Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[MNLonghornFUKM 8964]

You need to post pictures of that. That's too good to show without visual evidence

[cactusflinthead 27626]

Allsome

[Cheeseweasel 26439]

19 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

You need to post pictures of that. That's too good to show without visual evidence

Include the Wall Crab as a background. Perfection.

[Modessit 5665]

I sometimes suffer from acid reflux while I sleep if I eat too late. Nothing like having acid shoot up your nose at 3:30a. Ran out of Zantac so I asked my wife to pick up some more while at the store. She's done this before.

 

I get this text:

 

Her: Do want the 50-ct or 100-ct?

 

Me: Get whichever is cheapest.

 

Her: Ok.

 

 

So - that night we had spaghetti for dinner and since that's one of the meals that might cause issues later I asked her to get me the Zantac. She handed me a travel pack with 2 pills inside.

 

Me: What the hell is this?

 

Her: Your Zantac.

 

Me: I wanted a bottle, not just 2 pills.

 

Her: You said to get whatever was cheapest and this was cheapest.

 

Me: But you know I always get a bottle of pills.

 

Her: This isn't my fault. You said to get what was cheapest.

 

Me: If you told me to get you maxipads and to get the cheapest would you be happy if I came home with one pad?

 

Her: uh....

 

 

[Kennythetiger 9584]

I don't know, man.  She asked you a specific question and you gave her a vague answer.  It's almost as if the roles were reversed...

[tbone_ 14413]

Whole lot of asking her to do shit for you in that story

[Cheeseweasel 26439]

28 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

I don't know, man.  She asked you a specific question and you gave her a vague answer.  It's almost as if the roles were reversed...

Yeah, I gotta go with Kenny on this one. You know damn well the 100 pills is going to be cheaper per unit than the 50 count. Just tell her to buy the 50 or 100 and leave out the guess work.

[retread 2951]

and even if it isn't cheaper, the 100 count pushes the next text conversation further into the future 

[Incredulity 11861]

6 minutes ago, retread said:

and even if it isn't cheaper, the 100 count pushes the next text conversation further into the future 

I was told there would be no math.

[Cheeseweasel 26439]

11 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

I was told there would be no math.

Don't get me started on the net present value of buying 50 vs. 100.

[Pato del Muerto 53335]

Did you mean cheapest total cost, or cheapest per dose cost?

[Anwar Namtut 344]

My wife colors her hair all the time to the point where most of the time I don't even notice that it is a different color. I noticed today when she came to have lunch with me - it was purple. "The box lied."

[miguelito 11450]

Gonna need pics of that for sure.

[Biff Tannen 46061]

1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Don't get me started on the net present value of buying 50 vs. 100.

See, I can get six hundred tablets of that for the same price as three hundred of a name brand. That makes good financial sense, good advice...

[Trey3216 15450]

Just now, Biff Tannen said:

See, I can get six hundred tablets of that for the same price as three hundred of a name brand. That makes good financial sense, good advice...

[mulletpelini 5220]

Hell if she don't like your tone, next time your fuckin just unload and finish.  When she asks why so selfish, just explain that you were trying to get her off as fast as possible, sorry.  No more 2 pill bullshit 

[Modessit 5665]

Yeah, I gotta go with Kenny on this one. You know damn well the 100 pills is going to be cheaper per unit than the 50 count. Just tell her to buy the 50 or 100 and leave out the guess work.

Sometimes she has a coupon. Sometimes she doesn't. But she knows damn well I wanted a bottle.

[Modessit 5665]

Did you mean cheapest total cost, or cheapest per dose cost?

Total cost for one bottle so if she had a coupon that let her buy the bigger bottle at a lower cost than the smaller bottle at regular price then do it..

[NeverMarryAStripper 22242]

1 minute ago, Modessit said:

2 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Did you mean cheapest total cost, or cheapest per dose cost?

Total cost for one bottle so if she had a coupon that let her buy the bigger bottle at a lower cost than the smaller bottle at regular price then do it..

You might as well have told her to do calculus in her head.

[ChickenSandwich 9918]

No way that was an honest move. She’s just fucking with you because she can. Travel size?  How was that even an option ?

[Modessit 5665]

No way that was an honest move. She’s just fucking with you because she can. Travel size?  How was that even an option ?

I don't think there's any room in her head for logical thinking. She's got it too full of remembering about Full House and Dawson's Creek episodes.

Just tonight she asked me if our son told me about the prize he got for being good in school. I told her yes and it was book and she said, "What was a book?"

[WhatTheBuck 28904]

4 hours ago, Modessit said:

7 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Did you mean cheapest total cost, or cheapest per dose cost?

Total cost for one bottle so if she had a coupon that let her buy the bigger bottle at a lower cost than the smaller bottle at regular price then do it..

You meant cheaper but said cheapest. She was just following your instructions. 

Edited September 15, 2018 by WhatTheBuck

[Modessit 5665]

You meant cheaper but said cheapest. She was just following your instructions. 

She gave me an either or situation and my comment applied to that scenario. She then changed the options in her mind and applied my answer to the changed scenario.

[WhatTheBuck 28904]

4 minutes ago, Modessit said:

15 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

You meant cheaper but said cheapest. She was just following your instructions. 

She gave me an either or situation and my comment applied to that scenario. She then changed the options in her mind and applied my answer to the changed scenario.

An either/or scenario demands a comparative. You confused her with a superlative. You should have said "whichever is cheaper."

[kibbles 70]

I would just like to thank y’all for these stories. Whenever I feel bad about not having one wife nor one girlfriend.... I just read this thread.  Carry on.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8964]

Just now, kibbles said:

I would just like to thank y’all for these stories. Whenever I feel bad about not having one wife nor one girlfriend.... I just read this thread.  Carry on.

sounds lonely as fuck. 

[Jerry Callo 8954]

22 hours ago, Anwar Namtut said:

My wife colors her hair all the time to the point where most of the time I don't even notice that it is a different color. I noticed today when she came to have lunch with me - it was purple. "The box lied."

Does the carpet match the drapes? 

[Brisketexan 106629]

Does the carpet match the drapes? 

I just wanna know if you’re enjoying boning Grimace.

[NeverMarryAStripper 22242]

Does the carpet match the drapes? 

Tile floor

[kibbles 70]

1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

sounds lonely as fuck. 

Yup

[Mole 4338]

3 hours ago, kibbles said:

I would just like to thank y’all for these stories. Whenever I feel bad about not having one wife nor one girlfriend.... I just read this thread.  Carry on.

Mormon?

[ShaggyBevo RIP 3873]

 

21 hours ago, ChickenSandwich said:

No way that was an honest move. She’s just fucking with you because she can. Travel size?  How was that even an option ?

She was thinking about that time, nine years ago, when she was trying to tell him about her day and he was checking game scores on his phone. She now has her revenge. 

Edited September 15, 2018 by ShaggyBevo RIP

[Guest]

19 hours ago, kibbles said:

I would just like to thank y’all for these stories. Whenever I feel bad about not having one wife nor one girlfriend.... I just read this thread.  Carry on.

I laugh at some of the dingbat things said by wives/ GF's/ SO's that get shared on here, who hasn't been there?

Then some of the other manipulation and mind-bottling idiotic shit crosses a line, and I am left wondering how long i could live with someone like that.  It usually ends with telling my wife how thankful I am that she's not a cuntiferous, self-centered bitch...and then sometimes sex happens.

[txhorns 2421]

20 hours ago, kibbles said:

I would just like to thank y’all for these stories. Whenever I feel bad about not having one wife nor one girlfriend.... I just read this thread.  Carry on.

You should try not being fat and ugly.

[Brothahorn 10096]

Do you get the ones with cheese already mixed in?

I get them at HEB with bacon and cheese. Add a fried egg, toast and my breakfast is a muthafucka.

 

The old lady is on a security kick, since we got a ring doorbell and she started seeing what goes on in the neighborhood.

 

Last week she posted a video of herself, claiming it was a 'weird solicitor'.

 

Also, while she constantly harps on the fact we will be robbed during the daytime, she can't remember to set the alarm when she leaves.

 

[kibbles 70]

14 hours ago, txhorns said:

You should try not being fat and ugly.

that is solid advice

 

[mulletpelini 5220]

21 hours ago, Brothahorn said:

Also, while she constantly harps on the fact we will be robbed during the daytime, she can't remember to set the alarm when she leaves.

 

Dude they got pills for that

[VolenteHawk 495]

On 9/15/2018 at 12:58 PM, Jerry Callo said:

Does the carpet match the drapes? 

It’s 2018.

 

[VolenteHawk 495]

On 9/14/2018 at 7:58 AM, Felix said:

You're so pretty is my go to response when she says something patently stupid.

Similar...mine is “it’s a good thing you’re pretty”.

I like the edgier implication of how hard life would be if I wasn’t around to do all the thinking.

[PilotsError 2339]

Last week she posted a video of herself, claiming it was a 'weird solicitor'.

what?

[AM Wood 335]

55 minutes ago, PilotsError said:

 

what?

i agree. you just can't let that hang out there without clearing it up.

[WhatTheBuck 28904]

28 minutes ago, AM Wood said:

i agree. you just can't let that hang out there without clearing it up.

And posting the video. 

[mulletpelini 5220]

and by weird I hope he meant naked with breast enhancements

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2779]

This is my pile. There are many like it around the house, but this one is mine.

My piles are my best friends. They house cards that are years old, expired coupons, receipts for returns that will never be returned, unopened mail and much more.

This pile is special because if he Christmas plate it sits on that never goes away after Christmas.

[Kennythetiger 9584]

Any pez left??

[AM Wood 335]

17 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

This is my pile. There are many like it around the house, but this one is mine.

My piles are my best friends. They house cards that are years old, expired coupons, receipts for returns that will never be returned, unopened mail and much more.

This pile is special because if he Christmas plate it sits on that never goes away after Christmas.

 

this is my rifle, this is my pile...

[Buffsoldier 1895]

1 hour ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

This is my pile. There are many like it around the house, but this one is mine.

My piles are my best friends. They house cards that are years old, expired coupons, receipts for returns that will never be returned, unopened mail and much more.

This pile is special because if he Christmas plate it sits on that never goes away after Christmas.

 

1 hour ago, AM Wood said:

this is my rifle, this is my pile...

Oh that's right, Private Pile, don't make any fucking effort to get sorted through and thrown away as junk mail. If God would have wanted you in the garbage can he would have miracled your ass in there by now, wouldn't he?

[Cheeseweasel 26439]

Surprised there's not a jelly donut in there.

[elfenix 34658]

extra points that it's a chipped christmas plate

[Cosimo de' Medici 121]

So last night the wife and I are sitting on the sofa. I'm watching the Astros game and she is trying to plan the fucking $1,500 family photo session of her dreams. As we sit there, Hector Rondon gives up a game losing grand salami and she realizes that either my daughters or her girl has conflicts on the only available days this year. "Oh well, I guess we'll have to do it next year !!" setting me up for being an asshole who doesn't have a heart enough to reply.  I am quietly fuming at the baseball game when I hear sniffles. Fuck!!! I refuse to look over and make eye contact.  Sniffles turn to almost sobs. I decide to slowly stand and walk to the kitchen. Maybe she won't notice my departure. All hell breaks loose and she storms into the bedroom.  Not much conversation this morning........and that's all good.