Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Sam Lin 3541]

9 hours ago, tbone_ said:

The answer to that questions is “I would suggest xyz, but do whatever you think is best”

You already know what the outcome is going to be. Why get bent about it 5,000 times in a row.

"Do whatever you want, you're going to ignore my suggestion anyway."

[tbone_ 14020]

I was suggesting the I still want to get laid version of that. But yes.

[Hugh G. Rection 156]

I recently bought a home, the home has huge boulders that surround the front lawn (boulders are half the size of the house - at least the part you can see).  My son and daughter-in-law came for a visit.  Daughter-in-law:  "Those rocks are pretty; did you have someone install them?"

[tbone_ 14020]

Username sort of fits

[NorthLoop 14089]

Some sort of humblebrag about living in the mountains I think. 

[Samson's Wig 3180]

I hate to admit it, but I'm pretty sure I'm the one who says and does stupid shit in our house. Outside of the occasional car accident due to the inherent dangers of driving while female, my wife has her shit together way better than I do.  I think it's because she didn't go to public school in America, and I did.

[deadshank 24651]

15 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

"Do whatever you want, you're going to ignore my suggestion anyway."

Take my advice.  I'm not using it.

[SHOOTER12 8789]

7 hours ago, Samson's Wig said:

I hate to admit it, but I'm pretty sure I'm the one who says and does stupid shit in our house. Outside of the occasional car accident due to the inherent dangers of driving while female, my wife has her shit together way better than I do.  I think it's because she didn't go to public school in America, and I did.

You sure picked the wrong place for that confession. 

[Trey3216 15325]

On 8/24/2022 at 8:52 AM, Hugh G. Rection said:

I recently bought a home, the home has huge boulders that surround the front lawn (boulders are half the size of the house - at least the part you can see).  My son and daughter-in-law came for a visit.  Daughter-in-law:  "Those rocks are pretty; did you have someone install them?"

Did you ask her if she had her pretty rocks installed?  

[Trey3216 15325]

Our A/C was acting up over the weekend.  Had to get it re-charged.

Just so happens that someone had hit a power transformer that knocked out power all along I-35 early saturday morning.  Had no effect on power at my house.

 

Wife- "I wonder if that power outage on 35 had anything to do with our A/C going out?" 

Me-  bunk shakinghead.gif  

[blacklab 11849]

Not sure if wife just doesn't listen to my answers to her questions, or has the questions queued up in her head so my response doesn't matter or what but she is the queen of asking questions that were answered or can be assumed by a previous response.

Wife: What are you doing?

Me: Putting the license plates on the truck

Wife: Did you get them already?

Me: How would I install them if I didn't have them?

[blacklab 11849]

2 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

Our A/C was acting up over the weekend.  Had to get it re-charged.

Just so happens that someone had hit a power transformer that knocked out power all along I-35 early saturday morning.  Had no effect on power at my house.

 

Wife- "I wonder if that power outage on 35 had anything to do with our A/C going out?" 

Me-  bunk shakinghead.gif  

haha my wife does that too.

Super annoying when it's something I'm pretty knowledgeable about and she argues about it.

"My computer is slow, I need a bigger hard drive"

"My back tire is flat, is it because you got me a new battery?"

 

[Ojo Rojo 1895]

I've seen a lot of stories on this board where the wives blather on and on, never getting to the point until the very end after ten minutes of useless information.  I didn't think my wife did that.  Lately, though, I have been noticing that she absolutely does do it.  I don't know if I've gotten more impatient or if this is something new with her.  Anyway, I decided to say something about it (rookie move, I know).  I know it won't help and will only get me in trouble.  I tried to bring it up like it was funny.  I should have known my humorless wife wouldn't see it in the same lighthearted way.

Me:  "Sweetie, I've noticed something happening lately when I ask you a question."

Her:  "Yeah, me too.  You stop listening and walk out of the room."

Me:  "Well, there's a reason for that.  See, when I ask you a question like I just did, which was 'Who is going to take Child No. 2 to school when you go back to work?' you started talking about why you were not going to be taking client calls on Zoom in the mornings anymore and telling me about your work schedule throughout the day, etc. and you never actually answered my question."

Her:  "So you want all of our conversations to be like an interview with one word answers?" (She always takes shit to the most negative extreme.)

Me:  "No, of course not. Conversation is fine. It's just that when I ask a question I actually do want the answer."

Tone.

[SilasCoade 2620]

Edited August 25, 2022 by Llogg

[txhorns 2408]

27 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

I've seen a lot of stories on this board where the wives blather on and on, never getting to the point until the very end after ten minutes of useless information.  I didn't think my wife did that.  Lately, though, I have been noticing that she absolutely does do it.  I don't know if I've gotten more impatient or if this is something new with her.  Anyway, I decided to say something about it (rookie move, I know).  I know it won't help and will only get me in trouble.  I tried to bring it up like it was funny.  I should have known my humorless wife wouldn't see it in the same lighthearted way.

Me:  "Sweetie, I've noticed something happening lately when I ask you a question."

Her:  "Yeah, me too.  You stop listening and walk out of the room."

Me:  "Well, there's a reason for that.  See, when I ask you a question like I just did, which was 'Who is going to take Child No. 2 to school when you go back to work?' you started talking about why you were not going to be taking client calls on Zoom in the mornings anymore and telling me about your work schedule throughout the day, etc. and you never actually answered my question."

Her:  "So you want all of our conversations to be like an interview with one word answers?" (She always takes shit to the most negative extreme.)

Me:  "No, of course not. Conversation is fine. It's just that when I ask a question I actually do want the answer."

Tone.

Have you learned nothing from this thread?  Might as well go get a gallon sized bottle of lotion from Costco for the next month, your hand will thank you.

[Trey3216 15325]

28 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

I've seen a lot of stories on this board where the wives blather on and on, never getting to the point until the very end after ten minutes of useless information.  I didn't think my wife did that.  Lately, though, I have been noticing that she absolutely does do it.  I don't know if I've gotten more impatient or if this is something new with her.  Anyway, I decided to say something about it (rookie move, I know).  I know it won't help and will only get me in trouble.  I tried to bring it up like it was funny.  I should have known my humorless wife wouldn't see it in the same lighthearted way.

Me:  "Sweetie, I've noticed something happening lately when I ask you a question."

Her:  "Yeah, me too.  You stop listening and walk out of the room."

Me:  "Well, there's a reason for that.  See, when I ask you a question like I just did, which was 'Who is going to take Child No. 2 to school when you go back to work?' you started talking about why you were not going to be taking client calls on Zoom in the mornings anymore and telling me about your work schedule throughout the day, etc. and you never actually answered my question."

Her:  "So you want all of our conversations to be like an interview with one word answers?" (She always takes shit to the most negative extreme.)

Me:  "No, of course not. Conversation is fine. It's just that when I ask a question I actually do want the answer."

Tone.

[Ojo Rojo 1895]

13 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

Surprisingly good, considering the dumb shit I do and the fact that my wife's vag is on the IL.

[BHMCruiser 1813]

1 hour ago, Ojo Rojo said:

I've seen a lot of stories on this board where the wives blather on and on, never getting to the point until the very end after ten minutes of useless information.  I didn't think my wife did that.  Lately, though, I have been noticing that she absolutely does do it.  I don't know if I've gotten more impatient or if this is something new with her.  Anyway, I decided to say something about it (rookie move, I know).  I know it won't help and will only get me in trouble.  I tried to bring it up like it was funny.  I should have known my humorless wife wouldn't see it in the same lighthearted way.

Me:  "Sweetie, I've noticed something happening lately when I ask you a question."

Her:  "Yeah, me too.  You stop listening and walk out of the room."

Me:  "Well, there's a reason for that.  See, when I ask you a question like I just did, which was 'Who is going to take Child No. 2 to school when you go back to work?' you started talking about why you were not going to be taking client calls on Zoom in the mornings anymore and telling me about your work schedule throughout the day, etc. and you never actually answered my question."

Her:  "So you want all of our conversations to be like an interview with one word answers?" (She always takes shit to the most negative extreme.)

Me:  "No, of course not. Conversation is fine. It's just that when I ask a question I actually do want the answer."

Tone.

Let me help you:

Me:  "Sweetie, I've noticed something happening lately when I ask you a question."

Her:  "Yeah, me too.  You stop listening and walk out of the room."

Me:  "Well, there's a reason for that.  See, when I ask you a question like I just did, which was 'Who is going to take Child No. 2 to school when you go back to work?' you started talking about why you were not going to be taking client calls on Zoom in the mornings anymore and telling me about your work schedule throughout the day, etc. and you never actually answered my question."

Her:  "So you want all of our conversations to be like an interview with one word answers?" (She always takes shit to the most negative extreme.)

Me: "Yes."

You are welcome.

 

[WhatTheBuck 28710]

3 hours ago, blacklab said:

Not sure if wife just doesn't listen to my answers to her questions, or has the questions queued up in her head so my response doesn't matter or what but she is the queen of asking questions that were answered or can be assumed by a previous response.

Wife: What are you doing?

Me: Putting the license plates on the truck

Wife: Did you get them already?

Me: How would I install them if I didn't have them?

Should’ve answered: “No, why?”

[Clintonaldo 2571]

I handle feeding the dogs in the morning and one of them will eat until she throws up if you let her. I fed them and let them outside and wife and toddler come downstairs a few minutes later and she said Sadie is still hungry so I will give her some more food. I tell her she is going to fuck up the system and she informs me it’s just a little bit. 

 

5 minutes later the dog is throwing up. 

[Upgrayedd 5805]

Somehow the extra X chromosome makes understanding the highly-complex task of twisting the bread bag tight and securing such with the included plastic clip impossible.

[Kennythetiger 9334]

She still brings you the sandwich, though, right??  

[ABSR 5289]

2 hours ago, Clintonaldo said:

I handle feeding the dogs in the morning and one of them will eat until she throws up if you let her. I fed them and let them outside and wife and toddler come downstairs a few minutes later and she said Sadie is still hungry so I will give her some more food. I tell her she is going to fuck up the system and she informs me it’s just a little bit. 

 

5 minutes later the dog is throwing up. 

Well, since we are all sure that she cleaned up the throw up that she caused, it all worked out.   Right? …….  right?

[Clintonaldo 2571]

27 minutes ago, ABSR said:

Well, since we are all sure that she cleaned up the throw up that she caused, it all worked out.   Right? …….  right?

Yes she did. 

[Tylerocks 2551]

So I may have mentioned this before I can't really remember with all the various entries on the thread...anyhoo...

My wife doesn't close things.  Cabinets, ziploc or ziploc type bags (think shredded cheese or dog food bags).  She also doesn't tighten lids all the way.

Anyway, we have a canister of peanuts in the pantry.  I go to pick them up by the lid and it was just tight enough for me to pick up, but not tight enough to hold up to the motion of pulling them off the shelf.

Crisis was averted due to my cat-like quickness and the great hands of a former WR, but fuck I would've been pissed at cleaning up hundreds of peanuts from the pantry.

[Biff Tannen 45492]

2 hours ago, Tylerocks said:

So I may have mentioned this before I can't really remember with all the various entries on the thread...anyhoo...

My wife doesn't close things.  Cabinets, ziploc or ziploc type bags (think shredded cheese or dog food bags).  She also doesn't tighten lids all the way.

Anyway, we have a canister of peanuts in the pantry.  I go to pick them up by the lid and it was just tight enough for me to pick up, but not tight enough to hold up to the motion of pulling them off the shelf.

Crisis was averted due to my cat-like quickness and the great hands of a former WR, but fuck I would've been pissed at cleaning up hundreds of peanuts from the pantry.

Today I was making myself lunch and getting some turkey out of the bottom drawer of the fridge.  I notice the bottom of the drawer is wet.  I start pulling things out and the entire thing is covered in some reddish liquid.  I come to find that an entire RE-CLOSABLE bag of kimchi was not properly closed and has leaked all over everything.  I cleaned out the entire thing and then, just to add insult to injury, or add injury to injury I guess, when I went to close the bag of kimchi the juice squirted into my eye.  FUCK EVERYTHING.

[SilasCoade 2620]

fuck kimchi

[nnm 36088]

8 minutes ago, Llogg said:

fuck kimchi

You can do that if you want to, if you’re into that. I guess it’s no worse than a pie. To each his own, I guess. 

[TrashMaster G 17387]

22 hours ago, nnm said:

You can do that if you want to, if you’re into that. I guess it’s no worse than a pie. To each his own, I guess. 

Wrong.  It smells much worse.

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

My wife wants a Bronco Sport. A fucking ugly, 3 cylinder dog that should get better gas mileage than it does. Fucking dumb.

[Beau Vine 54000]

Biff is Korean?

[SquishMitten 10400]

Should’ve answered: “No, why?”

I do this all the time. It’s surprisingly effective. She might get a little annoyed but generally just rolls her eyes and walks away, leaving me to peacefully finish whatever I’m doing.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4968]

Watching The Rings of Power last night...

"Did J K Rowling write this?"

[Flg8rfan 201]

My wife wants a Bronco Sport. A fucking ugly, 3 cylinder dog that should get better gas mileage than it does. Fucking dumb.

Mine got a four door full size in feb. so far so good, Got the big engine and getting 21mpg. It’s nice but I prefer my truck


She’s wanted one since she was a teenager.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4968]

21 mpg out that beast? I bet my wife could get at least 16. We just got a new vehicle for her (subaru ascent, we're a lesbian couple now), and she manages to get the EPA estimated city gas mileage out of it while mostly driving on the highway. Every time I get into it, the average gas mileage for that tank goes up considerably. Apparently she just hates the earth.

[deadshank 24651]

22 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:

My wife wants a Bronco Sport. A fucking ugly, 3 cylinder dog that should get better gas mileage than it does. Fucking dumb.

So what color did she get?

[Sandman 3402]

Driving to dinner tonight, the wife sees a car that jogs her memory (sort of):

Wife: Seeing that 4runner there, are you friends with So-and-So on Facebook? She just got a new car!

Me: No, I'm not. She got a new 4runner?

Wife: No. I don't know what she got. But she got a new "something".

Me: Then why even mention a 4runner?

Wife: Well, her sister has one.

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

4 hours ago, Sandman said:

Driving to dinner tonight, the wife sees a car that jogs her memory (sort of):

Wife: Seeing that 4runner there, are you friends with So-and-So on Facebook? She just got a new car!

Me: No, I'm not. She got a new 4runner?

Wife: No. I don't know what she got. But she got a new "something".

Me: Then why even mention a 4runner?

Wife: Well, her sister has one.

[Flg8rfan 201]

21 mpg out that beast? I bet my wife could get at least 16. We just got a new vehicle for her (subaru ascent, we're a lesbian couple now), and she manages to get the EPA estimated city gas mileage out of it while mostly driving on the highway. Every time I get into it, the average gas mileage for that tank goes up considerably. Apparently she just hates the earth.

If I was driving it, I’d be in the low teens for sure. Sport mode is a blast, it’s surprisingly quick. I just like my truck more.

[McCroskey 1493]

Overall not the best story but the demonstrative “that’s not it” initial reply is comically infuriating.

Wife text exchange yesterday.

Her: will you send me your Apple ID password? I need to buy an audiobook.
Me: here you go: xxxxxxxxxxx
Her: that’s not it.
Me: yes it is.
Her: it’s not working.
Me: then you aren’t using my account or you aren’t typing it right….send me a screenshot
Her: sends screenshot
Me: That’s YOUR Apple ID. I have no idea what your password is.
Her: I don’t know it either what do I do?
Me: see those words just below the password box that say “forgot password?” Click it.

5 mins go buy and I get the email receipt from Apple.

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

So what color did she get?

Only one in stock is red. What a total piece of shit.

[Jerry Callo 8665]

On 9/3/2022 at 2:00 PM, McCroskey said:

Overall not the best story but the demonstrative “that’s not it” initial reply is comically infuriating.

Wife text exchange yesterday.

Her: will you send me your Apple ID password? I need to buy an audiobook.
Me: here you go: xxxxxxxxxxx
Her: that’s not it.
Me: yes it is.
Her: it’s not working.
Me: then you aren’t using my account or you aren’t typing it right….send me a screenshot
Her: sends screenshot
Me: That’s YOUR Apple ID. I have no idea what your password is.
Her: I don’t know it either what do I do?
Me: see those words just below the password box that say “forgot password?” Click it.

5 mins go buy and I get the email receipt from Apple.

Do you have any idea what your new Apple ID password is?

[Dennis Taylor 18706]

8 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

Do you have any idea what your new Apple ID password is?

No... and that makes two of them

[crimsonlonghorn 2306]

Mrs CL and I were in Nashville over the weekend celebrating our wedding anniversary. 

Went to the Country Music Hall of Fame (highly recommended, btw) on Monday. They have a Trans Am from Smoky and the Bandit on display with a big picture of Burt Reynolds and Jerry Reed next to it. 

I say to Mrs CL that I didn't know Jerry Reed was in the HOF.

She replies, "Yeah they both are."

"Huh? Burt Reynolds is in the Country Music Hall of Fame?"

"No, that's Waylon Jennings. He drove the car in Smoky and the Bandit."

 

[markstanco 12505]

Yesterday my 8th grader had a game (we got smoked...thanks for scheduling carthage). 

So wife calls and says "Do you think I should take a big water bottle or the jug for his water?"

"You serious?"

"Oh yea, nevermind"

[Johnny Sack 8397]

On 8/22/2022 at 2:50 PM, crimsonlonghorn said:

The fallout from the toilet argument is that she invited me to come to Ferguson to a meeting today to discuss appliances and toilets. I’m sitting here taking notes at this very moment while she talks to the designers. 
 

Holy shit. This is going to take more handholding on my part. This is bad. Really bad. She has no idea what she’s doing and is just going off with impractical ideas (eg no freezer in the kitchen, just in the mud room) because she thinks she’s so smart. The designers are trying to explain stuff and talk reason to her and she’s blowing them off. 
 

I thought I’d give her a little autonomy here. Bad mistake. A bad expensive mistake. 

My wife wants to tear down our house and re-build.  Will never fucking happen.  I don't have the patience to deal with her and a home build because there would be 99 incidents just like this.  We can buy one someone else built or stay right where we are.

[After irth 1243]

5 hours ago, markstanco said:

Yesterday my 8th grader had a game (we got smoked...thanks for scheduling carthage). 

So wife calls and says "Do you think I should take a big water bottle or the jug for his water?"

"You serious?"

"Oh yea, nevermind"

Cool story, bro.

[SHOOTER12 8789]

12 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Mrs CL and I were in Nashville over the weekend celebrating our wedding anniversary. 

Went to the Country Music Hall of Fame (highly recommended, btw) on Monday. They have a Trans Am from Smoky and the Bandit on display with a big picture of Burt Reynolds and Jerry Reed next to it. 

I say to Mrs CL that I didn't know Jerry Reed was in the HOF.

She replies, "Yeah they both are."

"Huh? Burt Reynolds is in the Country Music Hall of Fame?"

"No, that's Waylon Jennings. He drove the car in Smoky and the Bandit."

 

I know your wife is smoking hot!

[Kennythetiger 9334]

7 hours ago, markstanco said:

Yesterday my 8th grader had a game (we got smoked...thanks for scheduling carthage). 

So wife calls and says "Do you think I should take a big water bottle or the jug for his water?"

"You serious?"

"Oh yea, nevermind"

What was the correct answer?  

[markstanco 12505]

15 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

What was the correct answer?  

You serious too?