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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 55867

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On 1/12/2023 at 4:25 PM, Trey3216 said:

It never fails, at least once per week, that my wife forgets something at the house on her way out the door to drop the kids off at her mom's on the way to work in the mornings.

 

Today it was her cellphone.

Yesterday it was her lunch

Sometimes it's her badge to get into work

Just mind numbing.   

I have my wife trained to say "keys, phone, wallet" every time she leaves the house.  

At least once a week, she comes back in after a few minutes because she has forgotten her phone or her wallet.

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Modessit

Modessit 5667

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I remember as a kid, my dad would sometimes ask me if I wanted to go to the gas station with him, as he had to go gas up my mom's car. I didn't think to ask him why she didn't do it herself, I just liked doing stuff with my dad so I always went. Now I wonder if she ever got her own gas once in her whole life? Or did he just know it was a losing battle and he was gonna avoid the hassle? 
My wife gets her own gas just fine, but she has a hard time parking in the garage and has put a hole in wall from opening her door when she's too close.
My mom always said she had it put in their vows that she didn't pump gas. My dad always took her car to fill it up whenever it got below a half-tank.

Dad passed a couple years ago. Now she has one of my nieces or nephews take it for gas if it gets below half.
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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 6309

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So I meet my wife and kids, who were shopping, my parents, and my SIL at Buffalo Wild Wings on Saturday.  Since I'd had a couple and needed to go by Sams, she drove the 4 of us, then dropped my oldest son and me off at my truck.  She went her way with the youngest boy; I went my way.  We stopped by Academy for about 45 mins.

The next day, I happen into the garage to get something out of my car.  That's when I noticed that she had left several items (from Sams) in the back of her car overnight.  This included a rotisserie chicken, yogurt, among other things that needed to be refrigerated.  Walking upstairs to tell her, I wondered how I was going to get blamed for this.  I could think of nothing.  I was wrong.

Apparently, I never help her carry groceries in from the garage, which is why the items were left in the car.  First of all, this isn't true.  At times, I hang back bit because she and her sister shop together and have to separate items.  Secondly, even if true, how in the holy hell does that have anything to do with this situation?  Not only was I not home when she arrived, but I had no idea anything was in the car in the first place.  Apparently, I'm supposed to check her car for grocery items each day or somesuch.

tl;dr Wife left refrigerated items in her car overnight which was, apparently, my fault even though I had no idea she had groceries in the car AND I wasn't even home when she first arrived.

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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 26240

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7 hours ago, Modessit said:

My mom always said she had it put in their vows that she didn't pump gas. My dad always took her car to fill it up whenever it got below a half-tank.

Dad passed a couple years ago. Now she has one of my nieces or nephews take it for gas if it gets below half.

she should move to Oregon

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Hmbre97

Hmbre97 6337

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My mom always said she had it put in their vows that she didn't pump gas. My dad always took her car to fill it up whenever it got below a half-tank.

Dad passed a couple years ago. Now she has one of my nieces or nephews take it for gas if it gets below half.
.....but why.gif
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Zeus

Zeus 6864

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10 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

I have my wife trained to say "keys, phone, wallet" every time she leaves the house.  

At least once a week, she comes back in after a few minutes because she has forgotten her phone or her wallet.

I say keys wallet phone dip

Even though I haven't dipped in 10 years and stopped smoking weed about 6 years ago so I never forget where anything is anymore.

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956 Worldwide

956 Worldwide 35594

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13 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

So I meet my wife and kids, who were shopping, my parents, and my SIL at Buffalo Wild Wings on Saturday.  Since I'd had a couple and needed to go by Sams, she drove the 4 of us, then dropped my oldest son and me off at my truck.  She went her way with the youngest boy; I went my way.  We stopped by Academy for about 45 mins.

The next day, I happen into the garage to get something out of my car.  That's when I noticed that she had left several items (from Sams) in the back of her car overnight.  This included a rotisserie chicken, yogurt, among other things that needed to be refrigerated.  Walking upstairs to tell her, I wondered how I was going to get blamed for this.  I could think of nothing.  I was wrong.

Apparently, I never help her carry groceries in from the garage, which is why the items were left in the car.  First of all, this isn't true.  At times, I hang back bit because she and her sister shop together and have to separate items.  Secondly, even if true, how in the holy hell does that have anything to do with this situation?  Not only was I not home when she arrived, but I had no idea anything was in the car in the first place.  Apparently, I'm supposed to check her car for grocery items each day or somesuch.

tl;dr Wife left refrigerated items in her car overnight which was, apparently, my fault even though I had no idea she had groceries in the car AND I wasn't even home when she first arrived.

Your only course of action is to get the stuff out, throw away the spoiled shit in the outside garbage can. Then act like you have no idea what happened as she’s going nuts. 

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28930

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On 1/16/2023 at 9:58 PM, Sam Lin said:

Sigh.

1933271163_bananasinfridge.thumb.jpg.1c08b6ce16556555462993c2382ae44a.jpg

It shouldn’t have to be said that bananas don’t belong in the fridge. But all is not lost. Those aren’t quite there yet, give ‘em a couple more days. You want them good and dark. Take your overripe bananas and store them in a freezer bag in your freezer. When you have enough, make banana bread. They’ll be jet black when they come out of the freezer and as sweet as can be. Thaw them, peel them, and blend them. It will take 3-4 to yield 1 cup of banana mush (maybe just 2 if they’re really large bananas).

That’s also a good use for sour milk.

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Jerry Callo

Jerry Callo 8960

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4 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

It shouldn’t have to be said that bananas don’t belong in the fridge. But all is not lost. Those aren’t quite there yet, give ‘em a couple more days. You want them good and dark. Take your overripe bananas and store them in a freezer bag in your freezer. When you have enough, make banana bread. They’ll be jet black when they come out of the freezer and as sweet as can be. Thaw them, peel them, and blend them. It will take 3-4 to yield 1 cup of banana mush (maybe just 2 if they’re really large bananas).

That’s also a good use for sour milk.

My MIL's freezer is a quarter full of frozen bananas intended for banana bread.  In the 32 years that I've known her, I have never actually seen any banana bread.

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28930

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13 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

My MIL's freezer is a quarter full of frozen bananas intended for banana bread.  In the 32 years that I've known her, I have never actually seen any banana bread.

I can give you my mom’s recipe if you’d like. It’s super easy to make.

Go ahead, take those bananas.

3B1CEA63-7074-4725-A75E-E317426AAD3C.thumb.png.5e397ba5246d95cd80ae5c9bc4cb60ac.png

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Js1

Js1 87185

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36 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

It shouldn’t have to be said that bananas don’t belong in the fridge. But all is not lost. Those aren’t quite there yet, give ‘em a couple more days. You want them good and dark. Take your overripe bananas and store them in a freezer bag in your freezer. When you have enough, make banana bread. They’ll be jet black when they come out of the freezer and as sweet as can be. Thaw them, peel them, and blend them. It will take 3-4 to yield 1 cup of banana mush (maybe just 2 if they’re really large bananas).

That’s also a good use for sour milk.

Also great to throw in a blender with a smoothie. 

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Snake Diggity

Snake Diggity 4714

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Our freezer is just a temporary holding bin for trash.  2 months ago, our freezer was FULL.  To the fucking brim.  I demanded to go thru it together.  The only things that weren’t freezer burnt or expired were a box of Korean green tea and red bean popsicles that even my kids won’t eat, and a package of chopped pecans.  Shockingly, no lessons were learned.

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Snake Diggity

Snake Diggity 4714

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57 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

Is this 

or

 

either way

 

What The Fuck?

 

57 minutes ago, SilasCoade said:

I love those red bean paste pastries but a red bean popsicle -- TF?

I have learned over the years that some shit I have written off as Korean culture is actually just weird shit my wife’s family is into.  They think red bean is equivalent/superior to all other sweeteners.  They describe a green tea red bean popsicle as like a creamy sweet treat, but instead the motherfucker is a bland, milky-green popsicle with grainy ass beans mixed in it.  Shit is nasty.

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Pokoloco

Pokoloco 1298

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A few weeks back It was too hot in the room, I couldn't sleep, so I moved to the couch in the living room at about 4 am. 

She woke up around 7, came in there turning the lights on slamming things around. Was not happy I left the bed, thought I was "up to something". I assured her, I just couldn't sleep, was hoping a change of venue would help. (It did btw).  Anyway, our daughter calls her the other night, she tells our daughter: "Your father left our marital bed the other night".  I laugh loudly, as does our daughter.

I have no idea where she heard that old timey phrase. It doesn't mean what she thinks it does.  

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9627

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57 minutes ago, Pokoloco said:

A few weeks back It was too hot in the room, I couldn't sleep, so I moved to the couch in the living room at about 4 am. 

She woke up around 7, came in there turning the lights on slamming things around. Was not happy I left the bed, thought I was "up to something". I assured her, I just couldn't sleep, was hoping a change of venue would help. (It did btw).  Anyway, our daughter calls her the other night, she tells our daughter: "Your father left our marital bed the other night".  I laugh loudly, as does our daughter.

I have no idea where she heard that old timey phrase. It doesn't mean what she thinks it does.  

At 7 in the morning I would have been slamming things around too. Get yo lazy ass off the couch and go mow the lawn. 

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28930

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2 hours ago, Zeus said:

lulz 

Quote is from her mouth brah

Sorry your gal is an unfunny clown

And where did you see it? What site did you quote? Hint: It wasn’t handler.com.

I’m betting you weren’t out searching for news on Chelsea Handler and just happened to stumble upon an article at Breitbart. So go ahead and get outraged over and ridicule the stupidity of someone you read about at Breitbart, Einstein. 

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 3037

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9 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

 

I have learned over the years that some shit I have written off as Korean culture is actually just weird shit my wife’s family is into.  They think red bean is equivalent/superior to all other sweeteners.  They describe a green tea red bean popsicle as like a creamy sweet treat, but instead the motherfucker is a bland, milky-green popsicle with grainy ass beans mixed in it.  Shit is nasty.

like a refried bean popsicle?

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Snake Diggity

Snake Diggity 4714

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39 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

like a refried bean popsicle?

LoL no.  Red bean is a kind of bean used as a sweetener in Asian food.  I don’t even really know how to describe it.  When it’s in paste form I would say it’s kind of like the consistency and sweetness of fig newton filling?  I don’t know maybe any Asian Surl can chime in here.  Anyway, this isn’t the exact product but very similar:

https://chaoji.ca/en/product/6666/yimei-matcha-red-bean-popsicle

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Sam Lin

Sam Lin 3599

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Red adzuki beans and green mung beans are very commonly cooked with syrup as dessert in Asia.

 

This is a fancier red bean recipe, adds lotus seeds and lily bulbs. Other recipes will add dried longan.

https://www.madewithlau.com/recipes/sweet-red-bean-soup

 

This is green beans:

https://whattocooktoday.com/sweet-mung-bean-soup.html

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 3037

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37 minutes ago, Snake Diggity said:

LoL no.  Red bean is a kind of bean used as a sweetener in Asian food.  I don’t even really know how to describe it.  When it’s in paste form I would say it’s kind of like the consistency and sweetness of fig newton filling?  I don’t know maybe any Asian Surl can chime in here.  Anyway, this isn’t the exact product but very similar:

https://chaoji.ca/en/product/6666/yimei-matcha-red-bean-popsicle

Was kinda kidding. 

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4494

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On 1/12/2023 at 11:55 AM, Sandman said:

I remember as a kid, my dad would sometimes ask me if I wanted to go to the gas station with him, as he had to go gas up my mom's car. I didn't think to ask him why she didn't do it herself, I just liked doing stuff with my dad so I always went. Now I wonder if she ever got her own gas once in her whole life? Or did he just know it was a losing battle and he was gonna avoid the hassle? 

My wife gets her own gas just fine, but she has a hard time parking in the garage and has put a hole in wall from opening her door when she's too close.

First, my wife will get her own gas.

However, most Sundays, I will go fill up the car, stop for a couple of beers and watch NFL countdown, then stop and get her Target drive up order. It's a win/win for everyone.

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Js1

Js1 87185

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10 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Unless of course, some poster (who will remain nameless) arrived at Target first and parked in the curbside parking spot because he was in a hurry and then you would have been forced to park somewhere else and go in and get your order.

2C37C1E5-709A-4EEB-9B3B-0805AE6EB603.jpeg.69fdb821fae6159161004138a27425bd.jpeg

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 18095

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On 1/18/2023 at 12:15 PM, Pokoloco said:

A few weeks back It was too hot in the room, I couldn't sleep, so I moved to the couch in the living room at about 4 am. 

She woke up around 7, came in there turning the lights on slamming things around. Was not happy I left the bed, thought I was "up to something". I assured her, I just couldn't sleep, was hoping a change of venue would help. (It did btw).  Anyway, our daughter calls her the other night, she tells our daughter: "Your father left our marital bed the other night".  I laugh loudly, as does our daughter.

I have no idea where she heard that old timey phrase. It doesn't mean what she thinks it does.  

Your wife is projecting. Not kidding.

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956 Worldwide

956 Worldwide 35594

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Today I grilled steaks. I popped a dish of vegetables in the oven to roast as I headed out to take care of the grill and as I went out said “please take that out if the timer beeps.” She was on the phone with her but gave me eye contact and a thumbs up. 
 

Anyway, from the sliding door I see her get up off the couch and head to the oven so I feel good. Then hear a blood-curdling scream. 
 

She walked over to the oven, still on the phone, opened the door and grabbed that dish with her bare hand all while talking to her mom. 

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13255

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1 hour ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Today I grilled steaks. I popped a dish of vegetables in the oven to roast as I headed out to take care of the grill and as I went out said “please take that out if the timer beeps.” She was on the phone with her but gave me eye contact and a thumbs up. 
 

Anyway, from the sliding door I see her get up off the couch and head to the oven so I feel good. Then hear a blood-curdling scream. 
 

She walked over to the oven, still on the phone, opened the door and grabbed that dish with her bare hand all while talking to her mom. 

Your wife sounds hot

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