Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[MNLonghornFUKM 8799]

I'll be that guy miguelito.....sounds boring as shit, and they were probably $150

Edited September 28, 2018 by MNLonghornFUKM

[Modessit 5596]

Do you know how much puma hunting you can do at one of those things?

[WhatTheBuck 28711]

7 hours ago, Texaus said:

Had a single buddy visiting for a few days from out of state. It was general knowledge that he was on the hunt for older ladies while down here. Last night before he left, wife and I were sitting around talking and she asks him how the puma hunting went. Took both of us a second before we looked at each other and started snickering.

When your wife is hipper than you and your friends.

[Liteitup 138]

Tells people we will meet them around 5pm. Doesn't know how far away meeting spot is or what time we will leave. It's 175-200 miles, depending on routing. And of course departure time is wholly dependent on when she will be ready.

[52-80 19090]

Car has dual-zone climate control.

Because everything's always too cold for her, the passenger air vents are pretty much permanently shut. 

And in the rare occasions that she's feeling too warm??  Just cranks the fan control for the whole car to max.... with her vents still shut.

 

 

bitch you got your own temperature dial!

[PatrickMcHorn 376]

Told her I was going to take off work Friday, get up really early, and watch the ryder cup. I explained what the ryder cup is. Reminded her again yesterday. Again we talked about the rider cup, and how it's the US vs. Europe.

She walks in the living room this morning as I'm telling Fleetwood to go fuck himself.

She says "Is he the one from England? I like his accent."

I say something about him needing to shove his stupid ass English accent up his stupid ass.

She says "Why do you only root for US golfers. Its not like there's a team of US golfers out there."

I just stare at her, she looks up as the screen is changing to show the graphic with the US and EU flags, then it hits her. "You're going to put this on that angry bevo thing aren't you?"

God damn right.

[Js1 85109]

Is an Angry Bevo like an angry dolphin, except much more painful because of the horns?

[TrashMaster G 17388]

2 hours ago, PatrickMcHorn said:

Told her I was going to take off work Friday, get up really early, and watch the ryder cup. I explained what the ryder cup is. Reminded her again yesterday. Again we talked about the rider cup, and how it's the US vs. Europe.

She walks in the living room this morning as I'm telling Fleetwood to go fuck himself.

She says "Is he the one from England? I like his accent."

I say something about him needing to shove his stupid ass English accent up his stupid ass.

She says "Why do you only root for US golfers. Its not like there's a team of US golfers out there."

I just stare at her, she looks up as the screen is changing to show the graphic with the US and EU flags, then it hits her. "You're going to put this on that angry bevo thing aren't you?"

God damn right.

You could try extracting a price for your internet silence on the incident.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8799]

Car has dual-zone climate control.
Because everything's always too cold for her, the passenger air vents are pretty much permanently shut. 
And in the rare occasions that she's feeling too warm??  Just cranks the fan control for the whole car to max.... with her vents still shut.
 
 
bitch you got your own temperature dial!

Dont call my wife a bitch you asshole

[lateshow 1304]

17 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

yall guys want to talk about addresses some more?

I'd rather talk about dishwashers being wired up to a switch. 

[G650 14106]

4 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Car has dual-zone climate control.

Because everything's always too cold for her, the passenger air vents are pretty much permanently shut. 

And in the rare occasions that she's feeling too warm??  Just cranks the fan control for the whole car to max.... with her vents still shut.

 

 

bitch you got your own temperature dial!

Dude, they don't actually set the temp, they just turn the fan up and down and whatever happens happens.

[lateshow 1304]

17 hours ago, Texaus said:

Had a single buddy visiting for a few days from out of state. It was general knowledge that he was on the hunt for older ladies while down here. Last night before he left, wife and I were sitting around talking and she asks him how the puma hunting went. Took both of us a second before we looked at each other and started snickering.

[DaysOff 7851]

This is in my refrigerator. The seal is broken and I have no idea what it could have been used for.

[Trey3216 15325]

8 minutes ago, DaysOff said:

This is in my refrigerator. The seal is broken and I have no idea what it could have been used for.

Gonna have some awesome brisket made in your Instapot.  

[Pato del Muerto 52342]

22 minutes ago, DaysOff said:

This is in my refrigerator. The seal is broken and I have no idea what it could have been used for.

Maybe she took up vaping but doesn’t understand it yet

[52-80 19090]

27 minutes ago, G650 said:

Dude, they don't actually set the temp, they just turn the fan up and down and whatever happens happens.

My mom also does that at home with the thermostat.  No concept of range control.  Just manually setting the system off and on, and then clicking on the temperature until she hears central air kicks in.

 

So I bought her an ecobee , 2 Christmas ago.   She called me last week and asked "that temperature thing you got us is still in the box...do you want it back?"

[MrPhlegm 3413]

Better hope it aint one of these....

Broke a key off in one of these before, bolt cutters made short work of it.

Lulz, angle grinder with a cutoff wheel take care of thos in 30 seconds.

[GottaB 590]

Car has dual-zone climate control.
Because everything's always too cold for her, the passenger air vents are pretty much permanently shut. 
And in the rare occasions that she's feeling too warm??  Just cranks the fan control for the whole car to max.... with her vents still shut.
 
 
bitch you got your own temperature dial!

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4968]

So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

[MNLonghornFUKM 8799]

38 minutes ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

and after those concerts, fairs and stuff those pee infested hands touched your weiner

[BearMace 2183]

49 minutes ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

This can't be real. Holy shit.

[elfenix 34171]

So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

Leader in the clubhouse for Surly

and after those concerts, fairs and stuff those pee infested hands touched your weiner

No, no they don't. this is still the wives thread.

 

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4968]

Yeah, I'm not sure if that would be an ideal situation or a less than ideal one. But this is the wives thread, so it's not like I have much to worry about.

[ShaggyBevo RIP 3868]

2 hours ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

[Anastasis 23395]

Wow

[luke duke 6388]

So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

[El Diablo 4232]

You got the sammich herpes.

[Eastwood 4394]

Is an Angry Bevo like an angry dolphin, except much more painful because of the horns?

It's the same, only you shit on the Nebraska logo after taking it in the ass for 3.5 hours.

[SquishMitten 10401]

I’m horrified my wife could think the same thing

[retread 2951]

I guess she thought the urinal cakes were wireless phone chargers?

[Incredulity 11564]

I find half my brain having a hard time believing its possible someone could do that.

The other half is screaming WIVES thread.  

Amazing, scary, hilarious, maddening all in one short paragraph.

[Nolacycling 893]

Urine is sterile and according to South Park you should actually wash your hands before you go to the bathroom.

[markstanco 12505]

We have a 10 and 7 year old, both boys. Mrs stanco invited 3 other 9/10 year olds and 2 more 7s.

That is 7 boys running around in my house.

[Beau Vine 54001]

I'm not a lawyer, but I believe you're legally allow to kill one of them, but no more than one.

[Incredulity 11564]

28 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

I'm not a lawyer, but I believe you're legally allow to kill one of them, but no more than one.

There are also precedents for cases being dismissed under circumstances where appliances, vehicles or hardwood floors are damaged.

[Kyle 207]

Yeah, I get the thread title ... But don't want to start a new thread. Last night she asked me to slip it in the back yard.

[Buffsoldier 1895]

On 9/28/2018 at 7:21 PM, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

Between this and Pedo State just losing I don't think I've laughed this hard in 5 years.

[Spur08 381]

Is anyone else's wife just fucking terrible at picking up food to-go?  Either she gets it from a drive-thru then never checks the damn bag, but then never checks that the order is right (stupid teens always getting it wrong).  OR she goes in to pick it up (Hutchins BBQ) and never asks for things that we always get (delicious pickles and BBQ sauce).

[AUS-97HORN 11681]

7 minutes ago, Spur08 said:

Is anyone else's wife just fucking terrible at picking up food to-go?  Either she gets it from a drive-thru then never checks the damn bag, but then never checks that the order is right (stupid teens always getting it wrong).  OR she goes in to pick it up (Hutchins BBQ) and never asks for things that we always get (delicious pickles and BBQ sauce).

so.....

you are pissed that you let your wife do a job that you know you should be doing yourself?

bold move on this thread. 

[Spur08 381]

23 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

so.....

you are pissed that you let your wife do a job that you know you should be doing yourself?

bold move on this thread. 

? Explain.  I'm always supposed to pick up to-go food?  Particularly at places that don't serve any alcohol?

Edited September 30, 2018 by Spur08

[Sam Lin 3541]

22 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

so.....

you are pissed that you let your wife do a job that you know you should be doing yourself?

bold move on this thread. 

Agreed. This is on you.

[AUS-97HORN 11681]

12 minutes ago, Spur08 said:

? Explain.  I'm always supposed to pick up to-go food?  Particularly at places that don't serve any alcohol?

fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you.

I assume based on your post this is very regular fuckup by her,   so its happened more than twice..... hence  you KNOW shes gonna fuck it up, yet you continue to send her to pickup food with either bad instructions or no instructions at all.... and you get pissed when she continues to prove she's incapable of being a reliable food runner.  

[Spur08 381]

1 minute ago, AUS-97HORN said:

fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you.

I assume based on your post this is very regular fuckup by her,   so its happened more than twice..... hence  you KNOW shes gonna fuck it up, yet you continue to send her to pickup food with either bad instructions or no instructions at all.... and you get pissed when she continues to prove she's incapable of being a reliable food runner.  

What can I say?  I would figure BBQ sauce and pickles are understood.  And, God forbid, I choose to spend time with the baby the hr before she goes to bed.  Life choices suck...but I can still bitch.....for now.

[tbone_ 14022]

The trick to marriage is learning how to not waste energy being frustrated that things aren’t different than they actually are, but rather in learning how to deal with what is.

 

 

[Incredulity 11564]

Where do I send my $9.95?

Edited September 30, 2018 by Incredulity

[Nivek 16859]

What can I say?  I would figure BBQ sauce and pickles are understood.  And, God forbid, I choose to spend time with the baby the hr before she goes to bed.  Life choices suck...but I can still bitch.....for now.

Not only a wife but with new mom brain? Haha haha haha.

[Spur08 381]

Not only a wife but with new mom brain? Haha haha haha.

15 months. That period has passed

[tbone_ 14022]

Where do I send my $9.95?

Username checks out.

[Armybrat 40739]

17 hours ago, Kyle said:

Yeah, I get the thread title ... But don't want to start a new thread. Last night she asked me to slip it in the back yard.

Anal or regular?

[Modessit 5596]

Yeah, I get the thread title ... But don't want to start a new thread. Last night she asked me to slip it in the back yard.

She's been asking us that for years.