Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Incredulity 11568]

2 hours ago, texashorne said:

I got scalded by the wife for using the term "bush league" in front of the kids. I asked her why, and she said the term's origin comes from a reference to the female anatomy. 

 

CSB warning:

Summer baseball coach when I was 16-18 would shout, "that's bush!" when someone fucked something up.  Being of a generation who discovered the female form in old Playboys snuck from neighborhood fathers garage it struck the entire team as a hilarious.   The teams random fits of laughter after a, "that's bush" were always meet with additional conditioning.

[Armybrat 40759]

1 hour ago, DigglerontheHoof said:

https://www.mlb.com/glossary/idioms/bush-league

Bush League

Definition

"Bush league" describes something that is below professional standards.

Origin

With "bush" being a synonym for a rural area, non-Major League clubs in small towns were referred to as bush league teams in the early days of baseball. The term has come to be used often outside of baseball.

I prefer Mrs. Texashorne’s definition. 

[Brisketexan 104785]

3 hours ago, texashorne said:

I got scalded by the wife for using the term "bush league" in front of the kids. I asked her why, and she said the term's origin comes from a reference to the female anatomy. 

 

If that's what it means....then young Brisket spent many years trying to walk-on to any team in that league that would give him a shot at appearing in a game.  I was a real journeyman.

[Superhero 8806]

12 hours ago, Jimbaround said:

Did you ever wonder why you always got such prime seating at the church picnic?

First in line at communion don’t come cheap. 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11811]

We bought a new GE combination microwave/convection oven.   My wife proceeded to tear the mica board waveguide cover out of it, “because it looked like cardboard and the instructions said to remove all packaging”.  Now I have to either try to fix it or return it.

[Superhero 8806]

On 5/28/2024 at 9:32 AM, Scheiss Meister said:

Lately I can't say a complete sentence without my wife interrupting.  I've just stopped trying to communicate, other than the most basic things.  She don't want to hear, she don't have to hear.

We must be married to the same woman. Whenever she interrupts, I’ll tell her she interrupted and walk away. We haven’t had a complete conversation in days (other than talking about the tithe).

At home I usually have earbuds or earphones and listen to music, audiobooks, stand up comedies or play video games.

 

[Beau Vine 54052]

2 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

We bought a new GE combination microwave/convection oven.   My wife proceeded to tear the mica board waveguide cover out of it, “because it looked like cardboard and the instructions said to remove all packaging”.  Now I have to either try to fix it or return it.

https://www.amazon.com/Waveguide-Cover-Replacement-2-53-4-17/dp/B08K8VXB2X?th=1

[NWBuck 8549]

2 hours ago, Superhero said:

We haven’t had a complete conversation in days (other than talking about the tithe).

Sounds like a good investment... Tell me about more about this church of yours 

[Tex Long 4356]

20 hours ago, Armybrat said:

I prefer Mrs. Texashorne’s definition. 

Wait 'til she hears about Slump Busters...

[BHMCruiser 1813]

On 5/27/2024 at 10:05 PM, harpercollins said:

 

 

This is what I mean. In 25 minutes of her talking about FRQ and the implications of the new FRQ, you were not able to use any contextual evidence to determine that FRQ is a type of assessment? I feel like you just decided not to care what FRQ means. Especially because if your wife has been an AP teacher for any length of time you would already know that FRQ means free response question.

 

 

go away

[BHMCruiser 1813]

On 5/28/2024 at 1:18 AM, harpercollins said:

Obviously. But I’m guessing he just got irritated at the first non-obvious bit of jargon and decided not to care what a FRQ was.

For context, this is the convo that inspired my post:

Me: “the guy said—“
Him: “wait. What guy?”
Me: “I’m about to freaking tell you what guy. The guy said that when he comes to do the trees he’ll need to start with the ones around the downed power lines.”

Could I have said “the tree guy?” Sure.
Would that have been better? Sure.
Would you treat a coworker or buddy that way? Probably not.

Yes but I don't have a history of stupid, pointless, and self-centered conversations with my coworkers or buddies so they get the benefit of the doubt. 

[BHMCruiser 1813]

14 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

We bought a new GE combination microwave/convection oven.   My wife proceeded to tear the mica board waveguide cover out of it, “because it looked like cardboard and the instructions said to remove all packaging”.  Now I have to either try to fix it or return it.

Return it. I had to fix one when we moved into our house and it's just not the same as new. 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11811]

5 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

Return it. I had to fix one when we moved into our house and it's just not the same as new. 

You mean you fixed/replaced the waveguide cover, or just fixed the microwave in general?

[NeverMarryAStripper 21784]

58 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

Return it. I had to fix one when we moved into our house and it's just not the same as new. 

That seems like a shitty thing to do.

[royiv 9179]

On 6/4/2024 at 7:21 AM, deter said:

Actually the preacher does. 

More spending money to take the kiddos in the congregation on nicer dates to Chuck E. Cheese.

[Jerry Callo 8674]

2 hours ago, BHMCruiser said:

Return it. I had to fix one when we moved into our house and it's just not the same as new. 

The microwave or the wife?

[TrashMaster G 17445]

43 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

The microwave or the wife?

[BHMCruiser 1813]

3 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

You mean you fixed/replaced the waveguide cover, or just fixed the microwave in general?

The waveguide cover on the top of a drawer-style microwave. I'm pretty handy, but it was a pain in the ass and was never quite right. 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11811]

1 minute ago, BHMCruiser said:

The waveguide cover on the top of a drawer-style microwave. I'm pretty handy, but it was a pain in the ass and was never quite right. 

Ah gotcha, thanks.  This one doesn't look too hard, but I'm tempted just to make her return it just because.

[BHMCruiser 1813]

Just now, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Ah gotcha, thanks.  This one doesn't look too hard, but I'm tempted just to make her return it just because.

May want to clear that with NMAS's moral compass first

[NeverMarryAStripper 21784]

I don't know what business you're in, but I'm sure that you would love for people to treat it like that.

[ABSR 5289]

4 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

That seems like a shitty thing to do.

They'll just write it off!   That's what those big companies do, Jerry!

[ROFL BOX 6647]

She argued with me for quite awhile that a "¾ Ton" truck is not the same as a 2500 (Chevy).

 

Showed her multiple resources online that specifically state YES, a ¾ Ton actually IS a 2500."

Her: "Well, the vehicle title doesn't state '2500", it says ¾" so you're wrong. "

 

🤦‍♂️

[nnm 36213]

Just now, ROFL BOX said:

She argued with me for quite awhile that a "¾ Ton" truck is not the same as a 2500 (Chevy).

 

Showed her multiple resources online that specifically state YES, a ¾ Ton actually IS a 2500."

Her: "Well, the vehicle title doesn't state '2500", it says ¾" so you're wrong. "

 

🤦‍♂️

To be fair, the way the big 3 truck makers (Ford, GMC, Dodge) branded their trucks doesn't make any sense. 

Shouldn't a 1/2 ton be a 1000, a 3/4 ton a 1500, and a one-ton a 2,000? 

Instead:

Half-ton:  F-150, GMC 1500, Ram 1500

3/4 ton: F-250, GMC 2500, Ram 2500

One-ton: F-350, GMC 3500, Ram 3500

Of course, all of those pickups can haul a lot more than the 1/2, 3/4, and 1 ton limits with modern drivetrains.

 

[tbone_ 14041]

Seems like a productive topic to argue with the wife on

[NeverMarryAStripper 21784]

Just tell her it’s the metric system 

[ROFL BOX 6647]

Seems like a productive topic to argue with the wife on

Agreed... so why she picked THAT hill to die on, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The web is chock full of reasons why she should have acquiesced, but... nope.

[Armybrat 40759]

3 hours ago, nnm said:

To be fair, the way the big 3 truck makers (Ford, GMC, Dodge) branded their trucks doesn't make any sense. 

Shouldn't a 1/2 ton be a 1000, a 3/4 ton a 1500, and a one-ton a 2,000? 

Instead:

Half-ton:  F-150, GMC 1500, Ram 1500

3/4 ton: F-250, GMC 2500, Ram 2500

One-ton: F-350, GMC 3500, Ram 3500

Of course, all of those pickups can haul a lot more than the 1/2, 3/4, and 1 ton limits with modern drivetrains.

 

I carried a cubic yard of gravel in my 1973 Chevy 1500 short bed. 
It did have the optional heavy duty sustension (and the 350 engine). 
looked like the rear was raked, but it made it the 10 miles from the gravel pit to the house ok.

[Sam Lin 3544]

3 hours ago, nnm said:

To be fair, the way the big 3 truck makers (Ford, GMC, Dodge) branded their trucks doesn't make any sense. 

Shouldn't a 1/2 ton be a 1000, a 3/4 ton a 1500, and a one-ton a 2,000? 

Instead:

Half-ton:  F-150, GMC 1500, Ram 1500

3/4 ton: F-250, GMC 2500, Ram 2500

One-ton: F-350, GMC 3500, Ram 3500

Of course, all of those pickups can haul a lot more than the 1/2, 3/4, and 1 ton limits with modern drivetrains.

 

So much this. The truck "ton" naming has always confused me.

[Celery Man 20911]

Wife relies heavily on the placebo effect with all kinds of different remedies whenever she gets sick. Humidifiers are one of them, and we've gone through several because they're wrong or they get yucky or the room got "sticky" or whatever - I don't pay attention or get involved typically, if she wants to spend $35 annually on humidifiers that she throws away after failing to understand how they work, that is not a problem I need to insert myself into.

I keep a humidifier in my office. I chose a thing after googling, it has an app, I set it to a level that is ideal for guitars (which is why I have the thing), I clean it a couple of times a month with vinegar, during the winter I'm constantly topping it off, I have a hygrometer on the other side of the room to verify the humidity. It's a whole thing, the mx is a pain in the ass but it works well and my office stays at 45-50% humidity.

Wife has a cold and bought a new humidifier. A 6 liter govee. Uh, ok dude, do you want me to set that up? We probably should've gotten a levoit so I could control it with the same app as the one in my office. "Oh I don't want to do anything that complicated, don't worry about it".

Woke up this morning to a literal cloud in the room, the sensor on the front of the thing is reading 83%. jtfc i just installed the app on my phone and put a password on it,  set it to 50. trying to decide if i should tell her it uses invisible mist.

[Sam Lin 3544]

1 hour ago, Celery Man said:

 i just installed the app on my phone

RIP your personal data.

[Celery Man 20911]

oh is govee specifically bad? I typically just assume everything is out there and I'm not going to worry too much about it but maybe I'll go review the settings.

[BHMCruiser 1813]

20 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I don't know what business you're in, but I'm sure that you would love for people to treat it like that.

I'm a professional microwave stealer so I'm good with it

18 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

She argued with me for quite awhile that a "¾ Ton" truck is not the same as a 2500 (Chevy).

 

Showed her multiple resources online that specifically state YES, a ¾ Ton actually IS a 2500."

Her: "Well, the vehicle title doesn't state '2500", it says ¾" so you're wrong. "

 

🤦‍♂️

I cannot even imagine having this argument with any woman, much less my wife. Who gives a shit? Why would you even try to correct her?

[McCroskey 1503]

In a hotel room and my wife starts changing and I remind her our son came back from the pool and is right there in the living room and can see her. She says, I’ll just close the door.

The door:

[Incredulity 11568]

wife pics not showing up.  Please reload.

[nnm 36213]

15 minutes ago, McCroskey said:

In a hotel room and my wife starts changing and I remind her our son came back from the pool and is right there in the living room and can see her. She says, I’ll just close the door.

The door:

Obligatory:

[nnm 36213]

Scenario is girlfriend interpreter, but certainly applies to wives.

 

 

[Jameslaw121 4447]

8 hours ago, Celery Man said:

Wife relies heavily on the placebo effect with all kinds of different remedies whenever she gets sick. Humidifiers are one of them, and we've gone through several because they're wrong or they get yucky or the room got "sticky" or whatever - I don't pay attention or get involved typically, if she wants to spend $35 annually on humidifiers that she throws away after failing to understand how they work, that is not a problem I need to insert myself into.

I keep a humidifier in my office. I chose a thing after googling, it has an app, I set it to a level that is ideal for guitars (which is why I have the thing), I clean it a couple of times a month with vinegar, during the winter I'm constantly topping it off, I have a hygrometer on the other side of the room to verify the humidity. It's a whole thing, the mx is a pain in the ass but it works well and my office stays at 45-50% humidity.

Wife has a cold and bought a new humidifier. A 6 liter govee. Uh, ok dude, do you want me to set that up? We probably should've gotten a levoit so I could control it with the same app as the one in my office. "Oh I don't want to do anything that complicated, don't worry about it".

Woke up this morning to a literal cloud in the room, the sensor on the front of the thing is reading 83%. jtfc i just installed the app on my phone and put a password on it,  set it to 50. trying to decide if i should tell her it uses invisible mist.

Similar.  When we bought our house I put humidifiers in most of the rooms. Set them all up. she kept asking a bunch of questions and looking stuff up on google. Kept on telling me I was wrong for setting them to 55%. Finally I just lost it and said "Do you know what I do for a fucking living???"

(For those who don't know, I sell violins and other string instruments that range in price up to $100K. They have to be kept at a very stable humidity)

 

[hullabelew 3722]

I LOVE the 'you don't know that' response.    My standard response is, "Actually, I do".  

I have the same issue with the dehumidifiers in our basement.  During the summer, she will turn on the whole house humidifier on the HVAC and turn off the dehumidifiers.  Every fucking year...same discussion.  

[wd40 1976]

I got a "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE RIGHT!?1", a few days ago after she'd been repeatedly attempting to plug in the lightning end of her charger cable into the (old school) USB port on the plug.  

the morning of our departure, as we were packing, I noticed about a 1" hole in the elbow of her hoodie.  I felt pretty good that I had learned my lesson and kept my mouth shut.  not my problem.

day after we got back, talking about someone else, she said, "I never lose it like that".  big lol from me.  to her credit, she owned it after I reminded her about the USB incident.

Edited June 7 by wd40

[TrashMaster G 17445]

4 hours ago, Incredulity said:

wife pics not showing up.  Please reload.

This. 

[Gil Bang 25903]

On 6/5/2024 at 3:50 PM, nnm said:

To be fair, the way the big 3 truck makers (Ford, GMC, Dodge) branded their trucks doesn't make any sense. 

Shouldn't a 1/2 ton be a 1000, a 3/4 ton a 1500, and a one-ton a 2,000? 

Instead:

Half-ton:  F-150, GMC 1500, Ram 1500

3/4 ton: F-250, GMC 2500, Ram 2500

One-ton: F-350, GMC 3500, Ram 3500

Of course, all of those pickups can haul a lot more than the 1/2, 3/4, and 1 ton limits with modern drivetrains.

 

In the 70's, Ford sold the F-100, and also the F-150.   IIRC, they were the same truck, except the 150 had "3/4 ton" suspension. 

Dodge had a "100":

 

And Chevy's Frontline truck was the "C-10".  

My dad had a ''78 F-150, and his buddy had a F-100, but his may have been a year or two older. 

[Gil Bang 25903]

2 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Similar.  When we bought our house I put humidifiers in most of the rooms. Set them all up. she kept asking a bunch of questions and looking stuff up on google. Kept on telling me I was wrong for setting them to 55%. Finally I just lost it and said "Do you know what I do for a fucking living???"

(For those who don't know, I sell violins and other string instruments that range in price up to $100K. They have to be kept at a very stable humidity)

 

Oh shit...I thought you sold student-grade instruments.    I had no idea you did the high-end stuff.

[tbone_ 14041]

Similar.  When we bought our house I put humidifiers in most of the rooms. Set them all up. she kept asking a bunch of questions and looking stuff up on google. Kept on telling me I was wrong for setting them to 55%. Finally I just lost it and said "Do you know what I do for a fucking living???"
(For those who don't know, I sell violins and other string instruments that range in price up to $100K. They have to be kept at a very stable humidity)
 

It’s in the chromosomes I think.

Ex wife argued with me once for a long time that it wasn’t possible to reserve rights to use real estate a certain way without owning the real estate (commonly known as easements). Current about to be wife argued with me that there is no way I knew where the drinking water supply came from.

Despite the fact that I have been a real estate developer for nearly 30 years now. Easements and the source of water, yea I wouldn’t know shit about that at all.

[Budkudzu 280]

2 hours ago, hullabelew said:

I LOVE the 'you don't know that' response.    My standard response is, "Actually, I do".  

I have the same issue with the dehumidifiers in our basement.  During the summer, she will turn on the whole house humidifier on the HVAC and turn off the dehumidifiers.  Every fucking year...same discussion.  

I'm just trying to get my soul mate to close the fucking windows when the AC kicks in. 

[Sandman 3403]

4 hours ago, McCroskey said:

In a hotel room and my wife starts changing and I remind her our son came back from the pool and is right there in the living room and can see her. She says, I’ll just close the door.

The door:

[nnm 36213]

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

It’s in the chromosomes I think.

Ex wife argued with me once for a long time that it wasn’t possible to reserve rights to use real estate a certain way without owning the real estate (commonly known as easements). Current about to be wife argued with me that there is no way I knew where the drinking water supply came from.

Despite the fact that I have been a real estate developer for nearly 30 years now. Easements and the source of water, yea I wouldn’t know shit about that at all.

Property law 101:  property rights are like a bundle of sticks. Every stick is something else you can do with the property, from the surface to the center of the earth. You can give, sell, lend, or lease any one of those sticks, and keep others. Giving someone the right to drive across it is one stick. The right to extract oil between 5,000 to 7,000 feet is another. The right to occupy a residence on the property is another. Etc. 

(I’m sure you know this. It’s just a common discussion I have with people who live around pumpjacks and other oilpatch stuff). 

[Modessit 5597]

My wife doesn't care to know or understand 90% of anything that doesn't involve her job or her favorite shows. She couldn't care about truck tonnage, humidifiers, etc. That's what I'm for.

And if she does need to know for some reason, she won't bother looking it up. She'll just ask me. "You are my Google."

[ztejas 43382]

7 hours ago, McCroskey said:

In a hotel room and my wife starts changing and I remind her our son came back from the pool and is right there in the living room and can see her. She says, I’ll just close the door.

The door:

I've seen a lot of porn that starts this way.

[NWBuck 8549]

7 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Similar.  When we bought our house I put humidifiers in most of the rooms. Set them all up. she kept asking a bunch of questions and looking stuff up on google. Kept on telling me I was wrong for setting them to 55%.