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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 53964

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On 8/8/2023 at 10:40 AM, Brisketexan said:

And a corollary that has happened in several instances recently, with my wife and with women I work with -- the sudden statement/question out of nowhere with zero context.

Just sitting there working, and my office manager sticks her head in my office - "do you want to meet with Bob?"  WTF?  Who? Meet? About what?  Which is pretty much what I said to her with a puzzled look on my face.  She says "oh, Bob, our realty consultant [refreshes my recollection as to who she's talking about a last name in the first instance would have helped].  He stopped by the office today to visit with me about something, and I thought maybe you'd want to talk with him about issue X that we'd discussed last week."  Yeah, sure, let's meet.  OR, she could have started with "hey Brisket, Bob Smith, our realty consultant, stopped by the office -- do you want to visit with him about issue X while he's here?"  You know, give me the relevant information when you ask the question.

My wife does this all the time.  Some version of that question, with no predicate or context, so I have no idea who she's talking about, why they came up, or what she's even asking about.  It takes 2 seconds to formulate the question in a way that gives me SOME context, but nope, not gonna do that.

We were sitting on the couch the other night watching baseball, no conversation going on, and wife pipes up, "What do you want to do about her?"  

Turned out she was talking about the dog's annual vet visit, which she was thinking about because the dog was drinking water behind us.

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Beau Vine

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On 8/9/2023 at 9:51 PM, txhorns said:

The lottery wife isn’t actually wrong though.  If she bought 10 tickets and won but shared with 1 other ticket she would get 10/11 of the prize money.  If she only bought 1 ticket and had to share then they get an equal 50/50.  

But what if the other winner bought 100 tickets?

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21780

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Let’s say somehow you could look into the future just enough to see the winning lottery numbers and run down to the shop and rob to buy a ticket before the drawing.  You also see that someone else has the winning ticket.  So being clever, you decide to buy 10 tickets with the winning number so you get 10/11 rather than 1/2.  Let’s also say that this was the $1.5 billion jackpot.  How long, and how much in legal fees, do you think it would take before you could actually get payment?

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9333

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19 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

God this one hits home so hard. 

 

My wife will be telling a story, then stop/pause, almost like she wants me to say something. Then I'll ask a question related to her story. Then she'll just get this shitty look on her face and stop talking. 

Me: "Are you gonna finish the story?" 

Her: "No because you interrupted me. You know how I hate that." 

 

Fast forward

Her: "So I went with my sister and took the kids to Jungle Jam today...." 

Me: .. nods head..

Her: "So you're just ignoring me today?" 

A few days ago I re-watched “Hostiles”. Christian Bale’s character grunts a lot in response to conversation. I think I am going to try that out. 

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Nivek

Nivek 16807

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We were sitting on the couch the other night watching baseball, no conversation going on, and wife pipes up, "What do you want to do about her?"  
Turned out she was talking about the dog's annual vet visit, which she was thinking about because the dog was drinking water behind us.

You have to understand she is having a conversation with you in her head, but since you didn’t acknowledge that, she audibly decides to question if you were paying attention.
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uoftorange

uoftorange 1386

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I think I would absolutely go insane if my wife did the "why are you interrupting me" bit.  That's some crazy ass stuff there


My wife does have a habit of yelling from the other room "What do you want me to do with this?"

Like somehow I know what she's talking about and can see it from the other room.  When I say that though I get told "just look".  Again, not in the same room with her.  So instead of saying "what do you want me to do with this paperwork from the doctor that is on the counter?" I'm supposed to get up and come look at it.  Because clearly that's the easiest way to handle what's going on...

To make it more of a fun game, about 70% of the time I've already explained to her what exactly to do with it, typically more than once.  

Luckily she has spectacular tits, makes a lot of money and has a higher sex drive than I do.  So I got that going for me... 

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You don't know me

You don't know me 1161

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I work from home and the wife does not.  She called me about 45 minutes after leaving the house and asked me to look for the master key from her work.  She insisted it was in the upstairs office, which is hers.  I went up to check and it was nowhere to be found.  She insisted that it had to be there because it couldn't possibly be anywhere else.  I just told her "I don't know what to tell you, but it isn't here".  When she got home that night, she looked in the upstairs office, pretty much taking everything out of drawers in her search.  Her search expanded to the kitchen and other places that she randomly leaves shit.  Every so often I'd ask her "Any luck?" with just a touch of snark.  She could not find the key anywhere in the house.  The next morning she found the key, AT HER WORK.  So, instead of thinking that I could have possibly been right about the key not being in the upstairs office and looking at work for it, she waited all day to come home and look for herself in order to prove me wrong.

 

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9333

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12 minutes ago, You don't know me said:

I work from home and the wife does not.  She called me about 45 minutes after leaving the house and asked me to look for the master key from her work.  She insisted it was in the upstairs office, which is hers.  I went up to check and it was nowhere to be found.  She insisted that it had to be there because it couldn't possibly be anywhere else.  I just told her "I don't know what to tell you, but it isn't here".  When she got home that night, she looked in the upstairs office, pretty much taking everything out of drawers in her search.  Her search expanded to the kitchen and other places that she randomly leaves shit.  Every so often I'd ask her "Any luck?" with just a touch of snark.  She could not find the key anywhere in the house.  The next morning she found the key, AT HER WORK.  So, instead of thinking that I could have possibly been right about the key not being in the upstairs office and looking at work for it, she waited all day to come home and look for herself in order to prove me wrong.

 

Could you either change your name or select an avatar, please?  That you’re not Lobo really throws me off. 

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ztejas

ztejas 43244

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49 minutes ago, You don't know me said:

I work from home and the wife does not.  She called me about 45 minutes after leaving the house and asked me to look for the master key from her work.  She insisted it was in the upstairs office, which is hers.  I went up to check and it was nowhere to be found.  She insisted that it had to be there because it couldn't possibly be anywhere else.  I just told her "I don't know what to tell you, but it isn't here".  When she got home that night, she looked in the upstairs office, pretty much taking everything out of drawers in her search.  Her search expanded to the kitchen and other places that she randomly leaves shit.  Every so often I'd ask her "Any luck?" with just a touch of snark.  She could not find the key anywhere in the house.  The next morning she found the key, AT HER WORK.  So, instead of thinking that I could have possibly been right about the key not being in the upstairs office and looking at work for it, she waited all day to come home and look for herself in order to prove me wrong.

 

Well you know what they say. It's always in the first place you don't look. 

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You don't know me

You don't know me 1161

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1 minute ago, ztejas said:

Well you know what they say. It's always in the first place you don't look. 

I just don't understand how they lose shit all the time.  I have one drawer in the kitchen that is mine and mine alone.  That's where I put all of my stuff.  My keys and wallet are in there when I'm at home.  My phone, on the other hand, is next to the couch on the end table charging.  If I forget anything when leaving the house, it's my phone.  I don't have this natural ability to remember everything that keeps me from losing shit.  I don't lose shit simply because I recognize my limitations and know that if I put something where it doesn't belong, I'm going to lose it.

My wife has lost her license a few times.  Social Security card?  Yep, she's had to get more than a few replaced.  Keys?  All the fucking time.  Debit/credit cards?  Yep, I'm surprised the bank doesn't just automatically cancel it and send her a new one every 6 months or so.

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 53964

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44 minutes ago, You don't know me said:

I just don't understand how they lose shit all the time. 

It's very simple for my wife.  It's because, never in her life has she ever put something back where it belongs.  

I've tried to help her by putting key hooks right by the front door and setting up a phone charging area in a convenient location, but every week, she can't find her keys or her phone and I end up finding them on top of the fridge or in the bathroom.  

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18679

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3 hours ago, uoftorange said:

I think I would absolutely go insane if my wife did the "why are you interrupting me" bit.  That's some crazy ass stuff there


My wife does have a habit of yelling from the other room "What do you want me to do with this?"

Like somehow I know what she's talking about and can see it from the other room.  When I say that though I get told "just look".  Again, not in the same room with her.  So instead of saying "what do you want me to do with this paperwork from the doctor that is on the counter?" I'm supposed to get up and come look at it.  Because clearly that's the easiest way to handle what's going on...

To make it more of a fun game, about 70% of the time I've already explained to her what exactly to do with it, typically more than once.  

Luckily she has spectacular tits, makes a lot of money and has a higher sex drive than I do.  So I got that going for me... 

First of all, sounds like are unaware of the rules around here. 

And secondly, assuming this post to be true, you could be missing out on a fun opportunity here

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rage-a-holic

rage-a-holic 4299

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1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

It's very simple for my wife.  It's because, never in her life has she ever put something back where it belongs.  

I've tried to help her by putting key hooks right by the front door and setting up a phone charging area in a convenient location, but every week, she can't find her keys or her phone and I end up finding them on top of the fridge or in the bathroom.  

Yep. The section of the female brain dedicated to non-emotional memory is about the size of a baby flea. 

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dbagg

dbagg 86

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I was out prepping food plots and drinking beer Sunday afternoon.  Wife texts that she has a meal plan and click list so we won't have to go back to the store all week.  Guess who left all the meat, cheese, milk in the back of her ride for 24 hrs and then had to pick up another order on Monday?

Edited by dbagg
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deadshank

deadshank 24651

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On 8/16/2023 at 11:01 AM, uoftorange said:

I think I would absolutely go insane if my wife did the "why are you interrupting me" bit.  That's some crazy ass stuff there
 

It’s all part of the female / wife tendency to emasculate and control the man in their life.  Some are blatant about it and others are subtle.  

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18679

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Wife forgot to take our son his printed parking pass, i saw it on the island. He was able to get another one from a screenshot with the QR code. 

Her: next time we go I need to remember to bring that to him

Me: I can email it to him and he can print it

Her: Well he doesn't need it anymore 

Me: then why did you literally just say you need to take it to him? 

Her: tone

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 2953

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Posted (edited)

My wife recently got new prescription glasses, both clear and sun glasses, and a nice case to carry them in.  When she had them about three days, we drove to the coast, stopped at Starbucks for a bathroom break on the way.  Back in the car she's trying to find her sunglasses - "I must have left them in the bathroom".  Sure enough there they were.  LATER THAT SAME DAY:  We head to dinner, stopped at a grocery store to pick up some supplies, then on to the restaurant.  "Where are my glasses?"  They must be at the grocery store, "Would you go check?"  Sure dear.  No sign of the glasses.  GONE, never turned up.  Ordered a new pair exactly like the lost new pair.  SMDH.

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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 11654

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Posted
On 8/8/2023 at 6:19 AM, deter said:

What happens if two people win the mega lottery?

They split the pot.

Well, I want to buy 10 tickets with the same numbers.

What????

Well, if I have to share I want to share with myself.

 

On 8/9/2023 at 9:51 PM, txhorns said:

The lottery wife isn’t actually wrong though.  If she bought 10 tickets and won but shared with 1 other ticket she would get 10/11 of the prize money.  If she only bought 1 ticket and had to share then they get an equal 50/50.  

 

On 8/15/2023 at 8:15 PM, Beau Vine said:

But what if the other winner bought 100 tickets?

so it turns out... the wifes idea was already tried out by a 65yo man.

 

who won the Maryland Lottery Top Prize 15 fucking times

 

Quote

A Maryland man has hit big money in a lottery drawing after purchasing multiple tickets and playing the same numbers on each.

"He plated the same numbers on 15 different tickets for the same drawing and won a $50,000 top-prize 15 times," the Maryland Lottery shared in a recent press release about the Accokeek, Maryland, man's win.

The "grand total" came out to $750,000 in winnings, the release continued.

 

 

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18679

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20 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

My wife recently got new prescription glasses, both clear and sun glasses, and a nice case to carry them in.  When she had them about three days, we drove to the coast, stopped at Starbucks for a bathroom break on the way.  Back in the car she's trying to find her sunglasses - "I must have left them in the bathroom".  Sure enough there they were.  LATER THAT SAME DAY:  We head to dinner, stopped at a grocery store to pick up some supplies, then on to the restaurant.  "Where are my glasses?"  They must be at the grocery store, "Would you go check?"  Sure dear.  No sign of the glasses.  GONE, never turned up.  Ordered a new pair exactly like the lost new pair.  SMDH.

Congrats she sounds hot

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Crapinon

Crapinon 2250

Posted
Posted (edited)
12 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:


Who would stand guard then??

97a7065051fa640272f6edd44f9edbd4.jpg

This was looking at the end of our street a couple of years ago. It was about 2.5 miles from the house and the wind was blowing it our direction. She couldn't understand why I thought it was a good idea to pack the vehicles in case we had to leave in a hurry. Because prairie fires move so slow....

fire.jpg

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Crapinon

Crapinon 2250

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1 minute ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Sheesh…where the hell do you live??

Abilene. We've never had this problem in all the years we've been here. But there have been some pretty serious prairie fires all around us over the years. The Carbon fire and Cross Plains from a few years ago killed people and tons of livestock.

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Horn Dogg

Horn Dogg 3805

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1 hour ago, Crapinon said:

Abilene. We've never had this problem in all the years we've been here. But there have been some pretty serious prairie fires all around us over the years. The Carbon fire and Cross Plains from a few years ago killed people and tons of livestock.

I think I found the root of your problem.  You need to move out of fucking Abilene.

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Sawbonz

Sawbonz 27375

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On 8/9/2023 at 11:17 PM, Hook1997 said:

They married when I was in high school already and my siblings were already out of the house, her kids were pretty much grown too

Have y’all offered to buy it from him? I don’t see how he would want it to pass out of his bloodline. 

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Nivek

Nivek 16807

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At a resort hotel with the family visiting with a friend of ours and her boys. We are finally packed up after some drama, and the ladies promise the kids ice cream. Fine. Challenge is my eldest kid lactose intolerant. I finish packing and walk up to see the kid opening an ice cream. I start to make a comment but my wife and friend stop me, “he was so confident” they tell me. I shut up. 10 minutes later the kid is walking back to me saying it was a bad idea and he feels sick. Thanks honey! Only a 3+ hour drive ahead of us.

Paper towels and vomit bag here we go!

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