, I wonder if she locked up the Dremmel tool in there, so I got the keys and went to have a look.  No Dremmel, but in addition to some tools there were about 6 pairs of safety glasses in there all lined up in a row.  So I thought this is stupid, we need access to safety glasses etc., so left the box unlocked and returned the keys.

Then last weekend.  I had just had my morning coffee and was taking a glorious shit while blissfully reading the surl in the downstairs bathroom, when there is a violent knock on the door (the kind that startles you-I almost dropped my phone and coffee):

Wife: Where are all the dammed safety glasses, you guys take those things and I can never find them!!!  (wife was going to do some weed eating around the garden)

Me: Well  I saw about 6 pair of those things in the work bench that you put there and locked up.

Wife: OK.   

A minute or two goes by as I settled back in to what I was doing.

Violent knock on the door.

Wife:  Where did you put my keys, there not in my purse.

Me: I put them back where I got them from which was one the key rack, and I left the cabinet unlocked, so leave me in peace.

Silence.  Then a few minutes later another knock on the door.

Wife: Bla,bla bla, something about putting things back, safety glasses, taking responsibility, learning how to stop inconveniencing others etc.

Me: OK, sigh.

 

I make it outside and the first thing she asks me is if I can change out the line on weed eater because she doesn't know how to do it.

Loaded up kayak and took it to ACk to get fixed.  Took my time.  Got beer on the way home.

TLDR: Wife interrupts my shit to hassle me about shit she put away and forgot about, then hassles me again about more shit that she forgot about, then taunts me a third time for the previous two things, then asks me for a favor, then I left and came home and got drunk.

Your first four paragraphs are completely unnecessary to your story and could all be replaced with “The other day I was looking for a tool…”

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55 minutes ago, TKthunder2 said:

Your first four paragraphs are completely unnecessary to your story and could all be replaced with “The other day I was looking for a tool…”

Right, which, if you bothered to read the very first sentence, is explained.

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1 hour ago, TKthunder2 said:

Your first four paragraphs are completely unnecessary to your story and could all be replaced with “The other day I was looking for a tool…”

 

5 minutes ago, Jiggy-Z said:

Right, which, if you bothered to read the very first sentence, is explained.

GENTLEMEN!!!!!

 

this isnt the thread to turn on each other!!!!

 

.... lets get back to making fun of the mind of the female of the species !!!!

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3 hours ago, Paco said:
16 hours ago, Thatguy said:
  I know it's a work truck and all but how does one get that much dirt on the instrument panel?

Some of you guys need to get out of your cubicles every now and then.

I criticized his dashboard and in turn come out feeling a little less manly. Well played!

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1 hour ago, Fudbelty said:


Work in Oil&Gas. One day of rain = metric fuckton of mud. Walk/work in mud then get in truck. Floorboard full of dirt. Gets kicked around

That's one method.  The job we are working on in Houston has been getting rain about 2-3 days a week.  Of course this means trucks etc. are continually getting mud on the road.  So the contractor is constantly using a power broom to keep the street clean.  It doesn't matter how tightly your doors are closed, or windows rolled up, that damned dust gets into everything.

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Fun little two-part story. Don't think either of them, individually, would warrant a post, but with their powers combined I was thoroughly befuddled. 
Part 1: Wife has a dinner planned with some friends and their kids the other day at Hat Creek. I ask her to bring home a burger and fries for me. FOUR HOURS later, she shows up with soggy food. Naturally, I ask if they ran some errands or something afterwards. But nope, they came home straight afterwards. She just ordered my food when she first got to the restaurant. 
Part 2: The following morning she's packing lunch for one of our kids who's in summer camp, and I see her put a handful of leftover fries in the microwave. I ask her why, and she says "so they'll be warm at lunch time, their lunch is only in about three hours." 
This woman doesn't know how food works. 

Hope it wasn’t a whataburger
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3 hours ago, SquishMitten said:

Fun little two-part story. Don't think either of them, individually, would warrant a post, but with their powers combined I was thoroughly befuddled. 

This woman doesn't know how food works. 

YES....   let the hate flow through you....

THIS is the kind of post this thread was made for....  

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2 minutes ago, Nivek said:


This is another fine example of horrible storytelling, loaded with distracting unrelated crap, and not funny at all. giphy.gif

The point was clearly the awesome kayaking, rock climbing, adventurous lifestyle humblebrag. I thought that was obvious.

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We have some theories:
It might have fallen off of a work bench into the trash without anybody noticing.  Hard to see this what with the extension cord and all.
My 15 yo might have taken it and forgotten about it.  He works on his skateboards over at a friends house, but hard to see what he might use it for on a board plus he says he never took it.
Accidental or intentional theft by sleepover kid.  We live in the country and our property is fenced, gated, and patrolled by dogs so nobody just wandered in and took it. 
My best guess is that it is tucked away somewhere that we have not looked. 
This response did not entertain.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

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On 7/13/2021 at 12:10 PM, TKthunder2 said:

Your first four paragraphs are completely unnecessary to your story and could all be replaced with “The other day I was looking for a tool…”

Except we were all thinking the dremmel would be the punch line. When he mentioned bathroom, I figured she used it to break up her own shit.... Post did not deliver.

 

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Just got back from a 32-day camping road trip around the West with the wife and kids. I saved every receipt so I could (later) track how much it all cost. I had my wife bring a small accordion file and gave her each receipt - gas (with total mileagewritten on it), food, fun, souvenirs, lodging (campsite fees, etc) - to put in there. Since there weren't 32 slots in the file, I assumed she'd put all the gas in one slot, food in another, etc.

Today I was curious to see what my overall gas mileage was so I got the file to pull out the gas receipts. That's when I found out that my wife just stuck whatever receipt into whichever folder was easiest to fit. Nothing separated. Nothing in chronological order. A total shit show. Took me an hour to sort everything out.

This is the same woman that bitches for 2 weeks if you take your deodorant out of the "toiletry bag" and don't put it back in the exact same pocket that it came out of.

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Recognize that it sounds like I am complaining about having to go on vacation (poor me) and on some level I guess I am, but there is definitely a Wife Angle to the story I have. 

Last year during covid at the last minute the family decided to drive to Gulf Shores. We were able to find a rental and liked the house so much we decided to go back this year. Back in January I made a reservation for the last week of July, which fit our schedule very well, being between the end of one son's summer baseball season and the other son's start of HS football practice. I like going to the beach and have been looking forward to this trip for a while. 

In April, older son and I find out that our favorite coach at Colorado State is having his track and field (i.e. discus) camp again this summer after being canceled in 2020. We decide to go. Don't want to fly anywhere right now, so we are going to drive up on Thursday, attend the camp, then drive back home on Monday. 2 days in the car, 2 days at camp, then 2 more days in the car. The camp was last weekend (July 10-11). 

Mrs CL decides she wants to go to Colorado with us. OK fine. But then right before we leave she says, "Why don't we stay a few days in Colorado and have a vacation? Seems a shame to spend all that time in the car for just a weekend."

So we end up staying in Colorado for the whole week and a trip that originally was going to be around a $1,000 all in (camp fee, hotel, gas, etc) expanded to about $5,000 after an extra hotel room for both boys for a week plus more meals and more gas driving around up there (A gallon of regular is now almost $4 in Denver, btw), plus hiring the pet sitter for a week. 

We got home last night and start talking about having to leave again in a week. Mrs CL says, "Wow! We're really blowing the budget on vacations! Too bad we can't cancel Gulf Shores now. We probably shouldn't go on two vacations every year. We probably should have skipped Colorado."

I point out that she wasn't originally invited to Colorado, that the original trip was just to attend the camp, and that Gulf Shores is supposed to be our "real" vacation anyway and all the money we spent in Colorado was her choice, not mine. 

Tone was not appreciated. 

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Dude, that's on you. Did you seriously think it would turn out any other way??
I only mentioned several times - "Here, put this with the food receipts." Or "This goes with the souvenir receipts." I did all the driving (8313 miles). All she had to do was handle receipts and pass out snacks.
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11 minutes ago, Modessit said:
11 hours ago, Sam Lin said:
Dude, that's on you. Did you seriously think it would turn out any other way??

I only mentioned several times - "Here, put this with the food receipts." Or "This goes with the souvenir receipts." I did all the driving (8313 miles). All she had to do was handle receipts and pass out snacks.

Pass out snacks AND handle receipts? No way she was going to be able to handle both while on Facebook or tik tok.

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Me: You want some of this watermelon I cut up?

Her: No thanks. My stomach is just now feeling better. You know how I sometimes can't eat watermelon because it upsets my stomach. I heard people of Mediterranean descent can't eat watermelon. Maybe it's my Italian descent, but my sister can eat watermelon. I like watermelon because it is so refreshing sometimes, but I can't eat it, probably because of my Italian heritage. I wish it didn't hurt my stomach because I do enjoy the refreshing nature of it. My stomach is better now than it was for the past week, so maybe I could try just a bite, but probably not. It's probably better to not chance it. It's because of my Italian descent. There's just some things I can't eat, even though my sister can. 

Me: Silent. I wanted to tell her she could have stopped at "No thanks", but I didn't want to get the "tone" look. She has a wicked tone look.

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15 hours ago, Modessit said:

Just got back from a 32-day camping road trip around the West with the wife and kids. I saved every receipt so I could (later) track how much it all cost. I had my wife bring a small accordion file and gave her each receipt - gas (with total mileagewritten on it), food, fun, souvenirs, lodging (campsite fees, etc) - to put in there. Since there weren't 32 slots in the file, I assumed she'd put all the gas in one slot, food in another, etc.

Today I was curious to see what my overall gas mileage was so I got the file to pull out the gas receipts. That's when I found out that my wife just stuck whatever receipt into whichever folder was easiest to fit. Nothing separated. Nothing in chronological order. A total shit show. Took me an hour to sort everything out.

This is the same woman that bitches for 2 weeks if you take your deodorant out of the "toiletry bag" and don't put it back in the exact same pocket that it came out of.

In hind sight, you should have tabbed the slots Gas, food, trinkets, etc so she could have understood how you wanted it organized. Or told her you wanted it in chronological order. Otherwise, not going to happen because she thinks you are being a nerd trying to know how much you spent, etc. 

And now, you get to do that thing where when she starts bitching at you about not putting something back, all you have to say is "the receipts in the accordion folder was a shit show on our trip so don't keep on. " 

 You'll get a tone penalty but it will be worth it. 

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5 hours ago, Modessit said:
17 hours ago, Sam Lin said:
Dude, that's on you. Did you seriously think it would turn out any other way??

I only mentioned several times - "Here, put this with the food receipts." Or "This goes with the souvenir receipts." I did all the driving (8313 miles). All she had to do was handle receipts and pass out snacks.

No sex tent?

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On 7/14/2021 at 11:14 AM, SquishMitten said:

Fun little two-part story. Don't think either of them, individually, would warrant a post, but with their powers combined I was thoroughly befuddled. 

Part 1: Wife has a dinner planned with some friends and their kids the other day at Hat Creek. I ask her to bring home a burger and fries for me. FOUR HOURS later, she shows up with soggy food. Naturally, I ask if they ran some errands or something afterwards. But nope, they came home straight afterwards. She just ordered my food when she first got to the restaurant. 

Part 2: The following morning she's packing lunch for one of our kids who's in summer camp, and I see her put a handful of leftover fries in the microwave. I ask her why, and she says "so they'll be warm at lunch time, their lunch is only in about three hours." 

This woman doesn't know how food works. 

   Did you take the time to explain it to her or was that the equivalent of the walk across Guadalupe to The Union?

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