Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[EastTexan 666]

3 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Dishwashers are wired to wall switches because they are typically hardwired onto 110V shared circuits and you can't just unplug it like a refrigerator. 

Much safer for a plumber or some other repairman to work on it without it being energized (and wet) and much easier and convenient to do that with a regular wall switch than going outside and flipping the breaker for the whole kitchen. 

Dishwashers should be wired into a dedicated 120v circuit. 

[VolenteHawk 495]

You guys aren’t being creative enough with the dish washer switch. When I discovered my first house had that, I used it endlessly to fuck with my wife. It worked at least a dozen times before she figured it out.

 

[Texaus 389]

You guys aren’t being creative enough with the dish washer switch. When I discovered my first house had that, I used it endlessly to fuck with my wife. It worked at least a dozen times before she figured it out.
 

Another great opportunity for a bj. Wish I had one of these switches now...
Me:turn switch off
Her:babe, dishwasher’s broken!
Me: I’ll get the tools out and fix that tomorrow, but you’ll owe me
Her: so lucky to have you around!
Me: Flip switch to on before she gets home.
Her(later that night): sllllurpslurrp,

[TexasBeta 1274]

Another great opportunity for a bj. Wish I had one of these switches now...
Me:turn switch off
Her:babe, dishwasher’s broken!
Me: I’ll get the tools out and fix that tomorrow, but you’ll owe me
Her: so lucky to have you around!
Me: Flip switch to on before she gets home.
Her(later that night): sllllurpslurrp,

That made me laugh. Where can I subscribe to your forum letters?

[Modessit 5665]

Dishwasher switch is right next to the garbage disposal switch. Never thought anything about it. If the seal goes bad and water is gushing all over the floor, I don't need my wife trying to go into the garage to find the breaker panel.

 

 

[Brisketexan 106628]

I’m not sure if this goes here, but I know some of y’all have wives that watch Lifetime movies. Saturday, while watching some soccer, I scrolled through the guide. When I hit the LMN, I saw the list on the right and had to get a snapshot:



That looks like a real solid lineup...of formulaic bullshit. Enjoy, sweetie!

[shakahorn 1655]

That’s bad ass

True. Initially I we gonna suggest replacing all of those super-old school switches but yeah the coolness factor definitely outweighs any PITA it might cause.

[Gil Bang 26177]

I’ve never seen a hard-wired dishwasher ever, and I’ve seen quite a few dishwasher setups . They are always plugged in under the sink.

 

[Buffsoldier 1895]

3 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

I’m not sure if this goes here, but I know some of y’all have wives that watch Lifetime movies. Saturday, while watching some soccer, I scrolled through the guide. When I hit the LMN, I saw the list on the right and had to get a snapshot:



That looks like a real solid lineup...of formulaic bullshit. Enjoy, sweetie!

She's obviously working on her plans on how to get rid of you. Head on a swivel brother....

[kopp0e 1135]

13 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

I'm considering the tape idea.

You could just use a thermostat lock box... #WifeProofed..!

[AM Wood 335]

8 hours ago, Modessit said:

Dishwasher switch is right next to the garbage disposal switch. Never thought anything about it. If the seal goes bad and water is gushing all over the floor, I don't need my wife trying to go into the garage to find the breaker panel.

 

 

If this ever happens you and your wife should go to the living room and paint each other’s nails while a man goes over and turns the water shut off valve under the sink 90 degrees.

[Stoogey 219]

5 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

That looks like a real solid lineup...of formulaic bullshit.

Valerie Bertinelli reprises her role of Barbara Cooper Royer from the beloved television program One Day At A Time.

Stinging from a fresh divorce, Barbara moves to a lake house in a small rural community. A series of unsettling events (footprints in dirt, broken window, a locked door left open while she is on her weekly trip to the city offices of the women's fashion magazine she edits) leads plucky Barbara to believe she is being stalked. The one-man police force is helpless to act without solid evidence and even casts doubt on Barbara's claims. Is she imagining things?

In a Lifetime Movie Network plot twist, the stalker is revealed as Julie Cooper, Barbara's sister from One Day At A Time, played by wingding extraordinaire Mackenzie Phillips. Or maybe Valerie's real life former husband, guitarist Eddie Van Halen. 

[EE2B 1569]

If this ever happens you and your wife should go to the living room and paint each other’s nails while a man goes over and turns the water shut off valve under the sink 90 degrees.

Or they could just open the dishwasher.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4998]

They also usually have a button you can push that stops them.

[G650 14421]

2 hours ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

They also usually have a button you can push that stops them.

This was my thought.

[HenryJames 67116]

4 hours ago, Stoogey said:

Valerie Bertinelli reprises her role of Barbara Cooper Royer from the beloved television program One Day At A Time.

Stinging from a fresh divorce, Barbara moves to a lake house in a small rural community. A series of unsettling events (footprints in dirt, broken window, a locked door left open while she is on her weekly trip to the city offices of the women's fashion magazine she edits) leads plucky Barbara to believe she is being stalked. The one-man police force is helpless to act without solid evidence and even casts doubt on Barbara's claims. Is she imagining things?

In a Lifetime Movie Network plot twist, the stalker is revealed as Julie Cooper, Barbara's sister from One Day At A Time, played by wingding extraordinaire Mackenzie Phillips. Or maybe Valerie's real life former husband, guitarist Eddie Van Halen. 

I'd watch that.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8963]

You could just use a thermostat lock box... #WifeProofed..!

Not a bad idea for my 3yo who now can reach that shit

[EE2B 1569]

Your thermostat is two foot off the ground?

[G650 14421]

26 minutes ago, EE2B said:

Your thermostat is two foot off the ground?

True story: My ex lived in an apartment in L.A. that was supposedly accessible for wheel chair bound people. The effect was like living in a midget's house. All the switches were below hip level.

[AUS-97HORN 11991]

This place is slipping.

almost 2 pages of diswasher talk and not one, not ONE softball dishwasher joke?

 

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops?

A: Kick her in the ass.

 

[Beau Vine 55824]

3 hours ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

They also usually have a button you can push that stops them.

Dishwashers?  Or women?

[G650 14421]

Haa.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8963]

Your thermostat is two foot off the ground?

It's about 4 feet above the step. Not exactly hard for a 3 yr old to stretch and hit a button. Is yours near the ceiling?

[Cheeseweasel 26439]

1 minute ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

43 minutes ago, EE2B said:

Your thermostat is two foot off the ground?

It's about 4 feet above the step. Not exactly hard for a 3 yr old to stretch and hit a button. Is yours near the ceiling?

Short people got, no reason...

[Js1 86943]

3 hours ago, HenryJames said:

I'd watch that.

Holy shit me too

[Modessit 5665]

If this ever happens you and your wife should go to the living room and paint each other’s nails while a man goes over and turns the water shut off valve under the sink 90 degrees.

Those switches are for when disaster happens when I'm not home.

[AM Wood 335]

25 minutes ago, Modessit said:

9 hours ago, AM Wood said:

If this ever happens you and your wife should go to the living room and paint each other’s nails while a man goes over and turns the water shut off valve under the sink 90 degrees.

Those switches are for when disaster happens when I'm not home.

i'm just saying, turning off the electricity doesn't necessarily stop water from flowing.

[G650 14421]

This thread has officially gone to plaid.

 

imgur

[Modessit 5665]

i'm just saying, turning off the electricity doesn't necessarily stop water from flowing.

It does reduce the electrocution risk when she's standing on a wet flloor.

[crimsonlonghorn 2313]

"I had to take a CLE class last year and the judge compared himself to a town crier like in the old days. That got me thinking. You know who else would be a good town crier? Adam Sandler!"

[G650 14421]

9 hours ago, Modessit said:

17 hours ago, AM Wood said:

i'm just saying, turning off the electricity doesn't necessarily stop water from flowing.

It does reduce the electrocution risk when she's standing on a wet flloor.

 

 

 

This thread has taught me there is a substantial number of you that are not allowed near my electrical, plumbing, or appliances.

[Brew 3049]

I’ve never seen a dishwasher on a switch. I’ve also never had a problem with my dishwasher. When they go bad, do they usually just stop working or do they turn into demon appliances trying to kill you? If it does go bad and doesn’t kill you in the process, wouldn’t you just flip the breaker like you would with most other electrical problems. I’ve also never considered the risk of being electrocuted by my dishwasher while standing in a flooded kitchen, so maybe I should consider this further.

Edited August 22, 2018 by Brew

[WhatTheBuck 28904]

58 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

"I had to take a CLE class last year and the judge compared himself to a town crier like in the old days. That got me thinking. You know who else would be a good town crier? Adam Sandler!"

[G650 14421]

14 minutes ago, Brew said:

I’ve never seen a dishwasher on a switch. I’ve also never had a problem with my dishwasher. When they go bad, do they usually just stop working or do they turn into demon appliances trying to kill you? If it does go bad and doesn’t kill you in the process, wouldn’t you just flip the breaker like you would with most other electrical problems. I’ve also never considered the risk of being electrocuted by my dishwasher while standing in a flooded kitchen, so maybe I should consider this further.

[PvilleStang 2974]

My last two houses have had the DW on a switch.  Definitely messed with me the first time, didn't know why the dishwasher was broken, nor did I know what the damn switch next to the garbage disposal did.  But considering both were built in the late 90s in central Texas, might be a code thing?  

[HOOKEM4 5151]

Every house I have lived in the DW was on a switch. Interdasting.

Edited August 22, 2018 by HOOKEM4

[MaybeACoordinator 8350]

On 8/20/2018 at 4:56 PM, miguelito said:

Anyway....

 

We made a big drive through west Texas, including Big Bend.  I took the scenic route from Presidio to Lajitas to see DOM.

In Presidio, she asks: "Is it safe to assume that most of the people who live here are Hispanic?"

 

I laughed all the way back to Alpine.

My ex is English. I took her to Mexico one time on a hippy / backpacking type odyssey when we were in our early 20s -- fly to Harlingen, cross over from Brownsville and into Matamoros, and then we took buses all up and down the Mexican Gulf Coast. Brownsville tripped her out. She'd never been anywhere in the "English-speaking world" quite like that. We crossed over into Matamoros for an afternoon, went back to Brownsville, and then I decided we might as well bite the bullet and spend our first night in a cheap Mexican hotel, so we crossed back over and found one.

Limey Ex was fuming about something and I asked her what was wrong. I think it was the mamacitas hanging their laundry out to dry right there on the second-floor railings of the hotel.

"It's just strange," she said. "You know, they've no right to take over your country like this."

Yep, she thought we were still in Brownsville. 

[Modessit 5665]

 

 
 
This thread has taught me there is a substantial number of you that are not allowed near my electrical, plumbing, or appliances.

We're talking about wives here. If there is even a slight possibility of standing in water and getting shocked, they'll do it.

[PvilleStang 2974]

Obligatory 

[NeverMarryAStripper 22241]

 

[4th and 5 4997]

On 8/20/2018 at 7:46 AM, GroovusHorn said:

A good way to start the day (especially when it's Monday) is when the wife backs her new car into your new car. Two for one. Efficiency at its finest.

bro, you putting the HUMBLE in HUMBLEbrag!!!!

[ShaggyBevo RIP 3873]

MIL left three hours before us for a seven hour drive home so she could get the dogs from the kennel before closing. We catch up to her 3.5 hours into our drive.  SMDH

wife- there could really be something wrong with her GPS 

me- She has the worst luck with GPS for it have have been bad in her last three cars AND she was using google maps on her phone this time! GPS works so much better when you don't ignore it because you think that can't be right  

wife- tone

Friend picked up the dogs for us. 

[ShaggyBevo RIP 3873]

^^^^

I really want to know if my MIL drove more than an extra 150 miles. 

MIL also rearranged her living room furniture, today, to be oriented to the fireplace. IT IS STILL AUGUST!

Edited August 25, 2018 by ShaggyBevo RIP

[crimsonlonghorn 2313]

Yes Honey, I really do like like some of the recipes in your vegan cookbook. Some of them are surprisingly pretty good. 

But let's just make a rule that anything that involves putting almonds, tofu, and yeast in a blender is not going to be one that I like. 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11856]

On 8/21/2018 at 4:59 AM, Stoogey said:

Valerie Bertinelli reprises her role of Barbara Cooper Royer from the beloved television program One Day At A Time.

Stinging from a fresh divorce, Barbara moves to a lake house in a small rural community. A series of unsettling events (footprints in dirt, broken window, a locked door left open while she is on her weekly trip to the city offices of the women's fashion magazine she edits) leads plucky Barbara to believe she is being stalked. The one-man police force is helpless to act without solid evidence and even casts doubt on Barbara's claims. Is she imagining things?

In a Lifetime Movie Network plot twist, the stalker is revealed as Julie Cooper, Barbara's sister from One Day At A Time, played by wingding extraordinaire Mackenzie Phillips. Or maybe Valerie's real life former husband, guitarist Eddie Van Halen. 

I like that angle.  Eddie plays the creepy handyman/groundskeeper, except he has a secret tunnel leading from the garden shed to a doomsday prepper shelter under her house where he spies on her.  And he drives a tricked out riding lawn mower everywhere.  

Edited August 25, 2018 by Judge Roybeanbag

[blacklab 12049]

wife: when is the first UT game?

me: first home game is in 2 weeks, game next week is away at Maryland.

wife: when is the first home game?

me: two weeks.

wife: they play away next week?

me: yes

wife: where?

me: Maryland

[MNLonghornFUKM 8963]

16 minutes ago, blacklab said:

wife: when is the first UT game?

me: first home game is in 2 weeks, game next week is away at Maryland.

wife: when is the first home game?

me: two weeks.

wife: they play away next week?

me: yes

wife: where?

me: Maryland

wife: whos maryland?

me: the terrapins

wife: whats that?

me: a turtle

wife: turtles play football?

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2779]

Lulz.
After 6 years of having kids my wife finally just realized I have not attended any kid birthday parties.

No kidding, they aren’t for dudes even if they lure you with booze.

[Beau Vine 55824]

32 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

Lulz.
After 6 years of having kids my wife finally just realized I have not attended any kid birthday parties.

No kidding, they aren’t for dudes even if they lure you with booze.

I, uh, beg to disagree with you there.

[G650 14421]

Yessir. I go to my wife's cousins kids b day parties because there's always free booze.

 

You really don't go to your kids birthday parties or just not their friends?

Edited August 25, 2018 by G650