Jump to content

Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
in Lulz

 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 22.4k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Popular Posts

McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

Posted Images

SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8770

Posted
Posted
On 8/8/2021 at 10:16 AM, Thatguy said:

  Wife throws a 40th Bday party for one of her friends for just the girls. There are 7 cackling hens downstairs in the family room. Daughter and I bunker down in our movie theater room and try to start watching something. Full surround sound. Speakers fore, aft, side, and ceiling. Still too loud to watch a movie. We hop into the car and run to the mall, my kid's favorite place. Do a couple laps, grab a couple things, and head out. Go over to my brother's. Hit the kids with some pillows. Talk a little shop. Go home and these motherfuckers are still here. Except now they've downed a 3 gallon container of Sangria that my wife made. We go back upstairs and barricade ourselves back in the theater room. A little while later it's quieted down, but they are still here. I get nominated to go get snacks. I go down there and they all look at me like this....................

s_top

 

 Apparently the conversation had turned to "shit your Husband does".

I think that's bogus. That's obviously an old photo.  She is still ugly but, look how young Chicago's mayor looks.

  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Mo Horn

Mo Horn 8768

Posted
Posted
20 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

At dinner Friday night and my wife thinks we should discuss how many girls I slept with before we got married….nearly 12 years ago.

I told her that is the single dumbest thing to talk about.

Sorry to break it to you, but she's just trying to tell you that she's stepping out on you, and looking for ammunition to justify that you slept with X number of people. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Sandman

Sandman 3399

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

Mine likes to get a pound of chicken and a bunch of Romaine. "Gonna make Caesar Salad!" 

3 days later I'm tossing the chicken in the freezer before it goes bad. 3 days after that our trash is filled with lettuce. Rinse. Repeat. 

A tale as old as time.

My wife will buy those pre-made salads at our local grocery store and it's inevitable that at least one of them gets tossed by sunday ("I forgot that was in there!"). She actually ate all of the ones she bought the last week and tried to spike that football in my face, like she solved an ancient math equation that's baffled scientists for generations. I just told her I was proud of her and walked away.

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 1
  • Haha 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21768

Posted
Posted

I buy bananas every time I go to the grocery store.  On Friday when the housekeeper comes there's always a couple sitting out that have turned black and she will throw them away.  Once I forgot to buy bananas and she left me a note reminding me to buy them next time I went to the grocery store.

  • Haha 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites
NorthLoop

NorthLoop 14027

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Sandman said:

A tale as old as time.

My wife will buy those pre-made salads at our local grocery store and it's inevitable that at least one of them gets tossed by sunday ("I forgot that was in there!"). She actually ate all of the ones she bought the last week and tried to spike that football in my face, like she solved an ancient math equation that's baffled scientists for generations. I just told her I was proud of her and walked away.

And God forbid you eat one if you feel so inclined. 

  • Fuck Around and Find Out 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
ABSR

ABSR 5281

Posted
Posted
18 minutes ago, PantsTent said:


I raise you…

01c39189060e27be6690c56a2046e4bc.jpg

And there’s another cabinet full of more. And the coffee mug cabinet…

I have a similar cabinet, but most of the cups are on their side or just shoved in like it's a junk drawer.  You're just showing off.

And the original poster still wins as all of the one's he is showing are 1/3 to 2/3 full of water or liquids of some sort and are sitting on the night stand....where they have been for days or weeks.

  • Hook 'Em 4
  • Like 3
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
PantsTent

PantsTent 2002

Posted
Posted (edited)
6 minutes ago, ABSR said:

I have a similar cabinet, but most of the cups are on their side or just shoved in like it's a junk drawer.  You're just showing off.

And the original poster still wins as all of the one's he is showing are 1/3 to 2/3 full of water or liquids of some sort and are sitting on the night stand....where they have been for days or weeks.

This is true.  My wife only has one or two out at a time.  She's way more OCD than all the dude's in the stadium renovation thread combined, so her obsession with cups and mugs are all neatly aligned in several cabinets/shelfs.  It has it's benefits, but once a week or so she goes off on me about not hanging the kitchen towel on the oven handle "straight".

 

Edited by PantsTent
Link to comment
Share on other sites
WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28686

Posted
Posted
On 8/11/2021 at 3:32 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I buy bananas every time I go to the grocery store.  On Friday when the housekeeper comes there's always a couple sitting out that have turned black and she will throw them away.  Once I forgot to buy bananas and she left me a note reminding me to buy them next time I went to the grocery store.

4011

Throw those overripe bananas in a bag in the freezer and save them to make banana bread. 

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6642

Posted
Posted
4011
Throw those overripe bananas in a bag in the freezer and save them to make banana bread. 
Are you my wife?

She says that nonsense every.fucking.time. I ask about throwing away the shitty, black, diseased, spoiled bananas that sit on the counter for 2 or 3 weeks.

"Save them for banana bread."

This has made me realize i don't ever want to eat bread that is made specifically with spoiled, black, diseased fruit.

Narrator: "& She never actually did make banana bread."

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk


  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Felix

Felix 595

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, WhatTheBuck said:

4011

Throw those overripe bananas in a bag in the freezer and save them to make banana bread. 

Yeah about that.  I have approximately 17 bunches of black bananas in my freezer and that's only because I've secretly thrown out 10 bunches.  Nobody eats that much banana bread.

  • Fuck You 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6642

Posted
Posted

Quick, informal survey:

If you have a garage, how much of it / what % is actually functional as a garage vs. has crap / household whatevers in it?

If discussing, 1 car... 2 car... 2 car single door with a separate 1 or 2 car setup, etc.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

Link to comment
Share on other sites
ABSR

ABSR 5281

Posted
Posted
31 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

ahem...

 

D9hNfjG.jpg

I'm just impressed that some of them are empty.  I don't know if I have ever seen my wife finish one.

And if you buy some white paint you she will still look like a slob, but not a poor slob.

  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28686

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Are you my wife?

She says that nonsense every.fucking.time. I ask about throwing away the shitty, black, diseased, spoiled bananas that sit on the counter for 2 or 3 weeks.

"Save them for banana bread."

This has made me realize i don't ever want to eat bread that is made specifically with spoiled, black, diseased fruit.

Narrator: "& She never actually did make banana bread."

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

What makes you think it’s diseased? It’s not. That’s how you make banana bread. The starches in the bananas break down into sugars and you get a lot more sweetness from an overripe banana. You want them to be dark and soft and mushy. Try making banana bread with fresh bananas sometime and see how that works for you.

Guess what else. The secret to making good sugar cookies is to use sour milk.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28686

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Felix said:

Yeah about that.  I have approximately 17 bunches of black bananas in my freezer and that's only because I've secretly thrown out 10 bunches.  Nobody eats that much banana bread.

Pro tip: those bunches of bananas can be pulled apart. You don’t have to buy a whole bunch at a time. I just buy two bananas at a time so I can eat them before they go bad. But if one gets overripe, it goes into the freezer. I probably have enough to make a batch of banana bread now. I’ll have to get on that. I just need to pick up some walnuts the next time I go to the store.

But yeah, buy fewer bananas and eat your bananas. But also make banana bread every once in awhile. That stuff is great.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21768

Posted
Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Quick, informal survey:

If you have a garage, how much of it / what % is actually functional as a garage vs. has crap / household whatevers in it?

If discussing, 1 car... 2 car... 2 car single door with a separate 1 or 2 car setup, etc.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

When I was married to the ex we had a three car garage.  I was lucky if I had room in one of them to park my Kawasaki Mule and my motorcycle.  Once she left I was able to clean out the garage and park my truck, my car, the Mule, and the Motorcycle.  I had to buy two of those Waste Management Bagsters to clean out the garage.  Since she's been gone I have always been able to park my car in the garage.

Edited by NeverMarryAStripper
  • Like 2
  • Rage+1 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18628

Posted
Posted
28 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

When I was married to the ex we had a three car garage.  I was lucky if I had room in one of them to park my Kawasaki Mule and my motorcycle.  Once she left I was able to clean out the garage and park my truck, my car, the Mule, and the Motorcycle.  I had to buy two of those Waste Management Bagsters to clean out the garage.  Since she's been gone I have always been able to park my car in the garage.

So she didn't get half your shit or your house? 

Did you have her whacked? 

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Flg8rfan

Flg8rfan 201

Posted
Posted
Quick, informal survey:

If you have a garage, how much of it / what % is actually functional as a garage vs. has crap / household whatevers in it?

If discussing, 1 car... 2 car... 2 car single door with a separate 1 or 2 car setup, etc.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk



2 gar garage. 20x20 with Air handler, water heater, well pressure tank, washer, and dryer along the rear wall. Not much hope in parking a car in there to begin with.

Next house will be built to what we want.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Paper_jam

Paper_jam 828

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Quick, informal survey:

If you have a garage, how much of it / what % is actually functional as a garage vs. has crap / household whatevers in it?

If discussing, 1 car... 2 car... 2 car single door with a separate 1 or 2 car setup, etc.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

My garage has about 75% of the floor area open for parking. (The rest is taken up with mowers, gardening shit, etc.) The builder called it a two-car garage but I call bullshit, it's only 18' wide so you could only get two cars in there if you have nothing else taking up floor space. There ought to be some kind of building code that requires something represented as a "two car garage" to be at least 20' wide.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...