Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[OrangEngr 1035]

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

Nice try but you’re going to have to have an opinion and you know it.

And it will be wrong 

[Pig Bellmont 8887]

2 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

My now wife and I discussing wedding stuff. 

Me :We will have alcohol and I will choose the music. Everything completely up to you, your mom and whoever else you want to ask. We will have alcohol and I will choose the music. Otherwise I don't care

Her: What colors do you-

me :WE WILL ALCOHOL AND I WILL CHOOSE THE MUSIC. END OF DISCUSSION

Yeah, good luck with that bullshit. It’s important to have an opinion, but also important to know your opinion doesn’t matter. 
 

Alternatively, I have a friend who would be *super* opinionated about minor stuff (“I absolutely believe we need gold trim on the charger plates”) and eventually his fiancé stopped asking 

[NWBuck 8630]

3 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

My now wife and I discussing wedding stuff. 

Me :We will have alcohol and I will choose the music. Everything completely up to you, your mom and whoever else you want to ask. We will have alcohol and I will choose the music. Otherwise I don't care

Her: What colors do you-

me :WE WILL ALCOHOL AND I WILL CHOOSE THE MUSIC. END OF DISCUSSION

[Frank The Tank 1503]

Come home from work to this Jenga game on top of the recycling. God forbid someone else in this house take the trash out. No room? Just pile it on top! Someone else will deal with it!

[ROFL BOX 6655]

Come home from work to this Jenga game on top of the recycling. God forbid someone else in this house take the trash out. No room? Just pile it on top! Someone else will deal with it!

In our last house, we had this blue trash can with a matching lid.

Just a rectangular top for a rectangular can.

She would consistently stack magazines (that were never actually read or even canceled on subscription) & junk mail that wouldn't actually get tossed before even getting in the house).

...Stacking shit so high it became impossible to get the top open one handed.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

[SHOOTER12 8889]

6 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Tell the truth... informal survey here.

On a 1 - 10 (of course 10 means very much / 1 = don't give a shit), what's your level of interest in the China pattern that the wimmenz selected for your wedding?

Me, a 5.  I guess it only rates that # because all I care about is that it's not hideous.  I mean, shit - it's not like we even use that crap even 1x every 6 months.

-20, paper plates would be fine.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8985]

Come home from work to this Jenga game on top of the recycling. God forbid someone else in this house take the trash out. No room? Just pile it on top! Someone else will deal with it!

She’s obviously lazy since she didn’t choose to breastfeed.

/judgjymcjudgerson

[Mitch Cumsteen 18963]

8 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Tell the truth... informal survey here.

On a 1 - 10 (of course 10 means very much / 1 = don't give a shit), what's your level of interest in the China pattern that the wimmenz selected for your wedding?

Me, a 5.  I guess it only rates that # because all I care about is that it's not hideous.  I mean, shit - it's not like we even use that crap even 1x every 6 months.

Wait, are you talking about the one from our wedding or the four other sets that she bought at the thrift store? 

[Frank The Tank 1503]

52 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

She’s obviously lazy since she didn’t choose to breastfeed.

/judgjymcjudgerson

To get her back here, she is breastfeeding and it is unbelievably stressful and a huge pain in the ass. Apparently when you have a baby samples of baby shit just start showing up at your house. 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8985]

To get her back here, she is breastfeeding and it is unbelievably stressful and a huge pain in the ass. Apparently when you have a baby samples of baby shit just start showing up at your house. 

lol it’s a bitch for all involved, good luck to you and your better half! Her Pumping and you cleaning /boiling equipment at 3:15 am isn’t exactly fun

[ROFL BOX 6655]

[CHIEF 5228]

12 hours ago, nnm said:

As has been mentioned in some other threads, we recently moved full time to our lake house in ETX. The configuration of the laundry room meant that the front-loading dryer door opened the wrong way (outlets and drain for washer/dryer were opposite of previous house). 
 

Last night I fixed the situation by reversing the hardware on the dryer door. It was a pretty simple procedure. 
 

The only complication was that I had Mrs. NNM hold the dryer door while I unscrewed it (the door) from the dryer, to make sure it didn’t fall. When I pulled the last screw out (of the door), the expectation was that the door would remain suspended in place, held up by my trusty assistant.

Nope. *Slip* went the door.  Right onto my toes. Fortunately, they were enough of a shock absorber that the glass didn’t shatter. Unfortunately, I was wearing flip-flops. The door was probably about 8 pounds of glass and steel. Dropped from a height of 10 inches onto one’s toes, that has a profound impact on one’s well being. 
 

A few choice words were loosed from my lips as I expressed my displeasure with the situation and with my toes’ discomfort.  
 

Her response?  “It was heavy!”  
 

Yes, I know that. That is why I enlisted help. 

You didn't milk that for all it was worth? I would have scheduled a doctors appointment, no matter what. Swore they were broken and couldn't lift anything for six weeks. Tell her what you want her to hear and lay on the couch and watch TV.

CHIEF

[956 Worldwide 35600]

9 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

My now wife and I discussing wedding stuff. 

Me :We will have alcohol and I will choose the music. Everything completely up to you, your mom and whoever else you want to ask. We will have alcohol and I will choose the music. Otherwise I don't care

Her: What colors do you-

me :WE WILL ALCOHOL AND I WILL CHOOSE THE MUSIC. END OF DISCUSSION

My man, practice this line. It’s got all you need to demonstrate you are involved but not controlling and she won’t catch on that you don’t GAF:

“I do really like this current thing/idea. But I also thought the 1st (or 2nd/3rd you gotta vary this up) thing/idea we talked about was pretty great. Let’s go with your instinct on this one, because we can’t go wrong.” 

[Sam Lin 3603]

10 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

me :WE WILL ALCOHOL 

[Modessit 5667]

Come home from work to this Jenga game on top of the recycling. God forbid someone else in this house take the trash out. No room? Just pile it on top! Someone else will deal with it!

Look - you're supposed to take it to their designated outside cans. How can you be such an insensitive bastard and expect her to do it? And after all the blowjobs she gives you?

[billfromlaketravis 11851]

Beware of the app OneNeighbor. Basically any lawn service you can imagine at elevated prices. My wife just paid a lawn guy $35 American dollars to run a weed whacker through the front yard floor beds for 5 minutes. What honey? We needed somebody to pull the weeds.

I think doctors make less money. 

OneNeighbor is of course affiliated with NextDoor, so there's a natural tie in for women with zero street smarts. 

[Jameslaw121 4498]

16 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

I realized my typo, but I can't guarantee I didn't say it just like this

[El Diablo 4232]

23 hours ago, Frank The Tank said:

Come home from work to this Jenga game on top of the recycling. God forbid someone else in this house take the trash out. No room? Just pile it on top! Someone else will deal with it!

She went to the trouble to make room for the new stuff that she's going to bring into the house that will be going where the Jenga was. Teamwork!  

[SquishMitten 10497]

Yeah, good luck with that bullshit. It’s important to have an opinion, but also important to know your opinion doesn’t matter. 
 
Alternatively, I have a friend who would be *super* opinionated about minor stuff (“I absolutely believe we need gold trim on the charger plates”) and eventually his fiancé stopped asking 

Woah. That may actually be the answer to this ongoing dilemma (because it will not end with wedding shit). Constantly be insanely specific. Make it so hard they’d rather leave you out of it. I’m absolutely going to try this for the next kid’s birthday party

[SquishMitten 10497]

Kid’s teacher asked us to send her to school with a new pronged folder because hers had gotten ripped or something. As I’m scrolling through the HEB order, I see that the wife has put 4 of these folders into the cart. I asked her why, and she said “in case they run out of one, I just wanted to make sure we got it.” These were the same item, added 4 times. I just stared at her for a while, completely at a loss for words, trying to comprehend. I think 10 seconds must have gone by, but the wheels in my brain were clanking around so hard I can’t be sure. I asked again if there was any need to get more than one, and she said something like “no, we only need one, but I don’t want to make a special trip somewhere else if they don’t deliver it.” I guess she assumes when you select an item, you are selecting one actual physical item on the shelf? Like they all have their own unique serial code…so if someone grabs that exact item before your “personal shopper” gets to it then you’re SOL?

[Cheeseweasel 26442]

16 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

I realized my typo, but I can't guarantee I didn't say it just like this

Well, I thought it was a very lovely story and you tell it so well.

[SuperSport 1373]

On 10/6/2021 at 3:36 PM, Jameslaw121 said:

My now wife and I discussing wedding stuff. 

Me :We will have alcohol and I will choose the music. Everything completely up to you, your mom and whoever else you want to ask. We will have alcohol and I will choose the music. Otherwise I don't care

Her: What colors do you-

me :WE WILL ALCOHOL AND I WILL CHOOSE THE MUSIC. END OF DISCUSSION

Wife had a complete meltdown, ugly crying in the middle of Macy's because I was being unhelpful with the registry item scanner thingy. I told her it's not that I don't care, it's that either 1) we'll get what she wants, or 2) we'll get what I want and she'll be pissy about it 'til death do us part; so what's the fucking point of me providing input?? And if it was me (engineer) calling the registry shots, we wouldn't have walked into a singular store anyway, wandering around scanning random shelf inventory...you know we'd be at home with a spreadsheet, researching and optimizing all that shit.

[shakahorn 1660]

Every single time I get asked my opinion, I put careful thought into the response.  Of course, what I'm thinking is 'what answer ends this conversation soonest' or 'what answer gets us out of here faster.'

[Jameslaw121 4498]

7 minutes ago, SuperSport said:

Wife had a complete meltdown, ugly crying in the middle of Macy's because I was being unhelpful with the registry item scanner thingy. I told her it's not that I don't care, it's that either 1) we'll get what she wants, or 2) we'll get what I want and she'll be pissy about it 'til death do us part; so what's the fucking point of me providing input?? And if it was me (engineer) calling the registry shots, we wouldn't have walked into a singular store anyway, wandering around scanning random shelf inventory...you know we'd be at home with a spreadsheet, researching and optimizing all that shit.

Registry wasn't a problem for me. I told her I wanted to an expensive set of knives. Other than, I would rather buy my own stuff. 

 

Butttttt........that leads to another story. As I mention above we moved a week or two before we got married. We had registries at like 5 stores. Guess what shipping address she used for people who had them shipped:

A) the brand new house we moved into?

B)The ghetto ass apartment we lived in for like 2 months while our house was getting ready?

[blacklab 12067]

Went out of town for a few days and the wife painted the first floor but did not paint the stairwell. When I got home I went to look at it and it looked great. I went to bedroom to go to bed and she insisted I come down and look at it again. So I head downstairs again and she asks what color should she paint the stairwell. I tell her to match the first floor and she says no I'm going to match the second floor. I ask her why the fuck did she drag me down here to ask my opinion if you didn't care what my answer was. 

Tone

[tbone_ 14460]

So much this ^

[Da Fino 2820]

Went out of town for a few days and the wife painted the first floor but did not paint the stairwell. When I got home I went to look at it and it looked great. I went to bedroom to go to bed and she insisted I come down and look at it again. So I head downstairs again and she asks what color should she paint the stairwell. I tell her to match the first floor and she says no I'm going to match the second floor. I ask her why the fuck did she drag me down here to ask my opinion if you didn't care what my answer was. 
Tone

“Should we pick them up at 4 or 4:27?”

“4”

“I was thinking 4:27 and here’s why 4 doesn’t work.”

Every fucking time.

[NWBuck 8630]

You know what's the perfect compliment for the mountain of decorative floor pillows that start their day on the bed?

An exquisite blanket, needed "because it's cold!" which also ends up kicked to the floor 15 minutes after she falls asleep.

Luckily it has company on the floor, wafting gently to the ground next to the other blanket she bought weeks ago and also always kick to the floor.

Which is why she's cold at night.

But sure... "We need a new blanket, this one doesn't keep me warm enough." 

[nnm 37981]

5 hours ago, NWBuck said:

You know what's the perfect compliment for the mountain of decorative floor pillows that start their day on the bed?

An exquisite blanket, needed "because it's cold!" which also ends up kicked to the floor 15 minutes after she falls asleep.

Luckily it has company on the floor, wafting gently to the ground next to the other blanket she bought weeks ago and also always kick to the floor.

Which is why she's cold at night.

But sure... "We need a new blanket, this one doesn't keep me warm enough." 

Careful. You’re triggering me and a number of others when bringing up the decorative pillows again. 

[HenryJames 67444]

19 hours ago, SuperSport said:

I told her it's not that I don't care

[Mrs Whiggins 13050]

On 10/6/2021 at 1:33 PM, ROFL BOX said:

Tell the truth... informal survey here.

On a 1 - 10 (of course 10 means very much / 1 = don't give a shit), what's your level of interest in the China pattern that the wimmenz selected for your wedding?

Me, a 5.  I guess it only rates that # because all I care about is that it's not hideous.  I mean, shit - it's not like we even use that crap even 1x every 6 months.

I'm crashing the thread to say 5 (from the wife perspective). Our wedding was planned essentially by my late mother and so I was the decision making intermediary between her and my (now) husband. My mom and dad were very poor and didn't have a wedding to speak of so this was as much for her and it made her so happy. I was working full time and he was in grad school so it worked out pretty damn well. It was the honeymoon my husband and I were more interested in anyway....

So, on the 'china' pattern-found something reasonably priced at dept. store, that wouldn't be too dated and most important--flipped the plate over to see if it was dishwasher/microwave safe and second most important--had a white background. The white background was because, and my husband is forever grateful it was me that did it first, when the first plate/bowl was broken we just replaced it with a solid white one so everything stayed kind of coordinated for when we had guests. I'd say our current situation is about 50/50 with the wedding pattern to the all white and that's through several moves from state to state. We use it, enjoy it, and then when the children have to clear out the house, there's only the gravy boat left to put in the rummage sale.

[Twizzler 195]

”Oh no!”

- my wife during the first play of the Texas/ou game

[MNLonghornFUKM 8985]

”Oh no!”
- my wife during the first play of the Texas/ou game

“Oh yeah!”

-Twizzlers wife during the last play of the Texas/ou game

[Dennis Taylor 19372]

Our high school stadium only allows clear purses and wife has a small clear purse. Amazon brings a package yesterday,  much to my surprise.  Just kidding. 

Wife: oh good my new big clear purse is here 

 Me: Ok, whatever.  

Couple hours later we're getting in the car to go to the game. Wife has small purse.

Me: where's your new big purse?

Wife: I don't need it.

Me : you don't need the thing you specifically bought for this exact scenario?

Wife: no. I don't need it today because I don't need any blankets or anything 

Me: who puts blankets in a purse?

Wife: tone 

[blacklab 12067]

Update on stair color:

Wife admitted since I spend more time on the first floor than anyone else since my office is there that she should listen to me when picking the color and she painted it yesterday to match the first floor. 

I'm really confused and don't know what to think about this. 

[Mo Horn 8939]

3 minutes ago, blacklab said:

Update on stair color:

Wife admitted since I spend more time on the first floor than anyone else since my office is there that she should listen to me when picking the color and she painted it yesterday to match the first floor. 

I'm really confused and don't know what to think about this. 

She either has plans to do, or has already done, something totally outrageous and hopes this will get her some points. Let us know when the other shoe drops. 

[Cheeseweasel 26442]

Once the question was posed, you were going to be wrong. 

[NorthLoop 14507]

She's fucking someone else

[luke duke 6453]

Wife: I cleared out the vines in the backyard by your wood pile.
Me: There’s a reason that I haven’t touched it. That’s poison ivy.
Wife: No it isn’t, I know what poison ivy looks like.
Me: OK

2 days later:

[Cheeseweasel 26442]

Your fault.

 

But seriously: This stuff is the best

[Trey3216 15452]

23 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Your fault.

 

But seriously: This stuff is the best

[luke duke 6453]

Your fault.
 
But seriously: This stuff is the best

I already got her some of that. Fortunately she isn’t blaming me, yet.

[RamjetFDO 10655]

1 hour ago, blacklab said:

Update on stair color:

Wife admitted since I spend more time on the first floor than anyone else since my office is there that she should listen to me when picking the color and she painted it yesterday to match the first floor. 

I'm really confused and don't know what to think about this. 

Narrator:  He's still wrong.

[rage-a-holic 4743]

47 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Your fault.

 

But seriously: This stuff is the best

this stuff is cheaper and works just as well

 

 

[NeverMarryAStripper 22313]

2 hours ago, blacklab said:

Update on stair color:

Wife admitted since I spend more time on the first floor than anyone else since my office is there that she should listen to me when picking the color and she painted it yesterday to match the first floor. 

I'm really confused and don't know what to think about this. 

She asked her side piece and he agreed with you

[blacklab 12067]

I was thinking the homeless dude on the corner she always gives a buck to but that makes sense too.

[Sandman 3435]

On 10/8/2021 at 10:55 AM, SuperSport said:

Wife had a complete meltdown, ugly crying in the middle of Macy's because I was being unhelpful with the registry item scanner thingy. I told her it's not that I don't care, it's that either 1) we'll get what she wants, or 2) we'll get what I want and she'll be pissy about it 'til death do us part; so what's the fucking point of me providing input?? And if it was me (engineer) calling the registry shots, we wouldn't have walked into a singular store anyway, wandering around scanning random shelf inventory...you know we'd be at home with a spreadsheet, researching and optimizing all that shit.

When we did the registry thing, I told my wife it was pointless because nobody would get us anything we actually needed/wanted. We were both adults (her 29, me 35) and we didn't need towels, dishes, etc., as we already had that shit. She disagreed, so I purposely put shit on the list for me that I knew we wouldn't get, just to prove a point. I put a big TV, a playstation 3, any big electronic item. We got...towels, dishes, etc. I'd say 90% got returned for store credit. Just give cash, people.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8985]

Wife: I cleared out the vines in the backyard by your wood pile.
Me: There’s a reason that I haven’t touched it. That’s poison ivy.
Wife: No it isn’t, I know what poison ivy looks like.
Me: OK

2 days later:

Well we know who isn’t getting laid tonight

[ROFL BOX 6655]

13 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

She's fucking cleaning someone else's house.

 

[Incredulity 11880]

7 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

 

Talk about complete betrayal.  Unforgivable IMO