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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Jerry Callo

Jerry Callo 8,674

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Posted
3 hours ago, Budkudzu said:

Soul Mate:  I've turned the thermostat down to 68

Bud: Why?

Soul Mate:  It's going to be real hot today and I want to make sure the house stays cool

Bud: Just keep it where it's set and the AC will just turn on more often, but it will stay just as cool any other day

Soul Mate:  You don't understand.  It's going to be real hot today

Mona Lisa:  Is the thermostat set at 69?

Me:  Yep.

Mona Lisa:  Good.

Me:  Yep.

 

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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17,437

Posted
Posted
On 6/23/2024 at 2:12 PM, thunderlounge said:

So this was my morning…

IMG_1247.thumb.jpeg.50d48b1f07bc3ad17cb421313e567f06.jpeg

IMG_1248.thumb.jpeg.591f83664ef7c5183be35403c3a0fc1d.jpeg

 

 


Painting the bathroom this weekend. Didn’t get to bed til after 2 this morning. 
 

Wife was supposed to pick up her sister at 1030 this morning to run up to their mom’s place to help get ready to move. I planned on painting instead (good call.)

Well, she goes out to the garage to have a smoke. Finishes, waits a second, dumps the ashtray and came in to take a shower. This was about 5 after 9.

I really, really wanted to roll back over for another hour.

Thankfully, I didn’t. 
 

I wandered into the kitchen towards the coffee pot.

I thought I smelled smoke, figured she probably didn’t get the door from the garage shut tight. (New seal breaking in.)

Open the door to flames about a foot under my yak, smoke so thick you couldn’t see.

Thankfully I had a brush soaking in water from painting. I had already cleaned it, but wanted to soak it over night.

Chucked the brush, dumped the 3/4 gallon of water on it, which knocked it back enough to grab the fire extinguisher, and finish it off.

Called the fire dept to check for hot spots.

Another 90 seconds and we would have lost everything, maybe our lives.

 

So pissed I’m calm. Not bueno.

Needless to say, fixing all that is now on her. I’m not touching it more than I have to. She’s learning a hard lesson, and it better got damn stick.

 

Fucking smokers.

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18,736

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Posted (edited)

Wife- doesn't your friend live in Brazoria County?

Me- yes, why?

Wife- they just said mandatory evacuation for Brazoria County

Me- that can't be correct 

Wife- yes it is they just showed it you never believe me! 

Me- what does it say exactly? 

Wife- Quintana, Brazoria County 

Me- (googles Quintana) Quintana, TX town in Brazoria County, Texas population 56

Wife- tone 

Me- (under my breath) see why I never believe you? 

Edited by Dennis Taylor
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Sandman

Sandman 3,403

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Posted

We've been discussing vacation options and I found some good flight deals to Chicago in Sept/Oct. She says that will interfere with our trip to Branson in December, which makes no sense, but whatever. I drop it. She comes back 10 minutes later and proudly exclaims that she found EVEN CHEAPER flights to Chicago.....in February. I said would you like to take a stab at why they might be so cheap? It took her a minute but she figured it out.

I then asked why going 2 months before our Branson trip was bad but going 2 months afterwards was ok and she had nothing. I think it was because going to Chicago is my idea and not hers, which makes it somehow less good. 

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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1,813

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3 hours ago, thunderlounge said:

Plus, and hear me out here, it’s Chicago.

I love that he mentioned going to Branson twice and you're criticizing him for maybe going to Chicago. I'd rather get shot and killed in Chicago in the middle of a snowstorm than be within 100 miles of Branson.

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thunderlounge

thunderlounge 7,778

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

I love that he mentioned going to Branson twice and you're criticizing him for maybe going to Chicago. I'd rather get shot and killed in Chicago in the middle of a snowstorm than be within 100 miles of Branson.


 

not bad mike pence GIF by Election 2016

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blacklab

blacklab 11,885

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Posted

Not my wife but someone's wife

Took my kids and some of their friends out on boat today. I was taking one of them home, driving the FJ and towing the boat. Right before you get to their house you go through a cul de sac that has a road that comes from the right that has a stop sign. Lady driving a minivan blows through the stop sign and I have to lock it up while towing 5000 pounds so I lay on the horn. 

She stops and rolls down her window and starts screaming at me "do you even live here, what are you doing here?" 

I tell her nicely that I'm dropping my kids friends off and point to their house.

She says "well, it's tradition that people coming from that way go over on the wrong side of the street so people coming from..."

I cut her off "You have a stop sign, I do not. I have the right of way"

her: "you are wrong"

me "You have a stop sign, I do not, I have the right of way"

She sits there with her mouth open, starts talking about three times then finally starts to drive off when my kids friends mom comes up. Crazy lady waves her down and complains about me and my not following tradition of the cul de sac and how it's supposed to flow. Mom just nods at her.

Mom then drives up to me and I say "Hey, I'm not sure if you're aware but I'm making friends with your neighbors!"

She laughs and says yeah, some of her neighbors are idiots and if they think that's the way it should be then they need the county to put a stop sign there.

She then whispers so the kids don't hear, "Also she's an alcoholic and drunk as a skunk and shouldn't be driving right now"

We both laugh pretty hard, my kids pester me the whole way home, "what were you and Mrs. X laughing about?"

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18,736

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, blacklab said:

Not my wife but someone's wife

Took my kids and some of their friends out on boat today. I was taking one of them home, driving the FJ and towing the boat. Right before you get to their house you go through a cul de sac that has a road that comes from the right that has a stop sign. Lady driving a minivan blows through the stop sign and I have to lock it up while towing 5000 pounds so I lay on the horn. 

She stops and rolls down her window and starts screaming at me "do you even live here, what are you doing here?" 

I tell her nicely that I'm dropping my kids friends off and point to their house.

She says "well, it's tradition that people coming from that way go over on the wrong side of the street so people coming from..."

I cut her off "You have a stop sign, I do not. I have the right of way"

her: "you are wrong"

me "You have a stop sign, I do not, I have the right of way"

She sits there with her mouth open, starts talking about three times then finally starts to drive off when my kids friends mom comes up. Crazy lady waves her down and complains about me and my not following tradition of the cul de sac and how it's supposed to flow. Mom just nods at her.

Mom then drives up to me and I say "Hey, I'm not sure if you're aware but I'm making friends with your neighbors!"

She laughs and says yeah, some of her neighbors are idiots and if they think that's the way it should be then they need the county to put a stop sign there.

She then whispers so the kids don't hear, "Also she's an alcoholic and drunk as a skunk and shouldn't be driving right now"

We both laugh pretty hard, my kids pester me the whole way home, "what were you and Mrs. X laughing about?"

Mike Gundy's done that thousands of times 

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PvilleStang

PvilleStang 2,856

Posted
Posted
12 hours ago, blacklab said:

Not my wife but someone's wife

Took my kids and some of their friends out on boat today. I was taking one of them home, driving the FJ and towing the boat. Right before you get to their house you go through a cul de sac that has a road that comes from the right that has a stop sign. Lady driving a minivan blows through the stop sign and I have to lock it up while towing 5000 pounds so I lay on the horn. 

She stops and rolls down her window and starts screaming at me "do you even live here, what are you doing here?" 

I tell her nicely that I'm dropping my kids friends off and point to their house.

She says "well, it's tradition that people coming from that way go over on the wrong side of the street so people coming from..."

I cut her off "You have a stop sign, I do not. I have the right of way"

her: "you are wrong"

me "You have a stop sign, I do not, I have the right of way"

She sits there with her mouth open, starts talking about three times then finally starts to drive off when my kids friends mom comes up. Crazy lady waves her down and complains about me and my not following tradition of the cul de sac and how it's supposed to flow. Mom just nods at her.

Mom then drives up to me and I say "Hey, I'm not sure if you're aware but I'm making friends with your neighbors!"

She laughs and says yeah, some of her neighbors are idiots and if they think that's the way it should be then they need the county to put a stop sign there.

She then whispers so the kids don't hear, "Also she's an alcoholic and drunk as a skunk and shouldn't be driving right now"

We both laugh pretty hard, my kids pester me the whole way home, "what were you and Mrs. X laughing about?"

I'm sure there's a post on Cuerny Gals all about it by now.

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ztejas

ztejas 43,382

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Posted
On 6/11/2024 at 4:50 PM, Dnaguy said:

Am I wrong to assume that it's common knowledge that whales don't lay eggs or that eggs the size caviar couldn't come from a creature the size of a Beluga whale?

George Costanza Seinfeld GIF

No - you're right. Before I let any woman touch my peener I stop and ask them a few questions about their preconceived notions of mammalian reproductive systems.

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Mittens

Mittens 8,196

Posted
Posted
14 hours ago, blacklab said:

I cut her off "You have a stop sign, I do not. I have the right of way"

I had one of these happen, except where one of y'all's wives didn't have the stop sign, but stopped anyway and was blocking the other 3 cars at the intersection from moving.  If your wife came home all upset a couple months ago because someone called her a dumb cunt, that was me.

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Sandman

Sandman 3,403

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Posted
On 7/9/2024 at 1:08 PM, BHMCruiser said:

I love that he mentioned going to Branson twice and you're criticizing him for maybe going to Chicago. I'd rather get shot and killed in Chicago in the middle of a snowstorm than be within 100 miles of Branson.

I was told that once you hit 50, going to Branson is mandatory. Are you saying I've been lied to???

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General Specific

General Specific 3,242

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Posted
I was told that once you hit 50, going to Branson is mandatory. Are you saying I've been lied to???

Sounds like a gentlemens agreement thing. If you see me in Branson, do us both a favor and run me over, then back up, and run me over a second (well technically a third time) time!
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Tex Long

Tex Long 4,356

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Posted
1 hour ago, nnm said:

I guarantee, when she was three years old and with Mama at the grocery store, and was refused some dumbass toy, she would throw herself to the ground and drum her heels while shrieking at the top of her lungs "I hate you, mommy! I hate you! I hate you!" over and over... and Mama never slapped the shit out of her, or picked her up and left the store, much less threatened to sell her to a witch.

 

 

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6,647

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Posted

Nobody in particular, however...

 

I don't get it.
This is the same as furniture with doors that swing out to cover a television.
Why do people want to pretend they don't have a TV?
If I was to visit someone's house & didn't see a TV, I would think "That's odd... no TV."

This is *definitely* a woman thing because I don't know a single guy who wants this kinda feature.

Screenshot_20240716_042219_Facebook.jpg

Screenshot_20240716_042216_Facebook.jpg

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PvilleStang

PvilleStang 2,856

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3 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Nobody in particular, however...

 

I don't get it.
This is the same as furniture with doors that swing out to cover a television.
Why do people want to pretend they don't have a TV?
If I was to visit someone's house & didn't see a TV, I would think "That's odd... no TV."

This is *definitely* a woman thing because I don't know a single guy who wants this kinda feature.

Screenshot_20240716_042219_Facebook.jpg

Screenshot_20240716_042216_Facebook.jpg

I hear they got the idea from the aggy hall of champions.  Needed something to hide all the empty space.

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nnm

nnm 36,209

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Nobody in particular, however...

 

I don't get it.
This is the same as furniture with doors that swing out to cover a television.
Why do people want to pretend they don't have a TV?
If I was to visit someone's house & didn't see a TV, I would think "That's odd... no TV."

This is *definitely* a woman thing because I don't know a single guy who wants this kinda feature.

Screenshot_20240716_042219_Facebook.jpg

Screenshot_20240716_042216_Facebook.jpg

I don’t want a TV to be the center of my home. We have a Samsung Frame TV that displays art in a very pleasing way.

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