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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Frank The Tank

Frank The Tank 1496

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I recently heard her use the phrase “chester drawers” to refer to a dresser, or what a normal person might call a chest of drawers. Even after I lovingly explained how wrong and stupid that is, she persists in thinking that is an acceptable phrase to use in front of other adult human beings. Unbelievable. 

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Anwar Namtut

Anwar Namtut 344

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14 hours ago, Frank The Tank said:

I recently heard her use the phrase “chester drawers” to refer to a dresser, or what a normal person might call a chest of drawers. Even after I lovingly explained how wrong and stupid that is, she persists in thinking that is an acceptable phrase to use in front of other adult human beings. Unbelievable. 

As a kid, that's what I thought it was. But then I eventually grew up.

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PhillyD

PhillyD 1257

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7 minutes ago, Anwar Namtut said:

As a kid, that's what I thought it was. But then I eventually grew up.

I was probably a teenager when I figured it out.  My mom had shortened it to "Chester."  I thought the name for that piece of furniture was a chester.  When I figured out it was a chest of drawers, I likely thought people who called it that were hoity-toity.

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Celery Man

Celery Man 20933

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Goddammit I know this is a tale as old as time but I'm going to lose it on my wife with the thermostat. Holy goddamn shit. We have fucking nest thermostats that we can program to keep a comfortable range of temperature in each section of the house or let it cool down or heat up depending on our routine and preferences and she can't just leave it the fuck alone. I'm sitting here in my office freezing wondering why I'm anemic and right because it's fucking 66 degrees in here because why not. Earlier today the thermostat had been jacked up to 74, so I guess whoever did that decided that they were hot and should select a new and different uncomfortable temperature.

I would pay... I dunno, $30/mo for a nest feature that gave my wife a dummy interface on her iphone and emitted fan noises from the various speakers around the house for 20 minutes whenever she adjusted the temperature.

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nnm

nnm 36352

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43 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

Goddammit I know this is a tale as old as time but I'm going to lose it on my wife with the thermostat. Holy goddamn shit. We have fucking nest thermostats that we can program to keep a comfortable range of temperature in each section of the house or let it cool down or heat up depending on our routine and preferences and she can't just leave it the fuck alone. I'm sitting here in my office freezing wondering why I'm anemic and right because it's fucking 66 degrees in here because why not. Earlier today the thermostat had been jacked up to 74, so I guess whoever did that decided that they were hot and should select a new and different uncomfortable temperature.

I would pay... I dunno, $30/mo for a nest feature that gave my wife a dummy interface on her iphone and emitted fan noises from the various speakers around the house for 20 minutes whenever she adjusted the temperature.

I know the dummy thermostats exist. I travelled almost continually for the first 25 years of my career. In the last 10 years, it became clear that hotels had largely moved to dummy thermostats, or at least thermostats that only allowed adjustments in a very narrow range, no matter what the face of the device displayed. 
So get ahold of some HVAC contractor for hotels and get them to install one for you. 

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T’Boo Ted Marshall

T’Boo Ted Marshall 2732

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I know the dummy thermostats exist. I travelled almost continually for the first 25 years of my career. In the last 10 years, it became clear that hotels had largely moved to dummy thermostats, or at least thermostats that only allowed adjustments in a very narrow range, no matter what the face of the device displayed. 
So get ahold of some HVAC contractor for hotels and get them to install one for you. 

This has long been my theory with hotels. As soon as I enter a room I turn the AC down as far as it will go. It reads 65 but no way it gets that cool.
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justhookit

justhookit 4191

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10 hours ago, Celery Man said:

Goddammit I know this is a tale as old as time but I'm going to lose it on my wife with the thermostat. Holy goddamn shit. We have fucking nest thermostats that we can program to keep a comfortable range of temperature in each section of the house or let it cool down or heat up depending on our routine and preferences and she can't just leave it the fuck alone. I'm sitting here in my office freezing wondering why I'm anemic and right because it's fucking 66 degrees in here because why not. Earlier today the thermostat had been jacked up to 74, so I guess whoever did that decided that they were hot and should select a new and different uncomfortable temperature.

I would pay... I dunno, $30/mo for a nest feature that gave my wife a dummy interface on her iphone and emitted fan noises from the various speakers around the house for 20 minutes whenever she adjusted the temperature.

“but it’s on auto.” You see that heat/cool switch?

I wanted to jump off a cliff after that conversation. Brand new build and we still don’t have a smart thermostat installed and even once we do I’m quite sure she will mess it up.

 

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ulukinatme

ulukinatme 1763

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Me:  "Hey, I'm going downstairs where it's quiet, got a video conference coming up for work."

Her:  "Ok."

Proceed to lock the door to avoid any distractions or noise from coming downstairs.

Not 10 minutes later I hear the door unlock and my son, the puppy, and her coming downstairs.  Puppy is barking, kid is carrying on.

Me:  <looks in disbelief>

Her:  "What, you can't watch them while I go pick up the other kids from school?!"  <storms off in disgust>

Edited by ulukinatme
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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9376

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15 hours ago, ulukinatme said:

Me:  "Hey, I'm going downstairs where it's quiet, got a video conference coming up for work."

Her:  "Ok."

Proceed to lock the door to avoid any distractions or noise from coming downstairs.

Not 10 minutes later I hear the door unlock and my son, the puppy, and her coming downstairs.  Puppy is barking, kid is carrying on.

Me:  <looks in disbelief>

Her:  "What, you can't watch them while I go pick up the other kids from school?!"  <storms off in disgust>

Your fault for giving her a key. 

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Reagan1k

Reagan1k 3024

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My retired cousin has a side hustle helping relocate big fishing boats and yachts.

Me:  This spring he's going to help run a boat from Mobile up to some place close to Philadelphia.

Her:  Wow.  So he'll get to go through the Panama Canal?

Me:  Maybe......  Depends on how they go I guess.

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Wade

Wade 464

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  • Daughter's grade school, 1 mile away, needs to be there by 7:45
  • Son's high school, ten miles away, needs to be there by 8:30 (route is on the way to wife's work).

This morning, wife announces that she can take both of the kids to school.  She will drop off daughter and come back for son (so he doesn't have to leave so early).  Awesome, as I have an 8 am call.  She leaves at 7:30 with daughter.

As I am engaged in deep discussion with boss, my son starts bugging me.  It's 8:15 and wife is nowhere to be seen and not answering his calls.  I beg off the call and get ready to take son to school.  She finally answers and insists on coming back to take him.  He is summarily marked down as tardy and not happy.

Within one hour she forgot she was going to take son to school, and was headed straight to work.

Of course, her first reaction was to blame me.

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18809

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11 hours ago, Wade said:
  • Daughter's grade school, 1 mile away, needs to be there by 7:45
  • Son's high school, ten miles away, needs to be there by 8:30 (route is on the way to wife's work).

This morning, wife announces that she can take both of the kids to school.  She will drop off daughter and come back for son (so he doesn't have to leave so early).  Awesome, as I have an 8 am call.  She leaves at 7:30 with daughter.

As I am engaged in deep discussion with boss, my son starts bugging me.  It's 8:15 and wife is nowhere to be seen and not answering his calls.  I beg off the call and get ready to take son to school.  She finally answers and insists on coming back to take him.  He is summarily marked down as tardy and not happy.

Within one hour she forgot she was going to take son to school, and was headed straight to work.

Of course, her first reaction was to blame me.

You insensitive bastard! How dare you 

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tbone_

tbone_ 14112

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Posted
  • Daughter's grade school, 1 mile away, needs to be there by 7:45
  • Son's high school, ten miles away, needs to be there by 8:30 (route is on the way to wife's work).
This morning, wife announces that she can take both of the kids to school.  She will drop off daughter and come back for son (so he doesn't have to leave so early).  Awesome, as I have an 8 am call.  She leaves at 7:30 with daughter.
As I am engaged in deep discussion with boss, my son starts bugging me.  It's 8:15 and wife is nowhere to be seen and not answering his calls.  I beg off the call and get ready to take son to school.  She finally answers and insists on coming back to take him.  He is summarily marked down as tardy and not happy.
Within one hour she forgot she was going to take son to school, and was headed straight to work.
Of course, her first reaction was to blame me.

My hs daughter wouldn’t give 2 shits if she was tardy. She’d be back asleep on the bed if mom was late hoping she never came. /csb
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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

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18 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

My retired cousin has a side hustle helping relocate big fishing boats and yachts.

Me:  This spring he's going to help run a boat from Mobile up to some place close to Philadelphia.

Her:  Wow.  So he'll get to go through the Panama Canal?

Me:  Maybe......  Depends on how they go I guess.

That sounds like a badass side gig

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Bullneck

Bullneck 19073

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On 1/7/2022 at 2:03 PM, Celery Man said:

Goddammit I know this is a tale as old as time but I'm going to lose it on my wife with the thermostat. Holy goddamn shit. We have fucking nest thermostats that we can program to keep a comfortable range of temperature in each section of the house or let it cool down or heat up depending on our routine and preferences and she can't just leave it the fuck alone. I'm sitting here in my office freezing wondering why I'm anemic and right because it's fucking 66 degrees in here because why not. Earlier today the thermostat had been jacked up to 74, so I guess whoever did that decided that they were hot and should select a new and different uncomfortable temperature.

I would pay... I dunno, $30/mo for a nest feature that gave my wife a dummy interface on her iphone and emitted fan noises from the various speakers around the house for 20 minutes whenever she adjusted the temperature.

I've had the app on my phone for three years and my wife doesn't know.

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Celery Man

Celery Man 20933

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4 hours ago, Frank The Tank said:

It’s like we’re playing a game of chicken to see who can leave the least amount of toilet paper left on the roll, and if you change the roll you lose. Except, she’s the only one playing and I always lose. 

I try not to do shit like this anymore because it’s happier to just change the roll every single time, but we went for a week like that where she was using a different bathroom and I had a completely different roll hidden. She was so mad that I kept not using the last half wrap of toilet paper that she had left on there.

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9376

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14 hours ago, Celery Man said:

I try not to do shit like this anymore because it’s happier to just change the roll every single time, but we went for a week like that where she was using a different bathroom and I had a completely different roll hidden. She was so mad that I kept not using the last half wrap of toilet paper that she had left on there.

I change ours too. Otherwise she’ll make the paper come off the backside instead of the front. We’re civilized people, not heathens. 

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ABSR

ABSR 5308

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21 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Anything you say, she imagines you say, she dreams you did, her friends tell her about others saying, that her friends husbands say or do, can and will be used against you in a court of law future argument.

Fixed it.

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