Jump to content

Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
in Lulz

 Share

Recommended Posts

Beau Vine

Beau Vine 55816

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

I haven't owned shoes with laces in 5 years. 

Crocs for life. 

I'm OK with that (other than the Crocs part), but every time we take the dog for a walk, I have to wait for her to untie her double-knotted running shoes, put them on, and then tie them again.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Replies 22.7k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Popular Posts

McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

Posted Images

MissingInAction

MissingInAction 25478

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

I'm OK with that (other than the Crocs part), but every time we take the dog for a walk, I have to wait for her to untie her double-knotted running shoes, put them on, and then tie them again.  

Try wearing Crocs without shame. It's like walking on memory foam all day.

 

Edited by MissingInAction
I don't belong here
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Mittens

Mittens 8631

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

I'm OK with that (other than the Crocs part), but every time we take the dog for a walk, I have to wait for her to untie her double-knotted running shoes, put them on, and then tie them again.  

Replace her laces w/ these: https://www.xpandlaces.com/

Have had them in almost every pair of shoes for the last 10+ years.

image.jpeg.09dfc2ec93752c8ab08063cf98b8638e.jpeg

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
Sandman

Sandman 3427

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted
On 10/7/2024 at 12:19 PM, MissingInAction said:

Reading this thread helps me understand why I'm single

 

I haven't owned shoes with laces in 5 years. 

Crocs for life.

I think I've cracked the case.

  • Hook 'Em 3
  • Like 3
  • Haha 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
irishtexan

irishtexan 11692

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted
On 10/7/2024 at 12:19 PM, MissingInAction said:

Reading this thread helps me understand why I'm single despite my incredible looks and horse cock.

I'm incapable of putting up with any of that bullshit.

 

21 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

I haven't owned shoes with laces in 5 years. 

Crocs for life. 

saying jeff goldblum GIF

  • Hook 'Em 3
  • Like 3
  • Haha 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 18029

Posted
Posted
On 10/5/2024 at 3:55 AM, Superhero said:

Me still awake in our office area that’s just outside of bedroom.

She went to bed first and leaves the door open, then asks if I can dim the lights because it’s too bright.

 

Now I’m in bed on my phone scrolling silently the dark, screen brightness all the way down. She just asked if I can turn off the phone because the light is somehow penetrating her eyelids and she can’t fall asleep. 

Your wife is full of shit. She just wants you to go to bed when she does.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
PvilleStang

PvilleStang 2974

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, BurntEyes said:

"Closing vents while interior detailing is standard protocol for all car wash people, mam."

If I'm paying you to detail my car, return the vents and the seats to the same place you found 'em.  If you're good at your job, and enjoy a good tip, do it right!

  • Hook 'Em 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Baboontyme

Baboontyme 2875

Posted
Posted

Finding life kind of challenging right now. I wanted to get a dog after our remodel finished. My kids had been begging for one, and we never re upped after my last dog passed in 2017. Got a puppy. I knew everything would be on me and i was and still am cool with that. But holy shit. It's like I have 3 kids rather than a spouse and 2 kids. I ask for a modicum of help so I can perform some sort of essential task, i.e. can you make sure the puppy doesn't eat the couch and choke on the fabric so I can take a shower and I get out of the shower and the puppy is by herself in the blocked off family room with a mouthful of string in her mouth. That was last week. 

Tonight I came upstairs from my shower to find the dog on the couch and my 11 yo hurriedly shooing her off the couch when she realized it was me. Wife sitting next to her. Wtf you guys, I'm paying a lot of money for obedience classes so that she doesn't do shit like this. Maybe we'll allow it one day but not now. I've been clear about that. I had to explain that I was not upset with the dog or my daughter, but the adult in the room who knows better 

An hour later I'm told that we took the dog out but we let a hornet in the house and we don't know where it is or what to do. 

Cue the Benny Hill music. Sure enough, it's 50 degrees out and raining but somehow they found a hornet and escorted it into the house at 11 fucking 30 at night. He's dead now thanks to my Oofos slide but what the hell man, I just wanted to watch football. 

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 2
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
rage-a-holic

rage-a-holic 4712

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Baboontyme said:

Finding life kind of challenging right now. I wanted to get a dog after our remodel finished. My kids had been begging for one, and we never re upped after my last dog passed in 2017. Got a puppy. I knew everything would be on me and i was and still am cool with that. But holy shit. It's like I have 3 kids rather than a spouse and 2 kids. I ask for a modicum of help so I can perform some sort of essential task, i.e. can you make sure the puppy doesn't eat the couch and choke on the fabric so I can take a shower and I get out of the shower and the puppy is by herself in the blocked off family room with a mouthful of string in her mouth. That was last week. 

Tonight I came upstairs from my shower to find the dog on the couch and my 11 yo hurriedly shooing her off the couch when she realized it was me. Wife sitting next to her. Wtf you guys, I'm paying a lot of money for obedience classes so that she doesn't do shit like this. Maybe we'll allow it one day but not now. I've been clear about that. I had to explain that I was not upset with the dog or my daughter, but the adult in the room who knows better 

An hour later I'm told that we took the dog out but we let a hornet in the house and we don't know where it is or what to do. 

Cue the Benny Hill music. Sure enough, it's 50 degrees out and raining but somehow they found a hornet and escorted it into the house at 11 fucking 30 at night. He's dead now thanks to my Oofos slide but what the hell man, I just wanted to watch football. 

Where is it 50 degrees outside at 11:30 tonight? I want to go to there.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
Jerry Callo

Jerry Callo 8952

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted
9 hours ago, Baboontyme said:

Tonight I came upstairs from my shower to find the dog on the couch and my 11 yo hurriedly shooing her off the couch when she realized it was me. Wife sitting next to her. Wtf you guys, I'm paying a lot of money for obedience classes so that she doesn't do shit like this. Maybe we'll allow it one day but not now. I've been clear about that. I had to explain that I was not upset with the dog or my daughter, but the adult in the room who knows better 

I have found it is much easier to train a dog than it is to train a wife.  We've had the same issue with the three labs we've had over the years.  You should use a crate when you are not around to keep an eye on the dog - putting the dog in a crate may work too.

  • Hook 'Em 4
  • Like 2
  • Haha 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Texasborn91

Texasborn91 1082

Posted
Posted

Should have seen my wife’s head spinning trying to convert the measurements for her water to rice ratio. 
 

needed 3 cups but the rice bag only gave her conversion 1 or 2 cups. My god that threw her for a loop. To the point of asking Alexa to convert it for her. 
 

after watching for about 3 mins I finally suggested she do the measurement for 1 cup then the measurements for 2 cups….

it sank in rather quickly 

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
  • Drool 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ojo Rojo

Ojo Rojo 2040

Posted
Posted
On 10/12/2024 at 11:05 PM, Baboontyme said:

Finding life kind of challenging right now. I wanted to get a dog after our remodel finished. My kids had been begging for one, and we never re upped after my last dog passed in 2017. Got a puppy. I knew everything would be on me and i was and still am cool with that. But holy shit. It's like I have 3 kids rather than a spouse and 2 kids. I ask for a modicum of help so I can perform some sort of essential task, i.e. can you make sure the puppy doesn't eat the couch and choke on the fabric so I can take a shower and I get out of the shower and the puppy is by herself in the blocked off family room with a mouthful of string in her mouth. That was last week. 

Tonight I came upstairs from my shower to find the dog on the couch and my 11 yo hurriedly shooing her off the couch when she realized it was me. Wife sitting next to her. Wtf you guys, I'm paying a lot of money for obedience classes so that she doesn't do shit like this. Maybe we'll allow it one day but not now. I've been clear about that. I had to explain that I was not upset with the dog or my daughter, but the adult in the room who knows better 

An hour later I'm told that we took the dog out but we let a hornet in the house and we don't know where it is or what to do. 

Cue the Benny Hill music. Sure enough, it's 50 degrees out and raining but somehow they found a hornet and escorted it into the house at 11 fucking 30 at night. He's dead now thanks to my Oofos slide but what the hell man, I just wanted to watch football. 

We recently had a pug puppy come into our lives.  We already had an 80-lb yellow lab.  Anyway, we can't leave the pug unsupervised in the house because she's still not house trained and also chews on everything.  So we either take her with us in the car or we put her in a crate.  My wife went out to take the kids somewhere and they took the dog.  When they got home the dog was limping.  My wife told me that she had no idea how the dog got injured; she stayed in the car in the front seat the whole time.  She also told me that she put the dog in a new seatbelt/harness thing she had bought because she felt it was dangerous for the dog to be roaming around the car while she was driving.  I asked my wife about the harness and how it worked and how the dog reacted to it.  She said that the dog struggled with it at first until she realized she was locked in and then just sat there.  We took the dog to the vet and they couldn't tell us what was wrong until they did xrays, to start.  That was going to cost hundreds of dollars so I said to just wait and see if she heals on her own.  The dog is still walking with a limp two days later.

The only way something could have happened was when the dog was in the harness in my wife's car.  I think she's lying about the dog staying put the whole time.  Regardless, this fucking harness thing she bought injured our new dog and no telling how much it's going to end up costing me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
Pokoloco

Pokoloco 1292

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

going on a company golf trip-she sees the list of who all is going. It's all men.

Her: Looks like it's gonna be a real sardine can out there.

Me: What?

Her: its all guys.

Me: That's not the saying. It's sausage fest. How would sardine can make any sense?

Her: It's gonna be a real sausage fest out there.

  • Like 2
  • Haha 14
Link to comment
Share on other sites
WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28904

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Pokoloco said:

going on a company golf trip-she sees the list of who all is going. It's all men.

Her: Looks like it's gonna be a real sardine can out there.

Me: What?

Her: its all guys.

Me: That's not the saying. It's sausage fest. How would sardine can make any sense?

Her: It's gonna be a real sausage fest out there.

Are you all sharing a single golf cart?

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
nnm

nnm 37737

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, CycleTex87 said:

We’re doing a company hunting / planning meeting trip in a couple weeks where it’s six men and one woman. Would she like that better?

I think there’s a group picture of that group floating around the internet. 

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Lidig8r

Lidig8r 1904

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

We’re doing a company hunting / planning meeting trip in a couple weeks where it’s six men and one woman. Would she like that better?

Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me ... but ...

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Pokoloco

Pokoloco 1292

Posted
Posted
19 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Are you all sharing a single golf cart?

THEN that would make sense!

17 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

I’m still not 100% convinced that you don’t need hearing aids. 

My daughter told me about this one. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6654

Posted
Posted

Last ~1 minute of the Vandy game.  Vandy gets that TD & the extra point goes through the goal posts.
 
SCENE: I commented "interesting view for the PAT; I guess they have a camera on the center / top of the net as I don't think I have ever seen that view before."
Move forward a moment to the 'Dores lining up for their onside attempt.
 
Her:  Why are they (Vanderbilt) lined up like that?  Are they trying to get that "2 point" thing after the touchdown?"
Me:  "Ummm... wat?"
Her:  "Don't talk to me like it was a stupid question.  What are they doing?  I haven't ever seen that before."
Me:  You can NOT be serious here.
Her:  "You're such an ass."

  • Haha 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...