Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[mulletpelini 5207]

So what happened to the fucking Dremmel

[Dennis Taylor 18628]

On 7/17/2021 at 12:15 PM, Modessit said:

I only mentioned several times - "Here, put this with the food receipts." Or "This goes with the souvenir receipts." I did all the driving (8313 miles). All she had to do was handle receipts and pass out snacks.

 

On 7/17/2021 at 3:28 PM, burntorangebongos said:

In hind sight, you should have tabbed the slots Gas, food, trinkets, etc so she could have understood how you wanted it organized. Or told her you wanted it in chronological order. Otherwise, not going to happen because she thinks you are being a nerd trying to know how much you spent, etc. 

You two seem like a barrel of fucking laughs on vacation 

Edited July 22, 2021 by Dennis Taylor

[ROFL BOX 6642]

1 hour ago, mulletpelini said:

So what happened to the fucking Dremmel

It now self identifies as a Dremel.

[Upgrayedd 5797]

On 7/13/2021 at 10:51 AM, Grade of D as in David said:

If you sit backwards the tank lid makes quite a nice table. 

[Ten Bears 2474]

If you want to find the Dremel tool buy another one and the lost one will turn up within a week.

[nnm 35803]

21 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

So what happened to the fucking Dremmel

Cool story bruh.

 

[Thatguy 8271]

You fucking guys man!!  Lol

[hullabelew 3698]

My wife, daughter and two granddaughters are headed out for a day of shopping.  They walked out to the car.   8.   

8 is the number of times at least one of them has come back in the house looking for something they left/forgot.  My over/under was 8.5 and even though they pulled out of the driveway, I still expect them to return to get me to the over.  And this doesn't count the 17 minute search session they had for wife's phone and daughter's car keys.  

The next time they come back in, I'll see if any of them has seen the Dremel tool.  

 

Edited July 23, 2021 by hullabelew

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

11 hours ago, Thatguy said:

You fucking guys man!!  Lol

[shakahorn 1616]

On 7/17/2021 at 12:04 PM, Not that Bob said:

Me: You want some of this watermelon I cut up?

Her: No thanks. My stomach is just now feeling better. You know how I sometimes can't eat watermelon because it upsets my stomach. I heard people of Mediterranean descent can't eat watermelon. Maybe it's my Italian descent, but my sister can eat watermelon. I like watermelon because it is so refreshing sometimes, but I can't eat it, probably because of my Italian heritage. I wish it didn't hurt my stomach because I do enjoy the refreshing nature of it. My stomach is better now than it was for the past week, so maybe I could try just a bite, but probably not. It's probably better to not chance it. It's because of my Italian descent. There's just some things I can't eat, even though my sister can. 

Me: Silent. I wanted to tell her she could have stopped at "No thanks", but I didn't want to get the "tone" look. She has a wicked tone look.

The amazing part to all of this, is that she opened with "no thanks."  Every other wife would have given you all that blah blah blah and closed with "no thanks."  Or, not even said "no thanks" and just give you all the blah blah blah.

[CycleTex87 2951]

My wife has lost/misplaced her car keys/house keys/mail keys/whatever.  They've been missing for 5-6 days now.  We both have a set of keys to her car, so she's been using mine for this week.  She's mad at me, and generally believes that it's my fault that her keys are missing.  She may be right, as I might have stuck them in my pocket or something, but I've looked in the 2-3 places I set down the keys, and under the table, couch, behind the desk etc. and don't find them.

But here's the deal.  I have keys for my car, and I keep track of them.  I have keys for her car, and I keep track of them.  I keep track of my stuff.  I don't keep track of her stuff.  I've never lost my keys in my adult life.

[AUS-97HORN 11575]

1 hour ago, CycleTex87 said:

My wife has lost/misplaced her car keys/house keys/mail keys/whatever.  They've been missing for 5-6 days now.  We both have a set of keys to her car, so she's been using mine for this week.  She's mad at me, and generally believes that it's my fault that her keys are missing.  She may be right, as I might have stuck them in my pocket or something, but I've looked in the 2-3 places I set down the keys, and under the table, couch, behind the desk etc. and don't find them.

But here's the deal.  I have keys for my car, and I keep track of them.  I have keys for her car, and I keep track of them.  I keep track of my stuff.  I don't keep track of her stuff.  I've never lost my keys in my adult life.

very unclear why your wife hijacked your account. 

cause, after a fucking day, if I didnt already have an emergency set of car keys, I would have coughed  up the $200 or so to just create a duplicate keyfob.   lots of mobile places that will do that for you especially if its not an actual time constraint emergency and you have your version of key that can be used as the master copy.

 

Also, Protip:  make the dealer provide you with at least 3 keyfobs when you buy new or used from a dealer. Unless you have totally raped your dealer, they will bitch and whine and agree- its like a $20 charge to them, but a $3-500 charge to you.   I just add a line I add to my bid demand sheet everytime,  3 keyfobs (4 if you have kids who drive), and if the dealer cant make them right away, they agree to make them in a few days.

 

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

1 hour ago, CycleTex87 said:

She's mad at me, and generally believes that it's my fault that her keys are missing.

[ROFL BOX 6642]

2 hours ago, shakahorn said:

The amazing part to all of this, is that she opened with "no thanks."  Every other wife would have given you all that blah blah blah and closed with "no thanks."  Or, not even said "no thanks" and just give you all the blah blah blah.

Me to 1st wife, we are driving a long distance, it's a rando time of day where we're out, in a mall, whatever:  "Are you hungry?"

Her:  "I could eat." [ not specifically saying "yes or no" }

Me, after a year of this:  _That's the "yes" answer in as close to a definitive that you might ever get_

[WhatTheBuck 28685]

1 hour ago, ROFL BOX said:

Me to 1st wife, we are driving a long distance, it's a rando time of day where we're out, in a mall, whatever:  "Are you hungry?"

Her:  "I could eat." [ not specifically saying "yes or no" }

Me, after a year of this:  _That's the "yes" answer in as close to a definitive that you might ever get_

That’s a perfectly acceptable expression that many people use. 

[CycleTex87 2951]

2 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Ha ha.  Not even close. 29th anniversary on Sunday. 

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2720]

My wife has lost/misplaced her car keys/house keys/mail keys/whatever.  They've been missing for 5-6 days now.  We both have a set of keys to her car, so she's been using mine for this week.  She's mad at me, and generally believes that it's my fault that her keys are missing.  She may be right, as I might have stuck them in my pocket or something, but I've looked in the 2-3 places I set down the keys, and under the table, couch, behind the desk etc. and don't find them.
But here's the deal.  I have keys for my car, and I keep track of them.  I have keys for her car, and I keep track of them.  I keep track of my stuff.  I don't keep track of her stuff.  I've never lost my keys in my adult life.

I’ve “lost” my keys once in 30 years of having keys. I got shitplowed at a TX/OU party 3-4 years ago and couldn’t locate them when it was time to go. I always sneak keys in a corner not near things if I get them out of my pocket. I still think someone grabbed them and I didn’t “lose” them.

Anyway, carry on.

[ROFL BOX 6642]

You SW-TX State Bobcats who attended in the mid to late 80's, please help a feller out.

In that era, D-II ball, was the ~16,000 seat Bobcat Stadium "always full... usually 90% or more seated"?

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

[nnm 35803]

17 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

Ha ha.  Not even close. 29th anniversary on Sunday. 

You got married one day after we did. Congrats. 

[shadow_operative2.0 15763]

Whose wife is @AUS-97HORN? Because that stupid mother fucker can’t shut up. 

Ain’t a wife on here more long-winded. 

[Fudbelty 2784]

You SW-TX State Bobcats who attended in the mid to late 80's, please help a feller out.

In that era, D-II ball, was the ~16,000 seat Bobcat Stadium "always full... usually 90% or more seated"?

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

Your wife sounds insane

[ROFL BOX 6642]

Your wife sounds insane like a wife.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

[davidg 4016]

The amazing part to all of this, is that she opened with "no thanks."  Every other wife would have given you all that blah blah blah and closed with "no thanks."  Or, not even said "no thanks" and just give you all the blah blah blah.

I was surprised he was even listening enough after the No thanks to even post the rest of what she said.

[CycleTex87 2951]

On 7/23/2021 at 2:35 PM, CycleTex87 said:

My wife has lost/misplaced her car keys/house keys/mail keys/whatever.  They've been missing for 5-6 days now.  We both have a set of keys to her car, so she's been using mine for this week.  She's mad at me, and generally believes that it's my fault that her keys are missing.  She may be right, as I might have stuck them in my pocket or something, but I've looked in the 2-3 places I set down the keys, and under the table, couch, behind the desk etc. and don't find them.

But here's the deal.  I have keys for my car, and I keep track of them.  I have keys for her car, and I keep track of them.  I keep track of my stuff.  I don't keep track of her stuff.  I've never lost my keys in my adult life.

Well, the mystery was solved after only 10 days.  She was very excited to find the keys in the bottom of the empty jumbo plastic wrapper around the toilet paper.  Totally not my doing to get it there.  Did I tell you how much toilet paper we use at my house?  Yes, I bought another $20 bundle yesterday.  Seems like lifetime supply to me, but really about 2 weeks worth.  I could buy the nicest bidet on the market and it would pay for itself in 6 months.

[NorthLoop 14027]

I have to take my wife's car if I'm taking the kids anywhere without her as she has the good carseat. This conversation happens a lot: 

"Hey where are your car keys?" 

"In my wallet"

"Where's your wallet?" 

"In my purse" 

"Where's your purse?" 

"Hanging up" 

"Where?" 

 

 

[nnm 35803]

1 minute ago, NorthLoop said:

I have to take my wife's car if I'm taking the kids anywhere without her as she has the good carseat. This conversation happens a lot: 

"Hey where are your car keys?" 

"In my wallet"

"Where's your wallet?" 

"In my purse" 

"Where's your purse?" 

"Hanging up" 

"Where?" 

 

 

Every. Single. Time. 

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

22 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

Well, the mystery was solved after only 10 days.  She was very excited to find the keys in the bottom of the empty jumbo plastic wrapper around the toilet paper.  Totally not my doing to get it there.  Did I tell you how much toilet paper we use at my house?  Yes, I bought another $20 bundle yesterday.  Seems like lifetime supply to me, but really about 2 weeks worth.  I could buy the nicest bidet on the market and it would pay for itself in 6 months.

 

Instead of pulling 4 squares and folding I imagine most women spin the tp roll like this when they go to the bathroom.

[NorthLoop 14027]

12 minutes ago, nnm said:

Every. Single. Time. 

This one happened the other day: 

"The baby peed on the carpet" 

"Where?" 

"The carpet" 

"Where though?" 

"THE CARPET!" 

"Half of our fucking house is carpet!" 

"The Living Room!" 

 

.... The living room has wood flooring. He peed on the rug in the living room. 

[Kennythetiger 9311]

Rubbing his nose in it will make him stop. You’re on your own with the vague wife answers. 

[Armybrat 40617]

On 7/23/2021 at 8:52 PM, ROFL BOX said:

You SW-TX State Bobcats who attended in the mid to late 80's, please help a feller out.

In that era, D-II ball, was the ~16,000 seat Bobcat Stadium "always full... usually 90% or more seated"?

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

My son was a student there at that time, but he never went to a game. He is a Texas fan.

[CycleTex87 2951]

He peed on the Dude's rug?

[Thatguy 8271]

4 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

 

Instead of pulling 4 squares and folding I imagine most women spin the tp roll like this when they go to the bathroom.

  3 squares and fold, motherfucker, buy better toilet paper.

[Thatguy 8271]

4 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

This one happened the other day: 

"The baby peed on the carpet" 

"Where?" 

"The carpet" 

"Where though?" 

"THE CARPET!" 

"Half of our fucking house is carpet!" 

"The Living Room!" 

 

.... The living room has wood flooring. He peed on the rug in the living room. 

   We have berber carpet upstairs, because why? Because when you have two cats, dog sit for your parents all the time, and a bambi like child...that's the fucking carpet you buy, right? You cannot get SHIT out of berber carpet. So fast forward to my daughter literally running upstairs with a plate of spaghetti. We hear her trip and fall. Both of us stand up and come around the corner to a pile of spaghetti sitting on the carpet. I walk away like.....

 

Every week this woman locks the cat in her closet. The closet is on the other side of the bathroom. The berber picks back up where the ceramic tile stops. Guess what he did to that while trying to get out of the closet?

[Buzzrock 14790]

“Why are all the beach volleyball players so tan?”

[WhatTheBuck 28685]

5 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

Well, the mystery was solved after only 10 days.  She was very excited to find the keys in the bottom of the empty jumbo plastic wrapper around the toilet paper.  Totally not my doing to get it there.  Did I tell you how much toilet paper we use at my house?  Yes, I bought another $20 bundle yesterday.  Seems like lifetime supply to me, but really about 2 weeks worth.  I could buy the nicest bidet on the market and it would pay for itself in 6 months.

Was she using the keys to open the plastic wrapper? When Charmin finally returned to the shelves after the TP shortage last year I noticed that the plastic wrapper is a lot more difficult to open than it used to be. It’s annoying. 

[nnm 35803]

9 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

“Why are all the beach volleyball players so tan?”

They probably picked it up hanging around the toes of the camel that are on display. 

[Storm the Field 5264]

Here's a fun one from last weekend. Wife and I are hanging out in pool listening to music. "In the Mood" by Robert Plant comes on. Wife walks by my phone and sees the name of the song and artist. 

Mrs. STF: "Hmmm, I never would have guessed that's who sang this song."

Me: "Really, you didn't recognize the voice?"

Mrs. STF: "No. Who is Robert Plant? Some one-hit wonder?"

Me: (Eyes roll back in head 180 degrees). 

Keep in mind, this woman probably has 20+ Led Zeppelin songs in her music library that she's listened to plenty of times.

[tbone_ 14016]

One of the biggest fights I ever had with my ex was when we found out as we were checking into our hotel in Tahoe for a getaway weekend with no particular plans that Robert Plant and the Sensational Space Shifters were playing that night across the street.

Me: (buying tickets on stub hub)
Her: Who?
Me: ....
Me: finally explaining
Her: I am not going to a loud ass fucking rock concert.

We went and it was great. Turns out he had the keyboard player from Portishead or some shit in his new band and they redid a bunch of zeppelin songs chill style. Ordinarily I’d say fuck that but he’s Robert Plant and he’s authorized. They were very good.

[NAVY 6735]

33 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

One of the biggest fights I ever had with my ex was when we found out as we were checking into our hotel in Tahoe for a getaway weekend with no particular plans that Robert Plant and the Sensational Space Shifters were playing that night across the street.

Me: (buying tickets on stub hub)
Her: Who?
Me: ....
Me: finally explaining
Her: I am not going to a loud ass fucking rock concert.

We went and it was great. Turns out he had the keyboard player from Portishead or some shit in his new band and they redid a bunch of zeppelin songs chill style. Ordinarily I’d say fuck that but he’s Robert Plant and he’s authorized. They were very good.

Robert Plant and the Sensational Space Shifters put on a great fucking show. Highly recommend 

[Player 4575]

Reminds me of the time on a ski trip in Vail when my wife assured me that Led Zeppelin was playing a concert (one night only!!!), and it just happened to be that night. Not taking no for an answer, the kids and I walked over to this little outdoor pavilion to appease her. 

It was these chicks: 

 

They were good. 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11764]

I generally take care of all the bookkeeping, bills etc.  There is one monthly bill related to our property out in Hays Co that my wife started paying manually (no not that kind of manually), but anyway it's due once a month.  I had to pay my son's tuition yesterday and looked through outflows to see how much I needed to transfer into checking to cover the tuition.  I noticed she hasn't paid that bill.  Asked her about it.  "I haven't gotten a bill this month yet to pay", she says. I go get the mail.  The bill has been sitting there for 2 weeks and is now late.  I guess if you don't get the mail, the bill doesn't exist. 

I'll be taking that one over next month.

[Party_Taco 3660]

Mrs. Taco: I think we should leave the house at 4:15 for our 6:15 flight

Taco: That’s fine if you want to sit at the airport for an hour…

Mrs Taco: 1mm reasons why I’m an idiot

Cut to me sitting at the front door at 4:15… 4:20… 4:30… 4:32

Anyway, we’re through security at 5AM, there isn’t shit to eat and somehow I’m still wrong.

[Thatguy 8271]

28 minutes ago, Party_Taco said:

Mrs. Taco: I think we should leave the house at 4:15 for our 6:15 flight

Taco: That’s fine if you want to sit at the airport for an hour…

Mrs Taco: 1mm reasons why I’m an idiot

Cut to me sitting at the front door at 4:15… 4:20… 4:30… 4:32

Anyway, we’re through security at 5AM, there isn’t shit to eat and somehow I’m still wrong.

  My question is where the hell do you live where you can leave the house for 4:40 for a 6:15 flight?

[Party_Taco 3660]

Baltimore, baby - And parking at the terminal is $15 a day.

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

15 hours ago, Player said:

They were good. 

As good as these guys?

 

 

[CycleTex87 2951]

That's a hell of a mashup.

[BHMCruiser 1808]

4 hours ago, Party_Taco said:

Baltimore, baby - And parking at the terminal is $15 a day.

BWI is such an easy airport except for when they decide to close all the security gates except for C for reasons that are utterly inexplicable.

[Modessit 5582]

I’ve “lost” my keys once in 30 years of having keys. I got shitplowed at a TX/OU party 3-4 years ago and couldn’t locate them when it was time to go. I always sneak keys in a corner not near things if I get them out of my pocket. I still think someone grabbed them and I didn’t “lose” them.

Anyway, carry on.

You should've hooked them to your vap pen. Those never disappear.

Sent from my SM-G998U using Tapatalk

[Mitch Cumsteen 18487]

On 7/26/2021 at 9:10 AM, NorthLoop said:

This one happened the other day: 

"The baby peed on the carpet" 

"Where?" 

"The carpet" 

"Where though?" 

"THE CARPET!" 

"Half of our fucking house is carpet!" 

"The Living Room!" 

 

.... The living room has wood flooring. He peed on the rug in the living room. 

That rug really tied the room together. 

[Mole 4318]

On 7/17/2021 at 12:41 AM, Modessit said:

Just got back from a 32-day camping road trip around the West with the wife and kids. I saved every receipt so I could (later) track how much it all cost. I had my wife bring a small accordion file and gave her each receipt - gas (with total mileagewritten on it), food, fun, souvenirs, lodging (campsite fees, etc) - to put in there. Since there weren't 32 slots in the file, I assumed she'd put all the gas in one slot, food in another, etc.

Today I was curious to see what my overall gas mileage was so I got the file to pull out the gas receipts. That's when I found out that my wife just stuck whatever receipt into whichever folder was easiest to fit. Nothing separated. Nothing in chronological order. A total shit show. Took me an hour to sort everything out.

This is the same woman that bitches for 2 weeks if you take your deodorant out of the "toiletry bag" and don't put it back in the exact same pocket that it came out of.