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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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VolenteHawk

VolenteHawk 495

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HEB or Sprouts preformed patties are my go to when grilling at home. Buuuuuut, if I’m doing 50 burgers in 15 minutes in a hotel lawn or something (baseball tournaments), those will be thin frozen bastards and getting water dunked by the bag in a cooler for the (slight) dethaw process before hitting the grill.

Anybody can make a thick, perfect burger taste good on an Egg a couple at a time. Champions are made by making thin burgers decent in volume over small portables, hectic road game, dealing with adversity.

 

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miguelito

miguelito 11450

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d9747c4d69d14781aeef1aca7184b99c--price-

 

 

These fucking things.  I know when my wife has bought some new clothes, because I discover these things all over the closet, bathroom, and bedroom floor.  I discover them by stepping on them in the middle of the night.  It's not as painful as a lego, but still pretty annoying.

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JimmyHoffa

JimmyHoffa 1188

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Mrs. Hoffa- WOW! Did you see about the new info that came out about the Natalie Holloway case????

Me- That's a name I haven't heard in awhile, what did they find out

Mrs. Hoffa- Look from Facebook (handing me her phone) 

Me- Um, this NEW story is from 6 years ago.....

Mrs Hoffa- Oh someone just posted it on Facebook.

 

FML

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luke duke

luke duke 6445

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HEB or Sprouts preformed patties are my go to when grilling at home. Buuuuuut, if I’m doing 50 burgers in 15 minutes in a hotel lawn or something (baseball tournaments), those will be thin frozen bastards and getting water dunked by the bag in a cooler for the (slight) dethaw process before hitting the grill.
Anybody can make a thick, perfect burger taste good on an Egg a couple at a time. Champions are made by making thin burgers decent in volume over small portables, hectic road game, dealing with adversity.
 


I cook ~200 burgers at 3 different events every year. I hand make every patty.
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Superhero

Superhero 8990

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Out of respect to the wife, I’ve stayed away from this thread for a while. But here’s the latest doozy.

Wife and 2 friends go out paddle boarding around Balboa Island. They rent for an hour because it’s just a smallish loop, and other people usually take an hour or so.

My wife has a terrible sense of direction. So bad that even my 6 YO girl makes fun of mom. Anyway... between the 3 of them, no cell phones, no GPS, no 6 YO to guide them, they get COMPLETELY lost (going around a loop) and finally make it back 2.5 hours later, dehydrated, sunburned and exhausted.

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Reagan1k

Reagan1k 3040

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On 9/3/2018 at 12:51 AM, Superhero said:

Out of respect to the wife, I’ve stayed away from this thread for a while. But here’s the latest doozy.

Wife and 2 friends go out paddle boarding around Balboa Island. They rent for an hour because it’s just a smallish loop, and other people usually take an hour or so.

My wife has a terrible sense of direction. So bad that even my 6 YO girl makes fun of mom. Anyway... between the 3 of them, no cell phones, no GPS, no 6 YO to guide them, they get COMPLETELY lost (going around a loop) and finally make it back 2.5 hours later, dehydrated, sunburned and exhausted.

You might have a perfect alibi in your back pocket right there......

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 18030

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4 hours ago, JimmyHoffa said:

Text or call my wife during work- don't hear back for an hour plus (She must be really busy I'm sure she will get back to me when she can)

Receive a text or call from my wife while I'm working- don't get back to her in 5 minutes (HELLO????!!!!!!! ARE YOU IGNORING ME?!)

 

 

You need to point the inequity out to her so that you can receive tone.

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Spartan52

Spartan52 151

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I was a nice husband and drove my wife and her friend to a talk by some 'expert' about hormones and other women's issues because traffic, parking etc

I then went and hung at a bar and had a steak and beer for dinner, at the nominated pick up time I am right outside and send a text " Come out the front door and head to the right"

I then watch her and her friend walk straight out down the path, I just watch them walk away.

2 minutes later they come wandering back and say we thought you meant turn to the right after we got to the sidewalk...

I just smiled and led them back to the car.

 

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deadshank

deadshank 24654

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Posted
12 hours ago, Spartan52 said:

I was a nice husband and drove my wife and her friend to a talk by some 'expert' about hormones and other women's issues because traffic, parking etc

I then went and hung at a bar and had a steak and beer for dinner, at the nominated pick up time I am right outside and send a text " Come out the front door and head to the right"

I then watch her and her friend walk straight out down the path, I just watch them walk away.

2 minutes later they come wandering back and say we thought you meant turn to the right after we got to the sidewalk...

I just smiled and led them back to the car.

 

Why are you driving my wife and her older sister around?  

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2313

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Had to get a new water heater installed yesterday. Plumber says to give it a few hours to fill up and get up to full temperature and then if it's too hot or too cold to go up and adjust the thermostat.

No one showers last night - wife is the first one this morning. She storms into my study at 5:30 this morning to complain that the water isn't hot enough.

"This water is not HOT! This is WARM! I can't wash my hair. I don't feel clean. I feel like I have just covered myself with urine!"

"So you've been pissed on before and know what that feels like? You never told me that about yourself."

Tone. 

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Modessit

Modessit 5665

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Had to get a new water heater installed yesterday. Plumber says to give it a few hours to fill up and get up to full temperature and then if it's too hot or too cold to go up and adjust the thermostat.
No one showers last night - wife is the first one this morning. She storms into my study at 5:30 this morning to complain that the water isn't hot enough.
"This water is not HOT! This is WARM! I can't wash my hair. I don't feel clean. I feel like I have just covered myself with urine!"
"So you've been pissed on before and know what that feels like? You never told me that about yourself."
Tone. 
Sorry for partying.
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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4485

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Posted
19 hours ago, Spartan52 said:

I was a nice husband and drove my wife and her friend to a talk by some 'expert' about hormones and other women's issues because traffic, parking etc

I then went and hung at a bar and had a steak and beer for dinner, at the nominated pick up time I am right outside and send a text " Come out the front door and head to the right"

I then watch her and her friend walk straight out down the path, I just watch them walk away.

2 minutes later they come wandering back and say we thought you meant turn to the right after we got to the sidewalk...

I just smiled and led them back to the car.

 

Completely worth it for the two hours alone in a bar with a steak though right???

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Reagan1k

Reagan1k 3040

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We need to replace our kitchen faucet set and can't find a direct replacement.  We have a girl who is an interior designer/decorator that's worked on the house before,  so I told my wife to get her to look at it and come up with a replacement that would look appropriate and fit in the space.  (My fucking fault here)

I came home last week to the same faucet........and 4 pages of sketches converting our bedroom/bath and an adjacent guest room/bath into one master suite with sitting room, shoe closet, makeup counter...all that bullshit.  

All I wanted was a glass of water from the faucet.

 

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15450

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

We need to replace our kitchen faucet set and can't find a direct replacement.  We have a girl who is an interior designer/decorator that's worked on the house before,  so I told my wife to get her to look at it and come up with a replacement that would look appropriate and fit in the space.  (My fucking fault here)

I came home last week to the same faucet........and 4 pages of sketches converting our bedroom/bath and an adjacent guest room/bath into one master suite with sitting room, shoe closet, makeup counter...all that bullshit.  

All I wanted was a glass of water from the faucet.

 

wait.jpg

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8963

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We need to replace our kitchen faucet set and can't find a direct replacement.  We have a girl who is an interior designer/decorator that's worked on the house before,  so I told my wife to get her to look at it and come up with a replacement that would look appropriate and fit in the space.  (My fucking fault here)

I came home last week to the same faucet........and 4 pages of sketches converting our bedroom/bath and an adjacent guest room/bath into one master suite with sitting room, shoe closet, makeup counter...all that bullshit.  

All I wanted was a glass of water from the faucet.

 

When does the renovation begin?

 

 

I know a guy looking to unload a 6 foot crab

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luke duke

luke duke 6445

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We need to replace our kitchen faucet set and can't find a direct replacement.  We have a girl who is an interior designer/decorator that's worked on the house before,  so I told my wife to get her to look at it and come up with a replacement that would look appropriate and fit in the space.  (My fucking fault here)
I came home last week to the same faucet........and 4 pages of sketches converting our bedroom/bath and an adjacent guest room/bath into one master suite with sitting room, shoe closet, makeup counter...all that bullshit.  
All I wanted was a glass of water from the faucet.
 


I’d say that you deserve that for hiring an interior decorator to replace a faucet, unless you’re banging the decorator on the side.
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686

686 3460

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3 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

We need to replace our kitchen faucet set and can't find a direct replacement.  We have a girl who is an interior designer/decorator that's worked on the house before,  so I told my wife to get her to look at it and come up with a replacement that would look appropriate and fit in the space.  (My fucking fault here)

I came home last week to the same faucet........and 4 pages of sketches converting our bedroom/bath and an adjacent guest room/bath into one master suite with sitting room, shoe closet, makeup counter...all that bullshit.  

All I wanted was a glass of water from the faucet.

 

0bf139af-bf1a-4d09-a27f-b416ff2bea48_tex

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Johnny Sack

Johnny Sack 8397

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4 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

We need to replace our kitchen faucet set and can't find a direct replacement.  We have a girl who is an interior designer/decorator that's worked on the house before,  so I told my wife to get her to look at it and come up with a replacement that would look appropriate and fit in the space.  (My fucking fault here)

I came home last week to the same faucet........and 4 pages of sketches converting our bedroom/bath and an adjacent guest room/bath into one master suite with sitting room, shoe closet, makeup counter...all that bullshit.  

All I wanted was a glass of water from the faucet.

 

You’re fucked.  Been there.  

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 3003

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8 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

We need to replace our kitchen faucet set and can't find a direct replacement.  We have a girl who is an interior designer/decorator that's worked on the house before,  so I told my wife to get her to look at it and come up with a replacement that would look appropriate and fit in the space.  (My fucking fault here)

I came home last week to the same faucet........and 4 pages of sketches converting our bedroom/bath and an adjacent guest room/bath into one master suite with sitting room, shoe closet, makeup counter...all that bullshit.  

All I wanted was a glass of water from the faucet.

 

Leader in the clubhouse for the last 5 pages or so, though actually may need to go to the Stupid husbands thread instead.

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4485

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

We need to replace our kitchen faucet set and can't find a direct replacement.  We have a girl who is an interior designer/decorator that's worked on the house before,  so I told my wife to get her to look at it and come up with a replacement that would look appropriate and fit in the space.  (My fucking fault here)

I came home last week to the same faucet........and 4 pages of sketches converting our bedroom/bath and an adjacent guest room/bath into one master suite with sitting room, shoe closet, makeup counter...all that bullshit.  

All I wanted was a glass of water from the faucet.

 

So what was the price range, because I was seriously thinking about combining our two small bathrooms into one large one.

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