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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted (edited)
4 minutes ago, Upgrayedd said:

 

Just because my collection of cock rings is hanging in the closet doesn't mean anything.  Really.  Promise.

What are the odds you blew that many guys wearing the exact same model cock ring?  Nevertheless, quite a collection you've Assembled---as you put it.  

Certainly explains that jacket on the far left.  

Edited by Lobo
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McCroskey
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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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txhorns

txhorns 2421

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This was my Monday morning:

6:15 - wife and I both wake up, I go to living room and turn on cartoons for the kids then start making breakfast

6:45 - kids and I are eating breakfast while wife is still in bed on phone looking at either Facebook or Pinterest

6:50 - wife gets out of bed to make herself coffee while I get in shower

7:15 - wife leaves to go for run

8:10 - wife gets home from run clueless that it is after 8 when I have to leave for work, I ask wife to put trash on curb since I am now running late because of her

get home from work Monday evening to find out that wife put the mostly empty trash bin on the curb but not the bin that was overflowing

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Brew

Brew 3049

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Posted

Wife was meeting up with some friends for supper at 7:15. She texts me at 7:23 that she just got there, no one else is there and should she get a table or wait. I told I would go to the bar and order a few beers because she still had a wait ahead of her if my experience with women’s timeliness were accurate. There has been no response for some reason.

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Brew

Brew 3049

Posted
Posted

You could have just put the trash out while she was running since you had time.

Based on the fact she is running for an hour you should probably go schedule 1 hour consults with all of the local female divorce attorneys. She’s getting in shape for someone.

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28904

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Brew said:

Wife was meeting up with some friends for supper at 7:15. She texts me at 7:23 that she just got there, no one else is there and should she get a table or wait. I told I would go to the bar and order a few beers because she still had a wait ahead of her if my experience with women’s timeliness were accurate. There has been no response for some reason.

Username checks out. 

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4485

Posted
Posted
14 hours ago, Brew said:

Wife was meeting up with some friends for supper at 7:15. She texts me at 7:23 that she just got there, no one else is there and should she get a table or wait. I told I would go to the bar and order a few beers because she still had a wait ahead of her if my experience with women’s timeliness were accurate. There has been no response for some reason.

In all seriousness, am I the only one who wants to get a restaurant that has a bar about 20 minutes early just so I can have a drink before having to be social?

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Sandman

Sandman 3427

Posted
Posted

Last night my wife was talking about one of her co-workers being short/small and she said "well, she's "viet muh-knees". I chuckled and said "What?", because I thought she just got tongue-tied for a second. Nope, she doubled down on it. I laughed like a loon and it was not appreciated. She then claimed she said it correctly but I just wasn't listening "right".

 

Viet Muh-knees!  I'm still laughing.

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 53330

Posted
Posted
56 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Last night...

 

Her: "Honey, I'm going to save you some time. Instead of having to get up in the middle of the night to get socks for me, I've put them under your pillow."

Me: "???  Why don't you just put them under your own pillow?"

Her: "<exasperated gasp> I can't do everything for you!"

meme-488x400.png

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8963

Posted
Posted
On 6/30/2018 at 5:57 PM, Walden Ponderer said:

Last night...

 

Her: "Honey, I'm going to save you some time. Instead of having to get up in the middle of the night to get socks for me, I've put them under your pillow."

Me: "???  Why don't you just put them under your own pillow?"

Her: "<exasperated gasp> I can't do everything for you!"

jizz in her sock if they go under your pillow

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lateshow

lateshow 1318

Posted
Posted
On 6/30/2018 at 5:57 PM, Walden Ponderer said:

Last night...

 

Her: "Honey, I'm going to save you some time. Instead of having to get up in the middle of the night to get socks for me, I've put them under your pillow."

Me: "???  Why don't you just put them under your own pillow?"

Her: "<exasperated gasp> I can't do everything for you!"

tenor.gif?itemid=6237717

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6654

Posted
Posted

On the  way to Lake Travis last weekend for a group party  barge event:

"I heard that all the dust coming across from the Sahara has made the lake appear clearer than normal."

 

 

(I've been married long enough to know this is one of those things that I should simply ignore.  If she keeps up with it, then it might eventually affect my kids & THAT is where I'll call the bullshit ... but for the brief time this was on the table, it was avoidable)

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6654

Posted
Posted
On 6/26/2018 at 8:14 AM, EastTexan said:

 

This makes me so proud of our daughter. When daughter was in high school, one morning she noticed a tire on her car was nearly flat. She drug the hose out, started compressor, plugged  chuck in and aired tire. Put everything up and made it to school. Couple days later told me and I swelled with pride. Said she had seen me do it.

Wife tried to air up my daughter's tire & said she "can't get the thingie to fit in the air hose."  Essentially gave me a "Your shit's all retarded" excuse where it was my fault.

 

This is what she was attempting to connect into the female end of the air hose: 

61J6UriAscL._SL1200_.jpg

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Rimbo

Rimbo 26852

Posted
Posted
On 6/26/2018 at 3:13 AM, BearMace said:

Yeah, she pulled the gun on him expecting him to be proud of her for trying to get used to handling it. Then she said she knew it wasn't loaded because she had tried to discharge a round into the floor.

ok, that's the first thing i've read that's on par with mine

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 55816

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, BurntEyes said:

Yeah... A bevy of questions..

1) why does she need socks

2) in the middle of the night

3) why is he "asked" to retrieve them

4) what ailment does his wife suffer from 

5) why does he put up with it

Or

A) WTF is wrong with OP

raf,360x360,075,t,fafafa:ca443f4786.jpg

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Modessit

Modessit 5665

Posted
Posted
On the  way to Lake Travis last weekend for a group party  barge event:

"I heard that all the dust coming across from the Sahara has made the lake appear clearer than normal."
 
 
(I've been married long enough to know this is one of those things that I should simply ignore.  If she keeps up with it, then it might eventually affect my kids & THAT is where I'll call the bullshit ... but for the brief time this was on the table, it was avoidable)
Wife asked me why it was so hazy. I told her it was dust from Africa, and jokingly told that we had to be careful we didn't catch Ebola. Later learned she texted her sister to warn her about the Ebola in the air.
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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 53330

Posted
Posted
12 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

On the  way to Lake Travis last weekend for a group party  barge event:

"I heard that all the dust coming across from the Sahara has made the lake appear clearer than normal."

 

 

(I've been married long enough to know this is one of those things that I should simply ignore.  If she keeps up with it, then it might eventually affect my kids & THAT is where I'll call the bullshit ... but for the brief time this was on the table, it was avoidable)

giphy.gif

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EastTexan

EastTexan 666

Posted
Posted
14 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Wife tried to air up my daughter's tire & said she "can't get the thingie to fit in the air hose."  Essentially gave me a "Your shit's all retarded" excuse where it was my fault.

 

This is what she was attempting to connect into the female end of the air hose: 

61J6UriAscL._SL1200_.jpg

So she couldn't find your driver to air the tire. Got it.

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ABSR

ABSR 5357

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, AUS-97HORN said:

gotta admit- havent had a hard chuckle like that from this page in a while,  putting her socks under your pillow so she can wake you in the middle of the night for you to give them to her.... thats some 5th level strategery right there.

The real greatness is her being upset that he didn't thank her for doing this!

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