Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Mitch Cumsteen 18523]

On 3/30/2022 at 10:54 AM, ABSR said:

I have found that the key to a successful marriage is not caring about shit.   Seriously.

If she talks to me as she is walking away, in another room, or does something so she or I can't hear each other during a conversation I just stop talking and assume it doesn't matter.

Unless the house is on fire and we need to flee, or something like that, then if it doesn't matter to her then it doesn't matter to me.   I walk away and enjoy the next moment of my life.

My normal setting is to care, but if I did then I would have multiple rage/anger moments directed at her per day...and if it is not important to her, then I am not going to make it important to me.

There's a concept in psychology called learned helplessness. It's something that I'm intimately familiar with. 

[kmac30 416]

We required than 50% of the bill and had to be able to identify the full serial number.  The 7 bills in the photo all would have satisfied that requirement.

They told me I needed X% (don’t remember exact number) and the full face and serial number. Out of 7, they said I had full face on 2. Some they declined were missing tiny points of the face. It was silly.

[Dennis Taylor 18706]

2 minutes ago, kmac30 said:

They told me I needed X% (don’t remember exact number) and the full face and serial number. Out of 7, they said I had full face on 2. Some they declined were missing tiny points of the face. It was silly.

Aint that some shit

[TKthunder2 4981]

2 minutes ago, kmac30 said:

They told me I needed X% (don’t remember exact number) and the full face and serial number. Out of 7, they said I had full face on 2. Some they declined were missing tiny points of the face. It was silly.

That’s dumb.

You can only claim 1 bill to the Fed, so if you cut it exactly in half and got one bank to take one and another bank to take another, the first one to turn it into the fed would get credit for it, the bank that sent it in 2nd were SOL.

The fed registers the serial when they are processing mutilated currency which is why they need that, but you could have half of the serial number from the left side of the bill and half from the right side of the bill and that would be acceptable.

If you cut the bill in thirds and took the face out that should still be enough to claim.  The face thing is just dumb but the banks aren’t required to take mutilated currency, they do it as a courtesy so they can set dumb rules.

[Doze 1322]

Wife sees Stone Cold Steve Austin on TV and asks:

"Why isn't his ears messed up like other wrestlers?"

[ztejas 43266]

29 minutes ago, Doze said:

Wife sees Stone Cold Steve Austin on TV and asks:

"Why isn't his ears messed up like other wrestlers?"

Oh wow that's awesome. 

For a couple of reasons. 

Edited April 2, 2022 by ztejas

[Elvis 3356]

Driving around Ft Worth. 
 

Me: What’s that voice?

Wife: That's Christina Aguilarea

Me: Why is Christina Aguilera talking to me?

Wife: She’s my GPS voice

Me:Your GPS is Christina Aguilera?

Wife: yes!

Me: We’ll no wonder we can’t find Shit this weekend!

 

[Elvis 3356]

Driving around Ft Worth. 
 

Me: What’s that voice?

Wife: That's Christina Aguilarea

Me: Why is Christina Aguilera talking to me?

Wife: She’s my GPS voice

Me:Your GPS is Christina Aguilera?

Wife: yes!

Me: We’ll no wonder we can’t find Shit this weekend!

 

[TrashMaster G 17388]

7 hours ago, Elvis said:

Driving around Ft Worth. 
 

Me: What’s that voice?

Wife: That's Christina Aguilarea

Me: Why is Christina Aguilera talking to me?

Wife: She’s my GPS voice

Me:Your GPS is Christina Aguilera?

Wife: yes!

Me: We’ll no wonder we can’t find Shit this weekend!

Why were you looking for Shit?

[nnm 36100]

16 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

Why were you looking for Shit?

It’s springtime and he’s planting a garden. 

[Elvis 3356]

14 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Why were you looking for Shit?

 

[Wade 463]

On 3/30/2022 at 8:54 AM, ABSR said:

If she talks to me as she is walking away, in another room, or does something so she or I can't hear each other during a conversation I just stop talking and assume it doesn't matter.

Risky strategy, Sir.

[Trey3216 15325]

On 3/23/2022 at 6:36 AM, nnm said:

Smoke detectors are assholes. They never start beeping for more batteries at 10:00 am on a Saturday when you have all day to deal with it.  Nope, it’s always 2:00 am on a Tuesday when you have a huge meeting first thing in the morning. Or when you’re out of town and your wife can’t get to the device. 

Or when you've let the dog in the house because it's going to rain and you get home 4 hours later to a ringing smoke detector and 4-5 destroyed pillows.  

[Elvis 3356]

Smoke detector talk not going away.

[nnm 36100]

3 minutes ago, Elvis said:

Smoke detector talk not going away.

Irritating smoke detector beeping not going away. 

[Elvis 3356]

2 minutes ago, nnm said:

Irritating smoke detector beeping not going away. 

[Beau Vine 54003]

We went to Seattle last weekend, so I have two:

1.  Went to the hockey game Friday night, and it was "clear plastic bag giveaway night." You know, the bags that every sporting event now requires you to carry instead of a purse?  We walked out with about 5 of them.  So anyways, we go to a college baseball game Sunday.  As we walk up, I notice that she's carrying her purse.  "You forgot to bring one of the 5 clear plastic bags we now have, didn't you?"  So I got to go in before her, and buy a clear plastic bag for $15 from the souvenir stand.

2.  We took the redeye flight back and landed at about 4:30am.  I walked out to get the car while she waited for baggage.  (We parked in the economy lot because we'd much rather spend our money on clear plastic bags.)  Once in the car, I couldn't find the parking receipt.  So I called her and found out the ticket was in her purse.  So I walked back to the terminal to get it.  

"Why did you not leave it in the car?"
"I've heard you're not supposed to do that."
"Why?!?!?!?"

"Well, someone could break into the car and steal it."

"Why would someone break into a car to steal a parking receipt?  And wouldn't it be much more likely that they'd steal your purse and the ticket inside it?"

"Why are you always so critical of me?"

[Sam Lin 3541]

Not defending at all, but here in Asia, parking ticket/receipt/entry cards are never left in the car. It is a precaution against someone stealing your car. If someone breaks into your car in the parking lot and drives it off, when they try to exit the parking facility with no ticket, the facility generally will at least check ownership of the car or make you demonstrate some form of connection to it. It's one more hurdle to someone stealing your car.

[WhatTheBuck 28712]

11 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Not defending at all, but here in Asia, parking ticket/receipt/entry cards are never left in the car. It is a precaution against someone stealing your car. If someone breaks into your car in the parking lot and drives it off, when they try to exit the parking facility with no ticket, the facility generally will at least check ownership of the car or make you demonstrate some form of connection to it. It's one more hurdle to someone stealing your car.

Yeah, you keep it in your wallet. And you always have a pen on hand so you can mark it with where you parked. I thought that was S.O.P.

I’ll add that I still occasionally have dreams where I don’t remember where I parked my car and I can’t figure out if I’m just lost or it’s been stolen. Always glad to wake up from those. 

Edited April 7, 2022 by WhatTheBuck

[jeevsie 3722]

3 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

And you always have a pen on hand

Pops always wanted only shirts with a front pocket.  That's where glasses and pen went.

[SHOOTER12 8789]

4 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Yeah, you keep it in your wallet. And you always have a pen on hand so you can mark it with where you parked. I thought that was S.O.P.

I’ll add that I still occasionally have dreams where I don’t remember where I parked my car and I can’t figure out if I’m just lost or it’s been stolen. Always glad to wake up from those. 

Why in the hell do you need a parking receipt? Are you guys not using your private airstrip and private plane? Rookies

[Armybrat 40744]

41 minutes ago, jeevsie said:

Pops always wanted only shirts with a front pocket.  That's where glasses and pen went.

Son?

[Gil Bang 25898]

On 4/7/2022 at 2:42 PM, jeevsie said:

Pops always wanted only shirts with a front pocket.  That's where glasses and pen went.

For my Dad, it's his smokes.  Old motherfucker is pushing 90, and he's still burning two packs a day.  Always in the front pocket. 

[Longhornstampede 3174]

As opposed to storing shit in a back pocket of your shirt?

[huge 3788]

On 4/10/2022 at 6:15 AM, Longhornstampede said:

As opposed to storing shit in a back pocket of your shirt?

As opposed to buying shirts with no pockets, POINDEXTER

[Snake Diggity 4614]

On 3/15/2022 at 2:07 PM, deadshank said:

The black ended up in her after divorcing you.

Lmfao

[Longboard Horn 40144]

On 4/1/2022 at 7:50 PM, Doze said:

Wife sees Stone Cold Steve Austin on TV and asks:

"Why isn't his ears messed up like other wrestlers?"

Pos rep to your wife for knowing real wrestling and cauliflower ears!

[Nivek 16860]

Background problem: kids are getting to school late

Wife solution: you need to do more in the mornings, the kids don’t listen to me, and I am running late.

Man solution: please do not turn on the TV in the morning. It distracts the kids. When we didn’t turn on the tv in them morning the kids were on time.

Wife: but I need my coffee and a moment to wake up, I’ll just turn it off when I am done.

Man: we agree to a trial of my way and her way.

Week one results: no tv, kids are ready early, kids are happier, adults are happier. We are so early that I brush out hair and basically do it all by myself.

Is there a need for week 2? Will she admit I was correct for a 5th time in 20 years?

[nnm 36100]

40 minutes ago, Nivek said:

Background problem: kids are getting to school late

Wife solution: you need to do more in the mornings, the kids don’t listen to me, and I am running late.

Man solution: please do not turn on the TV in the morning. It distracts the kids. When we didn’t turn on the tv in them morning the kids were on time.

Wife: but I need my coffee and a moment to wake up, I’ll just turn it off when I am done.

Man: we agree to a trial of my way and her way.

Week one results: no tv, kids are ready early, kids are happier, adults are happier. We are so early that I brush out hair and basically do it all by myself.

Is there a need for week 2? Will she admit I was correct for a 5th time in 20 years?

Narrator:  He wasn’t right. Never was, never will be. 

[Johnny Sack 8397]

58 minutes ago, Nivek said:

Background problem: kids are getting to school late

Wife solution: you need to do more in the mornings, the kids don’t listen to me, and I am running late.

Man solution: please do not turn on the TV in the morning. It distracts the kids. When we didn’t turn on the tv in them morning the kids were on time.

Wife: but I need my coffee and a moment to wake up, I’ll just turn it off when I am done.

Man: we agree to a trial of my way and her way.

Week one results: no tv, kids are ready early, kids are happier, adults are happier. We are so early that I brush out hair and basically do it all by myself.

Is there a need for week 2? Will she admit I was correct for a 5th time in 20 years?

Wife has been in Italy with my mom and some friends for a couple weeks.  It’s amazing how we are now always 5 minutes early to everywhere.   

[Mo Horn 8807]

1 hour ago, Nivek said:

Will she admit I was correct for a 5th time in 20 years?

But who's counting? 

[Pato del Muerto 52342]

1 minute ago, Mo Horn said:

But who's counting? 

They both are. But do you think the counts match?

[TrashMaster G 17388]

1 hour ago, Nivek said:

Background problem: kids are getting to school late

Wife solution: you need to do more in the mornings, the kids don’t listen to me, and I am running late.

Man solution: please do not turn on the TV in the morning. It distracts the kids. When we didn’t turn on the tv in them morning the kids were on time.

Wife: but I need my coffee and a moment to wake up, I’ll just turn it off when I am done.

Man: we agree to a trial of my way and her way.

Week one results: no tv, kids are ready early, kids are happier, adults are happier. We are so early that I brush out hair and basically do it all by myself.

Is there a need for week 2? Will she admit I was correct for a 5th time in 20 years?

Narrator:  There was a week 2. It was a disaster. And it was his fault.

[Fudge Nuggets 19151]

On 3/23/2022 at 6:36 AM, nnm said:

Smoke detectors are assholes. They never start beeping for more batteries at 10:00 am on a Saturday when you have all day to deal with it.  Nope, it’s always 2:00 am on a Tuesday when you have a huge meeting first thing in the morning. Or when you’re out of town and your wife can’t get to the device. 

I hit the smoke detector powerball this year.  One started beeping at 5:30 pm on a weekday and another started beeping at 9:00 Saturday morning last week.  Prior to that it was always 3:00 AM.

[Not a cat 5619]

3 hours ago, Nivek said:

Will she admit I was correct for a 5th time in 20 years?

[Sbbruin 21737]

3 hours ago, Nivek said:

Background problem: kids are getting to school late

Wife solution: you need to do more in the mornings, the kids don’t listen to me, and I am running late.

Man solution: please do not turn on the TV in the morning. It distracts the kids. When we didn’t turn on the tv in them morning the kids were on time.

Wife: but I need my coffee and a moment to wake up, I’ll just turn it off when I am done.

Man: we agree to a trial of my way and her way.

Week one results: no tv, kids are ready early, kids are happier, adults are happier. We are so early that I brush out hair and basically do it all by myself.

Is there a need for week 2? Will she admit I was correct for a 5th time in 20 years?

I swear you are me 5 years ago

[WhatTheBuck 28712]

4 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Narrator:  There was a week 2. It was a disaster. And it was his fault.

And that will be our routine from now on. 

[Beau Vine 54003]

Watching baseball tonight...

"Why are the Cardinals wearing blue numbers?"

"Are you kidding?  You are NOT serious..."

She grabs her phone and I see her googling something about "Cardinals uniforms"

"OH!  It's Jackie Robinson Day! <loooooooooong pause> but why are they honoring him by wearing blue numbers?"

"There's no way you're serious..."

<a couple of silent minutes pass>

"Oh, they're all wearing number 42!"

I swear this actually happened.

[Hook1997 5289]

15 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

Watching baseball tonight...

"Why are the Cardinals wearing blue numbers?"

"Are you kidding?  You are NOT serious..."

She grabs her phone and I see her googling something about "Cardinals uniforms"

"OH!  It's Jackie Robinson Day! <loooooooooong pause> but why are they honoring him by wearing blue numbers?"

"There's no way you're serious..."

<a couple of silent minutes pass>

"Oh, they're all wearing number 42!"

I swear this actually happened.

You are somehow surprised that a women is confused by the Cardinals wearing blue numbers, not knowing it’s Jackie Robinson Day and not realizing they are all wearing the same number??  What is she supposed to be a huge baseball fan?  I had a girl ask me once how many points they got in baseball when they scored….

Edited April 16, 2022 by Hook1997

[harpercollins 394]

Will she admit I was correct for a 5th time in 20 years?

I’ll tell on myself.

My husband and I have a twenty year ongoing fight about how early to arrive at the airport for a domestic flight. I’ve mostly given up to keep peace. (He wants to be there two hours before boarding; I want to be there one hour before boarding. The “right” answer I think is probably in the middle.)

Last week I flew to SLC by myself and was insanely late—only made it on the plane due to renewing Clear while in line and a 20 minute flight delay. I ran to the gate and onto the jetway,
and they closed the doors behind me like a movie.

Once my heart stopped pounding I texted him that I made it on the plane, and that, while his way isn’t my favorite way, it’s much, much better than mine. He was so happy he said he was going to print out the text and frame it.

[ztejas 43266]

5 minutes ago, harpercollins said:

(He wants to be there two hours before boarding; I want to be there one hour before boarding. The “right” answer I think is probably in the middle.)

Assuming you don't live in Austin. 

[TrashMaster G 17388]

1 minute ago, ztejas said:

Assuming you don't live in Austin. 

This.

[nnm 36100]

1 hour ago, harpercollins said:

 

I’ll tell on myself.

My husband and I have a twenty year ongoing fight about how early to arrive at the airport for a domestic flight. I’ve mostly given up to keep peace. (He wants to be there two hours before boarding; I want to be there one hour before boarding. The “right” answer I think is probably in the middle.)

Last week I flew to SLC by myself and was insanely late—only made it on the plane due to renewing Clear while in line and a 20 minute flight delay. I ran to the gate and onto the jetway,
and they closed the doors behind me like a movie.

Once my heart stopped pounding I texted him that I made it on the plane, and that, while his way isn’t my favorite way, it’s much, much better than mine. He was so happy he said he was going to print out the text and frame it.

 

I agree with you. One hour before the flight should be plenty unless it’s a busy airport at peak times. 

[Fudbelty 2785]

Watching baseball tonight...
"Why are the Cardinals wearing blue numbers?"
"Are you kidding?  You are NOT serious..."
She grabs her phone and I see her googling something about "Cardinals uniforms"
"OH!  It's Jackie Robinson Day! but why are they honoring him by wearing blue numbers?"
"There's no way you're serious..."

"Oh, they're all wearing number 42!"
I swear this actually happened.

In her defense this was the first year they all wore blue numbers.

[Dennis Taylor 18706]

8 hours ago, harpercollins said:

 

I’ll tell on myself.

My husband and I have a twenty year ongoing fight about how early to arrive at the airport for a domestic flight. I’ve mostly given up to keep peace. (He wants to be there two hours before boarding; I want to be there one hour before boarding. The “right” answer I think is probably in the middle.)

Last week I flew to SLC by myself and was insanely late—only made it on the plane due to renewing Clear while in line and a 20 minute flight delay. I ran to the gate and onto the jetway,
and they closed the doors behind me like a movie.

Once my heart stopped pounding I texted him that I made it on the plane, and that, while his way isn’t my favorite way, it’s much, much better than mine. He was so happy he said he was going to print out the text and frame it.

 

This reads exactly like when aggy posts on here claiming to not be aggy but you can still tell it's aggy. 

"Given up to keep peace..." yeah nice try....

[harpercollins 394]

Assuming you don't live in Austin. 

Yes Austin is my airport.

[harpercollins 394]

This reads exactly like when aggy posts on here claiming to not be aggy but you can still tell it's aggy. 
"Given up to keep peace..." yeah nice try....

Lol! This got me

[SilasCoade 2620]

9 hours ago, nnm said:

I agree with you. One hour before the flight should be plenty unless it’s a busy airport at peak times. 

What are you going to spend that hour doing that's worth the stress of worrying about getting through security and shit on time? I fucking hate traveling but when we do we are at the airport a minimum of two hours early. And b/c we're often at SeaTac flying east that means 5AM a lot of times. Fuck it, I've got coffee and lots of books I want to read. Totally worth it to be there early and wait.

[Nivek 16860]

7 hours ago, Llogg said:

What are you going to spend that hour doing that's worth the stress of worrying about getting through security and shit on time? I fucking hate traveling but when we do we are at the airport a minimum of two hours early. And b/c we're often at SeaTac flying east that means 5AM a lot of times. Fuck it, I've got coffee and lots of books I want to read. Totally worth it to be there early and wait.

Ditto.  I get it if I was at some regional airport like in Laramie, WY or even in Bismarck, ND but in Houston the protocol is 2 hours.  

[luke duke 6390]

I’ll tell on myself.

My husband and I have a twenty year ongoing fight about how early to arrive at the airport for a domestic flight. I’ve mostly given up to keep peace. (He wants to be there two hours before boarding; I want to be there one hour before boarding. The “right” answer I think is probably in the middle.)

Last week I flew to SLC by myself and was insanely late—only made it on the plane due to renewing Clear while in line and a 20 minute flight delay. I ran to the gate and onto the jetway,
and they closed the doors behind me like a movie.

Once my heart stopped pounding I texted him that I made it on the plane, and that, while his way isn’t my favorite way, it’s much, much better than mine. He was so happy he said he was going to print out the text and frame it.

I’m guessing that you wrecked the car on the way to the airport.