Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Dennis Taylor 19367]

42 minutes ago, harpercollins said:

Stupid wife here. I discovered tonight while filling out a FAFSA that I somehow never filed our tax return. No idea how that happened. I have a receipt from TurboTax that shows I paid on April 12 but evidently didn’t press transmit. I never look at out bank statements and never noticed the tax payment never came out of the account.

I want to throw up.

[Grade of D as in David 13255]

57 minutes ago, harpercollins said:

Stupid wife here. I discovered tonight while filling out a FAFSA that I somehow never filed our tax return. No idea how that happened. I have a receipt from TurboTax that shows I paid on April 12 but evidently didn’t press transmit. I never look at out bank statements and never noticed the tax payment never came out of the account.

I want to throw up.

Your anus. Prepare it.

[harpercollins 394]

I can’t believe they haven’t contacted me yet. I googled and saw there is a first time abatement you can request if you’ve never been late, but I can’t figure out to request an abatement when they haven’t assessed penalties and interest.

My husband has been super nice about it, but If he is half as annoyed with me as I am with myself, he is pissed.

[blacklab 12066]

Just pay them now, they'll send you a nice letter in a few months letting you know how much to pay, pay that and you're home free. 

Unless you owed tens of thousands it's not going to be too bad.

[deadshank 24654]

On 10/1/2022 at 11:59 AM, Dennis Taylor said:

Wife orders expensive custom item to wear to football games. Anxiously awaits its arrival. Finally comes in a couple days too late to wear to last home game. We are loading car to leave for the game and it's not loaded. I ask if she's bringing it, assuming I'm preventing her from forgetting it and being pissed off..

Her " I'm not wearing it today" 

Me" You specifically ordered it to wear to games"

Her " But I don't want to wear it today"

Me " There are only so many games, when else would you wear it? You're not going to wear it out to dinner or something "

Guess who's an asshole now...

 

Your wife purchased that item simply to prevent some other guy’s wife from getting it.   Preemptive strike.  

[Cheeseweasel 26442]

10 hours ago, harpercollins said:

Stupid wife here. I discovered tonight while filling out a FAFSA that I somehow never filed our tax return. No idea how that happened. I have a receipt from TurboTax that shows I paid on April 12 but evidently didn’t press transmit. I never look at out bank statements and never noticed the tax payment never came out of the account.

I want to throw up.

Shit happens. Contact the IRS, pay the fine, get back to making Sandwiches.

[Kennythetiger 9635]

10 hours ago, harpercollins said:

Stupid wife here. I discovered tonight while filling out a FAFSA that I somehow never filed our tax return. No idea how that happened. I have a receipt from TurboTax that shows I paid on April 12 but evidently didn’t press transmit. I never look at out bank statements and never noticed the tax payment never came out of the account.

I want to throw up.

Not a big deal. Go ahead and file now, of course. A few weeks from now you’ll receive a letter levying penalties and interest. Call the number in the upper right-hand corner, be really polite on the phone, and explain what happened. Ask for a one-time abatement of penalties and internet. I have my best luck calling early in the morning Tuesday-Thursday. 

[Native Horn 3581]

16 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Shit happens. Contact the IRS, pay the fine, get back to making Sandwiches.

I love this place.

[CycleTex87 3041]

Surprised TurboTax doesn’t send some reminder that you need to go ahead and submit it once you’ve paid them.  I use TurboTax as well.  It’s pretty idiot proof.  Yes there will be some penalty fee plus some interest.  You probably won’t have to do any hard time.  

[NeverMarryAStripper 22311]

I don’t know, my batshit crazy Trumper sister told me Biden was getting ready to hire 80,000 new IRS agents and they will all be armed so they can come to your house and arrest you if you make a mistake on your tax return.  I’m guessing Harpercollins is exactly who they’ll be coming after.  She’ll probably be shot resisting.

Edited October 7, 2022 by NeverMarryAStripper

[Cheeseweasel 26442]

1 hour ago, CycleTex87 said:

Surprised TurboTax doesn’t send some reminder that you need to go ahead and submit it once you’ve paid them.  I use TurboTax as well.  It’s pretty idiot proof.  Yes there will be some penalty fee plus some interest.  You probably won’t have to do any hard time.  

She's a wife. They did. But she has 34,287 unopen emails and missed it.

[TrashMaster G 18114]

On 10/5/2022 at 7:39 PM, Trey3216 said:

Ok @Sbbruin, spill the beans.  
 

Would.

[Jameslaw121 4498]

2 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

Surprised TurboTax doesn’t send some reminder that you need to go ahead and submit it once you’ve paid them.  I use TurboTax as well.  It’s pretty idiot proof.  Yes there will be some penalty fee plus some interest.  You probably won’t have to do any hard time.  

[Morgan Freeman Voice]They do[/Morgan Freeman Voice]

 

I usually start doing my taxes when I get my first W2 or whatever. Then do them over the 6 weeks as I get more paperwork in. Turbo Tax emails me all the time. 

If you owe less that a couple of thousand dollars, it won't be a big deal. 

 

[NeverMarryAStripper 22311]

You will probably hit the maximum on the combined failure to file/failure to pay penalty which will be 25% of the amount you owe

[Native Horn 3581]

1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

You will probably hit the maximum on the combined failure to file/failure to pay penalty which will be 25% of the amount you owe

Well surely if they were due a refund, then IRS would tack on a 25% bonus, yes?

JKLOL

[Cheeseweasel 26442]

27 minutes ago, Native Horn said:

Well surely if they were due a refund, then IRS would tack on a 25% bonus, yes?

[Grade of D as in David 13255]

55 minutes ago, Native Horn said:

Well surely if they were due a refund, then IRS would tack on a 25% bonus, yes?

JKLOL

Lol I forgot to include some of my day trading losses one year. About three years later I get a notice saying I owe like 80k in taxes. Apparently the IRS gets all of the sale information from etrade but none of the purchases. I told them I actually lost money and they said to file an amended return, and wouldn't obviously owe any penalties, but they still fined me a grand for filing an incorrect return.

[Jerry Callo 8963]

1 hour ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Lol I forgot to include some of my day trading losses one year. About three years later I get a notice saying I owe like 80k in taxes. Apparently the IRS gets all of the sale information from etrade but none of the purchases. I told them I actually lost money and they said to file an amended return, and wouldn't obviously owe any penalties, but they still fined me a grand for filing an incorrect return.

Let me tell you how it will be
There's one for you, nineteen for me

[Jameslaw121 4498]

2 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Lol I forgot to include some of my day trading losses one year. About three years later I get a notice saying I owe like 80k in taxes. Apparently the IRS gets all of the sale information from etrade but none of the purchases. I told them I actually lost money and they said to file an amended return, and wouldn't obviously owe any penalties, but they still fined me a grand for filing an incorrect return.

So you lost money. Then did your taxes wrong..... I don't think you're as good at finances as you think you are......

 

 

just kidding. 

That happened to me with Etrade. I sold something at a loss a few years ago, but e trade only uploaded the sale, but not the original purchase  price to Turbo Tax. Wound up having to hire a CPA to figure it out.

[Not a cat 5813]

9 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Not a big deal. Go ahead and file now, of course. A few weeks from now you’ll receive a letter levying penalties and interest. Call the number in the upper right-hand corner, be really polite on the phone, and explain what happened. Ask for a one-time abatement of penalties and internet. I have my best luck calling early in the morning Tuesday-Thursday. 

This.

I did something similar except at state level.  I did file but transposed a couple of numbers in the account to debit from.  After a couple of months and no withdrawal and no notices I called to inquire why.  Asked for an abatement of penalties and interest and was actually surprised when they granted it with no questions asked.

Worst case scenario you'll get a little interest and penalties and have a nice self deprecating story to tell.

[Kennythetiger 9635]

12 minutes ago, Not a cat said:

This.

I did something similar except at state level.  I did file but transposed a couple of numbers in the account to debit from.  After a couple of months and no withdrawal and no notices I called to inquire why.  Asked for an abatement of penalties and interest and was actually surprised when they granted it with no questions asked.

Worst case scenario you'll get a little interest and penalties and have a nice self deprecating story to tell.

And don’t ask for an abatement of internet- ask for an abatement of interest. I didn’t notice my mistake until the lawyer that’s not a cat posted. 

[Grade of D as in David 13255]

1 hour ago, Jameslaw121 said:

So you lost money. Then did your taxes wrong..... I don't think you're as good at finances as you think you are...

My username should have told you that. 

[harpercollins 394]

She's a wife. They did. But she has 34,287 unopen emails and missed it.

Yep. They sent me an email on April 18 that I never saw along with another 124,728 unread ones. But nothing since.

[Superhero 9027]

Been a while since I’ve been on this thread. Nothing really interesting actually. But she DID say that me wanting sex 6-8 times per month is too much.

Is that too much to ask? We’ve been together 16 years, married 14, she’ll be 45 in a few weeks. I don’t think I’m asking for too much. 

[SilasCoade 2622]

I believe most insurance allows 10 Viagra per month, soooo

[Modessit 5667]

Been a while since I’ve been on this thread. Nothing really interesting actually. But she DID say that me wanting sex 6-8 times per month is too much.
Is that too much to ask? We’ve been together 16 years, married 14, she’ll be 45 in a few weeks. I don’t think I’m asking for too much. 

She needs time for the rest of us.

[Modessit 5667]

Turned on the game today. They're showing shots of the State Fair and Big Tex.

Wife: I didn't know the State Fair was going on.

Me: Uh, you've watched this game with me for 20 years. The State Fair is ALWAYS going on around the game.

Her: We should go next year.

Me: To the Fair or the game?

Her: Both.

Me: I doubt I could afford the tickets. (We're poors.)

Her: Just buy them now for next year.

[tbone_ 14455]

Wow. Good luck.

[Ojo Rojo 2056]

I drove my wife's car this weekend on a family trip.  The low fuel light comes on in her car with a ridiculously long way to go before running out of gas, so I've learned to ignore it.  I got distracted, though, and happened to look down at the range remaining and is said "0."  I skidded into the nearest gas station on fumes.  (Incidentally, my wife says she has gone a long way on "0" range many times.  Cool. Cool.) I fill her car up with gas, get in and start it up.  The range now says, "400."  My wife tells me, "That's the longest range I've ever seen on my car.  I think it's because of the way you drive."  She was attempting to criticize my driving style (safe).  I told her she was making no sense and that the range is based on the amount of fuel in the tank and the average MPG the car gets.  Her car is five years old, so the average MGP is unlikely to fluctuate much.  She was adamant that it was something I did.  I posited that it was because I topped off the tank, but she claimed she does the same.

[CycleTex87 3041]

It's your fault the car is getting better mileage.

[Cheeseweasel 26442]

4 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

I drove my wife's car this weekend on a family trip.  The low fuel light comes on in her car with a ridiculously long way to go before running out of gas, so I've learned to ignore it.  I got distracted, though, and happened to look down at the range remaining and is said "0."  I skidded into the nearest gas station on fumes.  (Incidentally, my wife says she has gone a long way on "0" range many times.  Cool. Cool.) I fill her car up with gas, get in and start it up.  The range now says, "400."  My wife tells me, "That's the longest range I've ever seen on my car.  I think it's because of the way you drive."  She was attempting to criticize my driving style (safe).  I told her she was making no sense and that the range is based on the amount of fuel in the tank and the average MPG the car gets.  Her car is five years old, so the average MGP is unlikely to fluctuate much.  She was adamant that it was something I did.  I posited that it was because I topped off the tank, but she claimed she does the same.

You're car knows if a male or female is driving and calculates accordingly.

[Upgrayedd 5907]

We are talking about Alabama Tennessee game coming up.

Me:  Wow.  Third Saturday in October already.

Her:  It’s not.  It’s the second.

Me: It’s the third.  October 1st was a Saturday.  [opens calendar on phone.  Counts Satudays.  One, two, three]

Her:  Doesn’t count.  The third is around the 21st.

Me: Because of September 31st this year?

Tone

 

[Dennis Taylor 19367]

3 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

I drove my wife's car this weekend on a family trip.  The low fuel light comes on in her car with a ridiculously long way to go before running out of gas, so I've learned to ignore it.  I got distracted, though, and happened to look down at the range remaining and is said "0."  I skidded into the nearest gas station on fumes.  (Incidentally, my wife says she has gone a long way on "0" range many times.  Cool. Cool.) I fill her car up with gas, get in and start it up.  

 

 

[tbone_ 14455]

We are talking about Alabama Tennessee game coming up.
Me:  Wow.  Third Saturday in October already.
Her:  It’s not.  It’s the second.
Me: It’s the third.  October 1st was a Saturday.  [opens calendar on phone.  Counts Satudays.  One, two, three]
Her:  Doesn’t count.  The third is around the 21st.
Me: Because of September 31st this year?
Tone
 

These situations require deft aplomb.

I mean you know she’s wrong about shit like this on the reg. And it needs to be pointed out. But you have to do it carefully so you don’t end up the asshole that always has to be right about everything (you are already but that’s not the point). What’s the point of proving water is wet. Better just to keep her in the feel good zone - that’s all they really want anyway.

[Atxracer 798]

4 hours ago, tbone_ said:

These situations require deft aplomb.

I mean you know she’s wrong about shit like this on the reg. And it needs to be pointed out. But you have to do it carefully so you don’t end up the asshole that always has to be right about everything (you are already but that’s not the point). What’s the point of proving water is wet. Better just to keep her in the feel good zone - that’s all they really want anyway.

This man’s been married awhile. 

[Not a cat 5813]

15 minutes ago, Atxracer said:

This man’s been married awhile. 

Even better, he's divorced.

[msucolt45 4234]

That’s the truth! I was married for multiple years before my wife “knew” that each month didn’t have 31 days. I tried to explain Leap Year and February to her and she couldn’t believe it still didn’t have 30 days?

I think it had something to do with her watch always going to 31 on the date, to which I always nicely asked if her watch knew which month we were in? We’ve been married for 30, as of this year!

Hook’em!

[Incredulity 11879]

She sounds really hot.  

[Upgrayedd 5907]

7 hours ago, tbone_ said:

These situations require deft aplomb.

I mean you know she’s wrong about shit like this on the reg. And it needs to be pointed out. But you have to do it carefully so you don’t end up the asshole that always has to be right about everything (you are already but that’s not the point). What’s the point of proving water is wet. Better just to keep her in the feel good zone - that’s all they really want anyway.

Ya I’ve got none of that.  I’m always playing defense like I turned it over at my own 25.  

[Sam Lin 3602]

13 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

 "That's the longest range I've ever seen on my car.  I think it's because of the way you drive." 

I told her she was making no sense and that the range is based on the amount of fuel in the tank and the average MPG the car gets. 

Your wife is right. Car range is calculated based on a short-term rolling average MPG, not on the lifetime of car. Your driving habits most definitely will change that number, usually fairly quickly (typical rolling average is double digit miles).

[WhatTheBuck 28932]

16 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

I drove my wife's car this weekend on a family trip.  The low fuel light comes on in her car with a ridiculously long way to go before running out of gas, so I've learned to ignore it.  I got distracted, though, and happened to look down at the range remaining and is said "0."  I skidded into the nearest gas station on fumes.  (Incidentally, my wife says she has gone a long way on "0" range many times.  Cool. Cool.) I fill her car up with gas, get in and start it up.  The range now says, "400."  My wife tells me, "That's the longest range I've ever seen on my car.  I think it's because of the way you drive."  She was attempting to criticize my driving style (safe).  I told her she was making no sense and that the range is based on the amount of fuel in the tank and the average MPG the car gets.  Her car is five years old, so the average MGP is unlikely to fluctuate much.  She was adamant that it was something I did.  I posited that it was because I topped off the tank, but she claimed she does the same.

She probably speeds toward red lights. 

[Kennythetiger 9635]

Better than braking at green ones. Rage. 

[WhatTheBuck 28932]

1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

Better than braking at green ones. Rage. 

Lulz. “It might turn yellow! I’d better slow down!”

Its debatable but yeah, that’s another outrageous behavior.

[nnm 37930]

2 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Lulz. “It might turn yellow! I’d better slow down!”

Its debatable but yeah, that’s another outrageous behavior.

Exercising caution when approaching “stale” green lights is basic defensive driving. If you don’t know how long the light has been green, you should be prepared to stop if it turns. Not brake, but not accelerate either. When you reach the point where it’ll be safe to go through on yellow, go ahead and accelerate. 

[Jerry Callo 8963]

8 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Your wife is right.

GTFO with that nonsense.

[Ojo Rojo 2056]

9 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Your wife is right. Car range is calculated based on a short-term rolling average MPG, not on the lifetime of car. Your driving habits most definitely will change that number, usually fairly quickly (typical rolling average is double digit miles).

Well, let's just keep that between us.  Plus, it means that I'm a more efficient driver than she is, so I still win.

[TrashMaster G 18114]

On 10/8/2022 at 9:24 PM, Superhero said:

Been a while since I’ve been on this thread. Nothing really interesting actually. But she DID say that me wanting sex 6-8 times per month is too much.

Is that too much to ask? We’ve been together 16 years, married 14, she’ll be 45 in a few weeks. I don’t think I’m asking for too much. 

Tell her you're going to have sex 6-8 times/month and it's up to her if she wants to be there too.

[ABSR 5370]

56 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

Tell her you're going to have sex 6-8 times/month and it's up to her if she wants to be there too.

Better be clear that it is 6-8 times with a woman...otherwise she will tell him to enjoy himself and not wake her up.

[TrashMaster G 18114]

Just now, ABSR said:

Better be clear that it is 6-8 times with a woman...otherwise she will tell him to enjoy himself and not wake her up.

Or, she can just NOT FAFO.

[Anwar Namtut 344]

On 10/8/2022 at 8:24 PM, Superhero said:

Been a while since I’ve been on this thread. Nothing really interesting actually. But she DID say that me wanting sex 6-8 times per month is too much.

Is that too much to ask? We’ve been together 16 years, married 14, she’ll be 45 in a few weeks. I don’t think I’m asking for too much. 

Trade you.