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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

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Modessit

Modessit 5582

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The other day my wife brought up a subject, started arguing with me about it, then forgot she brought it up and blamed the argument on me bringing it up. Then stayed mad at me about it for 2 days.

Oh, and she once told me, "I don't want to talk about the nail" before telling me something about her job. Glad I showed her that video a while back and that she was letting me know she just wanted to vent and I didn't have to do anything but sit there and pretend to listen.

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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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Incredulity

Incredulity 11374

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21 minutes ago, Modessit said:

The other day my wife brought up a subject, started arguing with me about it, then forgot she brought it up and blamed the argument on me bringing it up. Then stayed mad at me about it for 2 days.

Oh, and she once told me, "I don't want to talk about the nail" before telling me something about her job. Glad I showed her that video a while back and that she was letting me know she just wanted to vent and I didn't have to do anything but sit there and pretend to listen.

bitches be crazy GIF by Girls on HBO

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6642

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It’s like a live feed to all our houses. Same stories.
Wife: "You do too much stuff on your phone while driving."

Me: "Please use the app & get into that "not a reservation / call ahead seating" whatever it is thing."

Wife, interrupted from watching Grey's Anatomy on her phone: "[ s i g h ] Really? Why can't you do it?"

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

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Pokoloco

Pokoloco 1255

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It's well established on here that my wife says a lot of things wrong.. this time it wasn't her, but she was so proud of herself that she recognized someone else's mistake and took great joy in sharing it..

We're watching the local news here in OKC, they're interviewing an OSU defensive player.. .he said we're playing so well,  the "sky is the ceiling" going forward.

Her: *laughing loudly* what an idiot!! then proceeds to text this to the kids.

Of course they all reply..this sounds like something you've actually said before mom.

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Js1

Js1 84936

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17 minutes ago, SuperSport said:

Her: All six candidates I've submitted to that position have gotten interviews, really awesome that I'm batting a hundred.

Me: A thousand, you mean.

Her: [confused look] What?? It's impossible to do better than 100%.

lisa rinna on Twitter: "It's a “Lois” term means mind your manners, mind your language, be on your best behavior. 😂 and good luck with that. Clearly I failed https://t.co/9UtSk3Yl88" / Twitter

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Mo Horn

Mo Horn 8768

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26 minutes ago, SuperSport said:

Her: All six candidates I've submitted to that position have gotten interviews, really awesome that I'm batting a hundred.

Me: A thousand, you mean.

Her: [confused look] What?? It's impossible to do better than 100%.

Well technically it's 1.000, but colloquially you are correct. 

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Pokoloco

Pokoloco 1255

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Her: I'm at the top of the food chain right now.

Me: Wha?

Her: The food chain.

Me: Yeah, you're human

Her: I know, but I need to be better

Me: What are you talking about?

Her: I'm as heavy as I've ever been, I'm at the top of the food chain.

Me:  How many people have you said this to?  What do you think the food chain is??

Her: Is it not when your at your highest weight?

Me: Sweet Jesus. Sure, why not..

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9311

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Just now, tx ind said:

yup, from my experience this never ends well

Neither does the opposite. My problem is listening to a rambling question, giving some answer just to keep moving forward in life, she repeats whatever bullshit I told her to someone else, someone else says, “What the fuck are you talking about?”  
Then the shit hits the fan at home that night. 

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Crapinon

Crapinon 2244

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If you get in a conversation with your wife about her weight, you're a dead man.  It didn't matter what you say or the context of your answer, you're going to be made to regret it. You can agree that she looks great if she lost weight and she will respond "So you thought I was too fat before?"

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6642

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1 hour ago, Crapinon said:

If you get in a conversation with your wife about her weight, you're a dead man.  It didn't matter what you say or the context of your answer, you're going to be made to regret it. You can agree that she looks great if she lost weight and she will respond "So you thought I was too fat before?"

Right answer... wrong answer...

 

You're still not getting a blowjob.

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Dutchrudder

Dutchrudder 11081

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Do y'alls wives ever give you a recount of a conversation by reciting every line like it's a fiction novel? And I'm talking about dumb shit, like a furniture order, where the words used and context isn't important.

Wife:
They called and said the chair is finally at the warehouse!
She said we need to pay the balance remaining.
She says it's $600
So I said, I thought we already paid it off?
She said we didn't and we only paid for half back in January.
So I said OK, when can it be delivered?
And she was like, "well maybe Friday or Saturday, depends on what we have scheduled. If you don't want the chair any more, we can refund you and sell it to someone else immediately.
And I said I would discuss it with my husband first, since I didn't know if we still needed it.
And she said ok, we will hold it for you for now.

*** Me trying not to look bored or annoyed that I don't get an executive summary instead ***

Me: Do you still want the chair?
Wife: yes
Me: ok let's get it then

***Few days later***

Wife: hey can you call the store and pay the balance on the chair and schedule delivery?

Sure.


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Sandman

Sandman 3399

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2 hours ago, Dutchrudder said:

Do y'alls wives ever give you a recount of a conversation by reciting every line like it's a fiction novel?

Every damn day.

It really hits hard when she even includes the end of the convo: "She said ok and I said ok, thanks bye" 

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Sandman

Sandman 3399

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12 hours ago, Not that Bob said:

It’s like they’re addicted to the sound of their own voice.  Like the vibrations of their larynx stimulates the sinuses in their skull in an orgasm like manner. Like they can’t stop talking because they’re just about to nut. 

A woman at work is like that, acts like she gets paid by the syllable. All the women at my job like to start talking to someone from far away, yelling and getting quieter as they approach. Why they can't wait until they get to the person to start talking remains a mystery.

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 53821

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Monday when HS playoff pairings were announced, I told the wife that we were going to a game in Bastrop on Thursday evening. 

So yesterday, she came home at about 6 and I said, "We need to leave by 6:30." Completely blank look: "For what?"

So we leave by 6:30 and are going to be at the game on time.  We pass this Mexican restaurant that I had wanted to eat at and it was completely dark.  I mention that if we had decided to go out to eat before that game, that I had wanted to go there.  In retrospect, mentioning this was a terrible mistake.

"Whyyyyyyy didn't you tell me?!???"

"It didn't matter, it was closed.  It's a good thing we didn't."

"Yes, but whyyyyyyyy didn't you tell me?!??!?"

"I told you we were going to the game, and you completely forgot that."

"You could have told me this morning."

"OK, I'm not doing this."

"Doing what?"

"I'm not going to have an argument about me not telling you about this restaurant that turned out to be closed when you couldn't even remember that we were going to the game.  I'm trying to fucking drive."

"I'm not trying to have an argument; I'm trying to have a discussion."

"I'm not doing this."

"Can you just text me next time?"

"I'm not doing this."

"You're making me really mad."

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nnm

nnm 35828

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1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

Monday when HS playoff pairings were announced, I told the wife that we were going to a game in Bastrop on Thursday evening. 

So yesterday, she came home at about 6 and I said, "We need to leave by 6:30." Completely blank look: "For what?"

So we leave by 6:30 and are going to be at the game on time.  We pass this Mexican restaurant that I had wanted to eat at and it was completely dark.  I mention that if we had decided to go out to eat before that game, that I had wanted to go there.  In retrospect, mentioning this was a terrible mistake.

"Whyyyyyyy didn't you tell me?!???"

"It didn't matter, it was closed.  It's a good thing we didn't."

"Yes, but whyyyyyyyy didn't you tell me?!??!?"

"I told you we were going to the game, and you completely forgot that."

"You could have told me this morning."

"OK, I'm not doing this."

"Doing what?"

"I'm not going to have an argument about me not telling you about this restaurant that turned out to be closed when you couldn't even remember that we were going to the game.  I'm trying to fucking drive."

"I'm not trying to have an argument; I'm trying to have a discussion."

"I'm not doing this."

"Can you just text me next time?"

"I'm not doing this."

"You're making me really mad."

You should have told her. 

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ztejas

ztejas 43002

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2 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

Monday when HS playoff pairings were announced, I told the wife that we were going to a game in Bastrop on Thursday evening. 

So yesterday, she came home at about 6 and I said, "We need to leave by 6:30." Completely blank look: "For what?"

So we leave by 6:30 and are going to be at the game on time.  We pass this Mexican restaurant that I had wanted to eat at and it was completely dark.  I mention that if we had decided to go out to eat before that game, that I had wanted to go there.  In retrospect, mentioning this was a terrible mistake.

"Whyyyyyyy didn't you tell me?!???"

"It didn't matter, it was closed.  It's a good thing we didn't."

"Yes, but whyyyyyyyy didn't you tell me?!??!?"

"I told you we were going to the game, and you completely forgot that."

"You could have told me this morning."

"OK, I'm not doing this."

"Doing what?"

"I'm not going to have an argument about me not telling you about this restaurant that turned out to be closed when you couldn't even remember that we were going to the game.  I'm trying to fucking drive."

"I'm not trying to have an argument; I'm trying to have a discussion."

"I'm not doing this."

"Can you just text me next time?"

"I'm not doing this."

"You're making me really mad."

It would have been open if you told her, asshole.

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Sandman

Sandman 3399

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3 hours ago, Dutchrudder said:

I believe "and things like that" has officially replaced "et cetera" in all women's vocabulary.

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk
 

My wife prefers "and that sort of thing" & "and whatever". She'll occasionally toss in "and ____ kinda thing".

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hullabelew

hullabelew 3698

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my all time favorite....
Wife: "You're just trying to Delegate an argument!"
Me: "The word is instigate."
Wife: "stop trying to make me feel stupid."
Me: "I'm not trying."
Her. Light in spare bedroom isn't working....
Quickly degrades....bla bla bla

Me. That last thing you said doesn't even make sense.
Her. I CAN ASK STUPID QUESTIONS IF I WANT!

Sent from my Lenovo TB-X606F using Tapatalk

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OrangEngr

OrangEngr 1034

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, hullabelew said:

Her. Light in spare bedroom isn't working....
Quickly degrades....bla bla bla

Me. That last thing you said doesn't even make sense.
Her. I CAN ASK STUPID QUESTIONS IF I WANT!

Sent from my Lenovo TB-X606F using Tapatalk
 

She’s moving up the pyramid

F45C708C-10F3-445D-96C1-CBDE18409820.png

Edited by OrangEngr
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Sandman

Sandman 3399

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We went out to do some birthday/christmas shopping for the kids, my wife wanted to look for some new shoes for herself while we're out, no big deal. First, she has really big feet, women's 11-12, so she always has problems finding shoes that fit. She sees this pair and while trying to cram her foot into it, she hurts her toe. 

Her: "OW! These just don't fit, that really hurt!"

Me: "Cool, let's move on then"

Her: "I want to try this other one first"

Me: ....

Her: "These don't work either. Let me try the first ones again"

Me: "The ones that hurt? Why would you try those again?"

Her: "They might work this time. OW! No, they don't fit."

Me: WTF

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15317

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1 hour ago, Sandman said:

We went out to do some birthday/christmas shopping for the kids, my wife wanted to look for some new shoes for herself while we're out, no big deal. First, she has really big feet, women's 11-12, so she always has problems finding shoes that fit. She sees this pair and while trying to cram her foot into it, she hurts her toe. 

Her: "OW! These just don't fit, that really hurt!"

Me: "Cool, let's move on then"

Her: "I want to try this other one first"

Me: ....

Her: "These don't work either. Let me try the first ones again"

Me: "The ones that hurt? Why would you try those again?"

Her: "They might work this time. OW! No, they don't fit."

Me: WTF

giphy.gif?cid=5e214886q2sz8enccih3iq0i3k

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Mo Horn

Mo Horn 8768

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10 hours ago, Sandman said:

We went out to do some birthday/christmas shopping for the kids, my wife wanted to look for some new shoes for herself while we're out, no big deal. First, she has really big feet, women's 11-12, so she always has problems finding shoes that fit. She sees this pair and while trying to cram her foot into it, she hurts her toe. 

Her: "OW! These just don't fit, that really hurt!"

Me: "Cool, let's move on then"

Her: "I want to try this other one first"

Me: ....

Her: "These don't work either. Let me try the first ones again"

Me: "The ones that hurt? Why would you try those again?"

Her: "They might work this time. OW! No, they don't fit."

Me: WTF

5c0e6be59d860a4b1b51b024?width=750&forma

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NorthLoop

NorthLoop 14029

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Posted
11 hours ago, Sandman said:

We went out to do some birthday/christmas shopping for the kids, my wife wanted to look for some new shoes for herself while we're out, no big deal. First, she has really big feet, women's 11-12, so she always has problems finding shoes that fit. She sees this pair and while trying to cram her foot into it, she hurts her toe. 

Her: "OW! These just don't fit, that really hurt!"

Me: "Cool, let's move on then"

Her: "I want to try this other one first"

Me: ....

Her: "These don't work either. Let me try the first ones again"

Me: "The ones that hurt? Why would you try those again?"

Her: "They might work this time. OW! No, they don't fit."

Me: WTF

 

9 hours ago, Js1 said:

You married to Ryan Tannehill’s wife? 

 

38 minutes ago, Mo Horn said:

5c0e6be59d860a4b1b51b024?width=750&forma

x1080

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18628

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Posted
13 hours ago, Sandman said:

We went out to do some birthday/christmas shopping for the kids, my wife wanted to look for some new shoes for herself while we're out, no big deal. First, she has really big feet, women's 11-12, so she always has problems finding shoes that fit. She sees this pair and while trying to cram her foot into it, she hurts her toe. 

Her: "OW! These just don't fit, that really hurt!"

Me: "Cool, let's move on then"

Her: "I want to try this other one first"

Me: ....

Her: "These don't work either. Let me try the first ones again"

Me: "The ones that hurt? Why would you try those again?"

Her: "They might work this time. OW! No, they don't fit."

Me: WTF

 

11 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

giphy.gif?cid=5e214886q2sz8enccih3iq0i3k

 

10 hours ago, Js1 said:

You married to Ryan Tannehill’s wife? 

 

2 hours ago, Mo Horn said:

5c0e6be59d860a4b1b51b024?width=750&forma

 

1 hour ago, NorthLoop said:

 

 

x1080

 

 

 

vlhndudqgzh51.jpg.ea864b5879e6cbf9befb8fefad6ccd58.jpg

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