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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 22336

Posted
Posted
22 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

I think my wife has a little Munchausen going on. Yesterday she was complaining about her knee hurting. We're sitting in bed in the evening, the toddler is bouncing around on the mattress. She's got her leg out right where it's obvious to everyone within a 5 mile radius that the kid is about to jump/roll over her bum knee, which of course he does, and she acts like she got hit by a sniper. Then I get yelled at for rolling my eyes. 

I guess you didn't get the memo, but Munchausen Syndrome has been changed to Factitious Disorder Imposed on Self

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deadshank

deadshank 24654

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Mrs. Deadshank:  Hey, I bought some vintage (used) boots for the upcoming rodeos.  They were a great deal.  Only $250!!

Me:  Oh, OK, hon.


 (3 weeks later)

Mrs. Deadshank:  I’m selling the vintage (used) boots to Molly.  I don’t like them that much.   She’s paying me $50 for them!   That’s awesome!

Me: Uh, didn’t you just pay $250 for them three weeks ago?  Now you’re unloading them for $50?  And that’s awesome?  How is that awesome?

Mrs. Deadshank:  Well $50 is the going rate for vintage (used) boots.   It’s a great deal!!

Me:  If $50 is the going rate then why did you pay $250?

Mrs. Deadshank:  tone. 

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 19396

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Posted
17 minutes ago, deadshank said:

Mrs. Deadshank:  Hey, I bought some vintage (used) boots for the upcoming rodeos.  They were a great deal.  Only $250!!

Me:  Oh, OK, hon.


 (3 weeks later)

Mrs. Deadshank:  I’m selling the vintage (used) boots to Molly.  I don’t like them that much.   She’s paying me $50 for them!   That’s awesome!

Me: Uh, didn’t you just pay $250 for them three weeks ago?  Now you’re unloading them for $50?  And that’s awesome?  How is that awesome?

Mrs. Deadshank:  Well $50 is the going rate for vintage (used) boots.   It’s a great deal!!

Me:  If $50 is the going rate then why did you pay $250?

Mrs. Deadshank:  tone. 

Goddammit this 

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Sandman

Sandman 3436

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Wife made an appointment at the dealer to have some warranty work done on her car, the appointment was for this morning, whenever they open. She told me, "I'm going up there to drop off my car and my mom is going to pick me up and take me to work". I offered to pick her up but I have to be at work by 8 and she goes in at 9-930 and she hates getting up when I do, so she asked her mom to drive her. Whatever, that's fine.

As I'm showering this morning, she sticks her head in the door and says "Ok, I'm heading to the dealer now, just come get me as soon as you're ready". I said WTF, I thought your mom was taking you? She said "Well you offered the other day".  Thanks for the heads up, Hon.

 

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tbone_

tbone_ 14491

Posted
Posted
Mrs. Deadshank:  Hey, I bought some vintage (used) boots for the upcoming rodeos.  They were a great deal.  Only $250!!
Me:  Oh, OK, hon.

 (3 weeks later)
Mrs. Deadshank:  I’m selling the vintage (used) boots to Molly.  I don’t like them that much.   She’s paying me $50 for them!   That’s awesome!
Me: Uh, didn’t you just pay $250 for them three weeks ago?  Now you’re unloading them for $50?  And that’s awesome?  How is that awesome?
Mrs. Deadshank:  Well $50 is the going rate for vintage (used) boots.   It’s a great deal!!
Me:  If $50 is the going rate then why did you pay $250?
Mrs. Deadshank:  tone. 

One of the biggest fights me and the ex had in our early days before I was wise to the ways of the married Jedi was about whether selling a car for more than you owed on it was making money or not.
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royiv

royiv 9906

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30 minutes ago, tbone_ said:


One of the biggest fights me and the ex had in our early days before I was wise to the ways of the married Jedi was about whether selling a car for more than you owed on it was making money or not.

You didn't specify which side of the argument you were on. 

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Scheiss Meister

Scheiss Meister 8478

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Posted
10 hours ago, deadshank said:

Mrs. Deadshank:  Hey, I bought some vintage (used) boots for the upcoming rodeos.  They were a great deal.  Only $250!!

Me:  Oh, OK, hon.


 (3 weeks later)

Mrs. Deadshank:  I’m selling the vintage (used) boots to Molly.  I don’t like them that much.   She’s paying me $50 for them!   That’s awesome!

Me: Uh, didn’t you just pay $250 for them three weeks ago?  Now you’re unloading them for $50?  And that’s awesome?  How is that awesome?

Mrs. Deadshank:  Well $50 is the going rate for vintage (used) boots.   It’s a great deal!!

Me:  If $50 is the going rate then why did you pay $250?

Mrs. Deadshank:  tone. 

She paid $50 for the boots and $200 for something she doesn't want you to know about.  She just forgot that she told you that it was $250 for the boots.

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markstanco

markstanco 12815

Posted
Posted
Mrs. Deadshank:  Hey, I bought some vintage (used) boots for the upcoming rodeos.  They were a great deal.  Only $250!!
Me:  Oh, OK, hon.

 (3 weeks later)
Mrs. Deadshank:  I’m selling the vintage (used) boots to Molly.  I don’t like them that much.   She’s paying me $50 for them!   That’s awesome!
Me: Uh, didn’t you just pay $250 for them three weeks ago?  Now you’re unloading them for $50?  And that’s awesome?  How is that awesome?
Mrs. Deadshank:  Well $50 is the going rate for vintage (used) boots.   It’s a great deal!!
Me:  If $50 is the going rate then why did you pay $250?
Mrs. Deadshank:  tone. 

Keep these stories to yourself.
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deadshank

deadshank 24654

Posted
Posted
14 hours ago, Pig Bellmont said:

It’s like you’ve never been in a boutique clothing store for women 

My wife works part-time at one in Houston.  The prices for clothes, jewelry, shoes and other woman stuff are astounding.  Simply astounding.  The joint is always full of "by appointment only" hoity-toity lady types.  The broad that owns the place is printing money and the husbands' wallets are getting clubbed like baby seals.  

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 19396

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25 minutes ago, deadshank said:

My wife works part-time at one in Houston.  The prices for clothes, jewelry, shoes and other woman stuff are astounding.  Simply astounding.  The joint is always full of "by appointment only" hoity-toity lady types.  The broad that owns the place is printing money and the husbands' wallets are getting clubbed like baby seals.  

It's a vicious circle because most of those type will look down their nose at something if it costs $50 but if the exact same item is $250 they'll gladly buy it because it's obviously better 

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deadshank

deadshank 24654

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16 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

It's a vicious circle because most of those type will look down their nose at something if it costs $50 but if the exact same item is $250 they'll gladly buy it because it's obviously better 

Of course.  More expensive = better in the eyes of womenfolk.

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mininghorn88

mininghorn88 2341

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Posted

My ex is a school teacher.  While we were married she wanted to supplement her income by selling "high end" costume jewelry.  When she approached me about selling it the conversation went pretty much like this:

Her:  I want to start making extra money.

Me: OK, what is involved?

Her:  I have to buy the inventory at a heavily discounted cost.  Plus set up selling parties with other women.  It will be fun.

Me: Ok, how much is the investment?

Her: It depends on how much I buy and it can go up or down depending on how well I do.  Plus, I get jewelry to wear at a discount.

Me: Oh, Ok, now I see.  Are you wanting to "sell" jewelry to make extra money or have it to wear?

Her: Make money.  The free or discounted jewelry is just a perk.

Me: Ok, just as long as we are in the black when you get tired of doing this.

Her: (angrily) You don't want me to do this do you?

Me: I did not "say" that.  I said, "Just be in the black when it is all said and done."

Her:  Fine. I won't do it.

Me: Ok.

She did eventually do it a couple of years later.  She was still doing it when we divorced.  Not sure if she ended up in the black (probably not).

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nnm

nnm 38033

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1 minute ago, mininghorn88 said:

My ex is a school teacher.  While we were married she wanted to supplement her income by selling "high end" costume jewelry.  When she approached me about selling it the conversation went pretty much like this:

Her:  I want to start making extra money.

Me: OK, what is involved?

Her:  I have to buy the inventory at a heavily discounted cost.  Plus set up selling parties with other women.  It will be fun.

Me: Ok, how much is the investment?

Her: It depends on how much I buy and it can go up or down depending on how well I do.  Plus, I get jewelry to wear at a discount.

Me: Oh, Ok, now I see.  Are you wanting to "sell" jewelry to make extra money or have it to wear?

Her: Make money.  The free or discounted jewelry is just a perk.

Me: Ok, just as long as we are in the black when you get tired of doing this.

Her: (angrily) You don't want me to do this do you?

Me: I did not "say" that.  I said, "Just be in the black when it is all said and done."

Her:  Fine. I won't do it.

Me: Ok.

She did eventually do it a couple of years later.  She was still doing it when we divorced.  Not sure if she ended up in the black (probably not).

MLM. They prey on the housewives. I don’t know how many my wife has been approached about over the years. Thankfully she’s been educated about the game and hasn’t fallen for it. 

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4498

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Met my In-Laws for MIL birthday Sunday afternoon at a Mexican restaurant near Forest and 75.  For reference, We live in Allen. I've lived in Dallas for all of about 3 combined years out o 45 I've been alive and also travel around DFW 3-4 days a week for work.

I have a couple of margaritas, so she drives home. Turns south on 75.

Me "You're going the wrong way."

During the argument, she used two phrases amongst many that stuck out. "I know you don't drive around her much." and "Your kinda drunk."

Me :"Okay, fine whatever." and let it go for about 5 more minutes. Finally

Me : "Hey look, on your left. That's hotel we stayed at the night of our wedding before leaving on our honeymoon."

Her :"Awww."

Me :"And if we were going to the correct direction, it would be on your right....."

Her (after a couple of minutes of trying to figure out how this is my fault) "Fuck you. " And then she exited

Me " Hey Kids! Look!! SMU"

/tone

 

 

 

Edited by Jameslaw121
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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2313

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Posted

This is only funny because Mrs CL likes to flatter herself about how informed she is about the news.

Quote

 

”What about the guys at the edge of Europe who aren’t members of NATO? What has Turkey been doing?”

”Turkey has been a member of NATO for 70 years.”

”They are? Well, places like Latvia and Lithuania probably need to be worried.”

”They’re also part of NATO.”

”Switzerland?”

”Aggressively neutral. Famous for it. That’s why Swiss bank accounts used to be a thing.”

”Then they should be helping Ukraine!” 

 

 

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 18143

Posted
Posted
15 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Met my In-Laws for MIL birthday Sunday afternoon at a Mexican restaurant near Forest and 75.  For reference, We live in Allen. I've lived in Dallas for all of about 3 combined years out o 45 I've been alive and also travel around DFW 3-4 days a week for work.

I have a couple of margaritas, so she drives home. Turns south on 75.

Me "You're going the wrong way."

During the argument, she used two phrases amongst many that stuck out. "I know you don't drive around her much." and "Your kinda drunk."

Me :"Okay, fine whatever." and let it go for about 5 more minutes. Finally

Me : "Hey look, on your left. That's hotel we stayed at the night of our wedding before leaving on our honeymoon."

Her :"Awww."

Me :"And if we were going to the correct direction, it would be on your right....."

Her (after a couple of minutes of trying to figure out how this is my fault) "Fuck you. " And then she exited

Me " Hey Kids! Look!! SMU"

/tone

*you're

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Js1

Js1 87324

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

This is only funny because Mrs CL likes to flatter herself about how informed she is about the news.

 

Massive humblebrag that your wife knows the general proximity of Turkey, Latvia and Lithuania. 

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Johnny Sack

Johnny Sack 8397

Posted
Posted
On 3/15/2022 at 9:13 AM, deadshank said:

My wife works part-time at one in Houston.  The prices for clothes, jewelry, shoes and other woman stuff are astounding.  Simply astounding.  The joint is always full of "by appointment only" hoity-toity lady types.  The broad that owns the place is printing money and the husbands' wallets are getting clubbed like baby seals.  

The money my wife spends on clothes.....fuck me.

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