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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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Nolacycling

Nolacycling 893

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

This is my pile. There are many like it around the house, but this one is mine.

My piles are my best friends. They house cards that are years old, expired coupons, receipts for returns that will never be returned, unopened mail and much more.

This pile is special because if he Christmas plate it sits on that never goes away after Christmas.
476992d9c5698f6e1fa063e6dc147fca.jpg
2aa32caa656d7b38c9079dc21b11edc8.jpg

Looks as if you get to leave the xmas light up year-round.

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markstanco

markstanco 12773

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Wife called today, no "hey what's up" or "hello"

It was " you are going to be so mad at me"

Kid #1 complained this morning a light was out, so mrs stanco (5'9, 135, no pics) decided she would change it. Thought while climbing on the countertop she would step in the sink because (????).

6f7cf07ba065d5400c5d33aefe2df60a.jpgacfabf7e8da5719df0082358ab4de82c.jpg

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52-80

52-80 19376

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coming from the person who runs 2.00 mi max, 2 times a week. 

who doesnt want to run on consecutive days because "i read you need a recovery day". 

who doesnt want to do wind-sprints or HIIT exercises because "i dont want to have overly muscular legs"

who is convinced shes disadvantaged at running compared to others because "my legs are short"

who also thinks thailand - from 2 days exposure in bangkok - is too dirty, too smelly, too 3rd-world....

....

just messaged me and said "i want to go to kenya to do the kenyan running camp"

 

giphy.gif

 

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BrazilHorn

BrazilHorn 6794

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Posted
1 hour ago, 52-80 said:

coming from the person who runs 2.00 mi max, 2 times a week. 

who doesnt want to run on consecutive days because "i read you need a recovery day". 

who doesnt want to do wind-sprints or HIIT exercises because "i dont want to have overly muscular legs"

who is convinced shes disadvantaged at running compared to others because "my legs are short"

who also thinks thailand - from 2 days exposure in bangkok - is too dirty, too smelly, too 3rd-world....

....

just messaged me and said "i want to go to kenya to do the kenyan running camp"

 

giphy.gif

 

She’s having sex with her Kenyan running coach. 

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bluto

bluto 4980

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Posted
11 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

wanna be really entertained?  Ask pretty much any woman under 35 how the address of the very spot they're currently standing was originated.

giphy.gif

  Reveal hidden contents

Most common answer given:  Because GPS says so

 

I'm mid 30s male with a geography degree and don't even know wtf you're trying to ask 

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hullabelew

hullabelew 3730

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Posted

This should probably be filed under "Women are horrible at telling stories/leaving messages/etc"

My wife is going on a road trip to New England to see friends, relatives and general sight seeing.  One glorious month of solitude for Hulla.  "Where is the downside" you ask?  Great question.

She is calling all of her credit card companies to let them know she is going to be travelling and so they don't flag the cards for fraud.   I have heard her have 4 different conversations with the credit card people.  Now, keep in mind that she is deaf and uses a captioning phone...she can speak fine, but has to wait on the captioning to catch up so she can answer questions.  

She has a road map out and is listing all of the states she may or may not drive through or visit.  i have heard, "well, I'm going to Boston to stay with my cousins", "I may go to Canada so I can see the Niagara Falls", I'm not going to New York City because I've already been there several times", "I may go to Canada..like Toronto...it that it?".   Four times, I've heard the same excruciating conversation, including how she "may or may not drive on I95 because it is closed due to the hurricane."    I'm not sure why she keeps listing Florida because when you leave Atlanta, GA headed for New England....I'm not how one would actually include Florida in your travel itinerary....but what do I know.  Oh, she also have two separate phone numbers for her cell phone since one of them handles a captioned call.  That also requires a lot of explanation.  Oh....we live on Moon Place.   "you know...like the sun and the moon."  

Oh, they just upped her credit limit..."that is nice...in case my car breaks down because I'm driving on this trip."  

I'm going to have a glorious month of no adult supervision......  Or as my buddy calls it, "Running with Scissors"  

 

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hullabelew

hullabelew 3730

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Posted

Oh, I forgot to mention that I got a frantic phone call yesterday that her debit card was being used in California with a charge of $211.  "I DIDN'T MAKE THAT PURCHASE."  Well, apparently the last time she bought printer ink at Office Depot, she let them sell her some kind of program where they automatically charge you and send you ink on a 'regular basis'.  Guess what she didn't remember?       So, our credit union cancelled her debit card, are sending her another one (that won't get here until after she leaves), and have opened a dispute with Office Depot for something she fucking set up.  When she initially told me about the "Ink Program", I told her to cancel it.  We will buy ink on an as-needed basis.  Guess what she didn't do.  

But, she leaves tomorrow......did I mention that?  For one glorious month.  

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 18034

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Ten Bears said:

Party at Hulla's!

Should guys bring their wives?

36 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

Do any of yall get so sick of your wives shit that you wouldnt even care of she was banging other dudes? If so, is she hot, and post pics so we can decide if you made the correct choice.

This sounds like a different thread.  Maybe it belongs on another board.

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5220

Posted
Posted (edited)

For one, I compliment her for using voice to text because she's obviously driving

Potentially hundred-long groups (blocks) of numbers that are assigned which encode the distance from a baseline (also known as base point) which is typically in the heart of a geographically large municipality such as a city. The base point is occasionally applied to a conurbation of cities. C'mon McFly, ask your husband when you get home.

3 hours ago, bluto said:

I'm mid 30s male with a geography degree and don't even know wtf you're trying to ask 

Edited by mulletpelini
Age checks out.
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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26439

Posted
Posted
7 minutes ago, Nolacycling said:

English dept. meeting w/your wives tomorrow am and I'm already dreading it. Talk all day about breakfast casseroles and pumpkin flavored this and that's. I'm the only male. I'll bring donuts. We will get nothing done.

Take plenty of pics, post to hot/not, get fake internet points.

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 22242

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

I regularly get snaps like this and my wife doesn't understand how I don't understand what she is trying to say...

HlKMnCXz_o.jpg

If I understand correctly, Amelia and your wife are taking turns eating fruit from each others cooch.  You should text her back and ask her to video Amelia eating fruit from her cooch.

Edited by NeverMarryAStripper
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uoftorange

uoftorange 1391

Posted
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

I regularly get snaps like this and my wife doesn't understand how I don't understand what she is trying to say...

HlKMnCXz_o.jpg

Amelia grew all of that in her garden, and now is thick (presumably now only in the right places) and has a good good butt

Also, pics of Amelia

Edited by uoftorange
FU, you didn't say up front Amelia was 2
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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9584

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, hullabelew said:

This should probably be filed under "Women are horrible at telling stories/leaving messages/etc"

My wife is going on a road trip to New England to see friends, relatives and general sight seeing.  One glorious month of solitude for Hulla.  "Where is the downside" you ask?  Great question.

She is calling all of her credit card companies to let them know she is going to be travelling and so they don't flag the cards for fraud.   I have heard her have 4 different conversations with the credit card people.  Now, keep in mind that she is deaf and uses a captioning phone...she can speak fine, but has to wait on the captioning to catch up so she can answer questions.  

She has a road map out and is listing all of the states she may or may not drive through or visit.  i have heard, "well, I'm going to Boston to stay with my cousins", "I may go to Canada so I can see the Niagara Falls", I'm not going to New York City because I've already been there several times", "I may go to Canada..like Toronto...it that it?".   Four times, I've heard the same excruciating conversation, including how she "may or may not drive on I95 because it is closed due to the hurricane."    I'm not sure why she keeps listing Florida because when you leave Atlanta, GA headed for New England....I'm not how one would actually include Florida in your travel itinerary....but what do I know.  Oh, she also have two separate phone numbers for her cell phone since one of them handles a captioned call.  That also requires a lot of explanation.  Oh....we live on Moon Place.   "you know...like the sun and the moon."  

Oh, they just upped her credit limit..."that is nice...in case my car breaks down because I'm driving on this trip."  

I'm going to have a glorious month of no adult supervision......  Or as my buddy calls it, "Running with Scissors"  

 

Hey, look at the bright side- if she's telling the operator all of that shit then she's not telling you.

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Judge Roybeanbag

Judge Roybeanbag 11856

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Posted

This is actually kinda awesome in some ways but belongs here.  This weekend wife was out running errands and decided to stop and pick up fried chicken to bring home for dinner.  She called and asked me if I wanted livers or gizzards and I said "get the 8 piece liver with gravy and a roll".  The drive thru guy asked her to clarify if she wanted the livers or gizzards and she proceeded to reply "I want the 8-piece lizard meal".  The drive through guy almost lost it.

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