Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Sam Lin 3,540]

47 minutes ago, Sawbonz said:

Honestly I’m surprised all but the large flathead aren’t lost 

That's the pry bar.

[Ojo Rojo 1,882]

8 hours ago, Sawbonz said:

Have you read your posts in this thread?

And that's fair. I vent here, but I will be the first to admit that my wife is a wonderful person with a lot of really great qualities.  Most of the time, our marriage is pretty good.  But, it's still a marriage and she is still a woman.

[nnm 35,990]

 

[Celery Man 20,874]

Wife is on a tea kick. She’s going to pick up the kid and says “hey when the timer goes off, can you take the lid off of this and remove the tea basket and put the lid back on”. Sure.

 

filled to. the. fucking. brim. with boiling water and then screwed airtight shut god fucking dammit this shit exploded molten  lava hot tea all over me

Edited January 31, 2023 by Celery Man

[tejas60 3,526]

I see you finished up following her directions.

[Celery Man 20,874]

[General Specific 3,226]

I see you finished up following her directions.

At least he’s in the kitchen, where he…. Wait, what?

[Modessit 5,595]

New one.

Our daily driver (that never gets gas) is at the body shop because my wife hates deer a got one a few weeks ago. The rental that made sense to me was getting the small Corolla because we can drive it longer for free, and she can drive my Jeep around and I’ll use the Corolla if I need. IDGAF what I drive.

Anyway she leaves to take the kids to school and they actually wanted to take the rental. So they leave and after about five minutes she comes back in holding the key. “Babe, I can’t turn the key and the car won’t start.” “Did you shake the wheel or turn it while turning the key?” “No! That’s dumb!”

I've mentioned this before - either here or they old site - but I've had my wife call me at least 6+ times to tell me she couldn't get the key to turn. Each time I told her, "Put your hand on top of the wheel. Now turn it whichever direction it'll go. Now turn the key while you move the wheel back and forth." Have happened in a few years so maybe she actually remembers now.

[harpercollins 394]

[nnm 35,990]

5 hours ago, harpercollins said:

 

[markstanco 12,489]

11 hours ago, Modessit said:

On 1/26/2023 at 7:28 AM, Fudbelty said:

New one.

Our daily driver (that never gets gas) is at the body shop because my wife hates deer a got one a few weeks ago. The rental that made sense to me was getting the small Corolla because we can drive it longer for free, and she can drive my Jeep around and I’ll use the Corolla if I need. IDGAF what I drive.

Anyway she leaves to take the kids to school and they actually wanted to take the rental. So they leave and after about five minutes she comes back in holding the key. “Babe, I can’t turn the key and the car won’t start.” “Did you shake the wheel or turn it while turning the key?” “No! That’s dumb!”

I've mentioned this before - either here or they old site - but I've had my wife call me at least 6+ times to tell me she couldn't get the key to turn. Each time I told her, "Put your hand on top of the wheel. Now turn it whichever direction it'll go. Now turn the key while you move the wheel back and forth." Have happened in a few years so maybe she actually remembers now.

 

[Fudbelty 2,785]

^^^^ Pretty much. She learned to drive(using that phrase loosely) using keys and wheel locks. Our first vehicle with key fobs didn’t come until 7 or 8 years ago.

[Ojo Rojo 1,882]

My wife has planned a (well-deserved) weekend away with a friend of hers.  They are going to some fancy Yoga/spa place.  It's very expensive and I don't like the friend she is going with, but whatever.  The weekend she has picked to go, which I was given no input into or asked about in advance, is also a weekend where two of our three kids are out of school that Friday.  She says she has to leave early in the morning on Friday to go to the Yoga/spa hotel.  I start thinking about it and it starts to piss me off that she picked a weekend when our kids are out of school so we have to have some kind of childcare that day and that she is really doing a three-day weekend. For various reasons, I'm going to have to take a day off work to be with our kids.  So I ask her, "Why do you have to leave on Friday morning instead of that afternoon or night or Saturday morning (like I always fucking do when I go somewhere by myself for the weekend)?"  She understood by me asking that I was telling her that her plans were less than ideal and possibly made without any foresight and certainly with no consideration for me.  Her answer was just a long ass way of saying, "Because I want to," but with enough shit that  might sound like reasons if you were dumb.

[tbone_ 14,020]

You should just enjoy the extra time she’s gone.

[burntorangebongos 10,681]

If your parents or hers live in the same town as you, check with them about Thursday night, your taking the kids to see them and spend the night and  Friday with them. (buy them tixs to a kids museum or movie on Friday) Then you will be able to work without dealing with your kids and enjoy the extra quiet night alone. I hope this works out for you because it might turn out real nice. 

[Kennythetiger 9,333]

No wonder why she’s getting away. 
Spend a weekend with your kids. Build a camping fort in the living room, have macaroni and hot dogs for supper and chocolate ice cream for breakfast.

[Fudbelty 2,785]

Sancho has his kids that weekend. Drop off isn’t until Friday afternoon.

[huge 3,788]

She did it how I would do it.

You dont have to like it, but you have to respect it.

[markstanco 12,489]

No wonder why she’s getting away. 
Spend a weekend with your kids. Build a camping fort in the living room, have macaroni and hot dogs for supper and chocolate ice cream for breakfast.

Chocolate ice cream for breakfast sounds like both an awesome band name and a great idea.

[BHMCruiser 1,812]

"I have to go to X event on X date."

"Okay, no problem." 

*X date comes up*

"I had no idea you were doing this." 

"I told you specifically." 

"You didn't put it on my calendar and asking me to remember everything is presumptuous."

*time elapses*

*calendar invitation for Y event on Y date is sent. Wife receives and acknowledges said calendar invitation.*

*Y date comes up*

"This is a real problem. I had no idea you were doing this."

"I put it on your calendar."

"Just because you put it on my calendar doesn't mean it registers with me."

"Jesus fucking Christ you have got to be fucking kidding me."

"You don't have to get angry."

"Okay."

Edited February 7, 2023 by BHMCruiser

[Anwar Namtut 344]

^^ Is this you or are you paraphrasing Ojo's situation?

[Crapinon 2,250]

18 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

My wife has planned a (well-deserved) weekend away with a friend of hers.  They are going to some fancy Yoga/spa place.  It's very expensive and I don't like the friend she is going with, but whatever.  The weekend she has picked to go, which I was given no input into or asked about in advance, is also a weekend where two of our three kids are out of school that Friday.  She says she has to leave early in the morning on Friday to go to the Yoga/spa hotel.  I start thinking about it and it starts to piss me off that she picked a weekend when our kids are out of school so we have to have some kind of childcare that day and that she is really doing a three-day weekend. For various reasons, I'm going to have to take a day off work to be with our kids.  So I ask her, "Why do you have to leave on Friday morning instead of that afternoon or night or Saturday morning (like I always fucking do when I go somewhere by myself for the weekend)?"  She understood by me asking that I was telling her that her plans were less than ideal and possibly made without any foresight and certainly with no consideration for me.  Her answer was just a long ass way of saying, "Because I want to," but with enough shit that  might sound like reasons if you were dumb.

Take the weekend off too. Let the kids eat/do what they want. Leave their crap all over the place and dishes in the sink. If she's like my wife it will drive her crazy and it will make her question future trips. But my advice may need a warning label: Passive/aggressive marriage advice is my specialty but it may not work in all situations. 

[BHMCruiser 1,812]

27 minutes ago, Anwar Namtut said:

^^ Is this you or are you paraphrasing Ojo's situation?

This is me. Second part happened last night. To the wife's credit the lights appeared to go on as I started to Hulk Out about it and I think she recognized internally that she was being impossible because she immediately switched her tune and was all "no problem we can easily work around this"

[Ojo Rojo 1,882]

15 hours ago, burntorangebongos said:

If your parents or hers live in the same town as you, check with them about Thursday night, your taking the kids to see them and spend the night and  Friday with them. (buy them tixs to a kids museum or movie on Friday) Then you will be able to work without dealing with your kids and enjoy the extra quiet night alone. I hope this works out for you because it might turn out real nice. 

I wish.  Her parents are semi-local, but her dad suffers from effects of a couple of strokes and her mom basically has to take care of him a lot.  Plus, her parents aren't the "we don't get enough of our grandkids" type of people.  I will enjoy the time with my kids and make the most of it.

[tbone_ 14,020]

To the wife's credit the lights appeared to go on as I started to Hulk Out about it and I think she recognized internally that she was being impossible because she immediately switched her tune and was all "no problem we can easily work around this"

This is the best you can ever hope for and should be considered a complete victory.

[BHMCruiser 1,812]

Just now, tbone_ said:

 

This is the best you can ever hope for and should be considered a complete victory.

 

It stopped me cold mid-werewolf transformation

[tbone_ 14,020]

Take the weekend off too. Let the kids eat/do what they want. Leave their crap all over the place and dishes in the sink. If she's like my wife it will drive her crazy and it will make her question future trips. But my advice may need a warning label: Passive/aggressive marriage advice is my specialty but it may not work in all situations. 

Be careful trying to out passive-aggressive a woman. It’s nearly impossible to do and akin to getting into a mud slinging contest with a pig.

[nnm 35,990]

1 hour ago, Crapinon said:

Take the weekend off too. Let the kids eat/do what they want. Leave their crap all over the place and dishes in the sink. If she's like my wife it will drive her crazy and it will make her question future trips. But my advice may need a warning label: Passive/aggressive marriage advice is my specialty but it may not work in all situations. 

Not recommended. Did this once about 20 years ago. Mrs. NNM took a long weekend away. Kids were all young. I juggled them all weekend, and they were all clean, fed, and safe. But I didn’t clean anything up around the house. She walked in, saw piles of clothes, dirty dishes, and other assorted messes, and broke down in tears. 
Optics matter. From that point, I made sure that the dishes were clean and piles of clothes and other stuff taken care of before she walks in the door from time away. It makes a huge difference, assuming you like sexy time. 

[tbone_ 14,020]

Good lesson. If you make sure they come home to a clean crib they’ll go away more often.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,780]

And if you're lucky one time they won't come back

[Incredulity 11,532]

3 hours ago, Crapinon said:

Take the weekend off too. Let the kids eat/do what they want. Leave their crap all over the place and dishes in the sink. If she's like my wife it will drive her crazy and it will make her question future trips. But my advice may need a warning label: Passive/aggressive marriage advice is my specialty but it may not work in all situations. 

Username checks out.

[Crapinon 2,250]

2 hours ago, nnm said:

Not recommended. Did this once about 20 years ago. Mrs. NNM took a long weekend away. Kids were all young. I juggled them all weekend, and they were all clean, fed, and safe. But I didn’t clean anything up around the house. She walked in, saw piles of clothes, dirty dishes, and other assorted messes, and broke down in tears. 
Optics matter. From that point, I made sure that the dishes were clean and piles of clothes and other stuff taken care of before she walks in the door from time away. It makes a huge difference, assuming you like sexy time. 

For a healthy marriage, you are 100% spot on. We've been married 40 years. She knows I will die/kill for her and my family. I remember every time she cried because of something I did and I never did it again. But she has not always been perfect either and was genuinely clueless and defensive when I pointed out hurtful stuff that she did wrong. I'll save examples for Wives and the Stupid stuff they do thread. I have done stuff to get my point across not because I'm an asshole but because I got tired of being dumped and she wouldn't listen. Perimenopause and menopause were HELL in my house. And I do like sexy time. But around the 10th year in our marriage, she cut me dry off for 7 months. She would not tell me why and I'm not sure she really knew either, she was just angry and not in the mood. ALL THE TIME. At least now she will listen when I have complaints and we work through them.

[Crapinon 2,250]

27 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

Username checks out.

She has called me "Mr Turd in a punchbowl" and " he who will cut off his nose to spite his face". But see my explanation to nnm. I'm not an asshole but I can go zero to full asshole if pushed enough.

[ztejas 43,244]

3 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

I'll save examples for Wives and the Stupid stuff they do thread.

[Trey3216 15,325]

22 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

My wife has planned a (well-deserved) weekend away with a friend of hers.  They are going to some fancy Yoga/spa place.  It's very expensive and I don't like the friend she is going with, but whatever.  The weekend she has picked to go, which I was given no input into or asked about in advance, is also a weekend where two of our three kids are out of school that Friday.  She says she has to leave early in the morning on Friday to go to the Yoga/spa hotel.  I start thinking about it and it starts to piss me off that she picked a weekend when our kids are out of school so we have to have some kind of childcare that day and that she is really doing a three-day weekend. For various reasons, I'm going to have to take a day off work to be with our kids.  So I ask her, "Why do you have to leave on Friday morning instead of that afternoon or night or Saturday morning (like I always fucking do when I go somewhere by myself for the weekend)?"  She understood by me asking that I was telling her that her plans were less than ideal and possibly made without any foresight and certainly with no consideration for me.  Her answer was just a long ass way of saying, "Because I want to," but with enough shit that  might sound like reasons if you were dumb.

Did you offer to throw her out of the house again?  

 

Here's her yoga instructor...

Edited February 7, 2023 by Trey3216

[SilasCoade 2,620]

16 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

For a healthy marriage, you are 100% spot on. We've been married 40 years. She knows I will die/kill for her and my family. I remember every time she cried because of something I did and I never did it again. But she has not always been perfect either and was genuinely clueless and defensive when I pointed out hurtful stuff that she did wrong. I'll save examples for Wives and the Stupid stuff they do thread. I have done stuff to get my point across not because I'm an asshole but because I got tired of being dumped and she wouldn't listen. Perimenopause and menopause were HELL in my house. And I do like sexy time. But around the 10th year in our marriage, she cut me dry off for 7 months. She would not tell me why and I'm not sure she really knew either, she was just angry and not in the mood. ALL THE TIME. At least now she will listen when I have complaints and we work through them.

Seven months!?!?!?

Nope.

[BHMCruiser 1,812]

2 hours ago, nnm said:

Not recommended. Did this once about 20 years ago. Mrs. NNM took a long weekend away. Kids were all young. I juggled them all weekend, and they were all clean, fed, and safe. But I didn’t clean anything up around the house. She walked in, saw piles of clothes, dirty dishes, and other assorted messes, and broke down in tears. 
Optics matter. From that point, I made sure that the dishes were clean and piles of clothes and other stuff taken care of before she walks in the door from time away. It makes a huge difference, assuming you like sexy time. 

I do that and also put all the kids to work. In addition to cleaning and laundry, we change lightbulbs, replace toilet seats, eat really good meals, do yard work, and also try to do at least one project my wife has mentioned in passing ("hey just FYI the kids and I got your car detailed and built a firepit.") 

I don't care about sexy time - I just want her to know that we do not need her.

Edited February 7, 2023 by BHMCruiser

[Crapinon 2,250]

Just now, ztejas said:

OK, one of the bigger ones. Ten years ago, test showed I might have cancer and I scheduled an MRI and biopsy, 3 moths in advance. This required two days in Dallas and I was not able to drive myself after the procedures. She decided that it was more important to go to a Women of Faith conference with her friends and leave me hanging. She said they would pray for me. I didn't want to reschedule, because cancer. She was clueless why I was mad for her screwing with my MRI AND CANCER BIOPSY. I ended up having to call a friend and his wife drove me to the procedures over a two day period. She didn't even call to see how it went because the conference went all day. She's done similar shit over a surgery I had (wouldn't take the day off to drive me) and didn't even check on me until it ran 3 hours late. And there was a time when I had  a 3 day hospital stay, fighting an infection after another biopsy gone wrong. She was out of town the first day but the second day she was "too tired" to stop by the hospital on her way home. And I could literally look out my window and watch her drive by on the freeway when she passed. And did I mention the 7 months with no sex episode?

 

[BHMCruiser 1,812]

15 minutes ago, ztejas said:

He means the OTHER wives and the stupid stuff they do thread

[Crapinon 2,250]

2 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

He means the OTHER wives and the stupid stuff they do thread

LOL. I forgot where I was. I never claimed to be a smart man. 

[tbone_ 14,020]

OK, one of the bigger ones. Ten years ago, test showed I might have cancer and I scheduled an MRI and biopsy, 3 moths in advance. This required two days in Dallas and I was not able to drive myself after the procedures. She decided that it was more important to go to a Women of Faith conference with her friends and leave me hanging. She said they would pray for me. I didn't want to reschedule, because cancer. She was clueless why I was mad for her screwing with my MRI AND CANCER BIOPSY. I ended up having to call a friend and his wife drove me to the procedures over a two day period. She didn't even call to see how it went because the conference went all day. She's done similar shit over a surgery I had (wouldn't take the day off to drive me) and didn't even check on me until it ran 3 hours late. And there was a time when I had  a 3 day hospital stay, fighting an infection after another biopsy gone wrong. She was out of town the first day but the second day she was "too tired" to stop by the hospital on her way home. And I could literally look out my window and watch her drive by on the freeway when she passed. And did I mention the 7 months with no sex episode?
 

And this is the kind of partner you want to spend a lifetime with huh?

[Kennythetiger 9,333]

16 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

OK, one of the bigger ones. Ten years ago, test showed I might have cancer and I scheduled an MRI and biopsy, 3 moths in advance. This required two days in Dallas and I was not able to drive myself after the procedures. She decided that it was more important to go to a Women of Faith conference with her friends and leave me hanging. She said they would pray for me. I didn't want to reschedule, because cancer. She was clueless why I was mad for her screwing with my MRI AND CANCER BIOPSY. I ended up having to call a friend and his wife drove me to the procedures over a two day period. She didn't even call to see how it went because the conference went all day. She's done similar shit over a surgery I had (wouldn't take the day off to drive me) and didn't even check on me until it ran 3 hours late. And there was a time when I had  a 3 day hospital stay, fighting an infection after another biopsy gone wrong. She was out of town the first day but the second day she was "too tired" to stop by the hospital on her way home. And I could literally look out my window and watch her drive by on the freeway when she passed. And did I mention the 7 months with no sex episode?

 

Was the friend’s wife hot?  

[Crapinon 2,250]

4 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

And this is the kind of partner you want to spend a lifetime with huh?

She stood with me when I tried to self destruct and drink myself to death when my dad died two weeks after we got married. Overall, the good things far outweigh the bad. And she has seen the light and changed. Just as I have. 40+ years as I said earlier. And I'd still die/kill to protect her.

3 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Was the friend’s wife hot?  

She was an old ex-girlfriend who I set him up with!  

[Jiggy-Z 3,428]

Has anybody else's wife become an expert at picking up screws, nails, and flats in their tires?

It doesn't happen all that often, maybe every six months or so, but it is baffling to me considering the following.

We both drive to all the same places, except I go to my construction yard and job sites almost every day (concrete construction) where that stuff is all over the place and we have taken my Tacoma all over the country.

In addition I have been to my parents ranch, a bunch of deer leases, the beach, and other off road locals so many times I have lost count. 

She is driving around in a Volvo with Michelin's or Pirelli's or whatever which end tire they put on those things and I have some shitty Cooper's all terrains on my truck.

Knock on wood, I have not had a flat in the 23 years I have known her.

She tries to blame it on construction debris in the road, lol.

[SilasCoade 2,620]

18 hours ago, Jiggy-Z said:

Has anybody else's wife become an expert at picking up screws, nails, and flats in their tires?

It doesn't happen all that often, maybe every six months or so, but it is baffling to me considering the following.

We both drive to all the same places, except I go to my construction yard and job sites almost every day (concrete construction) where that stuff is all over the place and we have taken my Tacoma all over the country.

In addition I have been to my parents ranch, a bunch of deer leases, the beach, and other off road locals so many times I have lost count. 

She is driving around in a Volvo with Michelin's or Pirelli's or whatever which end tire they put on those things and I have some shitty Cooper's all terrains on my truck.

Knock on wood, I have not had a flat in the 23 years I have known her.

She tries to blame it on construction debris in the road, lol.

Have you found the name of the contractor she's banging?

Edited February 8, 2023 by SilasCoade

[Cheeseweasel 26,437]

6 minutes ago, SilasCoade said:

the contractor she's hanging?

Nailling.

[royiv 9,131]

57 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

She was an old ex-girlfriend who I set him up with!  

[Crapinon 2,250]

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

And this is the kind of partner you want to spend a lifetime with huh?

And to be fair, she did offer to cancel her trip and go but I was so pissed I told her not to worry about it, I already had it handled. 

[CycleTex87 2,953]

1 hour ago, BHMCruiser said:

I do that and also put all the kids to work. In addition to cleaning and laundry, we change lightbulbs, replace toilet seats, eat really good meals, do yard work, and also try to do at least one project my wife has mentioned in passing ("hey just FYI the kids and I got your car detailed and built a firepit.") 

I don't care about sexy time - I just want her to know that we do not need her.

You know, I did this one time when the kids were small, and she got home and got mad because I was "showing her up".  SMDH.

[Guadaloopy 10,903]

29 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Nailling.