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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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Sandman

Sandman 3402

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Wife and I are leaving for vacation on friday, it's been planned since April. I told my wife that maybe we could share my suitcase, as I'm packing mostly shorts and t-shirts. She didn't think we could get everything in one suitcase and said we might have to pack seperately. No big deal, I get the blue suitcase I used for every one of our vacations and start to see what I can get in there. I ask her why she didn't get her suitcase, she tells me we only have this one. Sometime in the last 2-3 years, she sold her suitcase in a garage sale because it was "broke". I asked what was broken, I got no answer. She had just assumed that she was going to use the one suitcase. When I asked her what she thought I'd be using, other than the same blue case I've used for the last 10 years, she had no idea.

Guess who gets to go suitcase shopping tonight??? Fuck.

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WBT

WBT 20421

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5 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

Potentially hundred-long groups (blocks) of numbers that are assigned which encode the distance from a baseline (also known as base point) which is typically in the heart of a geographically large municipality such as a city. The base point is occasionally applied to a conurbation of cities. C'mon McFly, ask your husband when you get home.

I still got nothing

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G650

G650 14106

Posted
Posted
18 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

For one, I compliment her for using voice to text because she's obviously driving

Potentially hundred-long groups (blocks) of numbers that are assigned which encode the distance from a baseline (also known as base point) which is typically in the heart of a geographically large municipality such as a city. The base point is occasionally applied to a conurbation of cities. C'mon McFly, ask your husband when you get home.

Addresses start from where the road starts. They change the first digit every block. That's about it unless you live on some BFE country road in the middle of nowhere.

Source: I build roads for a living.

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ernest_t_bass

ernest_t_bass 1196

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I don't know if this is stupid wife stuff, or uninformed ETB stuff.

This morning when mixing an Emergen-C into about 10 ounces of my bottled water.

W - You're only supposed to mix that in 4-6 ounces of water, or you don't get all the nutrients

ETB - Don't you get all the nutrients regardless, since it all goes to the same place?

W - I don't know, whatever.

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Modessit

Modessit 5596

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Posted
Addresses start from where the road starts. They change the first digit every block. That's about it unless you live on some BFE country road in the middle of nowhere.
Source: I build roads for a living.
That all sounds good in theory, but my experience as a delivery driver tells me whomever numbers the streets is drunk most of the time. Odds and evens switch sides halfway down the street, 12 is right across the street from 8113, one street skips by 2 while the next street skips by 4, etc. Anytime who thinks there is a quantifiable and logical reasoning for the numbering that can be applied everywhere is drunk, too.
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G650

G650 14106

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Posted
3 minutes ago, Modessit said:
14 minutes ago, G650 said:
Addresses start from where the road starts. They change the first digit every block. That's about it unless you live on some BFE country road in the middle of nowhere.
Source: I build roads for a living.

That all sounds good in theory, but my experience as a delivery driver tells me whomever numbers the streets is drunk most of the time. Odds and evens switch sides halfway down the street, 12 is right across the street from 8113, one street skips by 2 while the next street skips by 4, etc. Anytime who thinks there is a quantifiable and logical reasoning for the numbering that can be applied everywhere is drunk, too.

No, what you say is accurate 

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Pokoloco

Pokoloco 1272

Posted
Posted

Her mom is out of town, so we're picking up her mail for her..

Wife: Why does she have so many magazine prescriptions?

Me: They're what the doctor ordered? They'll cure what ails her??? 

Her: **blank stare, moves on to next topic**

I really think she's just fucking with me at this point.

 

 

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PhillyD

PhillyD 1257

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Posted
1 hour ago, Pokoloco said:

Her mom is out of town, so we're picking up her mail for her..

Wife: Why does she have so many magazine prescriptions?

Me: They're what the doctor ordered? They'll cure what ails her??? 

Her: **blank stare, moves on to next topic**

I really think she's just fucking with me at this point.

 

 

Nope, it's just not correctable.  My wife speaks fluent Trixie.  You just get to have fun with it and suffer occasional embarrassment when you're out with friends.

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4445

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Posted
17 hours ago, Sandman said:

Wife and I are leaving for vacation on friday, it's been planned since April. I told my wife that maybe we could share my suitcase, as I'm packing mostly shorts and t-shirts. She didn't think we could get everything in one suitcase and said we might have to pack seperately. No big deal, I get the blue suitcase I used for every one of our vacations and start to see what I can get in there. I ask her why she didn't get her suitcase, she tells me we only have this one. Sometime in the last 2-3 years, she sold her suitcase in a garage sale because it was "broke". I asked what was broken, I got no answer. She had just assumed that she was going to use the one suitcase. When I asked her what she thought I'd be using, other than the same blue case I've used for the last 10 years, she had no idea.

Guess who gets to go suitcase shopping tonight??? Fuck.

If it's just t-shirts and shorts and stuff like that, I just use my gym bag.

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4445

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, Modessit said:
4 hours ago, G650 said:
Addresses start from where the road starts. They change the first digit every block. That's about it unless you live on some BFE country road in the middle of nowhere.
Source: I build roads for a living.

That all sounds good in theory, but my experience as a delivery driver tells me whomever numbers the streets is drunk most of the time. Odds and evens switch sides halfway down the street, 12 is right across the street from 8113, one street skips by 2 while the next street skips by 4, etc. Anytime who thinks there is a quantifiable and logical reasoning for the numbering that can be applied everywhere is drunk, too.

Or when they start over because the street name "changed." Watter road turned into N Watters road. Bitch whole damn thing is two miles long. You don't need to change the fucking name

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elfenix

elfenix 34171

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Posted
14 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

105th street, avenue, way, drive, court, lane, etc. Those are always fun.

all the post oaks around the galleria/uptown* in houston say 'hi'

 

 

 

 

*houston has actual geographic up, mid, and down towns, but of course we call the geographic uptown "downtown," the geographic downtown "the med center," and some place 10 miles west "uptown"

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HouTex

HouTex 1850

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Posted
all the post oaks around the galleria/uptown* in houston say 'hi'
 
 
 
 
*houston has actual geographic up, mid, and down towns, but of course we call the geographic uptown "downtown," the geographic downtown "the med center," and some place 10 miles west "uptown"

Like Peachtree in Atlanta. Everything is on Peachtree Street.
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G650

G650 14106

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Must be hard for all those businesses lining I-10 to get their mail without addresses.

I've never seen a driveway apron off a non rural Interstate in my life. The roadside service stations in some places are as close as it gets, and they use exit numbers .

Edited by G650
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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5209

Posted
Posted (edited)

Well maybe I assumed something that doesn't exist everywhere else?  If I'm in downtown Wichita, Douglas and Main to be exact, I am at the starting point of every fucking address for the surrounding diameter of (total guess here) 20 miles.  As you move away from the Douglas and Main in any fucking direction, your address gets larger.   I live between 103rd and 119th, and my address is 113xx.  If you're on the North or East side of a road, you're an even number.  South or West you're odd.

My point was that if you asked a woman 35 or under, hell could be 45 for that matter, that she would assume the number was randomly created by the address fairy, when in fact, at least where I live, it's a very logical process that is determined by the exact place you are standing to the intersection of Douglas and Main in downtown Wichita.

Wichita and the surrounding metro area (the 20 mile diameter guess) holds about 500k people.

Now I do know for a fact that St. Louis does not follow these same addressing procedures the same way.  But St. Louis is a huge shithole so who gives a shit.

If I made an assumption that doesn't apply to your area of the world, then by all means, my sincerest apologies for you having to go fuck yourslef.

Edited by mulletpelini
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Trey3216

Trey3216 15325

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Posted
28 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

Well maybe I assumed something that doesn't exist everywhere else?  If I'm in downtown Wichita, Douglas and Main to be exact, I am at the starting point of every fucking address for the surrounding diameter of (total guess here) 20 miles.  As you move away from the Douglas and Main in any fucking direction, your address gets larger.   I live between 103rd and 119th, and my address is 113xx.  If you're on the North or East side of a road, you're an even number.  South or West you're odd.

My point was that if you asked a woman 35 or under, hell could be 45 for that matter, that she would assume the number was randomly created by the address fairy, when in fact, at least where I live, it's a very logical process that is determined by the exact place you are standing to the intersection of Douglas and Main in downtown Wichita.

Wichita and the surrounding metro area (the 20 mile diameter guess) holds about 500k people.

Now I do know for a fact that St. Louis does not follow these same addressing procedures the same way.  But St. Louis is a huge shithole so who gives a shit.

If I made an assumption that doesn't apply to your area of the world, then by all means, my sincerest apologies for you having to go fuck yourslef.

Is 'yourslef' another name for your slut?  cuz sluts are cool

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52342

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, mulletpelini said:

Well maybe I assumed something that doesn't exist everywhere else?  If I'm in downtown Wichita, Douglas and Main to be exact, I am at the starting point of every fucking address for the surrounding diameter of (total guess here) 20 miles.  As you move away from the Douglas and Main in any fucking direction, your address gets larger.   I live between 103rd and 119th, and my address is 113xx.  If you're on the North or East side of a road, you're an even number.  South or West you're odd.

My point was that if you asked a woman 35 or under, hell could be 45 for that matter, that she would assume the number was randomly created by the address fairy, when in fact, at least where I live, it's a very logical process that is determined by the exact place you are standing to the intersection of Douglas and Main in downtown Wichita.

Wichita and the surrounding metro area (the 20 mile diameter guess) holds about 500k people.

Now I do know for a fact that St. Louis does not follow these same addressing procedures the same way.  But St. Louis is a huge shithole so who gives a shit.

If I made an assumption that doesn't apply to your area of the world, then by all means, my sincerest apologies for you having to go fuck yourslef.

Not like that anywhere else except for Salt Lake City, where every address is relative to the temple. 

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G650

G650 14106

Posted
Posted
30 minutes ago, markstanco said:
11 hours ago, G650 said:
Addresses start from where the road starts. They change the first digit every block. That's about it unless you live on some BFE country road in the middle of nowhere.
Source: I build roads for a living.

I live on a road that is 3/4 mile long. Starts at 9000. Why is that? 1-8999 wasnt taken.

See previous posts about drunk road namers/numberers.

 

 

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Apep

Apep 645

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Posted

Speaking of addresses, one night I was taking 281 down to Austin. At some random place, my wife asked what city we were in. I told her that I didn’t think we were in a city at that point. She insisted that we must be in a city. I explained that we’ll always be in a county, but some areas aren’t in a city. You may remember this story, since I told it at the old site. I have an update:

My wife and I are at a back to school teacher party recently. She brought up this story and I explained it to the women we were talking to. Guess what, one of them never knew about unincorporated areas either.

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Zharkov

Zharkov 288

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Posted

I'm an idiot. Standing outside a restaurant we've been to 30 times waiting for wife to arrive for lunch.  I should have left at the planned meeting time and I still would have gotten here before her.

Because she is currently lost.  With a GPS phone in her possession. 

Can already sense the Tone I'm going to get when she sees my expression upon her eventual arrive. 😠

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8799

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I'm an idiot. Standing outside a restaurant we've been to 30 times waiting for wife to arrive for lunch.  I should have left at the planned meeting time and I still would have gotten here before her.
Because she is currently lost.  With a GPS phone in her possession. 
Can already sense the Tone I'm going to get when she sees my expression upon her eventual arrive.
Update us how it ends.
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