Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Trey3216 15452]

2 hours ago, msucolt45 said:

Mine likes to go shopping, while I’m watching football, after telling her to keep it tight/low, as she’d almost used up her allotment of discretionary spending for the month. Of course I go out to help unload the car, so I opine what’s with all the bags? She says they had a sale on bathroom stuff and I only bought stuff to change the “guest” bathroom.

This is when I do the TLJ face, like it’s been almost six months since we’ve had overnight family/guests. Her response is, well it’ll look nice!

Hook’em!!!

Id tell mine to keep it tight and low, but luckily she shaves it every night in the bath.  

[luke duke 6450]

With interest rates where they are, I've started keeping a very low balance in the checking account and trying to park as much money as I can in our various money market and savings accounts. Since I pay the bills, I know when a large withdrawal is coming and I make sure there is sufficient money in the account. 
I'm not sure if the "Stupid Wife" story here is the fact that Mrs CL didn't tell me she wrote a check for $10,000 or if she thinks we need a new $10,000 breakfast table for our new house. Maybe this is a stupid husband story for telling her she could buy whatever furniture she wanted for the new house. My bad. 

Who writes $10,000 checks? That’s $200-500 worth of points.

[Goofyboy 3434]

Who writes $10,000 checks? That’s $200-500 worth of points.

Exactly. Everything we buy now is on CC for points. Then, just transfer that money over.

[KeysPhoneWallet 807]

Who writes $10,000 checks? That’s $200-500 worth of points.

I recently have. I had my truck engine rebuilt and I paid with venmo so he didn’t have to pay a cc fee. And I am getting a pool renovated and I paid with check so he didn’t have to pay a cc fee. So those types of situations where I’m trying to save an individual that fee, or if they are going to pass that fee onto my bill.

[Cheeseweasel 26440]

15 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

your stupid football wives thing

Request for a title change.

[BearSchlong 8247]

I recently have. I had my truck engine rebuilt and I paid with venmo so he didn’t have to pay a cc fee. And I am getting a pool renovated and I paid with check so he didn’t have to pay a cc fee. So those types of situations where I’m trying to save an individual that fee, or if they are going to pass that fee onto my bill.

Zelle or cash money is the way, Venmo and Cashapp will generate 1099s.

The only check I write is to my boat storage warehouse landlord.

[PvilleStang 2994]

2 hours ago, KeysPhoneWallet said:

I paid with venmo

You're officially on an FBI watchlist, congrats!

[Js1 87189]

On 9/15/2023 at 9:38 AM, PvilleStang said:

You're officially on an FBI watchlist, congrats!

Aren’t we all at this point?

[crimsonlonghorn 2313]

On 9/14/2023 at 10:59 PM, luke duke said:

Who writes $10,000 checks? That’s $200-500 worth of points.

To Mrs CL's credit, that's the cash price and the furniture store charges an extra 3% for credit cards. At least she was trying to think through it a little bit.

[Dennis Taylor 19365]

At Texas game Saturday:

Wife: Look at so-and-so

Me: where?

Wife: He's standing at the 51 yard line

I was speechless for one of the few times that she has uttered something deserving of this thread. I was mainly making sure nobody else heard her.

A little background- we've  been together 30 years. I have watched, attended, and coached in countless thousands of football games that entire time. We have 2 sons that have played a combined 26 seasons of football games, of which she has missed maybe 5 games in that entire time. I have watched Canadian football from time to time but she hasn't 

[Ojo Rojo 2056]

Wife:  "You know how you said all of those mean and nasty things to me when you were angry?  Well, I think that's who you REALLY are and I believe you meant what you said!"

Also Wife:  "You know all of those sweet and kind thing you said to me?  Well, I don't believe you meant any of them!"

[Cheeseweasel 26440]

13 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Wife:  "You know how you said all of those mean and nasty things to me when you were angry?  Well, I think that's who you REALLY are and I believe you meant what you said!"

Also Wife:  "You know all of those sweet and kind thing you said to me?  Well, I don't believe you meant any of them!"

"Too often, we judge other groups by their worst examples - while judging ourselves by our best intentions." -GW Bush

[Dennis Taylor 19365]

5 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

"Too often, we judge other groups by their worst examples - while judging ourselves by our best intentions." -GW Bush

That or she misunderestimated him

[Ojo Rojo 2056]

2 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

"Too often, we judge other groups by their worst examples - while judging ourselves by our best intentions." -GW Bush

I think I should quote famous people when arguing with my wife.  Surely she will see my point then, admit she is wrong and agree with me.  *Insert Idi Amin laughing gif.

[TrashMaster G 18104]

4 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

I think I should quote famous people when arguing with my wife.  Surely she will see my point then, admit she is wrong and agree with me.  *Insert Idi Amin laughing gif.

Do you have a better strategy?

[Ojo Rojo 2056]

2 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

Do you have a better strategy?

Yes.  Become a mute.

[TrashMaster G 18104]

4 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Yes.  Become a mute.

[Jerry Callo 8960]

39 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

This right here.

[WhatTheBuck 28931]

5 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Wife: He's standing at the 51 yard line

The correct response was: “Which one?”

[Grade of D as in David 13255]

1 hour ago, Ojo Rojo said:

I think I should quote famous people when arguing with my wife.  Surely she will see my point then, admit she is wrong and agree with me.  *Insert Idi Amin laughing gif.

You have to make up quotes from people she normally would believe. For instance if she believes in the healing powers of crystals then quote Gwyneth Paltrow, if she's a basic white lady quote Taylor Swift or Beyonce. 

[Kennythetiger 9631]

4 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Do you have a better strategy?

“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”  

[Gil Bang 26244]

On 9/14/2023 at 1:51 AM, Superhero said:

Like how you imagine an Asian spinner wearing cowboy boots would look. 

 

On 9/14/2023 at 4:40 AM, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

I'm imagining an Asian spinner wearing only cowboy boots. Am I doing it right? Also,  pics?

Based on what we know about the Mrs., I'm imagining an Asian Spinner in this group:

 

 

 

[SHOOTER12 8886]

On 9/18/2023 at 10:51 AM, Dennis Taylor said:

At Texas game Saturday:

Wife: Look at so-and-so

Me: where?

Wife: He's standing at the 51 yard line

I was speechless for one of the few times that she has uttered something deserving of this thread. I was mainly making sure nobody else heard her.

A little background- we've  been together 30 years. I have watched, attended, and coached in countless thousands of football games that entire time. We have 2 sons that have played a combined 26 seasons of football games, of which she has missed maybe 5 games in that entire time. I have watched Canadian football from time to time but she hasn't 

Lol, Wyatt, I am rolling. 

[Fudge Nuggets 19456]

On 9/18/2023 at 10:51 AM, Dennis Taylor said:

At Texas game Saturday:

Wife: Look at so-and-so

Me: where?

Wife: He's standing at the 51 yard line

Holy hell, I was coming to post almost the exact same thing from the local HS game last week. It was the mom of one of the drill team girls letting hubby know their sweet Kayleigh was at the 52 yard line. 

[nnm 37916]

26 minutes ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

Holy hell, I was coming to post almost the exact same thing from the local HS game last week. It was the mom of one of the drill team girls letting hubby know their sweet Kayleigh was at the 52 yard line. 

All them little white girls look alike.

Edited September 24, 2023 by nnm

[BearSchlong 8247]

Last few posts are correct. Have spent a few HSFB halftimes looking for my kiddo.

[tx ind 7057]

This is trivial but just drives me crazy.  She walks in the door after running some errands and goes “who wants to put gas in my car?”.

Occupants in the house consist of a 10 year old, 7 year old, a year old dog and her and me.

 

just fucking ask me, or better yet, fill up your car while you’re out.

[Gil Bang 26244]

28 minutes ago, tx ind said:

This is trivial but just drives me crazy.  She walks in the door after running some errands and goes “who wants to put gas in my car?”.

Occupants in the house consist of a 10 year old, 7 year old, a year old dog and her and me.

 

just fucking ask me, or better yet, fill up your car while you’re out.

Call me old-fashioned, but I see to it that the GF rarely, if ever, has to pump gas.  If we are driving together in her car, I will always top it off if it's below 1/2.  If I haven't driven it in a few days, I check the level and if it's south of 1/2, I run it to the station.   It's a little thing that I know she appreciates, because I've heard her tell her sister that she cannot remember the last time she got gas on her own.

[tbone_ 14454]

Call me old-fashioned, but I see to it that the GF rarely, if ever, has to pump gas.  If we are driving together in her car, I will always top it off if it's below 1/2.  If I haven't driven it in a few days, I check the level and if it's south of 1/2, I run it to the station.   It's a little thing that I know she appreciates, because I've heard her tell her sister that she cannot remember the last time she got gas on her own.

I did this with my ex as well. She’s still my ex though.

[SHOOTER12 8886]

5 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

Call me old-fashioned, but I see to it that the GF rarely, if ever, has to pump gas.  If we are driving together in her car, I will always top it off if it's below 1/2.  If I haven't driven it in a few days, I check the level and if it's south of 1/2, I run it to the station.   It's a little thing that I know she appreciates, because I've heard her tell her sister that she cannot remember the last time she got gas on her own.

Dad???

[Grade of D as in David 13255]

7 hours ago, tx ind said:

This is trivial but just drives me crazy.  She walks in the door after running some errands and goes “who wants to put gas in my car?”.

Occupants in the house consist of a 10 year old, 7 year old, a year old dog and her and me.

 

just fucking ask me, or better yet, fill up your car while you’re out.

Need to respond with, who wants to give me a blow job?

[52-80 19377]

Some potatoes get boiled in a lidded pot.  The lid thus only has water vapor/condensation on it.

Can the lid be put back into storage after a rinse and wipe, or does it need to be run through the dishwasher?

[52-80 19377]

On 9/7/2023 at 4:35 PM, crimsonlonghorn said:

With interest rates where they are, I've started keeping a very low balance in the checking account and trying to park as much money as I can in our various money market and savings accounts. Since I pay the bills, I know when a large withdrawal is coming and I make sure there is sufficient money in the account.

Savings accounts here offer 4% interest with the *only* condition being 12 yearly withdrawal limits.  Literally takes 3 clicks on the banking app to open and transfer, no signing forms, no going to the branches, no autodeposit requirements, no exclusivity requirements, no minimum-holding period requirements, literally no hassles or downsides. 

Yet wife still keeps a significant sum in her checking account.

It's not that she's careless or a spendthrift. It's simply that finances is one of those topics, like imperial warfare history, that is simply unbreachable in her conscience.  Don't talk about it, don't think about it, don't suggest it.  She has a bank card, money goes in, money goes out, it works satisfactorily for her.  Monthly fees, forex fees, cashbacks and perks...might as well be swahili to her.  Not interested at the least.

[TrashMaster G 18104]

4 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Need to respond with, who wants to give me a blow job?

Pro move.

[Party_Taco 3890]

Savings accounts here offer 4% interest with the *only* condition being 12 yearly withdrawal limits.  Literally takes 3 clicks on the banking app to open and transfer, no signing forms, no going to the branches, no autodeposit requirements, no exclusivity requirements, no minimum-holding period requirements, literally no hassles or downsides. 
Yet wife still keeps a significant sum in her checking account.
It's not that she's careless or a spendthrift. It's simply that finances is one of those topics, like imperial warfare history, that is simply unbreachable in her conscience.  Don't talk about it, don't think about it, don't suggest it.  She has a bank card, money goes in, money goes out, it works satisfactorily for her.  Monthly fees, forex fees, cashbacks and perks...might as well be swahili to her.  Not interested at the least.

Mine is the opposite… she’s so obsessed with moving funds from checking into our HYSA that we’re constantly playing a dance with automated withdrawals. Actually had us overdraw for the first time in many years just recently and I blew my top.

[TrashMaster G 18104]

1 hour ago, Party_Taco said:

Mine is the opposite… she’s so obsessed with moving funds from checking into our HYSA that we’re constantly playing a dance with automated withdrawals. Actually had us overdraw for the first time in many years just recently and I blew my top.

Did she blow you back?

[SHOOTER12 8886]

6 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

Did she blow you back?

Now you know the answer to that.

[Kennythetiger 9631]

13 hours ago, tx ind said:

This is trivial but just drives me crazy.  She walks in the door after running some errands and goes “who wants to put gas in my car?”.

Occupants in the house consist of a 10 year old, 7 year old, a year old dog and her and me.

 

just fucking ask me, or better yet, fill up your car while you’re out.

The dog doesn’t have thumbs. He’s out. 

[SilasCoade 2622]

13 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

Call me old-fashioned, but I see to it that the GF rarely, if ever, has to pump gas.  If we are driving together in her car, I will always top it off if it's below 1/2.  If I haven't driven it in a few days, I check the level and if it's south of 1/2, I run it to the station.   It's a little thing that I know she appreciates, because I've heard her tell her sister that she cannot remember the last time she got gas on her own.

Okay, boomer. Nice that you let her drive though.

[Beau Vine 55867]

14 hours ago, tx ind said:

This is trivial but just drives me crazy.  She walks in the door after running some errands and goes “who wants to put gas in my car?”.

Occupants in the house consist of a 10 year old, 7 year old, a year old dog and her and me.

 

 

[Brisketexan 106920]

Whenever we go anywhere in my wife's SUV, we have drama over locking the doors when we get out.

It's a newer vehicle, so no key - just the proximity keyfob.  Which she keeps in her purse at all times.  Even when I'm driving.  So, I drive.  We get to our destination and get out - I get out on the driver's side, she gets out on the passenger side (and of course, I have to wait while she gets out, because for some reason, she has to get all her stuff together because she was totally caught off guard by the fact that we were actually heading to a destination).  I cannot lock the doors, because I don't have the fob.  I can't press the button (obviously).  But you can also just press the little button on the door handle to lock the doors....if you have the fob on you, right next to the door.  Which I do not.  So, we get out, and I ask her to lock the doors, and she gets exasperated with me EVERY SINGLE TIME.  Often "you can just press the button on the door, you know."  No, I can't.  Because you got out and immediately walked away from the car.

But if I ask her to give me her keys before we leave the house, she gets annoyed because she has to dig them out of her purse (which has 479 "secret compartment pockets," and the key is in the 234th one).

So, bottom line, whenever I drive her car anywhere, she's going to be annoyed with me not being able to lock the door even though she is solely responsible for the fact that I am unable to lock the door.

[nnm 37916]

9 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Need to respond with, who wants to give me a blow job?

More than a little creepy with a 7 and 10 year old, and a dog the options other than your wife. 

[Sam Lin 3600]

7 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Some potatoes get boiled in a lidded pot.  The lid thus only has water vapor/condensation on it.

Can the lid be put back into storage after a rinse and wipe, or does it need to be run through the dishwasher?

Rinse and put away. Pot should be similar or hand wash at most, no reason for any of that to go through a dishwasher.

[Incredulity 11876]

Son's football game on Sat.

 

Wife at start of 2nd half:  "how many halves are there in his football game?"

Me:  Tommy Lee Jones face.

 

 

[Pig Bellmont 8887]

23 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Whenever we go anywhere in my wife's SUV, we have drama over locking the doors when we get out.

It's a newer vehicle, so no key - just the proximity keyfob.  Which she keeps in her purse at all times.  Even when I'm driving.  So, I drive.  We get to our destination and get out - I get out on the driver's side, she gets out on the passenger side (and of course, I have to wait while she gets out, because for some reason, she has to get all her stuff together because she was totally caught off guard by the fact that we were actually heading to a destination).  I cannot lock the doors, because I don't have the fob.  I can't press the button (obviously).  But you can also just press the little button on the door handle to lock the doors....if you have the fob on you, right next to the door.  Which I do not.  So, we get out, and I ask her to lock the doors, and she gets exasperated with me EVERY SINGLE TIME.  Often "you can just press the button on the door, you know."  No, I can't.  Because you got out and immediately walked away from the car.

But if I ask her to give me her keys before we leave the house, she gets annoyed because she has to dig them out of her purse (which has 479 "secret compartment pockets," and the key is in the 234th one).

So, bottom line, whenever I drive her car anywhere, she's going to be annoyed with me not being able to lock the door even though she is solely responsible for the fact that I am unable to lock the door.

You have to get a spare key on your own key chain

[Brisketexan 106920]

7 minutes ago, Pig Bellmont said:

You have to get a spare key on your own key chain

Extra fob is like $250.  F that.  For $250, she can glare at me all she wants.  I'm cheap.

[Pokoloco 1298]

I think I'm Brisketexan.  I may have some fight club sort of thing going on. 

[52-80 19377]

1 hour ago, Sam Lin said:

Rinse and put away. Pot should be similar or hand wash at most, no reason for any of that to go through a dishwasher.

I told her i was right because “people on the internet agreed”

and she said “well your internet friends are dumb too”

[Sam Lin 3600]

Well, your wife is technically correct there...

[PvilleStang 2994]

Wait, if you, an internet friend who is dumb, agrees with his wife... you've done it, you divided by zero!