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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

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Sam Lin

Sam Lin 3541

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The one without the stupid grey box. I can't believe how many resumes I get on fancy templates or with random design art on them. Trend is going up, esp with newer grads, as they seek to "distinguish themselves." Get that shit off your resume.

The only thing other than text on your resume should be sparing use of bold and/or underline. Maybe font size, again sparingly.

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nnm

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2 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

The one without the stupid grey box. I can't believe how many resumes I get on fancy templates or with random design art on them. Trend is going up, esp with newer grads, as they seek to "distinguish themselves." Get that shit off your resume.

The only thing other than text on your resume should be sparing use of bold and/or underline. Maybe font size, again sparingly.

How else can they emphasize how their strong communication skills, attention to detail, passion and drive?  That they have a proven track record of success, excellent communication skills, have managed cross-functional teams, have exceptional organizational skills, are self-starters, results-oriented,  bottom-line orientated, have strong negotiation skills, and are out-of-the-box thinkers? Etc.?

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

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3 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

Wife is applying for a new job, under heavy prodding from me.  

She's updating her resume, and she has a small question for me:

"Which one of these do you like better?"

I read over both resumes to find no difference, other than that her name up top is surrounded by a grey box on one.  

Me: They're the same.

Her: No, this one has a grey box at the top.  Do you like it better or the other one?

Me: That kind of stuff doesn't matter at all to me. 

Her: OK, but which one do you like better?

Me: That kind of stuff doesn't matter at all to me. 

Her: Why won't you help me?

Me: You asked me for my opinion; I gave it to you, but you don't like my opinion.

Her: I'm asking which one looks better to you.

Me: And I've already told you, they are both equal in my eyes.

Her: Maybe that's your problem -- you should try to look at it through someone else's eyes!

Me: Then why don't you go ask someone else if you want the opinion of someone else's eyes?

 

She shouldn't put a box around her name but I definitely would have suggested putting a gray box around her picture in front of a tree

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Crapinon

Crapinon 2250

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One nice thing about getting old is that all the supervisors I had when I was young and stupid are dead. Hell, I think every previous company I have worked for in the 40 years is either bought out or out of business. No records! My list of resume supervisors are obituaries now. 

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

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4 hours ago, Crapinon said:

One nice thing about getting old is that all the supervisors I had when I was young and stupid are dead. Hell, I think every previous company I have worked for in the 40 years is either bought out or out of business. No records! My list of resume supervisors are obituaries now. 

Is this a confession?

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956 Worldwide

956 Worldwide 34429

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8 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

The one without the stupid grey box. I can't believe how many resumes I get on fancy templates or with random design art on them. Trend is going up, esp with newer grads, as they seek to "distinguish themselves." Get that shit off your resume.

The only thing other than text on your resume should be sparing use of bold and/or underline. Maybe font size, again sparingly.

And photo next to a tree. 

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ABSR

ABSR 5289

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17 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

Wife is applying for a new job, under heavy prodding from me.  

She's updating her resume, and she has a small question for me:

"Which one of these do you like better?"

I read over both resumes to find no difference, other than that her name up top is surrounded by a grey box on one.  

Me: They're the same.

Her: No, this one has a grey box at the top.  Do you like it better or the other one?

Me: That kind of stuff doesn't matter at all to me. 

Her: OK, but which one do you like better?

Me: That kind of stuff doesn't matter at all to me. 

Her: Why won't you help me?

Me: You asked me for my opinion; I gave it to you, but you don't like my opinion.

Her: I'm asking which one looks better to you.

Me: And I've already told you, they are both equal in my eyes.

Her: Maybe that's your problem -- you should try to look at it through someone else's eyes!

Me: Then why don't you go ask someone else if you want the opinion of someone else's eyes?

 

You should have said you always prefer box to no box and left it at that.

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18706

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Wife orders expensive custom item to wear to football games. Anxiously awaits its arrival. Finally comes in a couple days too late to wear to last home game. We are loading car to leave for the game and it's not loaded. I ask if she's bringing it, assuming I'm preventing her from forgetting it and being pissed off..

Her " I'm not wearing it today" 

Me" You specifically ordered it to wear to games"

Her " But I don't want to wear it today"

Me " There are only so many games, when else would you wear it? You're not going to wear it out to dinner or something "

Guess who's an asshole now...

 

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Sandman

Sandman 3402

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I recently went to look for some shoes at the outlet mall. They have all the stock on the floor but they didn't have the shoe I wanted in my size, which is 11.5. I know this for sure because I asked an employee. As I'm looking, my wife exclaims "There's a 12!!!", like she found a $100 bill or something. I said I don't wear a 12 so why make a scene? She storms away in a huff. 

Fast forward to today, it happened again "They have a 12!". I said why do you do this? She said "well maybe having a 12 means they have an 11.5." 

They didn't.

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rage-a-holic

rage-a-holic 4307

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9 hours ago, Sandman said:

I recently went to look for some shoes at the outlet mall. They have all the stock on the floor but they didn't have the shoe I wanted in my size, which is 11.5. I know this for sure because I asked an employee. As I'm looking, my wife exclaims "There's a 12!!!", like she found a $100 bill or something. I said I don't wear a 12 so why make a scene? She storms away in a huff. 

Fast forward to today, it happened again "They have a 12!". I said why do you do this? She said "well maybe having a 12 means they have an 11.5." 

They didn't.

You wear a 12 in every brand of shoe? Do you have auto-adjusting toes?

I wear 11/11.5/12 depending on the brand/model/year/etc

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956 Worldwide

956 Worldwide 34429

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14 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Wife orders expensive custom item to wear to football games. Anxiously awaits its arrival. Finally comes in a couple days too late to wear to last home game. We are loading car to leave for the game and it's not loaded. I ask if she's bringing it, assuming I'm preventing her from forgetting it and being pissed off..

Her " I'm not wearing it today" 

Me" You specifically ordered it to wear to games"

Her " But I don't want to wear it today"

Me " There are only so many games, when else would you wear it? You're not going to wear it out to dinner or something "

Guess who's an asshole now...

 

“I don’t feel like wearing it today” is a direct and understandable, self-justifying statement. No other explanation is needed for why someone isn’t wearing something. Why on earth would you go down that road? 

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Native Horn

Native Horn 3491

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On 10/2/2022 at 2:54 AM, 956 Worldwide said:

“I don’t feel like wearing it today” is a direct and understandable, self-justifying statement. No other explanation is needed for why someone isn’t wearing something. Why on earth would you go down that road? 

And now, we know Mrs. Taylor's surly handle.

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15325

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Got my birthday card from the wife and daughters the other day. 

Part of the card says "41 looks great on you"

M:  "I'm glad 41 looks great on me, how does 42 look?"

W:  "You're 42?"

M:  "All day and for the next 52 Sundays"

W:  "Well crap, Let me change it."  

 

 

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Mudcat35

Mudcat35 196

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I have to buy a new microwave.  Mrs. Mudcat killed it.

I didn't know that was possible.  Turns out, it is.

The Mrs. was going to heat up something for 1 minute.  She wrapped it in a paper towel and started the microwave, walked away and started watching TV.

A few minutes later, from my office, I think "hmmm....I smell something burning.  She's probably burning the toast and will figure it out."

A few minutes after that, I'm thinking "something's on FIRE!"

I walk out of my office, and smoke is pouring out of the microwave.  Smell is overwhelming.  I go to stop the microwave and see that there are 11 minutes and 53 seconds left in the cooking time.  Uh oh.  Open the microwave, and the PAPER TOWEL IS FULLY ON FIRE.  Substance in which it is wrapped is no longer identifiable.  

She never smelled a thing.  

The microwave still stinks and part of the ceramic coating (?) on the inside is flaking off.  It's done.

 

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18706

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30 minutes ago, Mudcat35 said:

I have to buy a new microwave.  Mrs. Mudcat killed it.

I didn't know that was possible.  Turns out, it is.

The Mrs. was going to heat up something for 1 minute.  She wrapped it in a paper towel and started the microwave, walked away and started watching TV.

A few minutes later, from my office, I think "hmmm....I smell something burning.  She's probably burning the toast and will figure it out."

A few minutes after that, I'm thinking "something's on FIRE!"

I walk out of my office, and smoke is pouring out of the microwave.  Smell is overwhelming.  I go to stop the microwave and see that there are 11 minutes and 53 seconds left in the cooking time.  Uh oh.  Open the microwave, and the PAPER TOWEL IS FULLY ON FIRE.  Substance in which it is wrapped is no longer identifiable.  

She never smelled a thing.  

The microwave still stinks and part of the ceramic coating (?) on the inside is flaking off.  It's done.

 

Have you been informed of how that was your fault yet?

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General Specific

General Specific 3233

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I have to buy a new microwave.  Mrs. Mudcat killed it.
I didn't know that was possible.  Turns out, it is.
The Mrs. was going to heat up something for 1 minute.  She wrapped it in a paper towel and started the microwave, walked away and started watching TV.
A few minutes later, from my office, I think "hmmm....I smell something burning.  She's probably burning the toast and will figure it out."
A few minutes after that, I'm thinking "something's on FIRE!"
I walk out of my office, and smoke is pouring out of the microwave.  Smell is overwhelming.  I go to stop the microwave and see that there are 11 minutes and 53 seconds left in the cooking time.  Uh oh.  Open the microwave, and the PAPER TOWEL IS FULLY ON FIRE.  Substance in which it is wrapped is no longer identifiable.  
She never smelled a thing.  
The microwave still stinks and part of the ceramic coating (?) on the inside is flaking off.  It's done.
 

Will need an updated pic to be sure…
1b4240894b9296d83489b42b6310e844.jpg
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McCroskey

McCroskey 1493

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I have to buy a new microwave.  Mrs. Mudcat killed it.
I didn't know that was possible.  Turns out, it is.
The Mrs. was going to heat up something for 1 minute.  She wrapped it in a paper towel and started the microwave, walked away and started watching TV.
A few minutes later, from my office, I think "hmmm....I smell something burning.  She's probably burning the toast and will figure it out."
A few minutes after that, I'm thinking "something's on FIRE!"
I walk out of my office, and smoke is pouring out of the microwave.  Smell is overwhelming.  I go to stop the microwave and see that there are 11 minutes and 53 seconds left in the cooking time.  Uh oh.  Open the microwave, and the PAPER TOWEL IS FULLY ON FIRE.  Substance in which it is wrapped is no longer identifiable.  
She never smelled a thing.  
The microwave still stinks and part of the ceramic coating (?) on the inside is flaking off.  It's done.
 

I think she may be trying to kill you.
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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 53999

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On 9/30/2022 at 5:28 PM, Beau Vine said:

Wife is applying for a new job, under heavy prodding from me.  

She's updating her resume, and she has a small question for me:

"Which one of these do you like better?"

I read over both resumes to find no difference, other than that her name up top is surrounded by a grey box on one.  

Me: They're the same.

Her: No, this one has a grey box at the top.  Do you like it better or the other one?

Me: That kind of stuff doesn't matter at all to me. 

Her: OK, but which one do you like better?

Me: That kind of stuff doesn't matter at all to me. 

Her: Why won't you help me?

Me: You asked me for my opinion; I gave it to you, but you don't like my opinion.

Her: I'm asking which one looks better to you.

Me: And I've already told you, they are both equal in my eyes.

Her: Maybe that's your problem -- you should try to look at it through someone else's eyes!

Me: Then why don't you go ask someone else if you want the opinion of someone else's eyes?

 

Last night:

Her: Texas State is doing a production of "My Fair Lady" and I assume you don't want to go, so I'm going to go with Sherri.  We could go either November 16th or 17th.  Do you have a preference on which one we go to?

Me: The 17th, definitely the 17th!

Her: OK, what's the deal, is there a football game that you want to be left alone to watch or something?

Me: No, I actually don't care, but last week you got mad because I didn't express a preference when I didn't have one, so I'm just randomly assigning my preference to the 17th to avoid that again.  

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ABSR

ABSR 5289

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1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

Last night:

Her: Texas State is doing a production of "My Fair Lady" and I assume you don't want to go, so I'm going to go with Sherri.  We could go either November 16th or 17th.  Do you have a preference on which one we go to?

Me: The 17th, definitely the 17th!

Her: OK, what's the deal, is there a football game that you want to be left alone to watch or something?

Me: No, I actually don't care, but last week you got mad because I didn't express a preference when I didn't have one, so I'm just randomly assigning my preference to the 17th to avoid that again.  

You should have told her whichever one she could get the box seats at...as that is what matters.

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harpercollins

harpercollins 394

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Stupid wife here. I discovered tonight while filling out a FAFSA that I somehow never filed our tax return. No idea how that happened. I have a receipt from TurboTax that shows I paid on April 12 but evidently didn’t press transmit. I never look at out bank statements and never noticed the tax payment never came out of the account.

I want to throw up.

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