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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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conVINCEd

conVINCEd 21468

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I told her I would do a seafood boil for dinner tonight if she went to the store.   I gave her a specific list of ingredients.  We have shopped together for this exact meal before.  She knows that I like Central Market's andouille sausage from the meat counter.  She brings home some pre- packaged turkey andouille.  At least the shrimp, crab legs, potatoes, and corn were good.

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Buffsoldier

Buffsoldier 1895

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2 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

I told her I would do a seafood boil for dinner tonight if she went to the store.   I gave her a specific list of ingredients.  We have shopped together for this exact meal before.  She knows that I like Central Market's andouille sausage from the meat counter.  She brings home some pre- packaged turkey andouille.  At least the shrimp, crab legs, potatoes, and corn were good.

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2306

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Posted (edited)
8 hours ago, Buffsoldier said:

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The night before our rehearsal dinner, my soon-to-be wife and I decided at the last minute to have the early out of town guests over to our new house for dinner. I was just going to grill hamburgers with potato chips on paper plates. Nothing fancy. Nothing special. Very easy meal to throw together. 

It was originally supposed to be about 10 people but quickly grew into about 20 as these things often do. Wife said she'd stop at the grocery store on her way home from work. I told her, "Just get normal hamburger stuff: frozen patties, buns, mustard and ketchup etc etc".

She showed up 10 minutes after the hungry guests has already started arriving and had driven 30 minutes out of her way to Central Market. She came home with about 2 lbs of organic ground beef, a package of 8 artisan whole wheat hamburger buns, and some kind of froufrou designer spicy catsup. My best man and I had to run to Walmart to get frozen hamburger patties and Mrs Baird's buns and Heinz ketchup. She later chastised me for serving "cheap Walmart food" to our guests. 

That was one of the first instances of the virtue signaling that I now know so well from her. These days I do let her do the grocery shopping for our family, but if we are having people over, I am ALWAYS in charge of procuring the food. 

Edited by crimsonlonghorn
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936horn

936horn 910

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Posted
4 minutes ago, G650 said:

Dude. Frozen hamburger patties?

Yeah, when grilling at home (or really anywhere not far afield) you always go fresh. Just get the patties from the meat counter, or get a few pounds of beef and form your own patties. Again, I think my sarcasm meter is on the fritz this morning.

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G650

G650 14106

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6 minutes ago, 936horn said:

Yeah, when grilling at home (or really anywhere not far afield) you always go fresh. Just get the patties from the meat counter, or get a few pounds of beef and form your own patties. Again, I think my sarcasm meter is on the fritz this morning.

I mean, this is my answer. Apparently investing microscopically more effort in procuring decent food is high falutin elitiest snobbery.

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HOOKEM4

HOOKEM4 5023

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9 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Fuck all y'all. For the grill frozen patties are great. They hold their shape and cook more evenly and uniformly than handmade meat clods. Much easier to manage when you are cooking for more than 3-4 people. 

Do you get the ones with cheese already mixed in?

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2306

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Posted
36 minutes ago, Sam Lin said:

The physics is not in your favor with this comment. Larger temperature differential means less uniform cooking.

Nope. I'll disagree and it's the opposite of what you're saying.

Big thick handmade burgers burn more quickly on the outside by the time the inside is cooked. 

The frozen ones being thinner and of a uniform thickness and frozen on the outside don't burn as quickly from the direct heat. 

 

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54001

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Posted
2 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Fuck all y'all. For the grill frozen patties are great. They hold their shape and cook more evenly and uniformly than handmade meat clods. Much easier to manage when you are cooking for more than 3-4 people. 

But they're not hand-crafted by artisans.

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

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Posted
3 hours ago, 936horn said:

Yeah, when grilling at home (or really anywhere not far afield) you always go fresh. Just get the patties from the meat counter, or get a few pounds of beef and form your own patties. Again, I think my sarcasm meter is on the fritz this morning.

yeah, not me. if i need to quickly cook up 40 patties for hungry guests i'm doing it manufacturing line style.

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Zavala

Zavala 1384

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Posted
2 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Fuck all y'all. For the grill frozen patties are great. They hold their shape and cook more evenly and uniformly than handmade meat clods. Much easier to manage when you are cooking for more than 3-4 people. 

Eh, depends on where you get em. Frenchys are awesome, pre-seasoned n sheeit.

I like to slap my own, even if I'm making 20 burgers. 

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ShaggyBevo RIP

ShaggyBevo RIP 3868

Posted
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2 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Nope. I'll disagree and it's the opposite of what you're saying.

Big thick handmade burgers burn more quickly on the outside by the time the inside is cooked. 

The frozen ones being thinner and of a uniform thickness and frozen on the outside don't burn as quickly from the direct heat. 

 

While throwing chicken fajitas into the freezer for 45 minutes before putting them on the grill is a great way to keep them from getting over cooked I wouldn't try it with burgers.

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Longhornfan1024

Longhornfan1024 1707

Posted
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3 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Nope. I'll disagree and it's the opposite of what you're saying.

Big thick handmade burgers burn more quickly on the outside by the time the inside is cooked. 

The frozen ones being thinner and of a uniform thickness and frozen on the outside don't burn as quickly from the direct heat. 

 

Uhhh . . . .  Okay.  

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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5806

Posted
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Avatar flies out of town for a few days on a direct flight where AA lost her bag.

Me:  When did they say they were going to have it up to you?

Avatar:  I don't know.

M:  Not a lot of flights up to there.  How much are they compensating you for the stuff you gotta go buy?

A: It's usually not a lot.

M:  That equates to how much?

A:  I don't know.  I'll have to turn in receipts.

M:  They didn't tell you at the baggage office?

A:  I didn't go into the baggage office.  I just got a notice on my phone that the bag didn't make it.

M:  So you don't know when it's coming and you don't know how much they are going to reimburse you because you didn't take 10-15 minutes to pitch a complaint?  Glad I won't have to hear any complaints about this ever again.

A: Tone

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52342

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13 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Nope. I'll disagree and it's the opposite of what you're saying.

Big thick handmade burgers burn more quickly on the outside by the time the inside is cooked. 

The frozen ones being thinner and of a uniform thickness and frozen on the outside don't burn as quickly from the direct heat. 

 

Exactly how cooked are you getting the middle?  I think the issue may be that you don’t know when a burger is correctly done. 

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