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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54001

Posted
Posted (edited)
20 hours ago, harpercollins said:

In what world is a lab a medium dog? That’s large. Great Danes are XL.

Labs, Aussies, border collies, bassets = medium

Pyrs, goldens, huskies, GSDs = large

Danes, Berners, Newfies, mastiffs = XL

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Dnaguy

Dnaguy 11775

Posted
Posted
On 7/15/2022 at 8:31 PM, Biff Tannen said:

This is in my top 3 most enraging behaviors.  Setting the fucking thermostat to 55 in the summer or 95 in the winter doesn't make it get colder or hotter faster.  They just cannot grasp that concept.

You guys are giving me ptsd.

The box break downs and the thermostat comprise 75-90% of all of my fights with DNAgal.

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mininghorn88

mininghorn88 2263

Posted
Posted
19 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

My shelter dog has been bitten by a rattlesnake and has had four surgeries for fighting badgers. I should have bought a x thousand dollar specialty breed. 

Sounds like you have a real dog.  I would take it over any specialty breed any day of the week.

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4445

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 7/18/2022 at 6:50 PM, Ojo Rojo said:

My kids begged for a dog for a couple of years.  We resisted.  We just didn't want to take on another thing.  Earlier this year we felt like the kids were older and more manageable and we started thinking that our oldest is already 11 and if we were going to have a family dog it was now or never.  So we agreed.  But we also wanted to use it to our advantage and also teach our kids a valuable lesson.  So my wife made up this system where each of our kids could earn a "puppy sticker" each day and when they got to 30 we could get a dog.  When they got close I started researching types of dogs and where to get them.  I looked at a lot of dogs online and would send photos and information to my wife, who always provided feedback.  When it came time to actually go see dogs my wife came with and participated fully.  When we finally found the right dog for us, my wife claimed that she is the one who saw the dog first.  My wife was 100% fully on board with getting this dog and participated in every step of the process.

We're fighting right now and I got a text from her earlier today that said, "I told you, please no dog. I am worried about another huge thing and the timing is not good.  We get a dog anyway." Basically blaming me because we got a dog when she supposedly told me she didn't want to. Narrator:  She never told me that.  Also narrator: She participated in the entire process of getting the dog.

My wife and I wanted a dog. One night, she just came home with a dog...... There was no actual discussion.

She told me not be mad.

I told her not to be mad at me if I came home with a stripper.

 

 

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ztejas

ztejas 43265

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Sounds like he has Hank the Cowdog. Adventure after adventure. 
 

9781591881025_p0_v1_s1200x630.jpg

Rep for Hank the Cowdog. My granddad was friends with him or at least made his acquaintance and I got a few autographed books when I was a kid. 

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nnm

nnm 36092

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I would just like for someone else to feel my pain. 
 

 

E992760B-20CB-4602-8C30-0C027E6604D8.jpeg

The clutter and unorganized garage is one thing, and perhaps explainable. My own garage is still unorganized a year after move-in because we had massive renovations and haven’t had time to organize the garage. We’re waiting for it to cool down before we do that. 
But the enraging part of that pic for me is placing things in the makeshift walkways. If you have to have an unorganized garage for whatever reason, then leave a path around the piles. If you’re going to go dump something like a cushion, blanket, or Amazon box in there, don’t obstruct everything else!

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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5805

Posted
Posted
7 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

What is the ruling on that?  Does the golfer get to play it out of the woman's hand?

I believe in that case, since it's a LPGA event, the player has the option to scissor first.  I might be a little fuzzy on the rules.

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Nivek

Nivek 16859

Posted
Posted
The clutter and unorganized garage is one thing, and perhaps explainable. My own garage is still unorganized a year after move-in because we had massive renovations and haven’t had time to organize the garage. We’re waiting for it to cool down before we do that. 
But the enraging part of that pic for me is placing things in the makeshift walkways. If you have to have an unorganized garage for whatever reason, then leave a path around the piles. If you’re going to go dump something like a cushion, blanket, or Amazon box in there, don’t obstruct everything else!

wife logic regarding trash:

Take trash out of the container, put it outside and leave it by the door for someone else to handle.
When animals got it:
Tie up trash and leave it in container in the house. That is helping.

Wife logic regarding stuff:
Kids left their bikes and scooters outs, let’s shove that in the doorway of the garage.

Oh some magician moved them!
Will the same magician keep returning no matter how much stupid shit I shove in the entry way? Husband really needs to organize this place. I think he has executive function issues. He needs to see a doctor. Husband, come here, let me tell you what is wrong with you!
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Buzzrock

Buzzrock 14871

Posted
Posted

We have conversations like this all the time.

Her: “Hey something is leaking upstairs.”

I go take a look. Appears to be HVAC related. I resolve the immediate issue and then…

Me: “Looks like an issue with the AC. I’ll call the HVAC company.”

Her: “Ok”

10 minutes later max I text her from my basement office:

Me: “They are sending someone out tomorrow.”

Her: “Who is?”

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Hook1997

Hook1997 5287

Posted
Posted (edited)
8 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

We have conversations like this all the time.

Her: “Hey something is leaking upstairs.”

I go take a look. Appears to be HVAC related. I resolve the immediate issue and then…

Me: “Looks like an issue with the AC. I’ll call the HVAC company.”

Her: “Ok”

10 minutes later max I text her from my basement office:

Me: “They are sending someone out tomorrow.”

Her: “Who is?”

Not really mine or anyones wife but this girl I know had a HVAC leak recently.  (Confirmed by later post)   She evidently called the cops for a leak in her ceiling and had four cops in her house looking for the leak per Facebook post….  She also a few months back posted that she had a drive by shooting at her house, enter posts of lucky to be alive, this is crazy, lucky I didn’t get hit,  pictures of cop cars everywhere, ect, ect..   Turns out it was kids with a paintball gun and her house wasn’t even one that was hit..   Yup she’s a batshit crazy nurse.  Lol.  

Edited by Hook1997
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txhorns

txhorns 2408

Posted
Posted
18 minutes ago, Hook1997 said:

Not really mine or anyones wife but this girl I know had a HVAC leak recently.  (Confirmed by later post)   She evidently called the cops for a leak in her ceiling and had four cops in her house looking for the leak per Facebook post….  She also a few months back posted that she had a drive by shooting at her house, enter posts of lucky to be alive, this is crazy, lucky I didn’t get hit,  pictures of cop cars everywhere, ect, ect..   Turns out it was kids with a paintball gun and her house wasn’t even one that was hit..   Yup she’s a batshit crazy nurse.  Lol.  

So where are the pics?

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Buzzrock

Buzzrock 14871

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Posted
1 hour ago, Biff Tannen said:

Does everyone just assume at some point that the wife is going to total her car?  I get a call probably every couple of weeks in the morning when she's on the way to work about how she narrowly avoided a wreck and everyone on the road doesn't know how to drive.

My wife is in the process of totaling hers $500 at a time.

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Nivek

Nivek 16859

Posted
Posted

Background: 

So a little while back I had a birthday and my kids made me some trinkets, pictures, aquabeads, and my family/in-laws gave me gift cards.   I placed them all in a shoebox and put it on my dresser.   I noticed and laughed to myself as my wife would take kid items from atop of her dresser and add them to mine, but I didn't say anything but the top of my dresser is becoming cluttered.   I don't care.  We leave for vacation out of state and low and behold I get Covid.  I separate from the family and stay in a guest house near my in-laws for about 3 weeks.  When I return I notice my shoebox is missing from the top of my dresser but the rest of the clutter is still there. 

Conversation:

Our conversation ends up like this.  She doesn't admit to moving or throwing out the shoebox, but she definitely wouldn't throw out my stuff.  She didn't know it was inside the box.  And really, it is my fault since it was sitting there for so long.    Of course nothing else was 'cleaned' up from my dresser top as well.  

 

TLDR: Wife randomly throws away my stuff including gift cards & presents from family and our kids, but it is really my fault.  

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ztejas

ztejas 43265

Posted
Posted
23 minutes ago, Nivek said:

Background: 

So a little while back I had a birthday and my kids made me some trinkets, pictures, aquabeads, and my family/in-laws gave me gift cards.   I placed them all in a shoebox and put it on my dresser.   I noticed and laughed to myself as my wife would take kid items from atop of her dresser and add them to mine, but I didn't say anything but the top of my dresser is becoming cluttered.   I don't care.  We leave for vacation out of state and low and behold I get Covid.  I separate from the family and stay in a guest house near my in-laws for about 3 weeks.  When I return I notice my shoebox is missing from the top of my dresser but the rest of the clutter is still there. 

Conversation:

Our conversation ends up like this.  She doesn't admit to moving or throwing out the shoebox, but she definitely wouldn't throw out my stuff.  She didn't know it was inside the box.  And really, it is my fault since it was sitting there for so long.    Of course nothing else was 'cleaned' up from my dresser top as well.  

 

TLDR: Wife randomly throws away my stuff including gift cards & presents from family and our kids, but it is really my fault.  

It's not about the shoebox. 

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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1813

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Nivek said:

Background: 

So a little while back I had a birthday and my kids made me some trinkets, pictures, aquabeads, and my family/in-laws gave me gift cards.   I placed them all in a shoebox and put it on my dresser.   I noticed and laughed to myself as my wife would take kid items from atop of her dresser and add them to mine, but I didn't say anything but the top of my dresser is becoming cluttered.   I don't care.  We leave for vacation out of state and low and behold I get Covid.  I separate from the family and stay in a guest house near my in-laws for about 3 weeks.  When I return I notice my shoebox is missing from the top of my dresser but the rest of the clutter is still there. 

Conversation:

Our conversation ends up like this.  She doesn't admit to moving or throwing out the shoebox, but she definitely wouldn't throw out my stuff.  She didn't know it was inside the box.  And really, it is my fault since it was sitting there for so long.    Of course nothing else was 'cleaned' up from my dresser top as well.  

 

TLDR: Wife randomly throws away my stuff including gift cards & presents from family and our kids, but it is really my fault.  

Not judging because my wife can be pretty challenging as well but I have noticed that your posts about what your wife does or says tend to hit pretty hard relative to most other posts. What she did was pretty shitty. 

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54001

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Nivek said:

Background: 

So a little while back I had a birthday and my kids made me some trinkets, pictures, aquabeads, and my family/in-laws gave me gift cards.   I placed them all in a shoebox and put it on my dresser.   I noticed and laughed to myself as my wife would take kid items from atop of her dresser and add them to mine, but I didn't say anything but the top of my dresser is becoming cluttered.   I don't care.  We leave for vacation out of state and low and behold I get Covid.  I separate from the family and stay in a guest house near my in-laws for about 3 weeks.  When I return I notice my shoebox is missing from the top of my dresser but the rest of the clutter is still there. 

Conversation:

Our conversation ends up like this.  She doesn't admit to moving or throwing out the shoebox, but she definitely wouldn't throw out my stuff.  She didn't know it was inside the box.  And really, it is my fault since it was sitting there for so long.    Of course nothing else was 'cleaned' up from my dresser top as well.  

 

TLDR: Wife randomly throws away my stuff including gift cards & presents from family and our kids, but it is really my fault.  

Check your DVR.  If she has this auto-recording, go ahead and pack your shit:

MV5BMzQ2YTRhZjUtNzQ5Mi00NDg1LWEyN2QtYjFl

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Mudcat35

Mudcat35 196

Posted
Posted

My wife was just looking for the keys to her car.  Asked me where they were.  Again - HER CAR.  I don't know, but I pointed her toward the spare set.  She accused me of having them in my pants.  Nope.  HER CAR.  She continues to look and says "I know I didn't leave them in the car" and walks out the door to go check.  She doesn't come back.  Car's gone.  Guess she found the keys.

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nnm

nnm 36092

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, Mudcat35 said:

My wife was just looking for the keys to her car.  Asked me where they were.  Again - HER CAR.  I don't know, but I pointed her toward the spare set.  She accused me of having them in my pants.  Nope.  HER CAR.  She continues to look and says "I know I didn't leave them in the car" and walks out the door to go check.  She doesn't come back.  Car's gone.  Guess she found the keys.

Missed opportunity to demonstrate what you did have in your pants. 

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