Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Gil Bang 25822]

So, it's the GF, not the wife:

We're out running errands on Saturday, and we decide to grab a bite to eat.  We stop at a local pub that has good food.  They have TVs, and there are some games on.  One of the ballgames on TV, they zoom in on the pitcher just as the GF looks up.  She says "OMG, that pitcher looks so young...he looks like he's 12". 

Yes, it was the LLWS on the TV. 

[Dennis Taylor 18628]

12 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

So, it's the GF, not the wife:

We're out running errands on Saturday, and we decide to grab a bite to eat.  We stop at a local pub that has good food.  They have TVs, and there are some games on.  One of the ballgames on TV, they zoom in on the pitcher just as the GF looks up.  She says "OMG, that pitcher looks so young...he looks like he's 12". 

Yes, it was the LLWS on the TV. 

She's not wrong 

[tbone_ 14016]

Since it’s domestic only there are no 16yo Dominican 12 year olds so she probably was right.

[ztejas 42999]

31 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

Since it’s domestic only there are no 16yo Dominican 12 year olds so she probably was right.

[AUS-97HORN 11575]

1 hour ago, Gil Bang said:

So, it's the GF, not the wife:

your wife lets you go on dates with your girlfriend?   holy shit. thats fucking progressive. 

[gmr548 16377]

My wife simultaneously complains I drive too slow and too fast and switch lanes too much and don’t switch lanes enough.

I hear it, but I don’t respond anymore.

But have you ever been accosted for “changing speed too rapidly” on cruise control?

[nnm 35804]

7 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Didn't know where else to put this but over the weekend

Her : How much is a new dishwasher?

Me : Our wedding was about $10,000. I thought it came with one.

 

tone

 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8791]

So, it's the GF, not the wife:
We're out running errands on Saturday, and we decide to grab a bite to eat.  We stop at a local pub that has good food.  They have TVs, and there are some games on.  One of the ballgames on TV, they zoom in on the pitcher just as the GF looks up.  She says "OMG, that pitcher looks so young...he looks like he's 12". 

Yes, it was the LLWS on the TV. 

Wait until she sees the 30 for 30 on Danny Almonte

[Nivek 16736]

16 hours ago, gmr548 said:

But have you ever been accosted for “changing speed too rapidly” on cruise control?

Not that one, but I did get chastised for suddenly breaking as cars before me all stopped suddenly.  I was told I hit the brakes too quickly. 

[NorthLoop 14027]

My wife loves this move: 

Her to the 2yo: "Hey buddy do you want some chicken nuggets?" 

2yo: "Yeah chicken nugget!!" 

Me thinking: Oh good. That's easy. 

 

* I get up to go make nuggets. 

 

Her: "Or do you want Beanie Weenies?" 

Me: Oh God what did you just do? NOOOOO

2yo: "Beanie Weenie! No! Chicken Nugget! No! Beanie Weenie!" 

 

I then end up making both which he won't eat. 

[tigol 2381]

But have you ever been accosted for “changing speed too rapidly” on cruise control?

Fuck cruise control. Especially in traffic.

[Dennis Taylor 18628]

32 minutes ago, Nivek said:

Not that one, but I did get chastised for suddenly breaking as cars before me all stopped suddenly.  I was told I hit the brakes too quickly. 

Damn what did you break? I think I've seen a prescription med commercial for Sudden Breaking Disorder,  sounds like it sucks 

[Wiler77 1547]

27 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

My wife loves this move: 

Her to the 2yo: "Hey buddy do you want some chicken nuggets?" 

2yo: "Yeah chicken nugget!!" 

Me thinking: Oh good. That's easy. 

 

* I get up to go make nuggets. 

 

Her: "Or do you want Beanie Weenies?" 

Me: Oh God what did you just do? NOOOOO

2yo: "Beanie Weenie! No! Chicken Nugget! No! Beanie Weenie!" 

 

I then end up making both which he won't eat. 

What am I missing here?  Chicken nugget prep involves putting presumably frozen nuggets on a baking sheet and turning the oven on.  Beanie Weenies involves opening a can and pouring said contents of the can into a pot and turning the stove on.  Or maybe you make Beanie Weenies from scratch and cut up hotdogs into a can of beans?  That's a real Herculean effort.

They both border on child abuse if you're feeding that to your 2 year old.

[NorthLoop 14027]

Yeah you clearly have never had a 2 year old in your house. 

 

The issue isn't making the food. The issue is that the kid was locked in until she threw him another option for no good reason. 

[ztejas 42999]

30 minutes ago, Wiler77 said:

They both border on child abuse if you're feeding that to your 2 year old.

[Wiler77 1547]

11 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

Yeah you clearly have never had a 2 year old in your house. 

 

The issue isn't making the food. The issue is that the kid was locked in until she threw him another option for no good reason. 

I've had 3 of them actually.  We dictate what's for dinner, not the other way around.  I guess I find it funny that you're complaining about potentially having to call an audible and switch from Lazy Option 1 to Lazy Option 2, when you hadn't even started either.

[Wiler77 1547]

11 minutes ago, ztejas said:

My statement was a bit hyperbole, but child obesity isn't the kid's fault.

[txhorns 2405]

17 minutes ago, Wiler77 said:

I've had 3 of them actually.  We dictate what's for dinner, not the other way around.  I guess I find it funny that you're complaining about potentially having to call an audible and switch from Lazy Option 1 to Lazy Option 2, when you hadn't even started either.

We've got an internet badass here!

[NorthLoop 14027]

28 minutes ago, Wiler77 said:

I've had 3 of them actually.  We dictate what's for dinner, not the other way around.  I guess I find it funny that you're complaining about potentially having to call an audible and switch from Lazy Option 1 to Lazy Option 2, when you hadn't even started either.

You clearly didn't read my 2nd post either, Karen. 

Next time I'll go down to Whole Foods and put together an organic charcuterie board for him. 

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

34 minutes ago, Wiler77 said:

My statement was a bit hyperbole, but child obesity isn't the kid's fault.

1

[Thatguy 8273]

2 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

You clearly didn't read my 2nd post either, Karen. 

Next time I'll go down to Whole Foods and put together an organic charcuterie board for him. 

 

1 hour ago, NorthLoop said:

My wife loves this move: 

Her to the 2yo: "Hey buddy do you want some chicken nuggets?" 

2yo: "Yeah chicken nugget!!" 

Me thinking: Oh good. That's easy. 

 

* I get up to go make nuggets. 

 

Her: "Or do you want Beanie Weenies?" 

Me: Oh God what did you just do? NOOOOO

2yo: "Beanie Weenie! No! Chicken Nugget! No! Beanie Weenie!" 

 

I then end up making both which he won't eat. 

Wife does this. She offers up an item which is enthusiastically approved by daughter, Then for no apparent reason she offers up another item after the first item was agreed upon. Then an even more baffling move is when the second item is vetoed, she asked if she is sure that she doesn't want that. Our kid is a teenager now and has picked up on it. The other day she said mom, please stop. We already said the first thing was good. You do this all the time. Wife looked at me with that "see what your child just did" look, so I had to pretend to scold her for bumping chests with her mom.

[FloridaHorn 4726]

35 minutes ago, Wiler77 said:

My statement was a bit hyperbole, but child obesity isn't the kid's fault.

I grew up on chicken nuggets and beanie weenies and I didn't become obese until I was an adult.

[Thatguy 8273]

39 minutes ago, Wiler77 said:

I've had 3 of them actually.  We dictate what's for dinner, not the other way around.  I guess I find it funny that you're complaining about potentially having to call an audible and switch from Lazy Option 1 to Lazy Option 2, when you hadn't even started either.

Who let their wife use the laptop?

[NorthLoop 14027]

1 minute ago, Thatguy said:

 

Wife does this. She offers up an item which is enthusiastically approved by daughter, Then for no apparent reason she offers up another item after the first item was agreed upon. Then an even more baffling move is when the second item is vetoed, she asked if she is sure that she doesn't want that. Our kid is a teenager now and has picked up on it. The other day she said mom, please stop. We already said the first thing was good. You do this all the time. Wife looked at me with that "see what your child just did" look, so I had to pretend to scold her for bumping chests with her mom.

Damn I was hoping you high fived the kid

[ztejas 42999]

Just now, Thatguy said:

Who let their wife use the laptop?

I almost made this joke with a different wording. 

He went 3/3 on non picky eaters. Congrats. My mom was 2/2 before my sister came along. You can parent all you want, some kids just won't bend to your demands. 

[tbone_ 14016]

Damn I was hoping you high fived the kid

This. You weren’t getting any anyway.

[956 Worldwide 34183]

5 minutes ago, Thatguy said:

 

Wife does this. She offers up an item which is enthusiastically approved by daughter, Then for no apparent reason she offers up another item after the first item was agreed upon. Then an even more baffling move is when the second item is vetoed, she asked if she is sure that she doesn't want that. Our kid is a teenager now and has picked up on it. The other day she said mom, please stop. We already said the first thing was good. You do this all the time. Wife looked at me with that "see what your child just did" look, so I had to pretend to scold her for bumping chests with her mom.

Almost every woman I know will do this in one way or another. Its a dominant gene, it also manifests itself by announcing what she wants to order, then second guessing the decision after the waiter is waiting pad in hand, scanning the menu, then ordering the first thing. 

[Trey3216 15314]

11 minutes ago, FloridaHorn said:

I grew up on chicken nuggets and beanie weenies and I didn't become obese until I was an adult.

artificial inflation   

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

9 minutes ago, Thatguy said:

Who let their wife use the laptop?

 

[Dennis Taylor 18628]

@NorthLoop also deserves to be commended for volunteering to cook while his wife is apparently recovering from some sort of terrible injury 

[Anwar Namtut 344]

On 8/21/2021 at 7:32 AM, Scheiss Meister said:

I have an ex sister-in-law who belongs in there.

I have a current one who belongs in there.

[CycleTex87 2951]

So I'm not a Surly 1%'er.  Wife's car is 9 yrs old, and has a spot on the front part of the roof that has some paint lifting off.  The more you mess with it the more comes off.  I've showed it to her before.  Sometimes when we travel, we attach a space case to the roof racks. 

My wife re-noticed the patch this morning, and texted me a picture saying

Mrs CTX:  "what's up with this?"

CTX:  "missing paint due to crappy Honda paint of that era vehicles"

Mrs CTX:  "I think it's from the space case"

CTX:  "No,  just where the sun, wind, rain, beat on the paint, and might have had a chip from a rock or something"

Mrs CTX: "Still suspicious of the space case"

CTX:  "ok"

[NeverMarryAStripper 21768]

Agree with her and then tell her since you can't use the space case anymore she has to pack less

[AUS-97HORN 11575]

1 hour ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Almost every woman I know will do this in one way or another. Its a dominant gene, it also manifests itself by announcing what she wants to order, then second guessing the decision after the waiter is waiting pad in hand, scanning the menu, then ordering the first thing.

I know its not a wife story, but his response reminded me of this first date I went on about a year ago (during that second covid downswing in late  Aug of last year).

We go to Jack Allen's, she takes like 10 mins to decide what she wants while we small talk and I have to tell the waiter we need more time... twice.   she finally tells me she wants one of the salads (like cobb or ceasers or similar) .  and Im like ....  yo garçon  come take our order finally!!! (not really)  

anyway.  waiter  comes over and asks what she wants, and she does the, "you go first...." to me.... waiter looks at me and   I know, I know I should have held my manners and let her go first... but she insisted.

so I order the chicken fried steak.  She immediately says, "Oh wow, i want that too, and orders it right away, answering the 2-3 side questions you get when you order that meal.

15 mins later our food arrives.... 2 chicken fried steak plates are delivered.....    she looks the waiter dead in the eye with a WTF look

"uh excuse me waiter, I ordered the X salad not the CFS"

....  waiter looks stunned, Im kinda surprised,  waiter looks at me with a pained look.... and I (on our first date mind you)... I gently try to remind her that she changed her mind when the order was placed.

nope, she swears she ordered the salad.   waiter (and I) give up and whatever salad it is arrives like 5 mins later.   

so I knew this was going nowhere, went ahead and ate while waiting for her food ( I did ask if it was OK and she said nope, its rude- oh well, my food is getting cold).

as soon as waiter returned with her food, I apologized for the memory of my date, asked for the check to be split accordingly gave him my card, told him to charge my portion and she would handle hers.     I gave him a 30% tip cause I knew she was gonna go full cunt (and she did).  and left her at the table. deleted her number and moved on. 

Edited August 24, 2021 by AUS-97HORN

[956 Worldwide 34183]

3 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

I know its not a wife story, but his response reminded me of this first date I went on about a year ago (during that second covid downswing in late  Aug of last year).

We go to Jack Allen's, she takes like 10 mins to decide what she wants while we small talk and I have to tell the waiter we need more time... twice.   she finally tells me she wants one of the salads (like cobb or ceasers or similar) .  and Im like ....  yo garçon  come take our order finally!!! (not really)  

anyway.  waiter  comes over and asks what she wants, and she does the, "you go first...." to me.... waiter looks at me and   I know, I know I should have held my manners and let her go first... but she insisted.

so I order the chicken friend steak.  She immediately says, "Oh wow, i want that too, and orders it right away, answering the 2-3 side questions you get when you order that meal.

15 mins later our food arrives.... 2 chicken fried steak plates are delivered.....    she looks the waiter dead in the eye with a WTF look

"uh excuse me waiter, I ordered the X salad not the CFS"

....  waiter looks stunned, Im kinda surprised,  waiter looks at me with a pained look.... and I (on our first date mind you)... I gently try to remind her that she changed her mind when the order was placed.

nope, she swears she ordered the salad.   waiter (and I) give up and whatever salad it is arrives like 5 mins later.   

so I knew this was going nowhere, went ahead and ate while waiting for her food ( I did ask if it was OK and she said nope, its rude- oh well, my food is getting cold).

as soon as waiter returned with her food, I apologized for the memory of my date, asked for the check to be split accordingly gave him my card, told him to charge my portion and she would handle hers.     I gave him a 30% tip cause I knew she was gonna go full cunt (and she did).  and left her at the table. deleted her number and moved on. 

First of all, any day I try to order a salet and somehow end up with CFS is a gift from the Great Spirit. 
 

Second, splitting the check, then leaving and deleting numbers is a power move and one I will consider using on my wife one day. 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21768]

It would be a real game changer if all you had to do to get rid of a wife was delete her number

[Drew 2268]

47 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

So I'm not a Surly 1%'er.  Wife's car is 9 yrs old, and has a spot on the front part of the roof that has some paint lifting off.  The more you mess with it the more comes off.  I've showed it to her before.  Sometimes when we travel, we attach a space case to the roof racks. 

My wife re-noticed the patch this morning, and texted me a picture saying

Mrs CTX:  "what's up with this?"

CTX:  "missing paint due to crappy Honda paint of that era vehicles"

Mrs CTX:  "I think it's from the space case"

CTX:  "No,  just where the sun, wind, rain, beat on the paint, and might have had a chip from a rock or something"

Mrs CTX: "Still suspicious of the space case"

CTX:  "ok"

Dammit, you don't respect her.  She's SUSPICIOUS of the space case.  

That's her truth man.

[Thatguy 8273]

1 hour ago, NorthLoop said:

Damn I was hoping you high fived the kid

 

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

This. You weren’t getting any anyway.

  I don't know about you guys, but I like the other half of my shit too. Also, took pride in knowing my daughter might not have that gene.

Edited August 24, 2021 by Thatguy

[Sam Lin 3538]

40 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

I know its not a wife story, but his response reminded me of this first date I went on about a year ago (during that second covid downswing in late  Aug of last year).

We go to Jack Allen's, she takes like 10 mins to decide what she wants while we small talk and I have to tell the waiter we need more time... twice.   she finally tells me she wants one of the salads (like cobb or ceasers or similar) .  and Im like ....  yo garçon  come take our order finally!!! (not really)  

left her at the table. deleted her number and moved on. 

Edited for instructional purposes.

[Thatguy 8273]

      My brother stayed with us briefly while they were waiting for their house. Once the house was ready the moved in. They left a few random things around the house, and one of them was some liquid Tide. My wife is out of town for her cousin's wedding so I do my once a year turn doing laundry. I decide to use the Tide sitting there since it's just going to go to waste. Wife comes home and walks into the laundry room....

Wife- Ugh, you used Tide?

Me- Yeah(shrugs shoulders)

Wife- Tide is gross and disgusting. Your brother was supposed to come pick that up along with the rest of their stuff.

Me- It was going to waste so I used it.

   Wife has bougie membership to Melaleuca so any other cleaning supplies are clearly beneath her.

[HenryJames 65786]

2 hours ago, Thatguy said:

so I had to pretend to scold her for bumping chests with her mom.

Pics?

[Thatguy 8273]

27 minutes ago, HenryJames said:

Pics?

[nnm 35804]

3 hours ago, Thatguy said:

Yeah, we all saw that line and left it alone. But there’s always that guy …

[Hook1997 5256]

4 hours ago, Thatguy said:

 

Wife- Tide is gross and disgusting. Your brother was supposed to come pick that up along with the rest of their stuff.

Me- It was going to waste so I used it.

   Wife has bougie membership to Melaleuca so any other cleaning supplies are clearly beneath her.

So she your wife is thatgirl.

Edited August 25, 2021 by Hook1997

[ztejas 42999]

5 hours ago, Thatguy said:

      My brother stayed with us briefly while they were waiting for their house. Once the house was ready the moved in. They left a few random things around the house, and one of them was some liquid Tide. My wife is out of town for her cousin's wedding so I do my once a year turn doing laundry. I decide to use the Tide sitting there since it's just going to go to waste. Wife comes home and walks into the laundry room....

Wife- Ugh, you used Tide?

Me- Yeah(shrugs shoulders)

Wife- Tide is gross and disgusting. Your brother was supposed to come pick that up along with the rest of their stuff.

Me- It was going to waste so I used it.

   Wife has bougie membership to Melaleuca so any other cleaning supplies are clearly beneath her.

Solid move. Fucking up the laundry so you can continue not doing laundry. You aren't sliding that one past us packaged up in that little narrative. 

[TrashMaster G 17322]

12 hours ago, Nivek said:

Not that one, but I did get chastised for suddenly breaking as cars before me all stopped suddenly.  I was told I hit the brakes too quickly. 

Suddenly breaking?  Did you go all electric boogaloo?

[Thatguy 8273]

5 hours ago, Hook1997 said:

So she your wife is thatgirl.

Birds of a feather.....

[Thatguy 8273]

5 hours ago, ztejas said:

Solid move. Fucking up the laundry so you can continue not doing laundry. You aren't sliding that one past us packaged up in that little narrative. 

  “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist”—Charles Baudelaire.

[Nivek 16736]

5 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Suddenly breaking?  Did you go all electric boogaloo?

Well, I don't have a turbo.  And goddamnit.  

[Droopy 2622]

15 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Almost every woman I know will do this in one way or another. Its a dominant gene, it also manifests itself by announcing what she wants to order, then second guessing the decision after the waiter is waiting pad in hand, scanning the menu, then ordering the first thing. 

Wife and I have a favorite restaurant, we go twice a month for date nights, at least. We have a favorite table/waitress and both are great. We know the menu backwards and forwards. We come often enough that they know our names and have our menus ready to go when we enter the place.The waitress knows us and we damn near send her a family Christmas card.

Wife spends the short drive over talking about what she’s going to eat. How much she can’t wait to eat it.  

Yet, here we are at nut cutting time and…

Me: Hello, Mira, good evening. We’ll have the usual bottle of wine and I’ll have the chicken parm. 
 

Wife: …I’m… I’m just not sure. Do you have any…? (Asks for something she knows isn’t on the menu and they don’t make it.) 

[this is the part that pisses me the fuck off the most]

Wife: Oh? Hmmmm… (waitress and I look at each other and back at wife) hmmmm… well, I guess I’m going to need a minute. 
 

Me: Thank you, Mira. We may need two bottles tonight. Hahaha. 
 

Wife: I should probably just get what I said I’d get in the car. SMGDH