Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Anwar Namtut 344]

On 8/26/2023 at 4:27 PM, luke duke said:

That reminds me of a time when I was out drinking to the point of not being able to drive. Buddies I was drinking suggested getting "Buddy cab" where two people come pick you up and drive you and your car home.

Anyway, I texted another buddy to ask if he had used it before. Before he could respond I responded "Well, I have now!" Yes, I read my own text to him as it being from him and then answering.

[TrashMaster G 18,115]

On 8/23/2023 at 10:57 AM, CHIEF said:

One of the main reasons she has hardly ever made an appearance on this page, is she owns up to her shit. She actually apologized and said she never realized she was worse about it than I am.  She will even admit when I'm right, and she is wrong, a true unicorn.

CHIEF

Even if she isn't hot, she seems hot.

But, pics needed to confrim.

And of the gf.

[Al_4_ISU 12,644]

My wife is an absolute menace with a shopping cart in a large box store. Pushing it down the left side of the aisle, stopping abruptly, barreling into cross traffic aisles with impunity.

I took a day off to spend with her however she wanted, and a solid half hour was spent shamefully apologizing to strangers in Sam’s Club

[Grade of D as in David 13,255]

17 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

My wife is an absolute menace with a shopping cart in a large box store. Pushing it down the left side of the aisle, stopping abruptly, barreling into cross traffic aisles with impunity.

I took a day off to spend with her however she wanted, and a solid half hour was spent shamefully apologizing to strangers in Sam’s Club

You should see her drive.

[Biff Tannen 46,174]

56 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

My wife is an absolute menace with a shopping cart in a large box store. Pushing it down the left side of the aisle, stopping abruptly, barreling into cross traffic aisles with impunity.

I took a day off to spend with her however she wanted, and a solid half hour was spent shamefully apologizing to strangers in Sam’s Club

Oh man.  Just being in public in general is a challenge.  Complete lack of awareness of her space in the world.  Constantly having to push and pull her in different directions to get out of people's way.  I've saved her life multiple times by pulling her back onto the curb to stop her from walking into traffic.  I don't know how she made it this far.  

[Al_4_ISU 12,644]

1 hour ago, Biff Tannen said:

Oh man.  Just being in public in general is a challenge.  Complete lack of awareness of her space in the world.  Constantly having to push and pull her in different directions to get out of people's way.  I've saved her life multiple times by pulling her back onto the curb to stop her from walking into traffic.  I don't know how she made it this far.  

If you’re going to be married my wife as well, please take part of my mortgage payment too

[52-80 19,377]

Its full-on apple season here. We have a tree in the backyard thats giving off green apples. Trees in the neighborhood (like at the school next door) are overflowing with red apples. Our neighbors are putting baskets on the sidewalk offering theirs for free. 
 

So why does my wife still buy apples from the store on her weekly grocery trips? Half of which is left on the counter to go bad anyway…

[ABSR 5,370]

2 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Its full-on apple season here. We have a tree in the backyard thats giving off green apples. Trees in the neighborhood (like at the school next door) are overflowing with red apples. Our neighbors are putting baskets on the sidewalk offering theirs for free. 
 

So why does my wife still buy apples from the store on her weekly grocery trips? Half of which is left on the counter to go bad anyway…

When I was younger we had a cat that had kittens.  My parents put an ad in the paper saying “Free Kittens” to get rid of them when they were old enough.   No one took any or came to even look.    Next week they put ad saying “kittens $15”, and they were gone within a day.

Free apples are obviously inferior to expensive store apples.   Duh!

[52-80 19,377]

1 hour ago, ABSR said:

When I was younger we had a cat that had kittens.  My parents put an ad in the paper saying “Free Kittens” to get rid of them when they were old enough.   No one took any or came to even look.    Next week they put ad saying “kittens $15”, and they were gone within a day.

Free apples are obviously inferior to expensive store apples.   Duh!

Goddamn Veblen kitties!

[WhatTheBuck 28,932]

1 hour ago, ABSR said:

When I was younger we had a cat that had kittens.  My parents put an ad in the paper saying “Free Kittens” to get rid of them when they were old enough.   No one took any or came to even look.    Next week they put ad saying “kittens $15”, and they were gone within a day.

Free apples are obviously inferior to expensive store apples.   Duh!

So what did that cost you? About $75?

[nnm 37,939]

[NAVY 6,970]

Wife: Michael’s is opening in the old Bed Bath and Beyond spot in Mueller. 

NAVY: Oh Kay 

Wife: Well it’s closer than Hobby Lobby on 183 

NAVY: So you’re going to buy a bunch of new hobby shit and then never actually hobby it 

Wife: uh… yeah 

NAVY: Can it not be plastic plants this time? 

[Jameslaw121 4,498]

10 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Its full-on apple season here. We have a tree in the backyard thats giving off green apples. Trees in the neighborhood (like at the school next door) are overflowing with red apples. Our neighbors are putting baskets on the sidewalk offering theirs for free. 
 

So why does my wife still buy apples from the store on her weekly grocery trips? Half of which is left on the counter to go bad anyway…

We have chickens. We give eggs away. We buy better eggs from Kroger......

[Kennythetiger 9,640]

1 hour ago, NAVY said:

Wife: Michael’s is opening in the old Bed Bath and Beyond spot in Mueller. 

NAVY: Oh Kay 

Wife: Well it’s closer than Hobby Lobby on 183 

NAVY: So you’re going to buy a bunch of new hobby shit and then never actually hobby it 

Wife: uh… yeah 

NAVY: Can it not be plastic plants this time? 

I think your wife gets a free pass here. 

10 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

We have chickens. We give eggs away. We buy better eggs from Kroger......

Ouch. This one hurts. 

[Gil Bang 26,246]

I was with a woman, "M" for 5 years before this one, and I've been with this one for 12. 

Anyway, M had a daughter that was 6 or so at the time.  It's christmas season, and M wants to go to Michael's, because she's going to do some craft shit for her family.  On the way to Michael's, we stop for breakfast.  

We wander around Michael's for a very long time.  At some point, I ask the kid, "N", "honey, are you hungry?".  She says yes. M says "we just had breakfast".

I replay "THAT WAS 5 HOURS AGO". 

And it was. 

5 fucking hours in Michael's. 

[Upgrayedd 5,908]

53 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

I was with a woman, "M" for 5 years before this one, and I've been with this one for 12. 

Anyway, M had a daughter that was 6 or so at the time.  It's christmas season, and M wants to go to Michael's, because she's going to do some craft shit for her family.  On the way to Michael's, we stop for breakfast.  

We wander around Michael's for a very long time.  At some point, I ask the kid, "N", "honey, are you hungry?".  She says yes. M says "we just had breakfast".

I replay "THAT WAS 5 HOURS AGO". 

And it was. 

5 fucking hours in Michael's. 

If you spend more than 5 minutes in Michael’s, that’s kinda on you.

[Grade of D as in David 13,255]

2 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

I was with a woman, "M" for 5 years before this one, and I've been with this one for 12. 

Anyway, M had a daughter that was 6 or so at the time.  It's christmas season, and M wants to go to Michael's, because she's going to do some craft shit for her family.  On the way to Michael's, we stop for breakfast.  

We wander around Michael's for a very long time.  At some point, I ask the kid, "N", "honey, are you hungry?".  She says yes. M says "we just had breakfast".

I replay "THAT WAS 5 HOURS AGO". 

And it was. 

5 fucking hours in Michael's. 

I hope the M was for Macpherson.

[tbone_ 14,455]

If you spend more than 0 minutes in Michael’s, that’s kinda on you.

Fify

[Kennythetiger 9,640]

8 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:

If you spend more than 5 minutes in Michael’s, that’s kinda on you.

In situations like this I find some sort of piece of furniture and make myself at home until she’s done shopping. That’s why god invented surly. 

[Dennis Taylor 19,369]

On 9/2/2023 at 10:12 PM, Gil Bang said:

I was with a woman, "M" for 5 years before this one, and I've been with this one for 12. 

Anyway, M had a daughter that was 6 or so at the time.  It's christmas season, and M wants to go to Michael's, because she's going to do some craft shit for her family.  On the way to Michael's, we stop for breakfast.  

We wander around Michael's for a very long time.  At some point, I ask the kid, "N", "honey, are you hungry?".  She says yes. M says "we just had breakfast".

I replay "THAT WAS 5 HOURS AGO". 

And it was. 

5 fucking hours in Michael's. 

Let me guess- it was about 12 years ago too

Edited September 4, 2023 by Dennis Taylor

[Superhero 9,027]

I about had an aneurysm this afternoon. Try to follow along. Trust me, I'm going to try to summarize the clusterfuck.

 

(3:40) (We've spent the day at the beach and getting ready to go home)

BIL to my wife: Do you guys want to have an early dinner at our house? I'm ordering burgers from this place I like. I can pick it up.

Wife to BIL: Sure. The the burger place is on the way home. We can pick it up.

(3:45) (The kids and I tell her what we want, assuming she's going to relay the message to her brother... )
 

(3:50) Wife to me: Should I order for ourselves?

Me: Why? He said he's ordering and we're picking it up. Right?

Wife: Well, he's not responding.

Me: So... are we picking it up or not?

Wife: I guess not.

 

(4:00) (5 minute after we pass the restaurant)

Wife: So should we pick up the burgers?

Me: What? We passed it 5 minutes ago. What did your brother say?

Wife: He hasn't responded.

Me: The kids need to shower, I'm taking them home.

 

(4:20) (We arrive at home)

(5:50) (We've been home for more than an hour, the kids have showered, settled in and are watching a movie.)

Wife: Well, I'm going to pick up the burgers now. Can you bring the kids to my brother's house?

Me: The kids have showered, they're not going to leave the house.

Wife: Okay, I guess my brother can come over then.

 

 

 

Edited September 5, 2023 by Superhero

[Superhero 9,027]

(6:20) (We're eating the burger she ordered 3:55)

[LebongJames 1,921]

Fuck all that. 

[Gil Bang 26,246]

which burger place? 

[Superhero 9,027]

1 hour ago, Gil Bang said:

which burger place? 

Does it matter?

It could have been McDonalds or a wagyu beef burger with shaved truffles. Nuking a burger never made it taste better.

[Longboard Horn 41,368]

On 9/2/2023 at 10:12 PM, Gil Bang said:

I was with a woman, "M" for 5 years before this one, and I've been with this one for 12. 

Anyway, M had a daughter that was 6 or so at the time.  It's christmas season, and M wants to go to Michael's, because she's going to do some craft shit for her family.  On the way to Michael's, we stop for breakfast.  

We wander around Michael's for a very long time.  At some point, I ask the kid, "N", "honey, are you hungry?".  She says yes. M says "we just had breakfast".

I replay "THAT WAS 5 HOURS AGO". 

And it was. 

5 fucking hours in Michael's. 

How do you spend 5 hours in Michael's?

[Guadaloopy 11,137]

9 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

How do you spend 5 hours in Michael's?

Work there?

[CycleTex87 3,043]

Burgers are best consumed the instant after the meat hits the bun.  Any time after that, it's degraded.  Carry out burgers just suck ass all the way around.  

[Cheeseweasel 26,442]

11 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

How do you spend 5 hours in Michael's?

He was waiting on his burger. 

[Dnaguy 12,643]

6 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

He was waiting on his burger. 

Burgers are best consumed the instant after the meat hits the bun.  Any time after that, it's degraded. 

 

Credit to @CycleTex87

[burntorangebongos 10,826]

Did her brother come over? Was he pissed at her too? Why did she say she would pick up the burgers that he was ordering and then not pick them up?  I don't understand what happened to miscommunicate what the plan was?

[Modessit 5,667]

Did her brother come over? Was he pissed at her too? Why did she say she would pick up the burgers that he was ordering and then not pick them up?  I don't understand what happened to miscommunicate what the plan was?

The fuckup was thar the BIL was going to pick them up and then wife said "we'll pick them up". BiL assumes his sister is getting them and coming over. He probably calls in his order and assumes she'll order for her family. He goes to take a shower, take a nap, get laid, whatever and doesn't check his phone. She decides to blow it off because he didn't answer, then a couple hours later the BIL probably like, "Hey! Where are the burgers?" Then wife decides to go do it then.

[burntorangebongos 10,826]

But the order was made around 3:55 PM, by the BIL, I'm assuming because SH doesn't say he heard her make one then. I'm not sure why they didn't go ahead and stop at the burger place and see if he put in an order for them first. But okay, that didn't happen, she wish-washed them out of that.

My favorite part is that after fumbling the hand-off order, she goes to the burger place and instead of putting in a fresh order, she picks up the old order from her brother. That is gold, Jerry!  

 

[Jerry Callo 8,963]

The problem is that Superhero didn't call BIL and make plans.  A 45 second phone call would have prevented all of this.

[Cheeseweasel 26,442]

26 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

The problem is that Superhero didn't call BIL and make plans.  A 45 second phone call would have prevented all of this.

It's like a bad sitcom. 

 

Marriage, that is.

[BHMCruiser 1,828]

This morning, I'm standing in the kitchen, making coffee, with the door closed so the noise does not wake the kids. For background purposes, it is 6 AM and my wife and I have had exactly no conversations this morning. Additionally, we have had no conversations of any real significance the night before. Nor did we have any sort of disagreement. 

My wife opens the door, walks into the kitchen, and says "I think you're wrong."

[Cheeseweasel 26,442]

Women do not operate in the same time continuum that we do. If you were wrong 8 years ago, she sees this in the current time. Wives are atemporal. 

[huge 3,831]

13 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

This morning, I'm standing in the kitchen, making coffee, with the door closed so the noise does not wake the kids. For background purposes, it is 6 AM and my wife and I have had exactly no conversations this morning. Additionally, we have had no conversations of any real significance the night before. Nor did we have any sort of disagreement. 

My wife opens the door, walks into the kitchen, and says "I think you're wrong."

This is the content right here!

[Dennis Taylor 19,369]

Yesterday I made a short list of things I needed from Costco.  Wife sees and asks if I was going or if I wanted her to go. I said I'd go after dinner. She said she wanted to go also, and I said ok whatever.  

Eat dinner, start watching the astros beat the rangers senseless again. Wife is getting restless...

7:20 wife- are you just going to go tomorrow?

Me- no, there's plenty of time. 

Wife- harumphing, fidgeting, sighing audibly for the next 20 minutes 

7: 45 Me- let's go

7:55 arrive at Costco. Find the shit on my list. I'm pushing the cart going only where I need to go. Wife not happy

8:05 leave Costco. 

8:15 arrive home, put Costo shit away. Resume watching The Asswhipping at Arlington .

Me: did you have fun?

Wife: No

Me: that's because i went buying, not shopping 

Wife: tone 

Summary:

Total time: 30 minutes 

Total Expenditure: on budget

 

[TrashMaster G 18,115]

2 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

The problem is that Superhero didn't call BIL and make plans.  A 45 second phone call would have prevented all of this.

This right here.

Man speaks to man = successful communication

Use a woman as an intermediary = chaos ensues and it's the man's fault.

[SilasCoade 2,622]

18 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Yesterday I made a short list of things I needed from Costco.  Wife sees and asks if I was going or if I wanted her to go. I said I'd go after dinner. She said she wanted to go also, and I said ok whatever.  

Eat dinner, start watching the astros beat the rangers senseless again. Wife is getting restless...

7:20 wife- are you just going to go tomorrow?

Me- no, there's plenty of time. 

Wife- harumphing, fidgeting, sighing audibly for the next 20 minutes 

7: 45 Me- let's go

7:55 arrive at Costco. Find the shit on my list. I'm pushing the cart going only where I need to go. Wife not happy

8:05 leave Costco. 

8:15 arrive home, put Costo shit away. Resume watching The Asswhipping at Arlington .

Me: did you have fun?

Wife: No

Me: that's because i went buying, not shopping 

Wife: tone 

Summary:

Total time: 30 minutes 

Total Expenditure: on budget

 

Total Sex: none

[Sandman 3,435]

59 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

making coffee, with the door closed so the noise does not wake the kids.

I don't drink coffee, so bear with me, but why does your coffee maker produce so much noise? Is it old? Are the bedrooms right next to the kitchen?

[PvilleStang 2,997]

8 minutes ago, Sandman said:

I don't drink coffee, so bear with me, but why does your coffee maker produce so much noise? Is it old? Are the bedrooms right next to the kitchen?

His coffee maker is the one that came in saying, "I think you're wrong"?

[Nuge 2,032]

Its the grinding of the beans that's loud.

[ABSR 5,370]

1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Women do not operate in the same time continuum that we do. If you were wrong 8 years ago, she sees this in the current time. Wives are atemporal. 

It was about some dream she had, right?  She was just carrying that imaginary event into the real world to blame you about.  That's where I am putting my $'s.

[BHMCruiser 1,828]

The coffee maker is loud because it grinds beans. I close the door not because the sound will wake the children but because my wife thinks the sound will wake the children, so I accommodate her low-stakes delusion. 

It turns out that I was wrong about what areas have what youth soccer leagues. And, if you're wondering, what I told her yesterday at some point was "Middle Child's coach says XYZ." So my wrongness was relaying what the coach told me (with the preface that it's what I was told). 

[Sam Lin 3,602]

So you were wrong.

[Cheeseweasel 26,442]

18 minutes ago, Sam Lin said:

So you were wrong.

Congrats on being a wife.

[Sam Lin 3,602]

I'm not having sex with you anyways.

[Cheeseweasel 26,442]

You really are a wife!