Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Js1 87186]

4 hours ago, PhillyD said:

I have to second this.  The existence of that egg tray really bothers me (unless someone actually did have backyard chickens).  Why are there slots for seven eggs?  Eggs are sold by the dozen.  Sometimes, I've seen them sold by the half-dozen.  An egg tray with 6 slots might make sense.  Twelve slots would make some sense if it didn't take up more space than the egg container that is under it  I can't see any purpose for the egg tray other than to annoy anal assholes like myself that may be hyper-focused on refrigerator real estate. 

So, of course, wives are out buying it.

 

[Budkudzu 280]

Home Office Jollies

We have workers finishing the basement and they’re making a racket right under my office, so I take my laptop to the kitchen, move some shit off the kitchen island, and continue work.

She      What are you doing?
Me       Gonna work in the kitchen to get away from the noise
She      You wanna play Scrabble? 
Me       Can’t – I need to get this stuff out.
She      (follows me into the kitchen, reads a text out loud from a friend I’ve met once and comments on it to me)
She      (finished with the commentary, watches mom comedy videos on her phone.)
Me       I’m going to go out on the deck, where it’s quieter and I can get my work done. 
She      (follows me out to the deck, talks about flooring for the basement, comes to the same conclusion we did 2 weeks ago, and asks me to call the            contractor  to tell him that we  haven’t changed our mind)
She      I’m going to the farmers market after lunch.  Want to come with me?
Me       I need to work
She      You seem to be on edge, what’s wrong?  
 

Edited June 15, 2023 by Budkudzu

[Grade of D as in David 13255]

51 minutes ago, Budkudzu said:

Home Office Jollies

We have workers finishing the basement and they’re making a racket right under my office, so I take my laptop to the kitchen, move some shit off the kitchen island, and continue work.

She      What are you doing?
Me       Gonna work in the kitchen to get away from the noise
She      You wanna play Scrabble? 
Me       Can’t – I need to get this stuff out.
She      (follows me into the kitchen, reads a text out loud from a friend I’ve met once and comments on it to me)
She      (finished with the commentary, watches mom comedy videos on her phone.)
Me       I’m going to go out on the deck, where it’s quieter and I can get my work done. 
She      (follows me out to the deck, talks about flooring for the basement, comes to the same conclusion we did 2 weeks ago, and asks me to call the            contractor  to tell him that we  haven’t changed our mind)
She      I’m going to the farmers market after lunch.  Want to come with me?
Me       I need to work
She      You seem to be on edge, what’s wrong?  
 

You need to get your wife a job, or an out of the house volunteering opportunity 

[ztejas 44227]

5 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

You need to get your wife a job, or an out of the house volunteering opportunity 

Or a boyfriend.

[Brothahorn 10097]

I have to second this.  The existence of that egg tray really bothers me (unless someone actually did have backyard chickens).  Why are there slots for seven eggs?  Eggs are sold by the dozen.  Sometimes, I've seen them sold by the half-dozen.  An egg tray with 6 slots might make sense.  Twelve slots would make some sense if it didn't take up more space than the egg container that is under it  I can't see any purpose for the egg tray other than to annoy anal assholes like myself that may be hyper-focused on refrigerator real estate. 
So, of course, wives are out buying it.

In the hood, you can buy a quarter dozen eggs.

[Grade of D as in David 13255]

22 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

On 6/13/2023 at 4:40 PM, PhillyD said:

I have to second this.  The existence of that egg tray really bothers me (unless someone actually did have backyard chickens).  Why are there slots for seven eggs?  Eggs are sold by the dozen.  Sometimes, I've seen them sold by the half-dozen.  An egg tray with 6 slots might make sense.  Twelve slots would make some sense if it didn't take up more space than the egg container that is under it  I can't see any purpose for the egg tray other than to annoy anal assholes like myself that may be hyper-focused on refrigerator real estate. 
So, of course, wives are out buying it.

In the hood, you can buy a quarter dozen eggs.

They sell loosie eggs in the hood?

[PhillyD 1316]

Not sure about loosie eggs, but I did buy butter by the stick at the corner market once.

[Brothahorn 10097]

They sell loosie eggs in the hood?

Yep. You can get 3 eggs and 3 cigs.

[ztejas 44227]

1 minute ago, Brothahorn said:

5 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

They sell loosie eggs in the hood?

Yep. You can get 3 eggs and 3 cigs.

3 cigs? Look at Mr. Moneybags.

[Cheeseweasel 26439]

[McCroskey 1510]

Can anyone translate what the fuck she means?

[Sam Lin 3599]

She wants the pastrami reuben.

[Hondo 749]

9 hours ago, Budkudzu said:

Home Office Jollies

We have workers finishing the basement and they’re making a racket right under my office, so I take my laptop to the kitchen, move some shit off the kitchen island, and continue work.

She      What are you doing?
Me       Gonna work in the kitchen to get away from the noise
She      You wanna play Scrabble? 
Me       Can’t – I need to get this stuff out.
She      (follows me into the kitchen, reads a text out loud from a friend I’ve met once and comments on it to me)
She      (finished with the commentary, watches mom comedy videos on her phone.)
Me       I’m going to go out on the deck, where it’s quieter and I can get my work done. 
She      (follows me out to the deck, talks about flooring for the basement, comes to the same conclusion we did 2 weeks ago, and asks me to call the            contractor  to tell him that we  haven’t changed our mind)
She      I’m going to the farmers market after lunch.  Want to come with me?
Me       I need to work
She      You seem to be on edge, what’s wrong?  
 

You could always try to have sex with her.  That usually gets wives to go away, and if it fails...sex.

[Cheeseweasel 26439]

12 hours ago, McCroskey said:

Can anyone translate what the fuck she means?

We don't talk about the nail.

[Native Horn 3581]

14 hours ago, McCroskey said:

Can anyone translate what the fuck she means?

She clearly wants two sammiches - one with turkey, and one with cheese.  Get it together, man!

[Pig Bellmont 8887]

12 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

She wants the pastrami reuben.

My wife pulls this all the time “Hey I know this isn’t what you wanted but I thought it sounded fun to try something different”

[Kennythetiger 9628]

7 minutes ago, Pig Bellmont said:

My wife pulls this all the time “Hey I know this isn’t what you wanted but I thought it sounded fun to try something different”

When mine does that I take it as a compliment that she thought of me. And I eat without complaint whatever shit she brought me that isn’t even close to what I asked for. 

[Cheeseweasel 26439]

19 minutes ago, Pig Bellmont said:

My wife pulls this all the time “Hey I know this isn’t what you wanted but I thought it sounded fun to try something different”

Dammit. That makes me angry for you.

[TrashMaster G 18098]

On 6/13/2023 at 1:05 AM, Superhero said:

Wife: The kids are out of school, we should go somewhere before summer camps start up.

Me: We spent a week in Hawaii over spring break, do we really need to go somewhere?

Wife: Yes, we can just go to San Diego for the weekend. I booked a hotel, it's $400/night.

Me: We live 90 miles up the freeway, we don't need to spend the night...

 

So we spent $400 to stay in a hotel (not to mention a crappy $120 breakfast buffet), and we stayed in San Diego for less than 20 hours. Not quite as bad as Knoxtnhorn's wife and SIL's boondoggle to NO, but pretty close.

If only my wife spent 10% of her energy decluttering the house instead of booking the next getaway, we'd have a much cleaner house and a bigger bank account.

Excuse me?  $120 breakfast buffet?  I hope that was for six.

[Pig Bellmont 8887]

20 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

When mine does that I take it as a compliment that she thought of me. And I eat without complaint whatever shit she brought me that isn’t even close to what I asked for. 

Do you meditate? I feel like you should teach a class on mental health or something 

[Kennythetiger 9628]

1 minute ago, Pig Bellmont said:

Do you meditate? I feel like you should teach a class on mental health or something 

It’s that or drink. And I’m not good at drinking. 

[Kennythetiger 9628]

1 hour ago, Native Horn said:

She clearly wants two sammiches - one with turkey, and one with cheese.  Get it together, man!

No, she wants two turkey and cheese sandwiches, and a side of turkey and a side of cheese. 

[Sandman 3433]

We got a letter from the IRS yesterday, telling us there was an issue with our tax return. They already cashed the check, so I don't know what else they wanted but I said we need to call our tax lady, who is an old family friend of my wife's. My wife is off today, so she went down to the tax lady's office to get it figured out. After an hour, she texts me to say "Can you find the envelope with last year's taxes? I need to know about the 1040". I'm like oh shit, I wonder what's up. I grab everything and get the forms out and text her, saying it's all in front of me, what info do you need? Her reply was "Oh, I don't need anything, Just wanted to make sure we had it". 

[Hondo 749]

1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

When mine does that I take it as a compliment that she thought of me. And I eat without complaint whatever shit she brought me that isn’t even close to what I asked for. 

This is the way   

“Women are made to be loved, not understood.”  - Oscar Wilde

[MNLonghornFUKM 8984]

We got a letter from the IRS yesterday, telling us there was an issue with our tax return. They already cashed the check, so I don't know what else they wanted but I said we need to call our tax lady, who is an old family friend of my wife's. My wife is off today, so she went down to the tax lady's office to get it figured out. After an hour, she texts me to say "Can you find the envelope with last year's taxes? I need to know about the 1040". I'm like oh shit, I wonder what's up. I grab everything and get the forms out and text her, saying it's all in front of me, what info do you need? Her reply was "Oh, I don't need anything, Just wanted to make sure we had it". 

So after sending just your wife, how much more do you owe?

[ztejas 44227]

8 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

So after sending just your wife, how much more do you owe?

He's in prison. He'll get back to you from a TDJC number sometime in the next 90 days. 

[MissingInAction 25558]

Had a friend and his yappy wife over for movies and beers. She gets a call,puts it on speaker, and starts yelling into the phone like the caller is lost in the woods. I pause the movie and she says, oh don't worry I can talk and watch the movie. Then goes back to yelling. 

Looked at my buddy, dude I'm walking the dog. Ping me when she's done.

[davidg 4058]

My wife pulls this all the time “Hey I know this isn’t what you wanted but I thought it sounded fun to try something different”

Seems like this could be a really valid excuse for some other activities.

[ztejas 44227]

23 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

oh don't worry I can talk and watch the movie.

[Gil Bang 26241]

 

[nnm 37908]

5 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

 

Funny, but I’m so jaded. Very staged. No paint pan in front of her. And no paint splatter on the paper on the floor. My guess is that she got momentarily confused and then realized it would make a good social media post. 

Edited June 17, 2023 by nnm

[TDunk 590]

Divorce was finalized. I'm drunk. Enjoy. G cups

 

[956 Worldwide 35594]

Out walking a bit in between lunch and going to one of our kid’s play and she gets tired and decides she doesn’t want to walk all the way to theater. 
 

M: Ok, well, the tram stop is a few blocks, we can catch one.

W: The bus stop is right here though, we can take a bus. I like that bus, I take it sometimes. 
 

M: That bus doesn’t go where we need to go.

W: The bus is here in five minutes! Can’t we just take it!

M: THAT. BUS. GOES. THE. WRONG. WAY.

W: (Squinting at the the time-table). Oh, this bus goes towards home and not the theater. My phone says we should take a tram. 

[Kennythetiger 9628]

You can be right, or you can be happy. 

[Gatorubet 30720]

41 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

You can be right, or you can be happy. 

Why I’m divorced.   

[WhatTheBuck 28930]

On 6/17/2023 at 4:22 PM, nnm said:

Funny, but I’m so jaded. Very staged. No paint pan in front of her. And no paint splatter on the paper on the floor. My guess is that she got momentarily confused and then realized it would make a good social media post. 

And changed into a cute outfit for filming. 

[Dennis Taylor 19358]

On 6/18/2023 at 9:05 AM, Kennythetiger said:

You can be right, or you can be happy. 

 

On 6/18/2023 at 9:47 AM, Gatorubet said:

Why I’m divorced.   

So does that mean you're both right and happy?

[Gatorubet 30720]

9 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

 

So does that mean you're both right and happy?

On some things, yes.  Mostly, daily drama and her need for fighting because she was unhappy at work is now a distant memory.   I’ve tried for 15 years to have nothing to do with her but she keeps trying to be friends.  Not. Gonna. Happen.  After those years I am better off financially than she is.   Hence the attempt. I guess. 

[The Ace of Aces 5377]

Getting gas today, the wife got out to ensure a 60 cents a gallon credit was going to be part of our purchase. As I was hanging the gas cap onto the little built-in holder on the gas tank door, she looked at me like my head was suddenly a giraffe.

She had no idea you can hang a gas cap. She said she has always let it dangle and thought that area of the door was kart kf trh closing mechanism.  

She’s been driving for more than 2 decades. 

[Grade of D as in David 13255]

24 minutes ago, The Ace of Aces said:

Getting gas today, the wife got out to ensure a 60 cents a gallon credit was going to be part of our purchase. As I was hanging the gas cap onto the little built-in holder on the gas tank door, she looked at me like my head was suddenly a giraffe.

She had no idea you can hang a gas cap. She said she has always let it dangle and thought that area of the door was kart kf trh closing mechanism.  

She’s been driving for more than 2 decades. 

Sorry about your stroke.

 

Some of the newer cars don't have a gas cap. I have a female friend that bought a newer Tahoe and spent a decent amount of time trying to pry off the fuel filler.

[tbone_ 14449]

Team no gas cap here.

You’re lucky she even knows where the gas goes.

[Cheeseweasel 26439]

[The Ace of Aces 5377]

9 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Sorry about your stroke.

 

Some of the newer cars don't have a gas cap. I have a female friend that bought a newer Tahoe and spent a decent amount of time trying to pry off the fuel filler.

Ha thanks 

I wish it didn’t. But it’s a 13. Want a new one but ya know the industry is fucked. 

[TrashMaster G 18098]

On 6/17/2023 at 11:02 PM, TDunk said:

Divorce was finalized. I'm drunk. Enjoy. G cups

 

Dude, I appreciate the share but you gotta spoiler that shit on a non-NSFW thread. Not cool to have that on my screen at work.

[Kennythetiger 9628]

Shouldn’t you be……working?  

[Storm the Field 5366]

On 6/15/2023 at 12:27 PM, Budkudzu said:

She      What are you doing?
Me       Gonna work in the kitchen to get away from the noise
She      You wanna play Scrabble? 
Me       Can’t – I need to get this stuff out.
She      (follows me into the kitchen, reads a text out loud from a friend I’ve met once and comments on it to me)
She      (finished with the commentary, watches mom comedy videos on her phone.)
Me       I’m going to go out on the deck, where it’s quieter and I can get my work done. 
She      (follows me out to the deck, talks about flooring for the basement, comes to the same conclusion we did 2 weeks ago, and asks me to call the            contractor  to tell him that we  haven’t changed our mind)
She      I’m going to the farmers market after lunch.  Want to come with me?
Me       I need to work
She      You seem to be on edge, what’s wrong?  
 

My Dad has the patience of a saint when it comes to shit like this. I wish I had inherited his ability to sit there and zone out while pretending to listen as my Mom drones on about whatever. Dude's been pulling it off for close to 50 years!

My wife does this thing where she'll be quietly floating in the pool or watching tv or (insert literally any leisure activity) and I decide to join in on some peaceful relaxation and she takes this as a cue to empty her brain of every passing thought in a rapid-fire stream of consciousness. I can only sit there for a few minutes before I hop out of the pool or whatever and get a "that was quick, where are you going?" and stupidly blurt out something like "well, I didn't exactly come out here to get yammered at", which, shockingly, does not tend to be received well.

Edited June 22, 2023 by Storm the Field

[McFly 606]

1 hour ago, TrashMaster G said:

Dude, I appreciate the share but you gotta spoiler that shit on a non-NSFW thread. Not cool to have that on my screen at work.

You should quote it so it shows up again.

[Kennythetiger 9628]

53 minutes ago, Storm the Field said:

My Dad has the patience of a saint when it comes to shit like this. I wish I had inherited his ability to sit there and zone out while pretending to listen as my Mom drones on about whatever. Dude's been pulling it off for close to 50 years!

My wife does this thing where she'll be quietly floating in the pool or watching tv or (insert literally any leisure activity) and I decide to join in on some peaceful relaxation and she takes this as a cue to empty her brain of every passing thought in a rapid-fire stream of consciousness. I can only sit there for a few minutes before I hop out of the pool or whatever and get a "that was quick, where are you going?" and stupidly blurt out something like "well, I didn't exactly come out here to get yammered at", which, shockingly, does not tend to be received well.

Maybe she just wanted the pool to herself. 

[Storm the Field 5366]

4 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Maybe she just wanted the pool to herself. 

[TrashMaster G 18098]

1 hour ago, McFly said:

You should quote it so it shows up again.

I did that one on my phone.