Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Upgrayedd 5,861]

2 hours ago, luke duke said:

My wife just labeled all of the light switches. We’ve lived here since 2006.

Shouldn’t be “Fan” and “Lights”?  Is the switch not in the living room?

Edited July 24, 2018 by Upgrayedd
If the switch turns on the Living Room, awesome

[Modessit 5,665]

My wife just labeled all of the light switches. We’ve lived here since 2006.

Her boyfriend was getting confused.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,963]

4 hours ago, luke duke said:

My wife just labeled all of the light switches. We’ve lived here since 2006.

what happens if its 3 in the morning? are they glow in the dark?

[Pato del Muerto 53,331]

2 hours ago, luke duke said:

 

No, we’ve had it a long time.

 

5S class at work?

[NWBuck 8,619]

3 hours ago, tejas60 said:

bottom left screw needs loosened a tad to (almost) match the rest.

Exactly, my fellow OCDBro 

[kopp0e 1,135]

(The non wives edition):

 

[kopp0e 1,135]

7 hours ago, luke duke said:

My wife just labeled all of the light switches. We’ve lived here since 2006.

I would be cool with that, but then again I have a slight OCD...

[Guest]

7 hours ago, skipperj said:

Isn’t the standard lights left, fan right?

for a woman?

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4,998]

3 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

what happens if its 3 in the morning? are they glow in the dark?

https://www.amazon.com/Epson-LabelWorks-Replaces-Cartridge-LK-4ZBU/dp/B01CVG81M4/

[crimsonlonghorn 2,313]

1 hour ago, kopp0e said:

(The non wives edition):

 

This made my head hurt and I never got to any of the answers. 

Edited July 24, 2018 by crimsonlonghorn

[kopp0e 1,135]

2 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

This made my head hurt and I never got to any of the answers. 

Well, it sounds as if you experienced going to the club with these women in virtual reality... 😀

[Cheeseweasel 26,439]

11 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

She just got a label maker huh?

Regifted.

[Flg8rfan 201]

1. complains about the clutter in the garage.
2. says she wants to have a garage sale.
3. brings home more random stuff that her grandmother was going to throw away.
4. puts it in the garage.
5. complains about having to sort/price stuff for her garage sale (which likely wont happen for another 6mos).
6. complains about the clutter in the garage.

We have the same wife I think


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[Incredulity 11,861]

46 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:

We have the same wife I think


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Protip:  They're all the same.

Edited July 24, 2018 by Incredulity

[Ojo Rojo 2,040]

15 hours ago, uoftorange said:

They do...

One example 
https://www.poolsupplyworld.com/hayward-AQL-CHEM-Sense-and-Dispense-ORP-and-pH-Sense-ORP-Dispense/AQL-CHEM.htm?xzm2&ecmpid=aw_pla_search_AQL-CHEM&adtype=paid&gclid=CjwKCAjw-dXaBRAEEiwAbwCi5smEyA8QyhsiNhwVs4gv748xQtWriuxMW6sKx0VGqayg_l-ndp9rYxoC1YgQAvD_BwE

Doesn't add all of the different chemicals.  I want something I fill with chemicals 5-6 times a year and it does the rest.

[JimmyHoffa 1,188]

 

Mrs. Hoffa- You don't always have to yell at the boys, you are always too hard on them, etc

Me- I am not yelling at them I just expect them to listen and follow the rules, etc.

Literally the next day...................

One of our sons fucks up and we need to explain to him why it isn't acceptable, etc. I don't say a word and just let my wife handle it as "I am always yelling at them, too hard on them, etc.

After she gets done ripping him a new asshole-

Mrs. Hoffa- Why didn't you say anything? Why do I always have to be the bad guy? 

 

Me-

[52-80 19,379]

18 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

She just got a label maker huh?

man, i got the label maker and i love tagging shit but she hates it.  we got all this sauces and jams and a bunch of fucking jarred and tupperwared shit in the freeze that nobody cant identify from god knows fucking when.

 

#tagginglife

[gyroprotagonist 2,597]

21 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

#tagginglife

put that label right under your Salt Life window sticker

[HouTex 1,912]

bottom left screw needs loosened a tad to (almost) match the rest.

The screw slots should be vertical.

[Lone Star Horn 2,068]

well, shit, i've done it all wrong, when I screwed sluts, they were horizontal

[WhatTheBuck 28,904]

58 minutes ago, Lone Star Horn said:

well, shit, i've done it all wrong, when I screwed sluts, they were horizontal

Did you use a flat head?

[Nolacycling 893]

On 7/22/2018 at 6:10 PM, crimsonlonghorn said:

Hell, my next pool in my next house is going to be tricked out with all of the automatic controllers. I hate fucking with those valves myself, much less trying to tell my wife how to do it. 

Your wife wants a pool boy.

[North Austin 10]

14 hours ago, HouTex said:

The screw slots should be vertical. 

Great..  now I have to check all the screw slots in my entire house.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,963]

anyone else's wife(mind you on her phone 85% of the tv watching time) ask you "is this the only thing on"  to get you to change the channel when its clear either of us are not paying attention to whatever Jimmy Fallon has on his show tonight. I have no idea if this is the only thing on. Its 11:30 PM on a Wednesday. Its this, cash cab or property bros.

 

 

Edited July 26, 2018 by MNLonghornFUKM

[Flg8rfan 201]

My wife brings home stuff work that they are throwing away. Totes that are too small to be of any use, countless disposable chaffing dishes with half used cans of fuel from catered lunches, a case of expired teddy grahams (no one here eats them, we’re not 4 years old).

I let it sit in the garage for a week then toss it in the trash


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[Cheeseweasel 26,439]

Usage report, bath towels

Me: Use. Hang to dry. Reuse for 3 days or so. Replace

Wife: Use 2. Hang to dry. Do not reuse. Compile towels on everything in bathroom that will hold a towel. Repeat.

[huge 3,825]

maybe she knows something about how dirty her areas are...

[JSB 677]

So my son is almost 7 and we are about to get him a queen size bed so that we can use the bedding that my wife bought 3 years ago because “it was just perfect”.

I took the opportunity to have him help me build a headboard for it. We are going with a rustic pallet board style, but with nicer Pine. Everything is cut, sanded, ready to stain and assemble, but guess who can’t decide what color stain to use. I have already stained 10 different samples using 5 different stains letting them sit for various times, and guess who is going back to Home Depot for another stain at lunch? I know it is on me, but I wish I would have just done it without asking her opinion.


Nothing brings out the crazy in a woman like a project for the house.

[JimmyHoffa 1,188]

3 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:

My wife brings home stuff work that they are throwing away. Totes that are too small to be of any use, countless disposable chaffing dishes with half used cans of fuel from catered lunches, a case of expired teddy grahams (no one here eats them, we’re not 4 years old).

I let it sit in the garage for a week then toss it in the trash


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Worse, we will be watching a show and she will ask me to rewind it or have me explain the last 5 minutes of what just happened because she was on her phone. 

[lateshow 1,319]

19 minutes ago, JimmyHoffa said:

 

Worse, we will be watching a show and she will ask me to rewind it or have me explain the last 5 minutes of what just happened because she was on her phone. 

I refuse to do that shit.

[North Austin 10]

28 minutes ago, JSB said:

Nothing brings out the crazy in a woman like a project for the house.

It's on the list.  I would put planning a wedding and preparing for the arrival of the first child ahead on the list.

[Sandman 3,427]

My wife wants me to sit in the living room with her so we can watch shows together.  Never mind the fact that she's playing some dumb game on her phone or laptop the whole time. She just wants me in there, like a dog or something. No thanks, I'll chill in the study.

[Cheeseweasel 26,439]

1 hour ago, Sandman said:

My wife wants me to sit in the living room with her so we can watch shows together.  Never mind the fact that she's playing some dumb game on her phone or laptop the whole time. She just wants me in there, like a dog or something. No thanks, I'll chill in the study.

Those candies aren't going to crush themselves. 

[Beau Vine 55,824]

6 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:

My wife brings home stuff work that they are throwing away. Totes that are too small to be of any use, countless disposable chaffing dishes with half used cans of fuel from catered lunches, a case of expired teddy grahams (no one here eats them, we’re not 4 years old).

I let it sit in the garage for a week then toss it in the trash
 

 

My wife "recycles" plastic grocery bags.

Instead of throwing them away, she stuffs them in a drawer in the kitchen.

About once a week, I open the drawer, pull out about half of the bags, and throw them in the trash.

 

She has literally never taken empty bags back to the store.

[Cheeseweasel 26,439]

Why do you hate turtles?

[You don't know me 1,163]

8 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Why do you hate turtles?

Seriously?  They're fucking pretentious, man.  All green with the shell and everything.  Moving so slow while crossing streets.  Fucking assholes is what turtles are.

Edited July 26, 2018 by You don't know me

[Brisketexan 106,618]

 
My wife "recycles" plastic grocery bags.
Instead of throwing them away, she stuffs them in a drawer in the kitchen.
About once a week, I open the drawer, pull out about half of the bags, and throw them in the trash.
 
She has literally never taken empty bags back to the store.

My MIL saved all of them. Every one. When she had enough, she’d fill a full size hefty bag with them, then stick it up in the attic. In Houston. When we cleaned out the house after she died, we found sack after sack of them. Which, in the Texas heat, had decayed into powder/snow. We opened one bag, white pieces everywhere. We trashed the rest after just a peek inside to confirm “yep, more fucking plastic bags.”

[Cheeseweasel 26,439]

6 minutes ago, You don't know me said:

Seriously?  They're fucking pretentious, man.  All green with the shell and everything.  Moving so slow while crossing streets.  Fucking assholes is what turtles are.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2,779]

18 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

 

My wife "recycles" plastic grocery bags.

Instead of throwing them away, she stuffs them in a drawer in the kitchen.

About once a week, I open the drawer, pull out about half of the bags, and throw them in the trash.

 

She has literally never taken empty bags back to the store.

Mine tries to store them under the sink.  She has a container designed for them that was full, so she started putting them in another bag.  I throw them away each week after she goes to the store.  

She learned that if something is now gone, it has been thrown away.  

[You don't know me 1,163]

8 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

Mine tries to store them under the sink.  She has a container designed for them that was full, so she started putting them in another bag.  I throw them away each week after she goes to the store.  

She learned that if something is now gone, it has been thrown away.  

We have a drawer in the kitchen that somehow holds more plastic bags than it's actual capacity should handle.  I try to keep the kids away from it in case it just explodes.

[Flg8rfan 201]

Mine tries to store them under the sink.  She has a container designed for them that was full, so she started putting them in another bag.  I throw them away each week after she goes to the store.  
She learned that if something is now gone, it has been thrown away.  

I found my wife’s stash, same disposition.


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[Jameslaw121 4,485]

life hack - let the cat pee in the pile of bags. Usually only need to do it once or twice before she give up and only keeps a handful of bags

[Johnny Sack 8,397]

I keep some plastic bags. I take leftovers or pre-made meals like chicken and rice or chili in individual packed ziploc containers for lunch. They are handy for carrying them.  

When I worked in grocery stores that had a plastic bag recycling box, we’d empty straight into the dumpster when it was full. Paper bags and cardboard were crushed and sold for $100 a ton or so.  

Edited July 26, 2018 by Johnny Sack

[elfenix 34,658]

8 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:

My wife brings home stuff work that they are throwing away. Totes that are too small to be of any use, countless disposable chaffing dishes with half used cans of fuel from catered lunches, a case of expired teddy grahams (no one here eats them, we’re not 4 years old).

I let it sit in the garage for a week then toss it in the trash


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turn off your tapatalk sig

[Kennythetiger 9,584]

27 minutes ago, Johnny Sack said:

I keep some plastic bags. I take leftovers or pre-made meals like chicken and rice or chili in individual packed ziploc containers for lunch. They are handy for carrying them.  

When I worked in grocery stores that had a plastic bag recycling box, we’d empty straight into the dumpster when it was full. Paper bags and cardboard were crushed and sold for $100 a ton or so.  

Appropriate username.

[skipperj 377]

Well, we don’t get those anymore because Austin. We still have most of the stash from however many years ago the ban went into effect.

[hullabelew 3,730]

So my son is almost 7 and we are about to get him a queen size bed so that we can use the bedding that my wife bought 3 years ago because “it was just perfect”.

I took the opportunity to have him help me build a headboard for it. We are going with a rustic pallet board style, but with nicer Pine. Everything is cut, sanded, ready to stain and assemble, but guess who can’t decide what color stain to use. I have already stained 10 different samples using 5 different stains letting them sit for various times, and guess who is going back to Home Depot for another stain at lunch? I know it is on me, but I wish I would have just done it without asking her opinion.


Nothing brings out the crazy in a woman like a project for the house.

Fuck HGTV

[Modessit 5,665]

So my son is almost 7 and we are about to get him a queen size bed so that we can use the bedding that my wife bought 3 years ago because “it was just perfect”.

I took the opportunity to have him help me build a headboard for it. We are going with a rustic pallet board style, but with nicer Pine. Everything is cut, sanded, ready to stain and assemble, but guess who can’t decide what color stain to use. I have already stained 10 different samples using 5 different stains letting them sit for various times, and guess who is going back to Home Depot for another stain at lunch? I know it is on me, but I wish I would have just done it without asking her opinion.


Nothing brings out the crazy in a woman like a project for the house.

This is a bed for your son. Paint it black and put a Batman logo on it. Or whatever he's into. Same with sheets and blankets.

[PvilleStang 2,974]

11 hours ago, Modessit said:

19 hours ago, JSB said:

So my son is almost 7 and we are about to get him a queen size bed so that we can use the bedding that my wife bought 3 years ago because “it was just perfect”.

I took the opportunity to have him help me build a headboard for it. We are going with a rustic pallet board style, but with nicer Pine. Everything is cut, sanded, ready to stain and assemble, but guess who can’t decide what color stain to use. I have already stained 10 different samples using 5 different stains letting them sit for various times, and guess who is going back to Home Depot for another stain at lunch? I know it is on me, but I wish I would have just done it without asking her opinion.


Nothing brings out the crazy in a woman like a project for the house.

This is a bed for your son. Paint it black and put a Batman logo on it. Or whatever he's into. Same with sheets and blankets.

Don't forget to use the new atrocious bedding she's had for 3 years as a drop-cloth so you don't stain your garage floor.  Two birds, one stone.

[HenryJames 67,116]

12 hours ago, Modessit said:

21 hours ago, JSB said:

So my son is almost 7 and we are about to get him a queen size bed so that we can use the bedding that my wife bought 3 years ago because “it was just perfect”.

I took the opportunity to have him help me build a headboard for it. We are going with a rustic pallet board style, but with nicer Pine. Everything is cut, sanded, ready to stain and assemble, but guess who can’t decide what color stain to use. I have already stained 10 different samples using 5 different stains letting them sit for various times, and guess who is going back to Home Depot for another stain at lunch? I know it is on me, but I wish I would have just done it without asking her opinion.


Nothing brings out the crazy in a woman like a project for the house.

Read more  

This is a bed for your son. Paint it black and put a Batman logo on it. Or whatever he's into. Same with sheets and blankets.