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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8787

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Crapinon said:

OK, one of the bigger ones. Ten years ago, test showed I might have cancer and I scheduled an MRI and biopsy, 3 moths in advance. This required two days in Dallas and I was not able to drive myself after the procedures. She decided that it was more important to go to a Women of Faith conference with her friends and leave me hanging. She said they would pray for me. I didn't want to reschedule, because cancer. She was clueless why I was mad for her screwing with my MRI AND CANCER BIOPSY. I ended up having to call a friend and his wife drove me to the procedures over a two day period. She didn't even call to see how it went because the conference went all day. She's done similar shit over a surgery I had (wouldn't take the day off to drive me) and didn't even check on me until it ran 3 hours late. And there was a time when I had  a 3 day hospital stay, fighting an infection after another biopsy gone wrong. She was out of town the first day but the second day she was "too tired" to stop by the hospital on her way home. And I could literally look out my window and watch her drive by on the freeway when she passed. And did I mention the 7 months with no sex episode?

 

Your wife and my wife must be related. Credit where credit is due though. When I had my accident in '96, going through 16 surgeries trying to save the leg but eventually losing it anyway, she never left my side.  It was amputated  in '99 and she stayed with me all the time in the hospital and I couldn't have asked for a more caring and loving wife during rehab etc. Fast forward to 2005, chf due to pneumonia  and later 2 heart attacks,  3 shoulder surgeries, a knee surgery, 2 hernia surgeries, and from 05 on became the coldest, most heartless and uncaring person I've ever met.   Twice I had to have our pastor bring me home from the hospital because she couldn't be bothered. 

I finally told her at one point that if she ever got seriously ill or injured, she would be repaid in spades.

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Brothahorn

Brothahorn 10085

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OK, one of the bigger ones. Ten years ago, test showed I might have cancer and I scheduled an MRI and biopsy, 3 moths in advance. This required two days in Dallas and I was not able to drive myself after the procedures. She decided that it was more important to go to a Women of Faith conference with her friends and leave me hanging. She said they would pray for me. I didn't want to reschedule, because cancer. She was clueless why I was mad for her screwing with my MRI AND CANCER BIOPSY. I ended up having to call a friend and his wife drove me to the procedures over a two day period. She didn't even call to see how it went because the conference went all day. She's done similar shit over a surgery I had (wouldn't take the day off to drive me) and didn't even check on me until it ran 3 hours late. And there was a time when I had  a 3 day hospital stay, fighting an infection after another biopsy gone wrong. She was out of town the first day but the second day she was "too tired" to stop by the hospital on her way home. And I could literally look out my window and watch her drive by on the freeway when she passed. And did I mention the 7 months with no sex episode?
 
Hey, she prayed for you. And 10 years later you are still here. Ungrateful ass
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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8787

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47 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:
3 hours ago, Crapinon said:
OK, one of the bigger ones. Ten years ago, test showed I might have cancer and I scheduled an MRI and biopsy, 3 moths in advance. This required two days in Dallas and I was not able to drive myself after the procedures. She decided that it was more important to go to a Women of Faith conference with her friends and leave me hanging. She said they would pray for me. I didn't want to reschedule, because cancer. She was clueless why I was mad for her screwing with my MRI AND CANCER BIOPSY. I ended up having to call a friend and his wife drove me to the procedures over a two day period. She didn't even call to see how it went because the conference went all day. She's done similar shit over a surgery I had (wouldn't take the day off to drive me) and didn't even check on me until it ran 3 hours late. And there was a time when I had  a 3 day hospital stay, fighting an infection after another biopsy gone wrong. She was out of town the first day but the second day she was "too tired" to stop by the hospital on her way home. And I could literally look out my window and watch her drive by on the freeway when she passed. And did I mention the 7 months with no sex episode?
 

Hey, she prayed for you. And 10 years later you are still here. Ungrateful ass

Oh brotha, don't even go there. She could have prayed while she was driving.  Hell, I mean if women can text and drive, surely they can pray and drive.

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Da Fino

Da Fino 2719

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3 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Your wife and my wife must be related. Credit where credit is due though. When I had my accident in '96, going through 16 surgeries trying to save the leg but eventually losing it anyway, she never left my side.  It was amputated  in '99 and she stayed with me all the time in the hospital and I couldn't have asked for a more caring and loving wife during rehab etc. Fast forward to 2005, chf due to pneumonia  and later 2 heart attacks,  3 shoulder surgeries, a knee surgery, 2 hernia surgeries, and from 05 on became the coldest, most heartless and uncaring person I've ever met.   Twice I had to have our pastor bring me home from the hospital because she couldn't be bothered. 

I finally told her at one point that if she ever got seriously ill or injured, she would be repaid in spades.

Jesus…

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Sawbonz

Sawbonz 27375

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On 2/6/2023 at 3:53 PM, Ojo Rojo said:

My wife has planned a (well-deserved) weekend away with a friend of hers.  They are going to some fancy Yoga/spa place.  It's very expensive and I don't like the friend she is going with, but whatever.  The weekend she has picked to go, which I was given no input into or asked about in advance, is also a weekend where two of our three kids are out of school that Friday.  She says she has to leave early in the morning on Friday to go to the Yoga/spa hotel.  I start thinking about it and it starts to piss me off that she picked a weekend when our kids are out of school so we have to have some kind of childcare that day and that she is really doing a three-day weekend. For various reasons, I'm going to have to take a day off work to be with our kids.  So I ask her, "Why do you have to leave on Friday morning instead of that afternoon or night or Saturday morning (like I always fucking do when I go somewhere by myself for the weekend)?"  She understood by me asking that I was telling her that her plans were less than ideal and possibly made without any foresight and certainly with no consideration for me.  Her answer was just a long ass way of saying, "Because I want to," but with enough shit that  might sound like reasons if you were dumb.

How old are your kids? I would pack them in the car Friday morning and go somewhere fun

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Brothahorn

Brothahorn 10085

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3 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Oh brotha, don't even go there. She could have prayed while she was driving.  Hell, I mean if women can text and drive, surely they can pray and drive.

Can't pray right if your eyes aren't closed and your head isn't bowed. C'mon Son, you know the rules. You want her to die too?

 

Quote

 

Fast forward to 2005, chf due to pneumonia  and later 2 heart attacks,  3 shoulder surgeries, a knee surgery, 2 hernia surgeries, and from 05 on became the coldest, most heartless and uncaring person I've ever met.   Twice I had to have our pastor bring me home from the hospital because she couldn't be bothered. 

I finally told her at one point that if she ever got seriously ill or injured, she would be repaid in spades.

 

Now to be fair, you've already used up a lifetime worth of sympathy. Now you want another lifetime. She ain't got time for that. 

 

J/k

I hope you guys are still happily married and enjoying each other.

Edited by Brothahorn
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ABSR

ABSR 5289

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Posted
2 hours ago, Sawbonz said:

How old are your kids? I would pack them in the car Friday morning and go somewhere fun

Take them to a Great Wolf Lodge or some other indoor adventure weekend.  Have them miss school and leave right before your wife does.

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mininghorn88

mininghorn88 2260

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12 hours ago, BHMCruiser said:

This is me. Second part happened last night. To the wife's credit the lights appeared to go on as I started to Hulk Out about it and I think she recognized internally that she was being impossible because she immediately switched her tune and was all "no problem we can easily work around this"

Do not be so gullible.  This is women code speak for "no probem, I will get you back in due time".

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SilasCoade

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Posted
9 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

Power move right here.

I know it's jokes on this thread mostly, but I'm always a little surprised how many people seem to be trying to win their marriage. Maybe I'm just a beta snowflake but I have found the only way I win is to actively try to lose. Take the kids, do the laundry, make dinner, do the dishes --> she does a Mia Khalifa impression. Comment on her driving/parking, inquire about spending habits, or complain about dealing with the kids --> suddenly I'm Fred Waterford.

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Ojo Rojo

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11 hours ago, ABSR said:

Take them to a Great Wolf Lodge or some other indoor adventure weekend.  Have them miss school and leave right before your wife does.

And miss Little Jenny's birthday party, a playdate for the oldest, jiu-jitsu for the middle and two baseball games?

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Pig Bellmont

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17 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

and from 05 on became the coldest, most heartless and uncaring person I've ever met.   Twice I had to have our pastor bring me home from the hospital because she couldn't be bothered. 

I finally told her at one point that if she ever got seriously ill or injured, she would be repaid in spades.

Some of y’all aren’t quite grasping the tone of this thread. See our shenanigans are cheeky and fun. This is cruel and tragic. Which makes them not really shenanigans at all

 

Divorce thread is that way ———>

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9333

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17 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Your wife and my wife must be related. Credit where credit is due though. When I had my accident in '96, going through 16 surgeries trying to save the leg but eventually losing it anyway, she never left my side.  It was amputated  in '99 and she stayed with me all the time in the hospital and I couldn't have asked for a more caring and loving wife during rehab etc. Fast forward to 2005, chf due to pneumonia  and later 2 heart attacks,  3 shoulder surgeries, a knee surgery, 2 hernia surgeries, and from 05 on became the coldest, most heartless and uncaring person I've ever met.   Twice I had to have our pastor bring me home from the hospital because she couldn't be bothered. 

I finally told her at one point that if she ever got seriously ill or injured, she would be repaid in spades.

Man, I fucking hate that you post on here. These other dipshits’ stuff is funny. Yours is not. I’ve never met you, but I think about you a lot. My internet friends group became real when El Diablo died. Hang in there, man. 

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lilMAC25

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On 1/8/2023 at 2:53 PM, tejas60 said:

me: where's your car fob?

her: in my purse.

got damnit.

Oh man. My wife loves LOVES to hop out of the car and “go run a quick errand” in a store while leaving me and the kids in the car.
 

The entire time, the car is freaking smooth out beeping and honking because it’s still running, and the key fob isn’t inside.

Angry Looney Tunes GIF

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Crapinon

Crapinon 2250

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38 minutes ago, Pig Bellmont said:

Some of y’all aren’t quite grasping the tone of this thread. See our shenanigans are cheeky and fun. This is cruel and tragic. Which makes them not really shenanigans at all

 

Divorce thread is that way ———>

To be fair, all this started when I jokingly made a off the cuff comment about anarchy and leaving the house in a mess with the kids while a wife left town for a trip with her friend. Strictly as a passive/aggressive power move. I got called out for being kind of a jerk for suggesting it. I simply stated that sometimes being a jerk was the only way to get a point across to a clueless woman. Then gave examples of why I was a jerk a couple of times to get a point across. It digressed from there. Maybe just a cathartic side trip. Very much in the same manner that the Sugarbaby thread went from how to deal with 19 yo SB's to discussing cancer patients and air inflated wieners. But we can still all agree that our wives do stupid shit

 

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lilMAC25

lilMAC25 3776

Posted
Posted
On 1/12/2023 at 4:25 PM, Trey3216 said:

It never fails, at least once per week, that my wife forgets something at the house on her way out the door to drop the kids off at her mom's on the way to work in the mornings.

 

Today it was her cellphone.

Yesterday it was her lunch

Sometimes it's her badge to get into work

Just mind numbing.   

Your wife works? Humblebrag

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18679

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, Crapinon said:

To be fair, all this started when I jokingly made a off the cuff comment about anarchy and leaving the house in a mess with the kids while a wife left town for a trip with her friend. Strictly as a passive/aggressive power move. I got called out for being kind of a jerk for suggesting it. I simply stated that sometimes being a jerk was the only way to get a point across to a clueless woman. Then gave examples of why I was a jerk a couple of times to get a point across. It digressed from there. 

So how long have you been celibate?

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Crapinon

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A couple of years ago my wife told me the setting on her wedding ring was loose and ask me to tighten the prongs holding the diamond in place. I did but told her to take it to a jeweler to get it properly fixed. After a couple of months I asked her if she got it fixed. "No I haven't had time but I will". I asked the same question every few months and received the same response. I finally just quit asking. Last Saturday she came up to me and said "Don't be mad but the diamond fell out of my ring and I lost it". I didn't get mad and just laughed. I didn't even have to say "I told you so". Now guess who gets to buy new diamonds for our 40th?

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CHIEF

CHIEF 5057

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56 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

A couple of years ago my wife told me the setting on her wedding ring was loose and ask me to tighten the prongs holding the diamond in place. I did but told her to take it to a jeweler to get it properly fixed. After a couple of months I asked her if she got it fixed. "No I haven't had time but I will". I asked the same question every few months and received the same response. I finally just quit asking. Last Saturday she came up to me and said "Don't be mad but the diamond fell out of my ring and I lost it". I didn't get mad and just laughed. I didn't even have to say "I told you so". Now guess who gets to buy new diamonds for our 40th?

Mrs. CHIEF is on that shit. Being a tightwad, she checks every diamond on every piece of jewelry before she puts it on. There is always something at the jewelers getting its prongs fixed. 

CHIEF

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Crapinon

Crapinon 2250

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49 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

More than one? 

I looked and it's just one but I didn't remember if it had little diamond-oids around it that could have fell out too. And I'm taking it to the jeweler. Even though she's frugal, I can see them talking her into adding more to it because it's an anniversary that ends in a zero. 

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Crapinon

Crapinon 2250

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42 minutes ago, CHIEF said:

Mrs. CHIEF is on that shit. Being a tightwad, she checks every diamond on every piece of jewelry before she puts it on. There is always something at the jewelers getting its prongs fixed. 

CHIEF

Yeah, mines a tightwad too. Unfortunately, that's probably part of the reason she didn't spend money to get it fixed. She learned the hard way.

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8787

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1 hour ago, Crapinon said:

A couple of years ago my wife told me the setting on her wedding ring was loose and ask me to tighten the prongs holding the diamond in place. I did but told her to take it to a jeweler to get it properly fixed. After a couple of months I asked her if she got it fixed. "No I haven't had time but I will". I asked the same question every few months and received the same response. I finally just quit asking. Last Saturday she came up to me and said "Don't be mad but the diamond fell out of my ring and I lost it". I didn't get mad and just laughed. I didn't even have to say "I told you so". Now guess who gets to buy new diamonds for our 40th?

I'd get it replaced with a CZ.

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ABSR

ABSR 5289

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17 minutes ago, SHOOTER12 said:

I'd get it replaced with a CZ.

Not on topic:  My wife has lost diamond ear rings, had diamonds get loose in rings, wedding ring,  or fall out of different jewelry.  She loses stuff and knows it. 

She told me about 4 years ago she wanted a new larger diamond ring ... but said she wanted it to be artificial diamonds.  She hated losing them, or having them come out and she just wanted something she liked the look of and did not care if it was real, and would not be upset with (as much) if it was lost.  Around where we live people will assume it is real and she would let them assume that.   Still a little expensive for the ring and it did have smaller diamonds around the setting, but it looked/looks great.  I had my best friend tell me what an asshole I was for now putting him on the spot.   My wife did eventually tell his wife it wasn't a real diamond.  I don't know if that helped him or not.

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8787

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Posted (edited)
24 minutes ago, ABSR said:

Not on topic:  My wife has lost diamond ear rings, had diamonds get loose in rings, wedding ring,  or fall out of different jewelry.  She loses stuff and knows it. 

She told me about 4 years ago she wanted a new larger diamond ring ... but said she wanted it to be artificial diamonds.  She hated losing them, or having them come out and she just wanted something she liked the look of and did not care if it was real, and would not be upset with (as much) if it was lost.  Around where we live people will assume it is real and she would let them assume that.   Still a little expensive for the ring and it did have smaller diamonds around the setting, but it looked/looks great.  I had my best friend tell me what an asshole I was for now putting him on the spot.   My wife did eventually tell his wife it wasn't a real diamond.  I don't know if that helped him or not.

Many, many years ago, in a previous marriage in a far away galaxy, I lost a bet (no money) on whether I could tell the difference between the real deal and a fugazzi. I was getting the exs' rings checked and another customer was bragging about the CZ he had just bought. Me, being the young know it all white knight that I was, condemned him for his treacherous deceit.  The jeweler laughed and said no one, unless pretty knowledgeable could tell the difference. BS I  proclaimed, and he proceeded to set up a little  "sight" test.  Long story short, I was wrong on 8 out of 9 comparisons.  The one I got right was pure luck.  I did the "eenie, meany, miney, moe thing....the only one I got right.

Edited by SHOOTER12
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Sandman

Sandman 3402

Posted
Posted
On 2/8/2023 at 9:45 AM, SilasCoade said:

she does a Mia Khalifa impression

Do you watch her when she's banging the black guys or do you give her some privacy? /s

But I agree, somewhat. I choose my battles. I don't care how she decorates the house or if she takes her mom shopping. But I reserve the right to make fun of her when she says something dumb. 

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Snake Diggity

Snake Diggity 4614

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Talking about our daughter starting piano lessons.  
 

Mrs Snake Diggity: “You know I took piano lessons when I was a kid.  But only for a year.  Then I took a piano class in college.”

Me: “Can you play any songs?”

MSD: “Maybe.  I had to do a recital for the college class.  I played ‘Strawberry Fields’.”

Me: “oh cool, I like that song.” *hums the chorus of Strawberry Fields by The Beatles*
 

MSD: “Wait…no, not Strawberry Fields.  ‘Scoberry Fields.”

Me: *spends ten fucking minutes guessing song names and singing their chorus lines, then finally…* “You mean Scarborough Fair?”

MSD: “Yes!!! ScarLborough Fair!  Hahahahaha.”

Me: “hahahah I love you.”

MSD: “You’re gonna post this on that fucking website, aren’t you.”

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