Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Grade of D as in David 13255]

5 hours ago, SilasCoade said:

I'm a firm believer in the idea that couples can make any financial arrangement work for their relationship but separate accounts is like anal sex to me. If other people are into it, cool, but I just can't understand the appeal at all. I don't have any money. We have all the money. Marrying a woman who wasn't stupid about money was a priority.

Should have prioritized marrying a woman who wasn't stupid about money and also into anal.

 

 

 

 

When you find one let me know if she has a sister?

[Anastasis 23718]

2 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Should have prioritized marrying a woman who wasn't stupid about money and also into anal.

When you find one let me know if she has a sister?

Sorry, but they are all taken. 

And neither anal nor money came into the decision making process at all, at least explicitly. We each knew the others financial situations, primarily related to student loans, but I don't really recall a bunch of hard hitting discussion on the topic. Once we were married and figuring out finances though, it was just natural to combine all accounts. I don't understand the separate accounts thing, but whatever works for people. I can see different arrangements working better for different personality types. Just seems too complex for me. 

Edited April 8, 2023 by Anastasis

[Kennythetiger 9625]

17 hours ago, Anastasis said:

And neither anal nor money came into the decision making process at all, at least explicitly.

Oh.  What did you talk about, then?  

[SilasCoade 2622]

30 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Oh.  What did you talk about, then?  

I get the joke but also, do people really get married not having discussed financial expectations? My wife and I opened a joint account when we got engaged and contributed to it every month until the wedding. We were poor, so that was only a few hundred bucks here and there, but it set the tone and forced us both to demonstrate to the other that we could be disciplined financially. If that account balance started dipping instead of growing that wedding would have been off.

Edited April 9, 2023 by SilasCoade

[NeverMarryAStripper 22297]

Before I got married my ex had a place for me to put my money as well

[nnm 37906]

12 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Before I got married my ex had a place for me to put my money as well

[Sandman 3431]

On 4/8/2023 at 10:52 AM, SilasCoade said:

I'm a firm believer in the idea that couples can make any financial arrangement work for their relationship but separate accounts is like anal sex to me. If other people are into it, cool, but I just can't understand the appeal at all. I don't have any money. We have all the money. Marrying a woman who wasn't stupid about money was a priority.

My sister dated her husband (now deceased, RIP to my BIL) for several years before they got married. When I asked why they keep waiting, she said in her first marriage, she and her husband fought about money and that she "didn't want any man telling me what to do with MY money ever again". I thought that was fair. But then she also admitted that she had " A LOT" of credit card debt that he was unaware of. To his credit, they got married and my BIL got that shit paid off. 

[TrashMaster G 18090]

41 minutes ago, Sandman said:

My sister dated her husband (now deceased, RIP to my BIL) for several years before they got married. When I asked why they keep waiting, she said in her first marriage, she and her husband fought about money and that she "didn't want any man telling me what to do with MY money ever again". I thought that was fair. But then she also admitted that she had " A LOT" of credit card debt that he was unaware of. To his credit, they got married and my BIL got that shit paid off. 

Actually, that was to his debit.

[Jameslaw121 4494]

On 4/8/2023 at 4:13 PM, Anastasis said:

Sorry, but they are all taken. 

And neither anal nor money came into the decision making process at all, at least explicitly. We each knew the others financial situations, primarily related to student loans, but I don't really recall a bunch of hard hitting discussion on the topic. Once we were married and figuring out finances though, it was just natural to combine all accounts. I don't understand the separate accounts thing, but whatever works for people. I can see different arrangements working better for different personality types. Just seems too complex for me. 

My last relationship. we each had our own accounts and one joint we each contributed to for stuff like rent & utilities. Anything that was just for you (car payments, insurance) came out of your account. And that worked fine

 

With my current wife, the exact opposite. We have one account and I handle all the finances. we each get about $150 a week for whatever we want, but that includes groceries and gas. This works great for us.  The only draw back is that she literally knows nothing about our finances. And she has zero interest in being a part of it. So I have a big spread sheet I give to one of my friends just in case something happens to me. 

Fortunately, she really isn't into spending money on typical girl stuff like clothes, jewelry or furniture. Her only thing is wanting to have brunch as a family as often as possible and that we have her parents over at least 3-4 a month for dinner or lunch. 

[Frank Drebin 5835]

On 4/8/2023 at 4:13 PM, Anastasis said:

Sorry, but they are all taken. 

And neither anal nor money came into the decision making process at all, at least explicitly. We each knew the others financial situations, primarily related to student loans, but I don't really recall a bunch of hard hitting discussion on the topic. Once we were married and figuring out finances though, it was just natural to combine all accounts. I don't understand the separate accounts thing, but whatever works for people. I can see different arrangements working better for different personality types. Just seems too complex for me. 

Second wife for him so that makes sense.

[hullabelew 3730]

Focus you assholes!  Back on track.  

[Crapinon 2373]

I should put this in a thread called "Stuff my wife puts up with" thread if there was one. We went to dinner Friday to celebrate our 40th anniversary, a couple of days early. While we were eating I realized I hadn't bought a card yet and we were travelling Saturday and Sunday. So I told her we needed to stop on the way home so I could buy her a card. She said "well I already have yours". I told her I had been busy, so if she wanted one we better stop. She said "well I need a couple of things, so OK." And she really meant it, no sarcasm or anger. I think if I had done this while we were dating, there wouldn't have been a 40th.  

[Sam Lin 3597]

PDF e-card 4tw.

[burntorangebongos 10826]

On 4/8/2023 at 10:52 AM, SilasCoade said:

I'm a firm believer in the idea that couples can make any financial arrangement work for their relationship but separate accounts is like anal sex to me. If other people are into it, cool, but I just can't understand the appeal at all. I don't have any money. We have all the money. Marrying a woman who wasn't stupid about money was a priority.

We did separate accounts because we would have fought about how we entered the transactions in the check book. He was real old school and used 2-line entries for a debit transaction. I did a one-line entry. We bickered about that and said fuck it. Let's just keep our own bank accounts and pay bills like roommates. Then at some point, we decided that I would pay the mortgage and all insurance bills, and he would do utilities and most house maintenance bills and we split the groceries. The transaction entry fights would have become a blood feud so I'm glad we kept separate finances for all of our 20 years together. 

[Upgrayedd 5892]

1 hour ago, Crapinon said:

I should put this in a thread called "Stuff my wife puts up with" thread if there was one. We went to dinner Friday to celebrate our 40th anniversary, a couple of days early. While we were eating I realized I hadn't bought a card yet and we were travelling Saturday and Sunday. So I told her we needed to stop on the way home so I could buy her a card. She said "well I already have yours". I told her I had been busy, so if she wanted one we better stop. She said "well I need a couple of things, so OK." And she really meant it, no sarcasm or anger. I think if I had done this while we were dating, there wouldn't have been a 40th.  

No

[SquishMitten 10497]

On 4/6/2023 at 8:25 AM, Modessit said:

Wife was taking the kids swimming to the indoor YMCA pool in RR. Tells me son needs new flip flops and is going to stop at Target. Asks me which card to pay with since we use different accounts for various things (bills, etc). I check and see the bills account still has about $50 in it after bills were paid. Flips flops for a 9yo can't cost more than $10-15 so I tell her to use that card.

Later I need to order some parts for a car I'm restoring so I check to see if my "car" account has enough or if I need to make a transfer. I see the "bills" account is negative. I check it and see she spent $134 at Target. Plus a $28 overdraft fee. I was pissed. Her excuse? "I told you I was going to Target." WTF? She told me she was just getting flip flops. If she had told me she was getting a bunch of other stuff I would have had her use a different card.

Holy shit, dude. You graduate from the Rube Goldberg School of Finance? 

[NWBuck 8629]

15 hours ago, Crapinon said:

I should put this in a thread called "Stuff my wife puts up with" thread if there was one. We went to dinner Friday to celebrate our 40th anniversary, a couple of days early. While we were eating I realized I hadn't bought a card yet and we were travelling Saturday and Sunday. So I told her we needed to stop on the way home so I could buy her a card. She said "well I already have yours". I told her I had been busy, so if she wanted one we better stop. She said "well I need a couple of things, so OK." And she really meant it, no sarcasm or anger. I think if I had done this while we were dating, there wouldn't have been a 40th.  

We go to the card section together, pick out cards, show each other the cards, and then put them back.

[NorthLoop 14466]

Man I'm glad my wife and I both agreed that cards were stupid before we got married. 

[Sandman 3431]

46 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

Man I'm glad my wife and I both agreed that cards were stupid before we got married. 

My wife and I will show each other a card when we happen to be at the store. "Happy birthday, look at this funny card". Then we put the cards back and move on. She thinks it's great, I lucked out. 

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4999]

It's long been my belief that the Texas Lotto is missing out by not making birthday card scratch offs. They would cost the same, and there would be a chance you could win money.

[Felix 644]

My wife sleeps late so on occasions requiring a card I get up at my usual time and, using a piece of copy paper and colored pencils, I make a card with whatever the appropriate markings for the occasion.  I'm a terrible artist but a decent writer so I usually come up with something that works and amuses her with it's childlike whimsy.  I'll be damned if I'm spending $8 on a damned card or going to pick one out.

[DalTxHornFan 3130]

On 4/11/2023 at 2:24 PM, NorthLoop said:

Man I'm glad my wife and I both agreed that cards were stupid before we got married. 

On the other side of that argument -- once the kids were out of the house, my wife stated that she never wants special birthday, anniversary, or holiday gifts from me (since she always buys whatever she wants for herself anyway), but she really, really likes to get a card on special events like that.  I'm all in on $8 cards!

[eljinca 279]

“There’s a problem! I only bought one duvet cover for [our 3 year old]!”

[huge 3831]

2 hours ago, eljinca said:

“There’s a problem! I only bought one duvet cover for [our 3 year old]!”

What is she going to do when she sends the only one she has to the dry cleaners each week?

[BHMCruiser 1828]

16 hours ago, Felix said:

My wife sleeps late so on occasions requiring a card I get up at my usual time and, using a piece of copy paper and colored pencils, I make a card with whatever the appropriate markings for the occasion.  I'm a terrible artist but a decent writer so I usually come up with something that works and amuses her with it's childlike whimsy.  I'll be damned if I'm spending $8 on a damned card or going to pick one out.

I would spend $1000 not to make my wife a card like a kindergartner.

[High Plains Drifter 11187]

On 3/18/2023 at 4:41 PM, Crapinon said:

She ain't got nothing on little league baseball moms or girls softball dads.

 

Last night at my 12 yr old's game. She plays first base, bases loaded, 2 outs, batter hits a dink back to the pitcher. Daughter moves to first, sticks glove out to catch the throw. I can see from the stands her foot is not on the bag.

I almost strangled myself trying not to scream "GET YOUR FOOT ON THE DAMN BAG!!!!" What came out was a gargled "Gahhhh".

Its tough man, its tough.

 

 

[High Plains Drifter 11187]

On 3/22/2023 at 11:00 AM, Kennythetiger said:

Your wife walks the dog?  Nice humblebrag there. 

 

You goddamn right I walk the dog. Gets me out of the house for a while. I'll take 'em into the woods, have a smoke, a little quiet time. No wife, no teenage daughter. Just me and the dogs. Heaven.

 

[WhatTheBuck 28929]

13 hours ago, BHMCruiser said:

I would spend $1000 not to make my wife a card like a kindergartner.

I accept.

[burntorangebongos 10826]

On 4/12/2023 at 5:09 PM, Felix said:

My wife sleeps late so on occasions requiring a card I get up at my usual time and, using a piece of copy paper and colored pencils, I make a card with whatever the appropriate markings for the occasion.  I'm a terrible artist but a decent writer so I usually come up with something that works and amuses her with it's childlike whimsy.  I'll be damned if I'm spending $8 on a damned card or going to pick one out.

My husband was a pretty decent artist. One time he made a card with the drawing of a man and woman fucking and it said, 
"Be Mine"... I liked it. 

[Felix 644]

33 minutes ago, burntorangebongos said:

My husband was a pretty decent artist. One time he made a card with the drawing of a man and woman fucking and it said, 
"Be Mine"... I liked it. 

I usually stick to birthday cakes, hearts, flowers, that sort of thing, but I know what I'm doing next Valentines Day.  Sadly with my drawing skills it will probably take her a little while to figure out what it is.  Maybe I'll just draw the organs as that would be easier to decipher.

[Celery Man 21098]

anyone else's wife constantly startled by their presence? If I'm walking downstairs in the morning to get coffee I sing or hum as I'm going down the stairs so she doesn't throw whatever she is holding at the shock of me appearing out of thin air. I'm sitting in my office right now, which is where I am most weekdays at this time. She just walked by and let out a startled gasp when she saw me from the hallway.

[Ojo Rojo 2054]

6 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

anyone else's wife constantly startled by their presence? If I'm walking downstairs in the morning to get coffee I sing or hum as I'm going down the stairs so she doesn't throw whatever she is holding at the shock of me appearing out of thin air. I'm sitting in my office right now, which is where I am most weekdays at this time. She just walked by and let out a startled gasp when she saw me from the hallway.

*raises hand*  I feel like I need to wear one of those bear bell things hikers use.

[Mo Horn 8938]

58 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

anyone else's wife constantly startled by their presence? If I'm walking downstairs in the morning to get coffee I sing or hum as I'm going down the stairs so she doesn't throw whatever she is holding at the shock of me appearing out of thin air. I'm sitting in my office right now, which is where I am most weekdays at this time. She just walked by and let out a startled gasp when she saw me from the hallway.

Maybe she's just so moved by your presence that she can't help but react. That's what I choose to believe. 

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2779]

1 hour ago, Celery Man said:

anyone else's wife constantly startled by their presence? If I'm walking downstairs in the morning to get coffee I sing or hum as I'm going down the stairs so she doesn't throw whatever she is holding at the shock of me appearing out of thin air. I'm sitting in my office right now, which is where I am most weekdays at this time. She just walked by and let out a startled gasp when she saw me from the hallway.

All the time.  "Oh my gosh you scared me!"  Uh, we've been in the house together for the last 6 hours is my presence unexpected?  

[Incredulity 11876]

related:

Mine likes to let out a loud gasp anytime a car within 50 feet of us turns, enters traffic, changes lanes.....

I still can't avoid tensing up and scanning my field of vision and mirrors for the pending doom upon us.  Extremely aggravating.

[Brothahorn 10097]

1 hour ago, Celery Man said:

anyone else's wife constantly startled by their presence? If I'm walking downstairs in the morning to get coffee I sing or hum as I'm going down the stairs so she doesn't throw whatever she is holding at the shock of me appearing out of thin air. I'm sitting in my office right now, which is where I am most weekdays at this time. She just walked by and let out a startled gasp when she saw me from the hallway.

Sounds like you are being set up from some Lifetime movie shit. 

 

Or she is just creeped out by your presence.

[General Specific 3507]

related:
Mine likes to let out a loud gasp anytime a car within 50 feet of us turns, enters traffic, changes lanes.....
I still can't avoid tensing up and scanning my field of vision and mirrors for the pending doom upon us.  Extremely aggravating.

In safe area, if/when she pulls this, slam on the brakes! That will fix her!

I expected it one time and had to take my shot! Problem solved.

Now back to our regularly schedule programming…

[Sandman 3431]

2 hours ago, Celery Man said:

anyone else's wife constantly startled by their presence? If I'm walking downstairs in the morning to get coffee I sing or hum as I'm going down the stairs so she doesn't throw whatever she is holding at the shock of me appearing out of thin air. I'm sitting in my office right now, which is where I am most weekdays at this time. She just walked by and let out a startled gasp when she saw me from the hallway.

If I happen to walk silently into the room and catch her off guard, she recoils and gasps "OMG you scared me!". If I try to make some noise to announce that I'm en route to her location, I get "OMG I heard a noise and I was like what's that and it freaked me out!".

 

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2779]

My wife is extremely smart but does have her moments.

She's on her phone and tries to pronounce a word and asks what it means.

"Fell uh tio"

 

  I'll let you guys take it from here.  

 

[WithoutAClue 16130]

that's an ice cream flavor, right?

[Pig Bellmont 8886]

24 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

My wife is extremely smart but does have her moments.

She's on her phone and tries to pronounce a word and asks what it means.

"Fell uh tio"

 

  I'll let you guys take it from here.  

 

 

[TrashMaster G 18090]

2 hours ago, Mo Horn said:

Maybe she's just so moved by your presence that she can't help but react. That's what I choose to believe. 

Either that or she's screwing someone else.

[SilasCoade 2622]

47 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

My wife is extremely smart but does have her moments.

She's on her phone and tries to pronounce a word and asks what it means.

"Fell uh tio"

 

  I'll let you guys take it from here.  

 

If she didn't learn that word before marriage she's never learning it.

[High Plains Drifter 11187]

22 minutes ago, SilasCoade said:

If she didn't learn that word before marriage she's never learning it.

 

 

And if she did learn it before marriage, she forgot it the day she got married.

 

 

[Mo Horn 8938]

28 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

Either that or she's screwing someone else.

Fair point

[SquishMitten 10497]

4 hours ago, Celery Man said:

anyone else's wife constantly startled by their presence? If I'm walking downstairs in the morning to get coffee I sing or hum as I'm going down the stairs so she doesn't throw whatever she is holding at the shock of me appearing out of thin air. I'm sitting in my office right now, which is where I am most weekdays at this time. She just walked by and let out a startled gasp when she saw me from the hallway.

Lol. Total reverse in Casa de Squish. I’m constantly getting startled, but I also have my AirPods in almost all the time so I can’t hear her coming. She is a constant wanderer, like she’s roaming the house at top speed just waiting to turn a corner and make me jump. Then she laughs, calls me a pussy, and continues on her way. 

[Incredulity 11876]

3 hours ago, General Specific said:

In safe area, if/when she pulls this, slam on the brakes! That will fix her!

I expected it one time and had to take my shot! Problem solved.

Now back to our regularly schedule programming…

I have unintentionally brake checked her into a locked seatbelt and associated purse/loose items mayhem several times.  Ineffective.

[ABSR 5370]

5 hours ago, Celery Man said:

anyone else's wife constantly startled by their presence? If I'm walking downstairs in the morning to get coffee I sing or hum as I'm going down the stairs so she doesn't throw whatever she is holding at the shock of me appearing out of thin air. I'm sitting in my office right now, which is where I am most weekdays at this time. She just walked by and let out a startled gasp when she saw me from the hallway.

Mines the same way....when she sees me naked.

 

2 hours ago, WithoutAClue said:

that's an ice cream flavor, right?

If you are married, then yes that is the correct answer.

[TrashMaster G 18090]

58 minutes ago, SquishMitten said:

Lol. Total reverse in Casa de Squish. I’m constantly getting startled, but I also have my AirPods in almost all the time so I can’t hear her coming. She is a constant wanderer, like she’s roaming the house at top speed just waiting to turn a corner and make me jump. Then she laughs, calls me a pussy, and continues on her way. 

She's that annoying, huh?

[General Specific 3507]

I have unintentionally brake checked her into a locked seatbelt and associated purse/loose items mayhem several times.  Ineffective.

I got tone, but it killed the the other shit. Winning!