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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

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HenryJames

HenryJames 66,121

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1 hour ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Anyway,

Because of a long series of events I won't bore you with, I had to switch cars with the wife today. So I drive over to her office, leave mine, and get in hers. I start it up and the gas light comes on. The range readout says 1 mile. 1 fucking mile.

 

 

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Kwix

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1 hour ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Anyway,

Because of a long series of events I won't bore you with, I had to switch cars with the wife today. So I drive over to her office, leave mine, and get in hers. I start it up and the gas light comes on. The range readout says 1 mile. 1 fucking mile.

 

 

Would this long series of events happen to be her calling you and making up an excuse to get you to drive up there and get her gas? 

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Modessit

Modessit 5,603

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Anyway,
Because of a long series of events I won't bore you with, I had to switch cars with the wife today. So I drive over to her office, leave mine, and get in hers. I start it up and the gas light comes on. The range readout says 1 mile. 1 fucking mile.
 
 
Wife used to drive to work, then call me after telling me her car wouldn't start. I'd get there and find the gas light on, only to be told "it's only been on since yesterday. I can normally go two days before having to put gas in." I go get gas and car starts up. This happened at least 4 different times.

About seven times she called to tell me the key wouldn't turn. I'd tell her - again - to put her hand on the wheel and turn it slightly and try the key. Car would start every time.

And once she called me at 7am to tell me her car died on the lower deck frontage while at a light and wouldn't start. She told me it "wouldn't crank" (which she learned to tell me after a couple times of leaving the lights on and having a dead battery). I started getting ready to go to help and thought maybe a battery cable came loose, so I told her to honk the horn. I heard the horn honk. I start thinking why there would be power but no clicking or cranking when she turned the key. "Is the car in Park?" "No, it's in Drive." "Well, put it in Park and try again." I hear the car start. "OK, it started. Why does it need to be in Park?" "You did take Drivers Ed, right?"
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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105,155

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Wife used to drive to work, then call me after telling me her car wouldn't start. I'd get there and find the gas light on, only to be told "it's only been on since yesterday. I can normally go two days before having to put gas in." I go get gas and car starts up. This happened at least 4 different times.

About seven times she called to tell me the key wouldn't turn. I'd tell her - again - to put her hand on the wheel and turn it slightly and try the key. Car would start every time.

And once she called me at 7am to tell me her car died on the lower deck frontage while at a light and wouldn't start. She told me it "wouldn't crank" (which she learned to tell me after a couple times of leaving the lights on and having a dead battery). I started getting ready to go to help and thought maybe a battery cable came loose, so I told her to honk the horn. I heard the horn honk. I start thinking why there would be power but no clicking or cranking when she turned the key. "Is the car in Park?" "No, it's in Drive." "Well, put it in Park and try again." I hear the car start. "OK, it started. Why does it need to be in Park?" "You did take Drivers Ed, right?"

Your wife sounds like she’s SUPER hot.
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ztejas

ztejas 43,475

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On 9/4/2021 at 5:15 PM, Modessit said:

And once she called me at 7am to tell me her car died on the lower deck frontage while at a light and wouldn't start. She told me it "wouldn't crank" (which she learned to tell me after a couple times of leaving the lights on and having a dead battery). I started getting ready to go to help and thought maybe a battery cable came loose, so I told her to honk the horn. I heard the horn honk. I start thinking why there would be power but no clicking or cranking when she turned the key. "Is the car in Park?" "No, it's in Drive." "Well, put it in Park and try again." I hear the car start. "OK, it started. Why does it need to be in Park?" "You did take Drivers Ed, right?"

Wait... why did the car "die"?

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EE2B

EE2B 1,565

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My guess is it has the auto engine shutoff feature that you have to disable each time you start the car. Sometimes if it gets caught in between shutting off and trying to restart it will fuck up and die. You then have to shift to park and restart. It’s a fucking pain in the ass “feature” that serves no use but to piss people off.

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Modessit

Modessit 5,603

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My guess is it has the auto engine shutoff feature that you have to disable each time you start the car. Sometimes if it gets caught in between shutting off and trying to restart it will fuck up and die. You then have to shift to park and restart. It’s a fucking pain in the ass “feature” that serves no use but to piss people off.
No, older car. This happened 10 years ago and the car was 8 years old then.
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ztejas

ztejas 43,475

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3 minutes ago, Modessit said:
1 hour ago, ztejas said:
Wait... why did the car "die"?

Probably because it was low on gas and she was on a hill.

I've never ran out of gas - but I have had that happen to me on a very steep apartment complex drive. Had to coast back down the hill until it leveled out enough for me to restart my car. 

It was a little nervy. 

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nnm

nnm 36,440

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6 minutes ago, Thatguy said:

    Had a water main break. Tried to dig down to it with the wife. Called a plumber after 2 feet. Nothing else to report.

Impressive that you used a wife to dig. I usually use a combination of shovel and pickax. 

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Steel Shank

Steel Shank 9,428

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4 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Paging @steel shank to the Burnt Orange courtesy phone...

A mister "Steel - Shank", please pick up your call waiting at the Burnt Orange courtesy phone.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

 

1 hour ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

@Steel Shank

 

fixy

 

 

Putting on my cape now and firing up the GashMobile!!

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Biff Tannen

Biff Tannen 45,691

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Wife is signed up, apparently, for every vacation deal website on earth.  She sends me a deal this morning for $325 flights to Paris.  Cool.  The fine print (bold print at the top) is that these are for flights in October 2021 or Jan-Feb 2022.  We already have trips planned in both October and Jan-Feb.  Awesome.  Thanks for forwarding that email.

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Modessit

Modessit 5,603

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Why the fuck do women send texts, decide not to look to see if you replied, and then call you afterwards and ask “did you see my text??”

Nevermind, I guess I know why they do it.
They call you? My wife will text me something like "my car is making a funny noise" and then not answer the phone or return texts for an hour. I often have to use the locator app to make her phone ring continuously because she put it on silent and set it down - right next to her usually.
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Hook1997

Hook1997 5,384

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29 minutes ago, Modessit said:
7 hours ago, McCroskey said:
Why the fuck do women send texts, decide not to look to see if you replied, and then call you afterwards and ask “did you see my text??”

Nevermind, I guess I know why they do it.

They call you? My wife will text me something like "my car is making a funny noise" and then not answer the phone or return texts for an hour. I often have to use the locator app to make her phone ring continuously because she put it on silent and set it down - right next to her usually.

 

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26,438

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On 9/10/2021 at 12:48 AM, Modessit said:

They call you? My wife will text me something like "my car is making a funny noise" and then not answer the phone or return texts for an hour. I often have to use the locator app to make her phone ring continuously because she put it on silent and set it down - right next to her usually.

Holy fuck this. Me, heading out of the office.

Her: Hey can you stop and grab us something to eat on your way home?

Me: Sure, what do you want?

Her: (silence until I'm pulling into the driveway)

 

 

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TKthunder2

TKthunder2 4,992

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3 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Holy fuck this. Me, heading out of the office.

Her: Hey can you stop and grab us something to eat on your way home?

Me: Sure, what do you want?

Her: (silence until I'm pulling into the driveway)

Make executive decision, grab food, get home, listen to complaints about your selection.

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Nivek

Nivek 16,945

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So we are leaving the kids baseball game, wife and I took separate cars. I tossed the kids backpack in the car and forgot the keys were in it. And for some reason the car doesn’t detect the key and unlock.

No biggie. I call my wife and ask her to bring me the other key. She drives up telling me to hop in. I looked at her confused as she tells me to just ride home with her and then take the car back when I get the keys. I look at her confused, does she expect the 9 yr old to drive one of the cars home?

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nnm

nnm 36,440

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13 hours ago, Nivek said:

So we are leaving the kids baseball game, wife and I took separate cars. I tossed the kids backpack in the car and forgot the keys were in it. And for some reason the car doesn’t detect the key and unlock.

No biggie. I call my wife and ask her to bring me the other key. She drives up telling me to hop in. I looked at her confused as she tells me to just ride home with her and then take the car back when I get the keys. I look at her confused, does she expect the 9 yr old to drive one of the cars home?

Growing up on a farm, this would have been a completely reasonable expectation. I learned to drive at 8 yo on a ‘68 Dodge pickup, 3-on-the-tree. 

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Nivek

Nivek 16,945

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7 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Has running out of gas [in the driveway] been mentioned yet?  

My wife did that once to me.  Back in college we had a class schedule that worked out where she could drive to school, I would hop in and she would go to class.  I didn't make it a block.   Fortunately, there was a gas station nearby.  

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52-80

52-80 19,163

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We had informal agreement with little ~10 y/o girl in neighborhood to walk our dog.  She's been a little careless and negligent, as little girls are won't to do, and wife wants to reduce or eliminate the arrangement altogether (although im fine with it).  So wife has been completely and utterly ghosting this girl on the phone, while criticizing her for immaturity and not being able read the mood.


 

Quote

 

SMS

Kid: can i come over and walk the dog?

Wife: sorry real busy today, lets talk next week

Kid (+5d): can i come over and walk the dog?

Kid (+6d): hey are you guys at home?

Kid (+7d): can i take the dog now?

Kid (+8d): so when can i take the dog?

 

 

Wife: "gosh shes so annoying why doesnt she understand that we dont want her to take the dog??".   Uh.... maybe because YOU DIDNT FUCKING TELL HER?

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52-80

52-80 19,163

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Recently she went to a cellular store to buy a data hotspot.  During payment it glitched out - guy says 'sorry somethings wrong with system, i think i just need to run a credit check on your profile and you can come back in 30 minutes to see if it works'. 

Wife's steaming inside at how humiliating this is, and why i didnt buy the hotspot under my name instead of her.

1mo+ later "oh shit i forgot to pay the bill". 

1wk later "oh damn i need to pay this bill". 

days later "ugh this stupid bill, i have so many other things to do first". 

days later "im gonna finish watching this youtube video, then ill pay the bill".

and anytime i remind her that she should take care of it..... im the bad guy for always bringing up 'annoyances'

 

 

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Sam Lin

Sam Lin 3,559

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1 hour ago, 52-80 said:

We had informal agreement with little ~10 y/o girl in neighborhood to walk our dog.  She's been a little careless and negligent, as little girls are won't to do, and wife wants to reduce or eliminate the arrangement altogether (although im fine with it).  So wife has been completely and utterly ghosting this girl on the phone, while criticizing her for immaturity and not being able read the mood.

 

Wife: "gosh shes so annoying why doesnt she understand that we dont want her to take the dog??".   Uh.... maybe because YOU DIDNT FUCKING TELL HER?

Christ. This is just a douche move by your wife. Kid obviously wants to walk the dog, probably enjoys time with the dog, and kid is obviously going to not be so responsible at age 10.

At the least use it as a teaching opportunity to teach the kid a bit of responsibility, that "we didn't like when you did _________, so we'd like you to be extra careful and we will let you walk the dog fewer times on a trial basis and monitor closely." You owe the kid a chance, it's not just about walking the dog. Now if you make the careless and negligent actions clear and she does it again? Cut her off. But first make sure she understands the criteria and gets a chance to meet them!

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