Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Sam Lin 3600]

We did this in Paris on my mom's Hyatt status. Yes there's nice food all over, but it was still a solid savings to have 5 days of family breakfast free.

[msucolt45 4233]

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Hookem!!!

[Modessit 5667]

A woman dropped off a Doordash order for me earlier. She then used my driveway to turn around.
I live in a cul-de-sac.

You probably park your extra vehicles perpendicular to the curb like a lot of other assholes that live in cul-de-sacs and make it difficult to u-turn.

[TrashMaster G 18104]

19 hours ago, ztejas said:

A woman dropped off a Doordash order for me earlier. She then used my driveway to turn around.

I live in a cul-de-sac.

[nnm 37916]

Whose Surly wife is this?

 

[Incredulity 11876]

Fuuuck

i kind of need resolution on that video 

holy shit

[tx ind 7057]

Based on location probably a Rangers fan 

[nnm 37916]

She frightens me. 

[luke duke 6450]

I learned a valuable lesson from my FIL. Feign deafness. If they think you can't hear them, they'll ask once then just wander off and bitch about you being deaf. Worked on my MIL and now my wife.

Yep. Somehow my wife hasn’t asked how I can hear the kids doing shit across the house through 3 closed doors, but I can’t hear her in the same room.

[tbone_ 14453]

She frightens me. 

Yea that would be the last day for me.

[52-80 19377]

This goes better in the Dumb Things Husbands Say thread. 
 

I was play-singing this cocomelon song “finger family” to our kid.  And i modified the words like this:

”mommy finger mommy finger what do you do…”

”…i like nagging, i like nagging, thats what i do”

And hollyyyy fuckkk i almost set off our own Israel-Palestine conflict right at home

 

 

[nnm 37916]

3 hours ago, 52-80 said:

This goes better in the Dumb Things Husbands Say thread. 
 

I was play-singing this cocomelon song “finger family” to our kid.  And i modified the words like this:

”mommy finger mommy finger what do you do…”

”…i like nagging, i like nagging, thats what i do”

And hollyyyy fuckkk i almost set off our own Israel-Palestine conflict right at home

 

 

That’s not the only thing the mommy finger does. 

[Jerry Callo 8960]

21 hours ago, 52-80 said:

This goes better in the Dumb Things Husbands Say thread. 
 

I was play-singing this cocomelon song “finger family” to our kid.  And i modified the words like this:

”mommy finger mommy finger what do you do…”

”…i like nagging, i like nagging, thats what i do”

And hollyyyy fuckkk i almost set off our own Israel-Palestine conflict right at home

 

 

you'll see what the wife is mad about when the kid goes around singing finger mommy, finger mommy.

[NYTransplant 149]

Thought I finally had achieved a win, and gotten my wife to travel the path that is completely forbidden for women. No, not anal. The path to the garbage pan and the recycling bin.

About a week ago, I walk into the kitchen after having been commuting to work for 7 out of the last 10 days and pulling fairly long days. Yes, I understand this is called "daily life" for most households, but as we both work from home, it was rather unusual. Sitting on the counter was 4 or 5 items that needed to go in the recycling bin. Unfortunately, they couldn't fit in the under-counter bin, as it was full, and for my wife, that's a problem that cannot be solved. I breathed an exasperated sigh in her presence, loaded up both arms, and headed out the door for the journey over Mount Doom to our recycling bin. Fortunately, I avoided all of the pitfalls of my landscaped backyard and returned unscathed.

Flash forward to this weekend. We're at the lake house, and by some miracle (maybe alcohol-induced bravery?), my wife brought the full recycling bin from the kitchen down to the municipal bin and emptied it. The kitchen bin, however, remained outside. This morning, I bring the dogs out, see the bin, and bring it back upstairs. I place the bin back in it's holder, but it doesn't seat fully, as there's a can in it that my wife tossed in, earlier.

I'm not sure if I count this as a win, a loss, or a draw. An effort was made, but there was still no real reduction in work for me, as I still had to walk out and return the bin, and then the annoyance of the can in the holder.

 

 

[tbone_ 14453]

She’s just jerking your chain.

[nnm 37916]

9 minutes ago, NYTransplant said:

Thought I finally had achieved a win, and gotten my wife to travel the path that is completely forbidden for women. No, not anal. The path to the garbage pan and the recycling bin.

About a week ago, I walk into the kitchen after having been commuting to work for 7 out of the last 10 days and pulling fairly long days. Yes, I understand this is called "daily life" for most households, but as we both work from home, it was rather unusual. Sitting on the counter was 4 or 5 items that needed to go in the recycling bin. Unfortunately, they couldn't fit in the under-counter bin, as it was full, and for my wife, that's a problem that cannot be solved. I breathed an exasperated sigh in her presence, loaded up both arms, and headed out the door for the journey over Mount Doom to our recycling bin. Fortunately, I avoided all of the pitfalls of my landscaped backyard and returned unscathed.

Flash forward to this weekend. We're at the lake house, and by some miracle (maybe alcohol-induced bravery?), my wife brought the full recycling bin from the kitchen down to the municipal bin and emptied it. The kitchen bin, however, remained outside. This morning, I bring the dogs out, see the bin, and bring it back upstairs. I place the bin back in it's holder, but it doesn't seat fully, as there's a can in it that my wife tossed in, earlier.

I'm not sure if I count this as a win, a loss, or a draw. An effort was made, but there was still no real reduction in work for me, as I still had to walk out and return the bin, and then the annoyance of the can in the holder.

 

 

Rural East Texas has an easier solution. There is no recycling, thus no need for a recycling bin. 

[NYTransplant 149]

2 minutes ago, nnm said:

Rural East Texas has an easier solution. There is no recycling, thus no need for a recycling bin. 

Doesn't matter what's in the bin, wives aren't going to move it.

[Dnaguy 12632]

42 minutes ago, NYTransplant said:

Doesn't matter what's in the bin, wives aren't going to move it.

[Biff Tannen 46169]

1 hour ago, nnm said:

Rural East Texas has an easier solution. There is no recycling, thus no need for a recycling bin. 

JFC you aren't kidding.  I'm having to re-train my in laws who just moved to Austin after 70 years in east texas.  They are trying at recycling, but the compost bin is a complete mind blow for them.

FIL filled up the compost bin with trash, garbage guys didn't take it and put a tag on it saying "compost only".  What does FIL do the next week?  Literally puts the same bin, still with the tag on it, full of the same trash, back at the curb.  He is flabbergasted when they don't take it again.

Really belongs in the in law or family insanity thread I guess.

[Jameslaw121 4494]

Today, my wife figured out one of my in-law strategies.

About once a month I take a half day on Friday. On those days I'll usually go have lunch with my wife, BIL & FIL.

Driving back from lunch:

Her "I love that you spend time with my family. They really like you. And I like that you do that you make an effort to invite them."

Me "Oh yeah. I like your dad and BIL."

Her "My mom was wondering if we had plans this weekend."

ME "I mean we were with your family today. I kinda wanted to relax  and watch football and baseball this weekend."

Her "Oh okay. We can do stuff with the kids"

about 20 minutes later

Her "Wait a sec. Do you do these lunches so that you can get the brownie points for spending time with my family. Without having to spend time with my mom & sister?"

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 20, 2023 by Jameslaw121

[TrashMaster G 18104]

5 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Today, my wife figured out one of my in-law strategies.

About once a month I take a half day on Friday. On those days I'll usually go have lunch with my wife, BIL & FIL.

Driving back from lunch:

Her "I love that you spend time with my family. They really like you. And I like that you do that you make an effort to invite them."

Me "Oh yeah. I like your dad and BIL."

Her "My mom was wondering if we had plans this weekend."

ME "I mean we were with your family today. I kinda wanted to relax  and watch football and baseball this weekend."

Her "Oh okay. We can do stuff with the kids"

about 20 minutes later

Her "Wait a sec. Do you do these lunches so that you can get the brownie points for spending time with my family. Without having to spend time with my mom & sister?"

 

[Mittens 8747]

My buddy’s wife got him good

 

[Mo Horn 8938]

Watching the Stros, who are frustrating the shit outta me,  and Mrs Mo asks some benign question that I gave less than a top level effort to answer. Guess who's the bad guy? So that astros may lose and I'm the asshole. FML

[Fudbelty 2810]

My buddy’s wife got him good

 

Mine took Nov 1 off because that’s when Christmas vomits in the house.

[Wiler77 1628]

Strict rule in our house. No christmas shit until after TGiving weekend. TGiving is 4 days people. 

[nnm 37916]

 

[BHMCruiser 1828]

On 10/20/2023 at 3:11 PM, Jameslaw121 said:

Today, my wife figured out one of my in-law strategies.

About once a month I take a half day on Friday. On those days I'll usually go have lunch with my wife, BIL & FIL.

Driving back from lunch:

Her "I love that you spend time with my family. They really like you. And I like that you do that you make an effort to invite them."

Me "Oh yeah. I like your dad and BIL."

Her "My mom was wondering if we had plans this weekend."

ME "I mean we were with your family today. I kinda wanted to relax  and watch football and baseball this weekend."

Her "Oh okay. We can do stuff with the kids"

about 20 minutes later

Her "Wait a sec. Do you do these lunches so that you can get the brownie points for spending time with my family. Without having to spend time with my mom & sister?"

 

 

 

 

 

I would do literally anything to avoid spending time with my mother-in-law. If I had this conversation with my wife and she figured it out while I was driving, I would Toonces the Driving Cat it because life would be over anyway.

[Jameslaw121 4494]

3 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

I would do literally anything to avoid spending time with my mother-in-law. If I had this conversation with my wife and she figured it out while I was driving, I would Toonces the Driving Cat it because life would be over anyway.

I actually really, really like her family. But they don't know how to just hang out and relax. They make an itinerary for everything. And micromanage stuff like kids birthday parties. You know "We going to cut the cake at 3:12"

[mdmost 44064]

There may be nothing more excruciating to do with my wife than to help her pick out paint colors. I would rather be stuck in all day traffic that's not moving and I have to piss really badly than have to pick another f'ing paint color for this f'ing bathroom. JUST FUCKING PICK ONE!

Anyone else think they make us help them so they can blame us later if it doesn't work out the way that's in their diseased female heads? I swear this whole process is just a trap she lays for me. 

Edited October 23, 2023 by mdmost

[BHMCruiser 1828]

34 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

I actually really, really like her family. But they don't know how to just hang out and relax. They make an itinerary for everything. And micromanage stuff like kids birthday parties. You know "We going to cut the cake at 3:12"

My mother-in-law is a self-righteous, judgmental, opinionated, self-centered butthole, but makes up for that by also being profoundly stupid. 

[BHMCruiser 1828]

21 minutes ago, mdmost said:

There may be nothing more excruciating to do with my wife than to help her pick out paint colors. I would rather be stuck in all day traffic that's not moving and I have to piss really badly than have to pick another f'ing paint color for this f'ing bathroom. JUST FUCKING PICK ONE!

Anyone else think they make us help them so they can blame us later if it doesn't work out the way that's in their diseased female heads? I swear this whole process is just a trap she lays for me. 

We recently renovated some bathrooms. I went through this same excruciating process (including her making the painters paint three different times) and finally just took the book, flipped it open to a good color, pointed and said "this is the color we want." My wife got mad at how little I cared and now everybody who visits talks about how amazing the bathroom color is and she visibly steams. 

[Fudbelty 2810]

Strict rule in our house. No christmas shit until after TGiving weekend. TGiving is 4 days people. 

Growing up Christmas went Black Friday and the weekend after. I was very strict with this with the gf. Then we got married and guess who won. Her calendar she shared on FB.

[mdmost 44064]

6 hours ago, BHMCruiser said:

We recently renovated some bathrooms. I went through this same excruciating process (including her making the painters paint three different times) and finally just took the book, flipped it open to a good color, pointed and said "this is the color we want." My wife got mad at how little I cared and now everybody who visits talks about how amazing the bathroom color is and she visibly steams. 

And she f'ing changes everything at the last minute. I usually hone in on a color and am good with it. But no, I have to "explain why I like it or what that color would mean to the bathroom". I told her, you tell me which color you would like because I honestly don't care about the colors other than if it looks like one we already have. But when she says, I want ______ color, I then pick the one I like. "But we don't know what it will look like on the walls". Yeah no shit. So you just have to roll with one and see how it goes. But I swear she wants to have me to blame if the color doesn't work out. I'm just sick of this bullshit. All I want is a 2nd functional bathroom again. And if I give her a firm reason for why I want one, it is met with "well you just want to get this over and be done". No, I just am tired of going back and forth about it. Pick your favorite and move on. And don't get me started on how everything needs to be something the next owners will be okay with. Yeah, this in a house we've been in since 2004. WE'RE NOT LEAVING ANY TIME SOON, GOD DAMMIT. 

We have our master bath that's really small that needs to be redone. Taking the shower tub out and putting in a walk-in shower. I told her that we aren't moving one inch forward on it until she knows EXACTLY what she wants for the entire thing. And I mean we're going to go get tile samples, fixture colors (brass/black), paint colors on the walls, all that shit before we start so she can do all the female shit she needs to do to get her mind around what the fuck she wants in her damn woman head. If you can tell, I'm very annoyed by all of this. It shouldn't be this hard but it is with her. I'm not going through this mess again. She needs to lock in on everything she wants before we commit to it. 

Edited October 23, 2023 by mdmost

[Sam Lin 3600]

Hahahahahahahahaha.gif

 

40 minutes ago, mdmost said:

I'm not going through this mess again. She needs to lock in on everything she wants before we commit to it. 

 

[mdmost 44064]

23 minutes ago, Sam Lin said:

Hahahahahahahahaha.gif

 

 

You will be first on my kill list this week. 

[PvilleStang 2994]

She's banging the painters, and is mad you picked the final color.

[tbone_ 14453]

And she f'ing changes everything at the last minute. I usually hone in on a color and am good with it. But no, I have to "explain why I like it or what that color would mean to the bathroom". I told her, you tell me which color you would like because I honestly don't care about the colors other than if it looks like one we already have. But when she says, I want to ______ color, I then pick the one I like. "But we don't know what it will look like on the walls". Yeah no shit. So you just have to roll with one and see how it goes. But I swear she wants to have me to blame if the color doesn't work out. I'm just sick of this bullshit. All I want is a 2nd functional bathroom again. And if I give her a firm reason for why I want one, it is met with "well you just want to get this over and be done". No, I just am tired of going back and forth about it. Pick your favorite and move on. And don't get me started on how everything needs to be something the next owners will be okay with. Yeah, this in a house we've been in since 2004. WE'RE NOT LEAVING ANY TIME SOON, GOD DAMMIT. 
We have our master bath that's really small that needs to be redone. Taking the shower tub out and putting in a walk-in shower. I told her that we aren't moving one inch forward on it until she knows EXACTLY what she wants for the entire thing. And I mean we're going to go get tile samples, fixture colors (brass/black), paint colors on the walls, all that shit before we start so she can do all the female shit she needs to do to get her mind around what the fuck she wants in her damn woman head. If you can tell, I'm very annoyed by all of this. It shouldn't be this hard but it is with her. I'm not going through this mess again. She needs to lock in on everything she wants before we commit to it. 

This is never going to happen and you know it. So why are you wasting energy on this fantasy?

[mdmost 44064]

A man can dream

[tbone_ 14453]

[Nivek 17415]

There may be nothing more excruciating to do with my wife than to help her pick out paint colors. I would rather be stuck in all day traffic that's not moving and I have to piss really badly than have to pick another f'ing paint color for this f'ing bathroom. JUST FUCKING PICK ONE!
Anyone else think they make us help them so they can blame us later if it doesn't work out the way that's in their diseased female heads? I swear this whole process is just a trap she lays for me. 

I have had swatches and test paint squares on the walls for 9 months once. 6 months another time.

My new thing is just to say “I trust you” and get the fuck out of it.

[mdmost 44064]

4 minutes ago, Nivek said:

My new thing is just to say “I trust you” and get the fuck out of it.

[Dnaguy 12632]

38 minutes ago, Nivek said:

I have had swatches and test paint squares on the walls for 9 months once. 6 months another time.

My new thing is just to say “I trust you” and get the fuck out of it.

But if she makes the decision she would then be liable for the blame.

Wives ask for your opinion so when shit goes sideways they have you to blame.

Prove me wrong kids. Prove me wrong.

[Brothahorn 10097]

7 hours ago, mdmost said:

And she f'ing changes everything at the last minute. I usually hone in on a color and am good with it. But no, I have to "explain why I like it or what that color would mean to the bathroom". I told her, you tell me which color you would like because I honestly don't care about the colors other than if it looks like one we already have. But when she says, I want ______ color, I then pick the one I like. "But we don't know what it will look like on the walls". Yeah no shit. So you just have to roll with one and see how it goes. But I swear she wants to have me to blame if the color doesn't work out. I'm just sick of this bullshit. All I want is a 2nd functional bathroom again. And if I give her a firm reason for why I want one, it is met with "well you just want to get this over and be done". No, I just am tired of going back and forth about it. Pick your favorite and move on. And don't get me started on how everything needs to be something the next owners will be okay with. Yeah, this in a house we've been in since 2004. WE'RE NOT LEAVING ANY TIME SOON, GOD DAMMIT. 

We have our master bath that's really small that needs to be redone. Taking the shower tub out and putting in a walk-in shower. I told her that we aren't moving one inch forward on it until she knows EXACTLY what she wants for the entire thing. And I mean we're going to go get tile samples, fixture colors (brass/black), paint colors on the walls, all that shit before we start so she can do all the female shit she needs to do to get her mind around what the fuck she wants in her damn woman head. If you can tell, I'm very annoyed by all of this. It shouldn't be this hard but it is with her. I'm not going through this mess again. She needs to lock in on everything she wants before we commit to it. 

Man, you gotta get the old people bathtub.

https://www.kohlerwalkinbath.com/

I let my wife talk me out of it when we built the country house. I f'ed up.

 

 

[CycleTex87 3038]

Just don’t know how a walk in tub is a good idea ever. 

[Gil Bang 26244]

You strip naked, walk in, and stand there beating your old flaccid meat waiting for the tub to full up while freezing your ass off.    

I'll pass.

[NWBuck 8629]

1 hour ago, Gil Bang said:

You strip naked, walk in, and stand there beating your old flaccid meat waiting for the tub to full up while freezing your ass off.    

I'll pass.

Even worse would be standing there waiting for it to drain. 

(the tub. not the meat.) 

[Dnaguy 12632]

9 hours ago, NWBuck said:

Even worse would be standing there waiting for it to drain. 

(the tub. not the meat.) 

 

Peter North says otherwise

[Nivek 17415]

16 hours ago, Dnaguy said:

But if she makes the decision she would then be liable for the blame.

Wives ask for your opinion so when shit goes sideways they have you to blame.

Prove me wrong kids. Prove me wrong.

It works.  But it is not a one time thing.  Wife picked out a new fridge, it was smaller than the other one and counter depth.  It has a temp sensor in a stupid place and if any groceries are near it, it can cause the water dispenser to freeze up.    She was feeling bad, but I just encouraged her.  "Well, I like the fridge, we adapted to the huge one we used to have, and this one will force us to be more organized!"   This encouraged her.   She finally picked paint, and painted.  "Well, I like it, it is a little different than what I expected but it adds a little more color to the room."    She picked out a new sofa, "I like it, what do you think about this color?" and she agrees with me.  (I am fucking tired of dark brown furniture.)   

 

[Sandman 3435]

On 10/23/2023 at 9:29 AM, mdmost said:

There may be nothing more excruciating to do with my wife than to help her pick out paint colors. I would rather be stuck in all day traffic that's not moving and I have to piss really badly than have to pick another f'ing paint color for this f'ing bathroom. JUST FUCKING PICK ONE!

Anyone else think they make us help them so they can blame us later if it doesn't work out the way that's in their diseased female heads? I swear this whole process is just a trap she lays for me. 

This is one of the few times I am glad to be colorblind. She'll ask me about color options for whatever and I just say "Who are you asking?" and only then will she remember that I've been colorblind for the entirety of our 14 year marriage. 

[nnm 37916]

30 minutes ago, Sandman said:

This is one of the few times I am glad to be colorblind. She'll ask me about color options for whatever and I just say "Who are you asking?" and only then will she remember that I've been colorblind for the entirety of our 14 year marriage. 

My man. Color blindness has helped me stay out of paint color discussions for 31 years so far.