Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[luke duke 6453]

Wife: I cleared out the vines in the backyard by your wood pile.
Me: There’s a reason that I haven’t touched it. That’s poison ivy.
Wife: No it isn’t, I know what poison ivy looks like.
Me: OK

2 days later:

No new pic, but we’re up to one doctor visit, one cortisone injection, three prescriptions, four days of bitching and zero sexytime.

[NorthLoop 14507]

I wanna know how a person can be that allergic to poison ivy and not fucking know what poison ivy looks like. That's like a grown adult with a peanut allergy going "Snickers? Sure I'll try it." 

[mulletpelini 5225]

You know she's a woman, right?

[Sam Lin 3603]

6 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

I wanna know how a person can be that allergic to poison ivy and not fucking know what poison ivy looks like. That's like a grown adult with a peanut allergy going "Snickers? Sure I'll try it." 

Hey man, Snickers are good. And if the EpiPen is about to expire anyways...

[Fudbelty 2810]

I wanna know how a person can be that allergic to poison ivy and not fucking know what poison ivy looks like. That's like a grown adult with a peanut allergy going "Snickers? Sure I'll try it." 

I’m so allergic to it I avoid all vine like plants like the plague.

[Dennis Taylor 19372]

11 hours ago, luke duke said:

No new pic, but we’re up to one doctor visit, one cortisone injection, three prescriptions, four days of bitching and zero sexytime.

[Trey3216 15452]

2 hours ago, Fudbelty said:

I’m so allergic to it I avoid all vine like plants like the plague.

Yep.  I end up getting that shit from my dog once or twice a year.  Little fucker won't stay away from the fence lines thanks to squirrels and what not.  

[TrashMaster G 18127]

On 10/11/2021 at 9:44 AM, blacklab said:

Update on stair color:

Wife admitted since I spend more time on the first floor than anyone else since my office is there that she should listen to me when picking the color and she painted it yesterday to match the first floor. 

I'm really confused and don't know what to think about this. 

Let us know when you find out who she's banging.

[Paco 1960]

No new pic, but we’re up to one doctor visit, one cortisone injection, three prescriptions, four days of bitching and zero sexytime.

Coincidentally, this perfectly describes cooking with luke duke at the rodeo.

[luke duke 6453]

Coincidentally, this perfectly describes cooking with luke duke at the rodeo.

Except the zero sexytime part.

[Flg8rfan 201]

As I’ve mentioned before, momma is booster president for daughters HS VB team. Just had senior night and all went well. Homecoming parade was postponed this year so it’s still a month away. Guess what she wants to keep to decorate the float……

[ROFL BOX 6655]

2 hours ago, luke duke said:

Except the zero sexytime part.

[ROFL BOX 6655]

23 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:

As I’ve mentioned before, momma is booster president for daughters HS VB team. Just had senior night and all went well. Homecoming parade was postponed this year so it’s still a month away. Guess what she wants to keep to decorate the float……

Does she really think in 30 days these will still have their full inflation & helium content?

[Trey3216 15452]

25 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:

As I’ve mentioned before, momma is booster president for daughters HS VB team. Just had senior night and all went well. Homecoming parade was postponed this year so it’s still a month away. Guess what she wants to keep to decorate the float……

Those balloons will look like Armybrat's balls by the time the float is built.  

[Flg8rfan 201]

Does she really think in 30 days these will still have their full inflation & helium content?

Yes, one of the other gals took the rest home to keep them safe.

All the guys (including myself) are just laughing.

[Flg8rfan 201]

Those balloons will look like Armybrat's balls by the time the float is built.  

Florida garage, I give them a week

[DDD Dad 14661]

Yep.  I end up getting that shit from my dog once or twice a year.  Little fucker won't stay away from the fence lines thanks to squirrels and what not.  

You probably should avoid having sex with it.

[SuperSport 1373]

59 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:

As I’ve mentioned before, momma is booster president for daughters HS VB team. Just had senior night and all went well. Homecoming parade was postponed this year so it’s still a month away. Guess what she wants to keep to decorate the float……


 

Would be a real shame if a random gust of wind caught those while the garage door was open and they floated away...

[DDD Dad 14661]

1 minute ago, SuperSport said:

Would be a real shame if a random gust of wind caught those while the garage door was open and they floated away...

[MNLonghornFUKM 8985]

Has anyone beaten the last mom when it’s come to VB snacks since your last update?

[Wade 464]

More of a vent, because similar exchanges happen far too often, but... (preface, son goes to HS 10 miles away on the way to wife's work, starts 30 minutes later than daughter, whose school is 1 mile away):

Me: "I have a very important 8 am call tomorrow"

Wife: (with severe tone) "So, I'm dropping both kids off tomorrow?!?"

Me: "No, I can drop off May and be back in time"

Wife: "No, I like dropping her off so I can see what's going on at school (i.e. gossip with the other mothers)"

Me:  WTF did you cop a tone if that's what you wanted all along?!

Wife: (seemingly dumbfounded tone) "I was just asking?!"

Cripes

[deadshank 24654]

On 10/13/2021 at 3:38 PM, Trey3216 said:

Those balloons will look like Armybrat's balls by the time the float is built.  

You’ve seen AB’s balls?  Interesting.  Weird but interesting.  

[TrashMaster G 18127]

On 10/13/2021 at 11:30 PM, Wade said:

More of a vent, because similar exchanges happen far too often, but... (preface, son goes to HS 10 miles away on the way to wife's work, starts 30 minutes later than daughter, whose school is 1 mile away):

Me: "I have a very important 8 am call tomorrow"

Wife: (with severe tone) "So, I'm dropping both kids off tomorrow?!?"

Me: "No, I can drop off May and be back in time"

Wife: "No, I like dropping her off so I can see what's going on at school (i.e. gossip with the other mothers)"

Me:  WTF did you cop a tone if that's what you wanted all along?!

Wife: (seemingly dumbfounded tone) "I was just asking?!"

Cripes

Proof that tone is a reflex, not a considered choice.

[Pato del Muerto 53568]

I don’t know if you guys realize this, but women establish dominance by asserting their opinion. It goes on between them naturally, as they all freely offer their opinion to each other. 
 

but for most of us, they have to solicit our opinion before they can assert their own. 
 

additionally, in the stairwell painting example above, he happened to have the same opinion as her.  So she goes ahead and asserts dominance by asserting the opposite opinion and then later pivots back to what she really wants in a way that martyrs herself.  So now she is both dominant and magnanimous. Martyrdom is another tent pole of womanhood as they compete with each other to see who can do more- like be booster president for a hs volleyball team AND also help with homecoming float decoration, for instance. 
 

I suspect that in time, the story about painting the house will become how blacklab wanted it painted like upstairs and she insisted on painting it downstairs. 

Edited October 15, 2021 by Pato del Muerto

[CycleTex87 3044]

7 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I don’t know if you guys realize this, but women establish dominance by asserting their opinion. It goes on between them naturally, as they all freely offer their opinion to each other. 
 

but for most of us, they have to solicit our opinion before they can assert their own. 

Actually an interesting insight, thanks PdM.

[luke duke 6453]

I don’t know if you guys realize this, but women establish dominance by asserting their opinion. It goes on between them naturally, as they all freely offer their opinion to each other. 
 
but for most of us, they have to solicit our opinion before they can assert their own. 
 
additionally, in the stairwell painting example above, he happened to have the same opinion as her.  So she goes ahead and asserts dominance by asserting the opposite opinion and then later pivots back to what she really wants in a way that martyrs herself.  So now she is both dominant and magnanimous. Martyrdom is another tent pole of womanhood as they compete with each other to see who can do more- like be booster president for a hs volleyball team AND also help with homecoming float decoration, for instance. 
 
I suspect that in time, the story about painting the house will become how blacklab wanted it painted like upstairs and she insisted on painting it downstairs. 

I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

[TrashMaster G 18127]

3 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I don’t know if you guys realize this, but women establish dominance by asserting their opinion. It goes on between them naturally, as they all freely offer their opinion to each other. 
 

but for most of us, they have to solicit our opinion before they can assert their own. 
 

additionally, in the stairwell painting example above, he happened to have the same opinion as her.  So she goes ahead and asserts dominance by asserting the opposite opinion and then later pivots back to what she really wants in a way that martyrs herself.  So now she is both dominant and magnanimous. Martyrdom is another tent pole of womanhood as they compete with each other to see who can do more- like be booster president for a hs volleyball team AND also help with homecoming float decoration, for instance. 
 

I suspect that in time, the story about painting the house will become how blacklab wanted it painted like upstairs and she insisted on painting it downstairs. 

Sometimes they're just being bitchy.

[956 Worldwide 35600]

Stupid shit husbands and wives do. Had planned a short family trip and the budget carrier was the only one that flies to our destination. Wife was the one planning everything so she booked tickets. 
 

Cause of a family issue she had to fly home to help her mom but she insisted we go anyway. “Don’t worry, I’ll have lots of time there, I’ll check you in and send all the documents.”

 

Morning of the flight she sends screenshots of the “you are checked in” screen but NOT the boarding passes. Did not have phone with her to send the actual passes. I pay the 20 buck “boarding pass reprint fee” for me and the kids.

 

Stupid shit husbands do because I should have insisted she send me all the confirmation number and checked in on my own. 

[HenryJames 67444]

2 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Wife was the one planning everything so she booked tickets. 

Spoiler alert.

[Sawbonz 28241]

Honestly thought you were going to say tickets were for wrong days and/or destination 

[Dennis Taylor 19372]

Overhead saying to one of her friends: " It's going to come up to the wire"

 

[Trey3216 15452]

Not sure whether to put this in the lol thread or this one.   But wives…

 

 

[Cheeseweasel 26442]

Which is "gently used", the wife or the cart?

[Trey3216 15452]

11 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Which is "gently used", the wife or the cart?

She's gently used since becoming a wife.  

[deadshank 24654]

Opening cans of paint is hard. 

[deadshank 24654]

On 10/15/2021 at 10:33 AM, luke duke said:

I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

You better ask your wife

[Cheeseweasel 26442]

35 minutes ago, deadshank said:

Opening cans of paint is hard. 

I'm sitting here trying to figure out how she did that. That's impressive.

[Kennythetiger 9648]

It’s not too bad, actually. Mine would have used whatever power tool is blurry there in the back. She has a balls to the wall approach that is very hard on my equipment. 

[Cheeseweasel 26442]

25 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

She has a balls to the wall approach that is very hard on my equipment. 

[RamjetFDO 10655]

Opening cans of paint is hard. 

Somewhere, just off-camera, is a flathead screwdriver with a broken tip. Also within reach and hanging on the pegboard is a paint can opener key.

[Cheeseweasel 26442]

2 minutes ago, RamjetFDO said:

Somewhere, just off-camera, is a flathead screwdriver with a broken tip.

Also not shown, rubber mallet that's been destroyed by hitting the aforementioned screwdriver.

[deadshank 24654]

25 minutes ago, RamjetFDO said:

 

 

Somewhere, just off-camera, is a flathead screwdriver with a broken tip. Also within reach and hanging on the pegboard is a paint can opener key.

 

She used the paint can key but worked it into the inside ledge on the can’s lid instead of the outside can lid edge.  Didn’t read the instructions.  This is the 2nd can she’s butchered.  
 

Of course, it’s my fault.  

[Cheeseweasel 26442]

Your wife has nice cans.

[TrashMaster G 18127]

On 10/19/2021 at 11:18 AM, Trey3216 said:

She's gently used since becoming a wife.  

Gently used by the husband, sure.  By the other guy?  Notsomuch.

[NorthLoop 14507]

20 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Your wife has nice cans.

Look pretty beat up to me 

[NeverMarryAStripper 22313]

Yeah, I thinks it's time you bought her some new cans

[Trey3216 15452]

25 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

Look pretty beat up to me 

Another botched procedure 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8985]

Look pretty beat up to me 

They look and feel like bags of sand

[NeverMarryAStripper 22313]

2 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

They look and feel like bags  cans of sand

 

[General Specific 3508]

It’s not too bad, actually. Mine would have used whatever power tool is blurry there in the back. She has a balls to the wall approach that is very hard on my equipment. 

Your married to South Austins mom?