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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

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15 minutes ago, Felix said:

It makes me giggle every time I see a Ramjet masterpiece.  I can just picture him sitting there putting on the finishing touches to the primary focus and then sitting back and contemplating the best place to put Bert.

I can see him laughing his ass off thinking about us fools spending time trying to find Bert.

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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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Lhorn

Lhorn 4924

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Last night I was talking with the wife on the phone while we were both driving home (both on Bluetooth, not holding a phone).  All of a sudden she say “oh God!” Followed by a bunch of muffled noises for 5 seconds or so.  I truly thought I was hearing her have a car accident.  Turns out she had run up on a median of some sort.  As she tried to move the car off of it, she could hear scraping underneath the car.  I told her to call AAA and not tear the hole in the oil pan trying to move the car.  A Good Samaritan was able to check it out and help her back the car off the obstruction with no apparent damage to the car. 
 

This morning she calls me and tells me she ripped the passenger side mirror off the fucking car backing the car out of the garage. 
 

For fuck sake.   She’s done that at least 3-4 times with her previous cars.  

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deadshank

deadshank 24653

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Lhorn said:

Last night I was talking with the wife on the phone while we were both driving home (both on Bluetooth, not holding a phone).  All of a sudden she say “oh God!” Followed by a bunch of muffled noises for 5 seconds or so.  I truly thought I was hearing her have a car accident.  Turns out she had run up on a median of some sort.  As she tried to move the car off of it, she could hear scraping underneath the car.  I told her to call AAA and not tear the hole in the oil pan trying to move the car.  A Good Samaritan was able to check it out and help her back the car off the obstruction with no apparent damage to the car. 
 

This morning she calls me and tells me she ripped the passenger side mirror off the fucking car backing the car out of the garage. 
 

For fuck sake.   She’s done that at least 3-4 times with her previous cars.  

Just how hawt is she?

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21910

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11 hours ago, Lhorn said:

Last night I was talking with the wife on the phone while we were both driving home (both on Bluetooth, not holding a phone).  All of a sudden she say “oh God!” Followed by a bunch of muffled noises for 5 seconds or so.  I truly thought I was hearing her have a car accident.  Turns out she had run up on a median of some sort.  As she tried to move the car off of it, she could hear scraping underneath the car.  I told her to call AAA and not tear the hole in the oil pan trying to move the car.  A Good Samaritan was able to check it out and help her back the car off the obstruction with no apparent damage to the car. 
 

This morning she calls me and tells me she ripped the passenger side mirror off the fucking car backing the car out of the garage. 
 

For fuck sake.   She’s done that at least 3-4 times with her previous cars.  

If she drives like that and you still talk to her on the phone while she's driving then that's on you

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ABSR

ABSR 5319

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11 hours ago, Lhorn said:

Last night I was talking with the wife on the phone while we were both driving home (both on Bluetooth, not holding a phone).  All of a sudden she say “oh God!” Followed by a bunch of muffled noises for 5 seconds or so.  I truly thought I was hearing her have a car accident.  Turns out she had run up on a median of some sort.  As she tried to move the car off of it, she could hear scraping underneath the car.  I told her to call AAA and not tear the hole in the oil pan trying to move the car.  A Good Samaritan was able to check it out and help her back the car off the obstruction with no apparent damage to the car. 
 

This morning she calls me and tells me she ripped the passenger side mirror off the fucking car backing the car out of the garage. 
 

For fuck sake.   She’s done that at least 3-4 times with her previous cars.  

At your wedding reception did your new Father-in-law pat you on the back and whisper to you "She's your problem now."?  If not, I'm sure he was thinking it.

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Lhorn

Lhorn 4924

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51 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

If she drives like that and you still talk to her on the phone while she's driving then that's on you

No, just having a bad spell. I can’t remember that she’s ever had an accident that was her fault.  
Of course knocking mirrors off the car is not ideal. 

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8811

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On 12/15/2022 at 8:40 AM, CHIEF said:

My wife is very levelheaded and has never made an appearance in this thread. But when we first started dating, I bought tickets to a Soundgarden concert. I told her we were leaving at 5:30 sharp. At 5:30, she still had wet hair, and still wasn’t dressed. I went without her. 29 years later, and she hasn’t made that mistake since. 
CHIEF

I've had a similar experience with the a Mrs. and by contrast I'm still catching shit about it on a regular basis 25 years later. 

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21910

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1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

She donated the broken one to Goodwill and bought a new one that was on sale. 

So some poor person is going to spend their last dollar on Christmas decorations for their child with terminal cancer, get home, spend hours lovingly putting up the lights, call their child in to see the magic of Christmas, and then see the abject disappointment on their face when the lights don't work.

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ABSR

ABSR 5319

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37 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

On sale….

 

that doesn’t sound very wifeish.

It was such a good deal she bought four of them in case one ever breaks.  Put the rest in storage where she will forget either where they are or that she has them.

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54294

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Posted

Wife took yesterday and today off work to "get the house cleaned before Christmas."  

At about 2pm today, I looked around and the house was a complete wreck, so I got guilted into helping.  

So I grabbed a basket sitting on the counter that had about 100 old magazines in it and started to sort through them.  Made a throw-away pile and a keep pile.  She came over a few minutes later to go through the piles, and pulled a National Geographic out of the throwaway pile.  

(If you go back about 4 years in this thread, you'll find a post from me detailing our argument over her NG collection, part of which she moved from Seattle to Honolulu in 1995, and more which she moved from Honolulu to Texas in 1999.)

Me: "No!  We are not saving National Geographics again!"

Her: "I just want this one!"

Me: "WHY????"

Her: "Because I want to read it."

Here's the issue in question:

image.thumb.png.0e9643ed9e4796c162fd8c66f360cc8d.png

 

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54294

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, ztejas said:

You have a basket of 30 year old magazines in your house? 

 

Not any more.

Quote

This seems like a collective effort. 

Nope, the oldest thing I had in the basket was a 2019 Dave Campbell issue.

And she wanted to save a bunch of old Texas Monthlies until I said, "THESE ARE ON THE INTERNET!!!"

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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5815

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7 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

Wife took yesterday and today off work to "get the house cleaned before Christmas."  

At about 2pm today, I looked around and the house was a complete wreck, so I got guilted into helping.  

So I grabbed a basket sitting on the counter that had about 100 old magazines in it and started to sort through them.  Made a throw-away pile and a keep pile.  She came over a few minutes later to go through the piles, and pulled a National Geographic out of the throwaway pile.  

(If you go back about 4 years in this thread, you'll find a post from me detailing our argument over her NG collection, part of which she moved from Seattle to Honolulu in 1995, and more which she moved from Honolulu to Texas in 1999.)

Me: "No!  We are not saving National Geographics again!"

Her: "I just want this one!"

Me: "WHY????"

Her: "Because I want to read it."

Here's the issue in question:

image.thumb.png.0e9643ed9e4796c162fd8c66f360cc8d.png

 

Are there boobs in this one?  If not, pitch.

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rage-a-holic

rage-a-holic 4408

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27 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Who buys just one potato? And if you were going to tie a bag around a potato, you’d complete the knot. And since the other bag obviously opened okay, you’d either put the potato in that bag or try another bag.

I think that’s fake. 

Who buys just one potato? - women who are making a recipe that calls for 1 potato

And if you were going to tie a bag around a potato, you’d complete the knot. - oh right, everyone knows that, great catch

And since the other bag obviously opened okay - what other bag obviously opened ok? Are you having hot flashes?

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28793

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12 minutes ago, rage-a-holic said:

Those are bags from the checkout register, not produce bags.

image.png.4fee7fb4de6c9f6d2cac00b556b8a175.png

They look similar but I can buy that. I still question the single potato purchase (what recipe calls for one potato in a household of at least two people?) and the half-tied knot. 
 

It’s weird. I buy potatoes by the bag and I’m a single guy who often uses just one potato when cooking. When I buy other things like onions, garlic, lemons, or limes, where I’m just buying one or two of each, I won’t bother with a produce bag. 

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Foosters

Foosters 17858

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Posted
16 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

Magazines are still a thing?

Oh yeah. I get the New Yorker delivered to my house. Seems like I get one about every 36 hours. They go into little box I have. About every 2 months I dump the box into the trash having never opened a single one. 

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mininghorn88

mininghorn88 2294

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4 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

They look similar but I can buy that. I still question the single potato purchase (what recipe calls for one potato in a household of at least two people?) and the half-tied knot. 
 

It’s weird. I buy potatoes by the bag and I’m a single guy who often uses just one potato when cooking. When I buy other things like onions, garlic, lemons, or limes, where I’m just buying one or two of each, I won’t bother with a produce bag. 

Of course you do things logically...you are not a wife.

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tbone_

tbone_ 14132

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Posted
Oh yeah. I get the New Yorker delivered to my house. Seems like I get one about every 36 hours. They go into little box I have. About every 2 months I dump the box into the trash having never opened a single one. 

I like the New Yorker. I wouldn’t read it either but I do miss the days when we had time for long reads.
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