Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[52-80 19024]

1 hour ago, Sam Lin said:

Christ. This is just a douche move by your wife. Kid obviously wants to walk the dog, probably enjoys time with the dog, and kid is obviously going to not be so responsible at age 10.

At the least use it as a teaching opportunity to teach the kid a bit of responsibility, that "we didn't like when you did _________, so we'd like you to be extra careful and we will let you walk the dog fewer times on a trial basis and monitor closely." You owe the kid a chance, it's not just about walking the dog. Now if you make the careless and negligent actions clear and she does it again? Cut her off. But first make sure she understands the criteria and gets a chance to meet them!

thats precisely the thing!  shes telling exactly all of that stuff... TO ME!

"im gonna tell her that she cannot just come inside our house and snack.  im gonna tell her she needs to walk for a minimum of xx minutes.  she needs to know the purpose of walk is to give the dog some exercise.  she cannot use the dog to show off to her other friends.  etc"

"ok, when will you tell her this?"

"can you write the SMS for me?"

fucking NO!

[Fudbelty 2784]

Out of curiosity does the wife actually say “can you write the sms” or does she say text/text message? I’ve just never heard them a casually called sms in conversation.

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

2 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

At the least use it as a teaching opportunity to teach the kid a bit of responsibility

Yes, but then it's not about her and how difficult things are for her.

[52-80 19024]

56 minutes ago, Fudbelty said:

Out of curiosity does the wife actually say “can you write the sms” or does she say text/text message? I’ve just never heard them a casually called sms in conversation.

we say generically 'send a message'.  team #whatsapp.  "SMS" when using specifically that protocol, which is rare and only when receiving inbound texts from banks and etc

[NorthLoop 14028]

4 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Recently she went to a cellular store to buy a data hotspot.  During payment it glitched out - guy says 'sorry somethings wrong with system, i think i just need to run a credit check on your profile and you can come back in 30 minutes to see if it works'. 

Wife's steaming inside at how humiliating this is, and why i didnt buy the hotspot under my name instead of her.

1mo+ later "oh shit i forgot to pay the bill". 

1wk later "oh damn i need to pay this bill". 

days later "ugh this stupid bill, i have so many other things to do first". 

days later "im gonna finish watching this youtube video, then ill pay the bill".

and anytime i remind her that she should take care of it..... im the bad guy for always bringing up 'annoyances'

 

 

Mine has a toll bill that has reached 3 figures by now. She always says "I just need to call them" or "I'll get around to it". 

 

I told her when she was in jail for it I'd "get around" to bailing her out too. 

[gmr548 16377]

4 hours ago, 52-80 said:

We had informal agreement with little ~10 y/o girl in neighborhood to walk our dog.  She's been a little careless and negligent, as little girls are won't to do, and wife wants to reduce or eliminate the arrangement altogether (although im fine with it).  So wife has been completely and utterly ghosting this girl on the phone, while criticizing her for immaturity and not being able read the mood.

 

 

Wife: "gosh shes so annoying why doesnt she understand that we dont want her to take the dog??".   Uh.... maybe because YOU DIDNT FUCKING TELL HER?

Yeah this is pretty fucked up. That would piss me off a lot. The 10 year old is showing more maturity.

[52-80 19024]

50 minutes ago, gmr548 said:

Yeah this is pretty fucked up. That would piss me off a lot. The 10 year old is showing more maturity.

i asked her directly about it and it straight up didnt register with her that she was ghosting the girl.  its not deliberate/premeditated (?). 

along with the phone bill story, it illustrates this really confounding behavior where, while shes meticulous about many other things, certain items simply do not blip on her radar.  tasks go into todo list A, or todo list B, with nothing in between.  for whatever voodoo reasons list B is suppressed into this void that never sees the light of day.

naturally i handle all the shared household stuff like bills, utilities, insurance, legal, because who knows where that will go otherwise.

[Fudbelty 2784]

we say generically 'send a message'.  team #whatsapp.  "SMS" when using specifically that protocol, which is rare and only when receiving inbound texts from banks and etc

Fair. Not that it really matters I was just wondering. My go too seems to me text or just message.

[ROFL BOX 6642]

4 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Yes, but then it's not about her and how difficult things are for her.

"It's not about the leash".

[956 Worldwide 34190]

5 hours ago, 52-80 said:

thats precisely the thing!  shes telling exactly all of that stuff... TO ME!

"im gonna tell her that she cannot just come inside our house and snack.  im gonna tell her she needs to walk for a minimum of xx minutes.  she needs to know the purpose of walk is to give the dog some exercise.  she cannot use the dog to show off to her other friends.  etc"

"ok, when will you tell her this?"

"can you write the SMS for me?"

fucking NO!

Asking you to write the SMS is as close to “you’re right” as a wife is gonna get. Did I miss in here where you’re paying this kid? Cause if you’re not paying the kid and the wife is getting pissy about the standards of dog walking then that is serious bullshit.

Take over and demonstrate maturity. Draw up a little “contract” with like three things: Fido gets at least 30 minutes walk before play, Fido’s dog dish is refilled, and you write down your time on the clock. Play as much as you want after the walk. You get paid I don’t know, ten bucks for doing it three times a week. Kid feels like you’re taking them seriously and has some structure instead of unstated guidelines.

Pro tip: make the contract for a month and then if the kid doesn’t manage it you have a gentle way of saying “thanks so much, you really helped us this past busy month but now I think we can manage.” If she does great, you can “renew.”
 

A ten year old can’t be expected to read the room or meet expectations that aren’t clearly stated. 

[52-80 19024]

24 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Asking you to write the SMS is as close to “you’re right” as a wife is gonna get. Did I miss in here where you’re paying this kid? Cause if you’re not paying the kid and the wife is getting pissy about the standards of dog walking then that is serious bullshit.

Take over and demonstrate maturity. Draw up a little “contract” with like three things: Fido gets at least 30 minutes walk before play, Fido’s dog dish is refilled, and you write down your time on the clock. Play as much as you want after the walk. You get paid I don’t know, ten bucks for doing it three times a week. Kid feels like you’re taking them seriously and has some structure instead of unstated guidelines.

Pro tip: make the contract for a month and then if the kid doesn’t manage it you have a gentle way of saying “thanks so much, you really helped us this past busy month but now I think we can manage.” If she does great, you can “renew.”
 

A ten year old can’t be expected to read the room or meet expectations that aren’t clearly stated. 

Kid gets paid on a per-walk basis. Shes been slacking and just plays with the dog on the lawn. Sometimes she asks to come in (also with a friend) and they just watch netflix on the couch with the dog. 
 

We’ve had to Set the Rules with them once already. But I mostly dont mind (im in my office anyway), because anyway theyre still keeping the dog distracted. 
 

But its my phone thats buzzing on the group chat, and what I dont like is how she straight up ignores it or asks me to respond.  
 

My philosophy is if you have the narrower set of restrictions, then you should be taking the lead.  Same exact analogy with women and restaurant selection — if youre the pickier party, you select what you want. 

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

42 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

Kid gets paid on a per-walk basis. Shes been slacking and just plays with the dog on the lawn. Sometimes she asks to come in (also with a friend) and they just watch netflix on the couch with the dog. 
 

We’ve had to Set the Rules with them once already. But I mostly dont mind (im in my office anyway), because anyway theyre still keeping the dog distracted. 
 

But its my phone thats buzzing on the group chat, and what I dont like is how she straight up ignores it or asks me to respond.  
 

My philosophy is if you have the narrower set of restrictions, then you should be taking the lead.  Same exact analogy with women and restaurant selection — if youre the pickier party, you select what you want. 

If you're on the group chat, tell the kid to come on over and walk the dog. If your wife doesn't like it then she needs to put on her big girl panties and be the adult in the conversation and not ghost a fucking child.

[tbone_ 14016]

Same exact analogy with women and restaurant selection — if youre the pickier party, you select what you want. 

I see you haven’t spent much time around women.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2720]

This looks fun. Too bad we have no pets.

[rage-a-holic 4257]

I hope you have carpet. Or a small rug.

[ABSR 5281]

8 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

A ten year old wife can’t be expected to read the room or meet expectations that aren’t clearly stated. 

Fixed it.

[CycleTex87 2951]

We have one of those Bissell things, I think.  I didn't purchase it nor have I ever used it.  Do have a dog though.  

[Dennis Taylor 18628]

Starts raining hard as shit from out of nowhere yesterday...

Wife: "Man this sucks. I'd hate to be driving in this shit"

Narrator: Dennis Taylor WAS driving in that shit

[NeverMarryAStripper 21769]

16 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

This looks fun. Too bad we have no pets.

They're actually good general carpet cleaners.  I think they just label them as for pets because most people who need them are cleaning up after pets.

[SquishMitten 10378]

Mine has a toll bill that has reached 3 figures by now. She always says "I just need to call them" or "I'll get around to it". 
 
I told her when she was in jail for it I'd "get around" to bailing her out too. 

I understand being annoyed by that, but you should’ve stepped in to handle this long ago. It’s going to be 4 figures before long.

[SquishMitten 10378]

This looks fun. Too bad we have no pets.

It’s the same shit. They just put “pet” for marketing purposes

[utee94 15727]

43 minutes ago, SquishMitten said:

I understand being annoyed by that, but you should’ve stepped in to handle this long ago. It’s going to be 4 figures before long.

Yeah, you can't mess around with tolls bills.  With late penalties, those things skyrocket, quickly.

Sure it's a legalized racket, and sure your wife screwed up, but your bank account is what will suffer, if you don't manage it quickly.

 

 

[Ifiwaspresident 57]

18 hours ago, rage-a-holic said:

I hope you have carpet. Or a small rug.

 

[Jerry Callo 8639]

In case you're wondering where it goes from that Bissell.  No reason to have both a vacuum and a carpet cleaner.

[SquishMitten 10378]

^^ Got damn. I’m not sure that even saves space over having a regular steamer and vacuum

[ztejas 43002]

Does this count?

Padres/Giants. Padres enter the 7th inning at bat down 8-1. They just got their 4th across the plate - 8-4.

Female PBP announcer: "And the Padres have now cut the lead in half!" (no, they were never down 8-0)

Oh my God she just said it again after the inning as they go to commercial... I think she thinks the inning started 8-0. Yikes. 

Edited September 23, 2021 by ztejas

[NeverMarryAStripper 21769]

The lead was 7, half the lead is 3.5.  You can’t score a half run so round to the nearest whole number. 4.  That was her thought process.

[Dennis Taylor 18628]

1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

The lead was 7, half the lead is 3.5.  You can’t score a half run so round to the nearest whole number. 4.  That was her thought process.

[Jerry Callo 8639]

16 hours ago, SquishMitten said:

^^ Got damn. I’m not sure that even saves space over having a regular steamer and vacuum

It doesn't.  

[Sandman 3399]

My boss is retiring after 50 years of employment. I showed my wife a picture from a small ceremony we had. Wife see the pic and says "Wow, she looks old.". I didn't say this but I was thinking "No shit, she's had an adult job for 50 years, of course she's old!". 

[blacklab 11836]

Not my wife, but the wife of the guy next to me at a high school football game explaining to someone on the phone where they are at, “we are near the top at the 55 yard line”

[Brisketexan 104194]

Not my wife, but the wife of the guy next to me at a high school football game explaining to someone on the phone where they are at, “we are near the top at the 55 yard line”

You’re in Canada?

[blacklab 11836]

Daughter keeps giving her shit. 
wife will say something about the game and the daughter will say “yes mom, and we’re at the 55 yard line”

[NorthLoop 14028]

1 hour ago, blacklab said:

Daughter keeps giving her shit. 
wife will say something about the game and the daughter will say “yes mom, and we’re at the 55 yard line”

Is it a young Hayden Panatierre?

[conVINCEd 21468]

3 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

You’re in Canada?

If we’re going to be completely fair, on the rare occasions I find myself at a hockey game I generally keep my mouth shut because I’m not 100% sure what the rules are.

[ROFL BOX 6642]

15 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

If we’re going to be completely fair, on the rare occasions I find myself at a hockey game I generally keep my mouth shut because I’m not 100% sure what the rules are.

Be sure to ask your questions during halftime.

[conVINCEd 21468]

3 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

Be sure to ask your questions during halftime.

I’ve paid someone to explain cricket to me.  If you want to have a true understanding of a sport you need to grow up with it.

[tx ind 6950]

Wife has run flats and got a flat last night (no spare, fml).  She was close to her parents house so I told her to leave it there, me and the boy will come pick you and the girl up, and we’ll get it to Discount Tire in the morning.

Kids dropped at school,  we’re driving to her car this morning,  and I’m on the phone with Discount.  She needed new tires soon anyways so I decided to do it now. On the phone with the discount dude…”your tires are discontinued but I have 4 comparable, I can get you in and out”.  Cool, minor inconvenience from the whole thing but she’ll have a car before lunch.
 

I was on the car speaker/bluetooth, so this is 100% my fault. I’m asking about prices etc and out of nowhere it comes…

“Well, how do those look? Do they look better than the others that I have now?”

I was fucking stunned, didn’t know how to react. Discount guy on the phone took a good 5 seconds to gather his thoughts before he responded with “I like the way these look vs the ones you currently have”.  Pro move.
 

1) Thank god he said that because if I said they look the same or better she wouldn’t have it. 2) if there is a tire shop message board somewhere on the internet with a version of this thread targeted towards female customers then that surely got posted.

[ROFL BOX 6642]

3 minutes ago, tx ind said:

"Tire Customers & The Stupid Shit They Say"

(not you, Mrs. tx ind)

 

[nnm 35819]

5 hours ago, tx ind said:

Wife has run flats and got a flat last night (no spare, fml).  She was close to her parents house so I told her to leave it there, me and the boy will come pick you and the girl up, and we’ll get it to Discount Tire in the morning.

Kids dropped at school,  we’re driving to her car this morning,  and I’m on the phone with Discount.  She needed new tires soon anyways so I decided to do it now. On the phone with the discount dude…”your tires are discontinued but I have 4 comparable, I can get you in and out”.  Cool, minor inconvenience from the whole thing but she’ll have a car before lunch.
 

I was on the car speaker/bluetooth, so this is 100% my fault. I’m asking about prices etc and out of nowhere it comes…

“Well, how do those look? Do they look better than the others that I have now?”

I was fucking stunned, didn’t know how to react. Discount guy on the phone took a good 5 seconds to gather his thoughts before he responded with “I like the way these look vs the ones you currently have”.  Pro move.
 

1) Thank god he said that because if I said they look the same or better she wouldn’t have it. 2) if there is a tire shop message board somewhere on the internet with a version of this thread targeted towards female customers then that surely got posted.

My guess is that you’re out at least $1,000 for those tires. I’ve had runflats before, they’re not cheap. And if they’re somewhat performance tires, you’re closer to 2k for the set. 

[Thatguy 8285]

5 hours ago, tx ind said:

Wife has run flats and got a flat last night (no spare, fml).  She was close to her parents house so I told her to leave it there, me and the boy will come pick you and the girl up, and we’ll get it to Discount Tire in the morning.

Kids dropped at school,  we’re driving to her car this morning,  and I’m on the phone with Discount.  She needed new tires soon anyways so I decided to do it now. On the phone with the discount dude…”your tires are discontinued but I have 4 comparable, I can get you in and out”.  Cool, minor inconvenience from the whole thing but she’ll have a car before lunch.
 

I was on the car speaker/bluetooth, so this is 100% my fault. I’m asking about prices etc and out of nowhere it comes…

“Well, how do those look? Do they look better than the others that I have now?”

I was fucking stunned, didn’t know how to react. Discount guy on the phone took a good 5 seconds to gather his thoughts before he responded with “I like the way these look vs the ones you currently have”.  Pro move.
 

1) Thank god he said that because if I said they look the same or better she wouldn’t have it. 2) if there is a tire shop message board somewhere on the internet with a version of this thread targeted towards female customers then that surely got posted.

   5 am before we head out the door to Austin. I am laughing out loud and the wife looks irritated. Good story kind sir!

[Thatguy 8285]

7 minutes ago, nnm said:

My guess is that you’re out at least $1,000 for those tires. I’ve had runflats before, they’re not cheap. And if they’re somewhat performance tires, you’re closer to 2k for the set. 

   Bought a car for the wife for Christmas. Blew out two tires 2 months after she got it and the tires were already discontinued. Car was brand f-ing new. How could that be? Of course they were. 2k

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

9 hours ago, tx ind said:

Wife has run flats and got a flat last night (no spare, fml).  She was close to her parents house so I told her to leave it there, me and the boy will come pick you and the girl up, and we’ll get it to Discount Tire in the morning.

Kids dropped at school,  we’re driving to her car this morning,  and I’m on the phone with Discount.  She needed new tires soon anyways so I decided to do it now. On the phone with the discount dude…”your tires are discontinued but I have 4 comparable, I can get you in and out”.  Cool, minor inconvenience from the whole thing but she’ll have a car before lunch.
 

I was on the car speaker/bluetooth, so this is 100% my fault. I’m asking about prices etc and out of nowhere it comes…

“Well, how do those look? Do they look better than the others that I have now?”

I was fucking stunned, didn’t know how to react. Discount guy on the phone took a good 5 seconds to gather his thoughts before he responded with “I like the way these look vs the ones you currently have”.  Pro move.
 

1) Thank god he said that because if I said they look the same or better she wouldn’t have it. 2) if there is a tire shop message board somewhere on the internet with a version of this thread targeted towards female customers then that surely got posted.

You need to tip that guy

[nnm 35819]

My wife and grown daughter (no pics you degenerates) are going to grey-wash the brick on the exterior of our house over the next couple of weeks. She just bought a paint sprayer. 
This will not end well. 

[Thatguy 8285]

2 minutes ago, nnm said:

My wife and grown daughter (no pics you degenerates) are going to grey-wash the brick on the exterior of our house over the next couple of weeks. She just bought a paint sprayer. 
This will not end well. 

  You're just going to let that happen?

[nnm 35819]

27 minutes ago, Thatguy said:

  You're just going to let that happen?

T&P

[mininghorn88 2247]

6 hours ago, nnm said:

My wife and grown daughter (no pics you degenerates) are going to grey-wash the brick on the exterior of our house over the next couple of weeks. She just bought a paint sprayer. 
This will not end well. 

It will not end well.

When my now ex and I bought our first house she decided that she did not like the wallpaper (when that was in style) in the master bath.  So we agreed to replace it.  But first the old pattern had to be removed.  So I rented a steamer to remove the wallpaper so that I could remove it once I got home from work.  Well, she could not wait for me to do it.  While I was away at work she got in there and removed the wallpaper herself.  The problem with that was that she got the wall too moist and pulled the paper off of the drywall along with the wallpaper.  I ended up having to refloat the whole bathroom.  What a mess.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21769]

16 hours ago, nnm said:

My wife and grown daughter (no pics you degenerates) are going to grey-wash the brick on the exterior of our house over the next couple of weeks. She just bought a paint sprayer. 
This will not end well. 

Please post before and after pics.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8791]

My wife and grown daughter (no pics you degenerates) are going to grey-wash the brick on the exterior of our house over the next couple of weeks. She just bought a paint sprayer. 
This will not end well. 

No simp September is still in effect to put your foot down

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

49 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Please post before and after pics.

Of the wife or the daughter?